public service announcement
Ronan Waide
Advice for citizens of countries other than Ireland[1] for March 17th.
======================================================================
1. It's St. Patrick's Day, or Paddy's Day, or perhaps St. Pat's
Day. Patty is one of the girlfolk from Peanuts.
2. You're not Irish. Check your passport if you're unsure of this.
3. Not every Irish guy you meet will know your Uncle O'Kowalski from
County MacShaughnessy. We have, at last count, about 5 million
people on the island. Social studies suggest each person knows at
most 200 others.
4. We don't care if you have roots in Ireland. We have roots half-way
across Europe, but we don't bother the French, Spanish, English,
Scottish, Welsh, Portugese, Bretons, Basques, Italians, Germans,
Swiss, Belgians, Walloons, Flemish, Dutch, etc. etc. etc. about
it. Particularly not in bars.
5. Most Irish people over the age of, oh, 10 do not wear green items
for the day, unless specifically required to do so
(e.g. participation in a parade, working for the Jaguar F1 team,
etc.) And what's this nonsense with pinching folk who don't wear
green?
6. Green beer? What the fuck?
7. Michael Flatley isn't Irish. We're sorry for Riverdance; the
guilty parties are being dealt with. Please stop going to see it
and thinking you know about Irish dancing.
8. Guinness drinkers aren't necessarily Catholic or Republican.
Beamish/Murphys/whatever drinkers aren't necessarily
Protestant/Loyalist/Unionist. Politics and religion are best left
to the politicians and the, well, religicians. We'd rather drink
in peace, thanks.
9. You saying that Ireland is a nation of belligerent drunks is kinda
like us saying that yours is a nation of stupid people who spend
far too much time meddling in other peoples' business. Except
we're statistically more correct.
10. Enjoy the celebrations. Try not to feel somehow incomplete because
your country is just another flag on the Irish map of world
conquest. We're good landlords.
Cheers,
Waider. SPIT.BOB ahoy!
[1] Specifically, that big blob of land preventing us from sailing
straight through to the far east.
--
wai...@waider.ie / Yes, it /is/ very personal of me.
"These are indeed harsh times for the dim." - jo...@snugbug.cts.com
Ken Johnson
news:suaek7t...@spike.scope.ie...
> 2. You're not Irish. Check your passport if you're unsure of this.
If it's a British passport, look down and see if you're carrying any of the
following: bomb, gun, ammunition, semtex explosive, balaclava. If you are
carrying one or more of these items, you are either Irish (from Northern
Ireland) or an American schoolchild carrying someone else's passport by
mistake.
Ken "The Identification Of Species" Johnson
--
http://simsey.cjb.net
Ken Johnson Ltd. This company thinks the same as I do.
Telewest tells Christians: Lions are busy. Please try later.
astri
> 3. Not every Irish guy you meet will know your Uncle O'Kowalski from
> County MacShaughnessy. We have, at last count, about 5 million
> people on the island. Social studies suggest each person knows at
> most 200 others.
ah, but those same studies (well, different ones, actually, but similar in
spirit, and performed for the identical purpose of achieving either an
advanced degree or tenure, therefore rendering them kin enough to be
dismissed^H^H^H discussed in the same breath) also suggest that each person
on earth is related to each other person on earth by only 6 degrees of
separation. I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows
someone who knows you.
on a small island such as yours, it's likely that each of you are related to
the other by far fewer than 6 degrees of separation. every irish guy I meet
will know someone who knows someone who knows Unka Kow.
nyah nyah nyah
astri
Joe Vaughan
[deletia]
> on a small island such as yours, it's likely that each of you are related to
^^^^^^^
That would be the Island (state) of Alabama you're thinking of.
Over here we don't have circular family trees. However in the nether
regions, some trees *may* or may not include some Ovine[1] elements.
joev. [1] Not mine! but my cousins' friends' aunties' brothers'
neighbour does look a bit wooley.
--
daere_2
has Irish and Italian roots. Have I ever seen Riverdance ? NO!
Do I want to ? NO! I also don't know alot about Irish dancing,
except what I saw at the LOTD show, in 1997. Green
beer...YUCK !! St'Patricks day...what a joke . You forgot to
add, that all Irish people like to box...NOT !! If I want to
know about Irish dancing or Michael Flatley, all I gave to do is
go to The Celtic Cafe, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING in there. As many
people that say they are Irish, so do as many claim that their
ancestors came to America on the Mayflower. If that many people
came to America on the Mayflower, it would have sunk !!!
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// u l i a n
> Being Irish: Well in answer to your post. I'm an American, that
> has Irish and Italian roots. Have I ever seen Riverdance ? NO!
> Do I want to ? NO! I also don't know alot about Irish dancing,
> except what I saw at the LOTD show, in 1997. Green
> beer...YUCK !! St'Patricks day...what a joke . You forgot to
> add, that all Irish people like to box...NOT !! If I want to
> know about Irish dancing or Michael Flatley, all I gave to do is
> go to The Celtic Cafe, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING in there. As many
> people that say they are Irish, so do as many claim that their
> ancestors came to America on the Mayflower. If that many people
> came to America on the Mayflower, it would have sunk !!!
Not necessarily. One man on the Mayflower could have sired many children, with
the Native American women and other arriving colonists on other boats. Also, if
you've ever seen a genetic tree, you would notice that most branch out and are
thinnest at the top. So, two people aboard the Mayflower could be ancestors of 1
million Americans. Let us say there are 100 people on the Mayflower. This is
then 50 million Americans who had ancestors on the Mayflower. See, it's not so
ridiculous anymore!
//ulian
--
Life ain't nothin but geishas and yen
daere_2
they came over here on the Mayflower, you will find THEY DID
NOT, come here on the Mayfower. That would be like me saying
that my ancestors came over here on the PINTA, NINA and the
Santa Maria. My grandfather came to this country via Ellis
Island, and it certainly wasn't on any of the boats I just
mentioned, as with most people.The people that say that, are
trying to look important. Sure there are alot of people's
ancestors that came over here on the Mayflower, but not that
many. I don't care how you try to rationalize it. People also
died, before they had children and a few other factors added,
such as the time span we are talking about. One would have to be
a rabbit to produce that many ancestors...NEED I ELABORATE ?
Well I have to go, talking about boats is making me seasick.
daere_2
for the rabbit part, do your math. You are a funny guy...NOT.
Please don't bore me any more with your inane replys. Thanks
Paul Strong
>If you trace most of the roots of those people that claim that
>they came over here on the Mayflower, you will find THEY DID
>NOT, come here on the Mayfower. That would be like me saying
>that my ancestors came over here on the PINTA, NINA and the
>Santa Maria.
As long as you have at least three ancestors, I don't see the problem. By the
way, you dropped these: ANTA ARIA. You are welcome.
> One would have to be
>a rabbit to produce that many ancestors...NEED I ELABORATE ?
MY GOD YES! Please clarify how it is possible to create ancestors, like
rabbits or any other reasonably fecund substitute, and the time-warping device
(include diagrams where necessary) used in such a practice. THIS WILL
REVOLUTIONIZE THE NET!
Thank you and goodplonk.
Paul
_________________________________________________________________
To reply, please remember: No newts is good newts.