Tonto Clowns Around
James Ulysses Cazamias
"Shaddap."
"Thank you Masked Man."
"SHADDAP!"
--
HWRNMNBSOL
walking the line between fiction and falsehood
Blair P. Houghton
>"Thank you Masked Man."
>"Shaddap."
Kiss my ass, I've bought a boat; I'm going out to sea.
--Blair
"...n'if I had a pony,
I'd ride him on my boat..."
Kevin W. McAuley
>
>"Shaddap."
>
>"Thank you Masked Man."
>
>"SHADDAP!"
'I am NOT ammused.'
chevyn
[ go back to sleep now. ]
mc auley
--
I can't fathom people who lose their virginity rectally.
Kevin W. McAuley
>
>"Shaddap."
>
>"Thank you Masked Man."
>
>"SHADDAP!"
Ronan Waide
In a previous article, stu...@eris.cs.umb.edu (Kevin W. McAuley) says:
[not a whole hell of a lot, as usual]
ENOUGH!
First, a stupid spelling of 'Kevin'. Purporting to be bizarre, no doubt.
Followed, always, by a homophobic .sig [I don't care if it's flame bait or
not.] Message contents always hopelessly bland. And now, to top it all,
a *wonderful* new account name. Tell me, 'chevyn', does the middle initial
perhaps stand for 'Wanker'? or 'Witless', maybe? Please please *please* get
a small clue, location of same has already been pointed out by scott dorsey
in recent days. You have been here long enough, you have *no* *excuse* for
your cluelessness.
Waider :) The anvil is in transit.
--
..still .sigging...
"You're not, you know, interesting." - Curtis Yarvin.
L J Yellowlees
>In a previous article, stu...@eris.cs.umb.edu (Kevin W. McAuley) says:
>[not a whole hell of a lot, as usual]
>ENOUGH!
[Appropriate flame of the McWally deleted]
Seconded.
I think we've put up with this asshole long enough. If "chevyn" doesn't
shut up, or develop a second braincell, he is going to lose his rectal
virginity to a welding torch. In recognition of his dumbfuck .sig, the
penetration shall be to a depth of one fathom.
>Waider :) The anvil is in transit.
Lockhart; thanks Waider.
Can I sign the anvil before it creams the little mofo?
James Ulysses Cazamias
>In article <CCLyG...@rice.edu> c...@owlnet.rice.edu (James Ulysses Cazamias) writes:
>>"Thank you Masked Man."
>>
>>"Shaddap."
>>
>>"Thank you Masked Man."
>>
>>"SHADDAP!"
>Sorry about this but, I have no post here,I just like saying
>'I am NOT ammused.'
>
> chevyn
> [ go back to sleep now. ]
> mc auley
>
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS FINE OPPORTUNITY TO DECLARE CHEVYN MC AULEY THE
OFFICIAL TALK.BIZARRE SQUEAKY-TOY.
YOU HAVE NO POST HERE; YOU HAVE NO POST THERE; YOU HAVE NO POSTINGS ANYWHERE!
YOU DO NOT LIKE MY LATEST WORK;
YOU DO NOT LIKE IT, CHEVYN-I-AM-SUCH-A-DORK!
I SUPPOSE I SHOULD NOW DEFINE 'AMMUSED' AS 'HAVING A MUSE', WHICH MAKES SENSE.
I WILL NOW SHARE WISDOM WITH YOU -- WISDOM THAT CAN ONLY BE ACQUIRED BY
GRINDING BETWEEN TWO LARGE, LUMPY BUTTOCKS FOR A DECADE LONGER THAN YOU HAVE
BEEN ALIVE, AND HELPING TO PRODUCE SOME OF THE WORST SMELLS IN THE HISTORY OF
PORCELAIN. HERE GOES:
1) I AM LIKELY TO BE THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS GROUP WHO READ YOUR ARTICLE.
HALF OF TALK.BIZARRE HAS A KILLFILE, AND YOU ARE IN IT.
THE OTHER HALF SEES YOUR NAME AT THE TOP OF THE HEADER. THE 'N' KEY IS
DEPRESSED AT A SPEED THAT SMASHES WINDOWS IN THE USER LAB.
I READ YOUR POSTS BECAUSE THEY MAKE GOOD MATERIAL. BUT, HELL, WHAT DO I
KNOW? I'M JUST A BUTT-CRACK.
AND I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
2) YOU ARE NOT SMART. ONE PERSON, WHO IS SMART, HAS ALREADY FOLLOWED UP TO
THE ARTICLE AND INCLUDED COMMENTS INDICATING THAT THE MATERIAL THEREIN
WAS COMPREHENDED. YOU HAVE DONE NO SUCH THING.
THERE IS NO LITTLE LIGHT-BULB. THERE IS NO RETURNING 'PING'. THERE ARE
NO TOURETTE'S-STYLE FROTHINGS, WHICH WOULD NOT PROVE INTELLIGENCE BUT
MIGHT BE INTERESTING.
YOU ARE THE APHID IN THE ANT-NEST. YOU ARE THE MUGGER IN THE TAE KWAN
DO CLASS. YOU ARE THE GOBBLER IN THE YARD, AND THANKSGIVING IS COMING
AROUND THE BEND.
