A Half a Glass of Water
Josef Balluch
The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The Optimist says the glass is half full.
The Agnostic can't decide.
The Pragmatist says "Fill it up".
The Minimalist says that it's all you need.
The Relativist asks what you are comparing it to.
The Philosopher says something, but no one understands.
The Activist accuses the Industrialist of depleting the water supply.
The Existentialist asks if the glass is really there.
The Solipsist says there is no glass.
The Environmentalist worries that the water is polluted.
The Christian says it is really wine.
The Capitalist wants to sell it for a profit.
The Socialist wants everyone to share it equally.
The Politician wants an opinion poll on whether the glass is half
empty or half full.
The Lexicographer says it depends on your definition of a half a glass
of water.
The Theist says the existence of the half a glass of water must be
accepted on faith.
The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
The Psychiatrist wants you to tell HIM if the glass is half empty or
half
full.
The Social Worker wants to give you a half a glass of water.
The Liberal wants everyone to have a half a glass of water.
The Conservative wants everyone to work for their half a glass of
water.
The Puritan says you are not to desire a half a glass of water.
The Survivalist prepares for the day when he must defend his half a
glass of water.
Your Grandfather tells you that he had to walk a mile every day for a
half a glass of water.
;^)
Josef
Boogie
The wise man drinks the water.
Gromit
You left out:
The feminist says she has to work twice as hard as a man for that 1/2 a
glass of water.
gromit
eon sol
The weirdo dumps the water out on the floor and says
"There's your water! There's your water!
Mwa-hahahahahaha!!!"
eon
Andrew Lias
In article <353592...@sympatico.ca>,
Josef Balluch <josef....@sympatico.ca> wrote:
>The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
>
>The Optimist says the glass is half full.
>
>The Agnostic can't decide.
The Procrastinator waits so long before getting around to answering the
question that all the water's evaporated away.
The Postmodernist considers the whole glass/water question to be nothing
more than modern construct of Western society that has no intrinsic
meaning outside of its cultural context.
The Nihilist just doesn't see the fuckin' point, man! I mean, who the
fuck cares about the glass, we're all gonna die someday anyway!!
--
Andrew Lias | anrw...@wco.com | andre...@lamrc.com | Siste viator
*-----------*------------------*-----------------------*------------*
Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely
powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is
deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
*-----------*------------------*-----------------------*------------*
http://www.wco.com/~anrwlias
RipTide
Boogie wrote:
>
> The wise man drinks the water.
A bastard pisses in the water and offers it to the next complete
stranger he/she meets as a glass of apple juice.
--
RipTide (no return email - too much spam)
All opinions are mine. Any resemblance to any other opinions,
living or dead, is purely coincidental
|\ _,,,---,,_
ZZZzz /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_
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'---''(_/--' `-'\_)
psych...@xpoint.at
In article <6h60s5$get$4...@news.ncal.verio.com>,
anrwlias@shell. (Andrew Lias) wrote:
>
> In article <353592...@sympatico.ca>,
> Josef Balluch <josef....@sympatico.ca> wrote:
> >The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
> >
> >The Optimist says the glass is half full.
> >
> >The Agnostic can't decide.
>
> The Procrastinator waits so long before getting around to answering the
> question that all the water's evaporated away.
>
> The Postmodernist considers the whole glass/water question to be nothing
> more than modern construct of Western society that has no intrinsic
> meaning outside of its cultural context.
>
> The Nihilist just doesn't see the fuckin' point, man! I mean, who the
> fuck cares about the glass, we're all gonna die someday anyway!!
The thirsty viator stops for a moment, drinks the water and continues his
infinite journey ..... -:)
Hans-Richard Grümm
> Andrew Lias | anrw...@wco.com | andre...@lamrc.com | Siste viator
> *-----------*------------------*-----------------------*------------*
> Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely
> powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is
> deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
> *-----------*------------------*-----------------------*------------*
> http://www.wco.com/~anrwlias
>
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading
Shawn#1074
Josef Balluch wrote in message <353592...@sympatico.ca>...
>The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
>
>The Optimist says the glass is half full.
>
>The Agnostic can't decide.
>
I say the glass is to damn big.
