From: Ronan Waide <wai...@scope.ie>
Subject: public service announcement
Date: 2000/03/10
Message-ID: <suaek7t9c9.fsf@spike.scope.ie>#1/1
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Newsgroups: talk.bizarre

[this collides nicely with my previous "live and let live" comment.]

Advice for citizens of countries other than Ireland[1] for March 17th.
======================================================================
 1. It's St. Patrick's Day, or Paddy's Day, or perhaps St. Pat's
    Day. Patty is one of the girlfolk from Peanuts.

 2. You're not Irish. Check your passport if you're unsure of this.

 3. Not every Irish guy you meet will know your Uncle O'Kowalski from
    County MacShaughnessy. We have, at last count, about 5 million
    people on the island. Social studies suggest each person knows at
    most 200 others.

 4. We don't care if you have roots in Ireland. We have roots half-way
    across Europe, but we don't bother the French, Spanish, English,
    Scottish, Welsh, Portugese, Bretons, Basques, Italians, Germans,
    Swiss, Belgians, Walloons, Flemish, Dutch, etc. etc. etc. about
    it. Particularly not in bars.

 5. Most Irish people over the age of, oh, 10 do not wear green items
    for the day, unless specifically required to do so
    (e.g. participation in a parade, working for the Jaguar F1 team,
     etc.) And what's this nonsense with pinching folk who don't wear
    green?

 6. Green beer? What the fuck?

 7. Michael Flatley isn't Irish. We're sorry for Riverdance; the
    guilty parties are being dealt with. Please stop going to see it
    and thinking you know about Irish dancing.

 8. Guinness drinkers aren't necessarily Catholic or Republican.  
    Beamish/Murphys/whatever drinkers aren't necessarily
    Protestant/Loyalist/Unionist. Politics and religion are best left
    to the politicians and the, well, religicians. We'd rather drink
    in peace, thanks.

 9. You saying that Ireland is a nation of belligerent drunks is kinda
    like us saying that yours is a nation of stupid people who spend
    far too much time meddling in other peoples' business. Except
    we're statistically more correct.

10. Enjoy the celebrations. Try not to feel somehow incomplete because
    your country is just another flag on the Irish map of world
    conquest. We're good landlords.

Cheers,
Waider. SPIT.BOB ahoy!

[1] Specifically, that big blob of land preventing us from sailing
    straight through to the far east.
-- 
wai...@waider.ie / Yes, it /is/ very personal of me.

"These are indeed harsh times for the dim." - j...@snugbug.cts.com