3) YOU HAVE THE ALL-TIME LEAST FUNKADELIC .SIG EVER. CONSIDER:
>I can't fathom people who lose their virginity rectally.
>
IN ESSENCE, THIS .SIG SAYS,
"Hi. I'm Chevyn, and I'm smaller than you."
"I don't understand sodomy. I just don't get it."
"I mean, *surely* all people want to be just like me."
"*Surely* all people are white-bread, low-class gutless
homophobes with diffuse neural nets and a disturbing
hunch that we might like to touch pre-teen girls
behind the dumpster in the sandlot."
"*Surely* those gosh-darn poofters *know* they're weird."
"So *WHY* do they bother?"
"I just can't grok it......."
CHEVYN, I HONESTLY DON'T PERSONALLY KNOW WHY PEOPLE LOSE THEIR
VIRGINITY RECTALLY. DESPITE MY PROXIMITY TO THE SITUATION, I
HAVEN'T GOT THE RIGHT MIND-SET. BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING:
IMAGINE, FOR A MOMENT, THAT I, SMITTY, HAVE CAPTURED JESSE HELMS AND
RUSH LIMBAUGH, AND I IMPRISON THEM IN A CONCRETE CELL EIGHT FEET ON
A SIDE. I LEAVE THEM WITH A SOURCE OF WATER AND FOOD, BUT NO LIGHT
OR ENTERTAINMENT.
I, SMITTY, SUGGEST THAT THE LIKELIHOOD THAT MY HIDDEN MICROPHONE
PICKS UP WET, SCHLURPING NOISES BEFORE THE MONTH IS OUT IS HIGH.
PUT *THAT* IN YOUR CRACK AND SMOKE IT.
THIS CONCLUDES THE WISDOM-SHARING PHASE OF THIS POST. NOW, ABUSE:
YOU'LL GO BLIND DOING THAT.
YOUR POSTING VOLUME GOES DOWN DURING THE SUMMER BECAUSE YOU ARE ESTIVATING.
YOU'D UNSUBSCRIBE IF YOU COULD FIGURE OUT HOW.
WHEN YOU WERE TWELVE AT SUMMER CAMP, ALL THE GUYS COVERED YOU WITH NAIR.
YOU'VE SENT BLAIR EMAIL ASKING WHAT "PILLOCK" MEANS.
PUBLIC RESTROOMS MAKE YOU NERVOUS.
YOU WATCH 'TAZMANIA' AND GIGGLE IN A HIGH-PITCHED, TINNY VOICE.
YOU SMELL LIKE HEAD-N-SHOULDERS AND VASELINE.
PEPPERS UPSET YOUR STOMACH.
AND...
YOU WISH YOU WERE Q-OOL LIKE fbaker.....
TO SUM UP:
YOU, CHEVYN MC AULEY, COULD NOT THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF A PLASTIC BAG....
PROVE ME WRONG.
--
SMITTY
crack that whip!
Stew - Perkins
[Blah dah-dee blah-blah]
>AND...
>
>YOU WISH YOU WERE Q-OOL LIKE fbaker.....
>
>TO SUM UP:
>
>YOU, CHEVYN MC AULEY, COULD NOT THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF A PLASTIC BAG....
>
>PROVE ME WRONG.
>--
Why should he when your message does such a good job on its' own?
Your blubbering (that's a compliment) text is about as inspiring as a
performance by Tony Orlando and Dawn.
>SMITTY
>crack that whip!
Break your momma's back.
-Stew
"angst"
John Austin
lj...@festival.ed.ac.uk writes (re: the annoying KM):
> Can I sign the anvil before it creams the little mofo?
No, you've got it slightly sideways. It's *his* name that goes there. We
merely dance happily.
And, while I'm at it, I'd like to bring everyone up to date on the x
industries test of a few days ago.
the day after I turned the beacon on, apparently to no avail, I was riding
the bus through Collegetown (Approx 1 mile from intended ground zero). I
was looking out the window, observing the new crop of Ctown denizens and
generally taking in the scene. I chanced to look inside Stella's Cafe.
Right inside the door was a largeish packing box.
Written on the box: ANVIL.
I do not quite know what to make of this.
John Austin (je...@cornell.edu)
5150
>>"Thank you Masked Man."
>>"Shaddap."
>>"Thank you Masked Man."
>>"SHADDAP!"
>Sorry about this but, I have no post here,I just like saying
>'I am NOT ammused.'
studley? I believe you have dropped a couple of letters from that
username. stupidley. Yes, much more appropriate.
Now, stupidley, let's get down to the facts. You are 100% grade-b
(for you, stupidley, are not good enough to be grade-a) guano. You
are not amusing (yes, stupidley, the verb "amuse" contains only one m)
and you are not intelligent, and cannot even begin to recognize art.
You laugh raucously at the Joe Bazooka cartoons that you find in your
chewing gum (which, stupidley, you put in your mouth, by the way),
just as an example of your utter simpleness.
You are a simpleton. You are an Epsilon semi-moron. You are, indeed,
a git, stupidley. You entertain nobody, probably not even yourself,
for you do not have enough IQ points to recognize fun.
Scram, stupidley.
5150
--
Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes,
contestants in a suicidal race.