Shawn A.A list member 1074
(to be honest thats George Carlin, I think we should vote him in as
president it would really piss him off and should be good for a couple of
laughs)
Andrew Lias
In article <3536B4...@a.cinema.near.you>,
RipTide <pla...@a.cinema.near.you> wrote:
>Boogie wrote:
>>
>> The wise man drinks the water.
>
>A bastard pisses in the water and offers it to the next complete
>stranger he/she meets as a glass of apple juice.
Heh. Reminds me of a (probably apocryphal) story about a person who was
called up by the draft board during the Vietnam war. He snuck in a glass
of apple juice and poured it into the (hopefully sterile) receptical when
asked to give a urine sample. When asked to hand over the sample, he
smiled a cheerfully drunk it down, thus earning himself a psychological
dismissal.
It has urban legend written all over it, but it's still a fun story.
--
Magnolia
Andrew Lias wrote:
>
> Heh. Reminds me of a (probably apocryphal) story about a person who was
> called up by the draft board during the Vietnam war. He snuck in a glass
> of apple juice and poured it into the (hopefully sterile) receptical when
> asked to give a urine sample. When asked to hand over the sample, he
> smiled a cheerfully drunk it down, thus earning himself a psychological
> dismissal.
>
> It has urban legend written all over it, but it's still a fun story.
I would have thought some rough and ready training officer would
have said:
"That's right son! When the Cong have you pinned down in your
position and you're running out of water, that's how you survive: Drink
your own urine! You can recycle it three times befpore it becomes
poisonous. Trust me boy, I've had to do it many a time myself in Korea!
"Yessir son, you'll fit right in with military life! Now, fall
in!!!"
Magnolia
pit...@angelfire.com
In article <353592...@sympatico.ca>,
josef....@sympatico.ca wrote:
<snip>
> The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
>
The atheist says a half a glass of water does not exist.
That's funnier, don't you think?
john q
William R. Dickson
>> The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
>
>The atheist says a half a glass of water does not exist.
>That's funnier, don't you think?
Indeed. I mean, how's a half a glass supposed to hold water?
-Bill
--
_________________________________________________________________________
William R. Dickson - Technical Support wdic...@nwnexus.com
Northwest Nexus - Professional Internet Services Bellevue, WA USA
Voice: 425 455-3505 Web: http://www.nwnexus.com/ Info: in...@nwnexus.com
Jim Sarbeck
In article <wdickson-280...@callisto.nwnexus.com>,
wdic...@nwnexus.com (William R. Dickson) wrote:
>In article <6i54l9$srf$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, pit...@angelfire.com wrote:
>
>>> The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
>>
>>The atheist says a half a glass of water does not exist.
>>That's funnier, don't you think?
>
>Indeed. I mean, how's a half a glass supposed to hold water?
The atheist says the glass is half empty and he doesn't have to prove it,
and says that anybody who says it is half full better have proof or is an
ignorant bleating fool idjut moron!!!
Regards, Jim Sarbeck
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dave Haas
Both the theist and atheist believe in dehydrated water. All you have
to do is add water. :)
D. Haas
Bob N. Enweiven
On 28 Apr 1998 19:46:07 GMT, cjp...@batnet.nospam.com (Jim Sarbeck)
wrote:
>In article <wdickson-280...@callisto.nwnexus.com>,
>wdic...@nwnexus.com (William R. Dickson) wrote:
>
>>In article <6i54l9$srf$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, pit...@angelfire.com wrote:
>>
>>>> The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
>>>
>>>The atheist says a half a glass of water does not exist.
>>>That's funnier, don't you think?
>>
>>Indeed. I mean, how's a half a glass supposed to hold water?
>
>The atheist says the glass is half empty and he doesn't have to prove it,
>and says that anybody who says it is half full better have proof or is an
>ignorant bleating fool idjut moron!!!
A theist sees a half a glass of water and says, "SEE!?! This *PROVES*
my god exists! After all, if my god didn't create the universe, the
glass wouldn't even exist to be half full!!"
Chuck Kathary
It all depends, If you have a full glass of water and start pouring some
of the water out and stop half way you could say the glass is half
empty. If you have an empty glass and start pouring water in and stop
half way you could say it's half full......It's a matter of
perspective, it's the same thing with God.
( And the band played on)
cheesekracker
Andrew Lias
In article <wdickson-280...@callisto.nwnexus.com>,
William R. Dickson <wdic...@nwnexus.com> wrote:
>In article <6i54l9$srf$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, pit...@angelfire.com wrote:
>
>>> The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
>>
>>The atheist says a half a glass of water does not exist.
>>That's funnier, don't you think?
>
>Indeed. I mean, how's a half a glass supposed to hold water?
Oh goody, a koan!
Ummm... let me meditate on this, oh sensei.
[several hours pass]
Okay, it seems to that if we cut it lengthwise, it can still hold water if
you lay each half on its side. That's the easy one.
If you cut it in half straight down the middle, you end up, however, with
two different sorts of things. The top half is basically a cylinder with
two open ends. If you lay it carefully on a table or another flat,
smooth surface, you can fill still fill it with water, but you can't drink
from it... unless... ah, I got it! You can use a straw!
Now the bottom half *isn't* a half a glass, it's a whole glass that's just
shorter than the original, so you can drink out of it just fine.
The answer to the koan must be that there is no such thing as half a
glass. All glasses can hold water, no matter how you divide them up!
So, sensei, did I get it right?
[Sensei Dickson picks up a glass and smashes it to the floor]
Ah... I see.
["And it was then that Andrew Lias became enlightened."]
Andrew Lias
>
>The Optimist says the glass is half full.
The Quantum Mechanic says that the glass is neither half full nor half
empty, but that it exists in a super-position of states that can only be
resolved when the wave-function collapses at the moment of observation.
The Classical Physicist stalks away in disgust.
Deborah Kaye Webb
>Indeed. I mean, how's a half a glass supposed to hold water?
Maybe it's the bottom half? Maybe it's a vertically cut half, tilted on it's
side? Maybe it's only half as thick as a typical glass?
Tigger =^..^=
a.a#1109
Mummy to a black DLH meower w/attitude and a red MkI Mr2 w/problems
Frantically trying to find some reason to hold on for
just that one last year to get the degree. Sigh.
RipTide
Maybe it's a monocle?
Eric Williams @ PCB x5577
In article <wdickson-280...@callisto.nwnexus.com>, wdic...@nwnexus.com (William R. Dickson) writes:
> In article <6i54l9$srf$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, pit...@angelfire.com wrote:
>
> >> The Atheist says a half a glass of water is a half a glass of water.
> >
> >The atheist says a half a glass of water does not exist.
> >That's funnier, don't you think?
>
Depends on which half, and how you slice it.
Slice the glass using a horizontal plane, and take the lower half,
and it holds water fine. Take the upper half and you may have a problem,
as there's no bottom.
Slice the glass using a vertical plane, and neither half proves very useful,
except perhaps as objet d'art, or as props for a room in "Willy Wonka and
the Chocolate Factory" (near the end of the movie).
Slice the glass at an angle, and you'll probably get some fairly strange
results, some of which will hold water, most of which will not.
Bash the glass with a large sledgehammer (a la Gallagher -- kids, don't
try this at home without eye protection) and then separate the resulting
shards into two halves, and you probably won't hold any water.
Drill lots of holes in the glass so that the shavings have weight equal
to the glass left, and the glass probably won't hold any water (and may
fall apart if not treated gently).
(OK, so I'm not taking this question all that seriously! :-) )
[.sigsnip]
--
eric_w...@mentorg.com -- #191, preferring to drink orange juice instead
The preceding is *not* an official (or unofficial) public policy statement by
Mentor Graphics, Incorporated (my employer), or any of its representatives.
All spam mail to this address is archived. Consider yourselves warned.
Brian E. Clark
Andrew Lias <anrwlias@shell.> wrote:
> Okay, it seems to that if we cut it lengthwise, it can still
> hold water if you lay each half on its side. That's the easy one.
Well, the result is no longer a drinking glass. It's just a
pair of glass troughs for very small horses.
Brian
Brian E. Clark
brian<at>telerama<dot>lm<dot>com
____________________________________________________
Il faut aller voir.