Approaching Women
snoo...@aol.com
Alright, call me a loser or whatever, but I just have a hard time approaching
women in an attempt to meet them. I guess I just don't know the right words
to say. The following scenarios come to mind:
1)Strolling through a mall alone, you see a nice looking lady walking in the
opposite direction as you alone or with friends
2)You go into a take out restaurant, where you see 3 ladies together waiting
for their order.
Now I think it would be pretty rude to just run up to her in either of these
situations, and start spouting out how beautiful you think she is and how you
are just dying to meet her. Maybe that's just me though. Opinions? Comments??
Help???
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yourcon...@hotmail.com
You are NOT a 'loser' because you have trouble approaching women!! I am
sorry, but I hate that term. Some guys are real successful with lots of
women and approach them easily. They are quick to call others losers for
whatever reason. On the flip side, most men that are this successful use and
discard the women. Men less successful tend to appreciate women more.
You are right, public places are REAL difficult for approaches. Some
suggestions have been made. I find the malls difficult. One suggestion I
saw was to bring something offbeat with you to the mall and stay in one
place, like a bench. It is easier to spark a conversation with someone that
sits down next to you than to grab a moving target. Of course, you can also
sit down next to them. I have heard it suggested that you follow them to
some degree (no stalking now) and wait for them to sit. Another possibility
is to ask directions. "Excuse me, I had heard from someone that there are
several good restaurants in this mall, but I have not been here before, could
you recommend one?" Try this on a couple of women and see how you do getting
friendly respones. Then after you feel comfortable, follow it with "Thanx,
you are so kind, look, I really hate to eat alone (and you can add the
optional 'and I don't know anyone here'), would you happen to be free, maybe
I could buy you lunch."
In the line, just spark up a conversation. In that scenario, you could even
use patterns. If there are people between you and her it is more difficult.
In my experience, it has never worked to call a woman beautiful. If they
are, they know it and it just comes across as saying you really like them for
their external appearance. If they are not, then they know you are lying and
get suspicious. Complementing something about them is better, like clothing
or what have you. However, some people here say they have used the line,
"Excuse me, but you are so beautiful that I am willing to make a complete
fool out of myself to meet you, my name is...". I could see this working,
but rely on subtlety more often.
Note that if you do choose to complement, make it short and sweet. Don't
dwell on it. Each successive complement you give diminishes the value of the
first.
There are tons of other ideas, but you almost have to have them all in your
head beforehand. I am going to try this. Write down all the approach ideas
you have. Then take the time to memorize them. Then, when in a situation,
you will not say five minutes later, oh shit, I could have said blop or I
could have done this. Darn, maybe next time.
YC
In article <6kk22h$eu5$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>,
Jeffrey Karp
It is quite difficult, especially in NYC, where women are so
paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
a woman, the quicker she runs away. I usually only have
success when women approach me(unfortunately, the women
who approach me are usually too old. I am 38, and the women
who approach me are usually 36-45. It would be nice if women
in their late 20s or very early 30s would approach me more often).
Aaron Kulkis
Jeffrey Karp wrote:
>
> It is quite difficult, especially in NYC, where women are so
> paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
Thank you, Feminists....!
--
Aaron R. Kulkis
Unix Systems Administrator
--------------------------------
I speak for me, not my employer.
--------------------------------
Threads: a poor substitute that you implement in an OS
when it can't handle true context switching properly.
Andrew
In soc.singles snoo...@aol.com wrote:
: Alright, call me a loser or whatever, but I just have a hard time approaching
: women in an attempt to meet them. I guess I just don't know the right words
: to say. The following scenarios come to mind:
: 1)Strolling through a mall alone, you see a nice looking lady walking in the
: opposite direction as you alone or with friends
: 2)You go into a take out restaurant, where you see 3 ladies together waiting
: for their order.
: Now I think it would be pretty rude to just run up to her in either of these
: situations, and start spouting out how beautiful you think she is and how you
: are just dying to meet her. Maybe that's just me though. Opinions? Comments??
: Help???
I can't claim to be any better at this than you, but I've heard
several suggestions on how to meet people in public (and these aren't
"speed seduction" techniques).
For one, you can just make up excuses. "Excuse me, do you know where
the Gap is in this mall?" "Do you know what time it is?" Whatever.
It's not a line as much as it's a way to break the ice. The idea is
that - maybe she *does* want to meet you too (then again maybe not),
and all you need to do is break this invisible wall between you and
you've got the ball rolling.
Once you find a way to break the ice, if she is interested in meeting
you you'll probably be able to get a conversation started (if she's not
interested - be polite and be on your way). Best thing is to make her
feel comfortable. There's also a lot of body language crap you can do
that may or may not mean something. :-)
I usually don't have the guts to approach women in public like this.
I can tell you, though that when I do it inadvertently (i.e. approach
an attractive stranger when I really *do* need directions), I've been
surprised how easy it is to get a conversation started. Wish I could
apply it to meeting women for real! :-|
Andrew
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew ah...@bizave.com
Visit Andrew's Portland, Oregon Web Site: http://www.bizave.com
Dawn O' The Dead
On Thu, 28 May 1998 12:55:16 -0400, Aaron Kulkis <aku...@flash.net>
wrote:
>Jeffrey Karp wrote:
>>
>> It is quite difficult, especially in NYC, where women are so
>> paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
> ^^^^^^^^
>
>Thank you, Feminists....!
Wha.......?
<mutter grumble bitch> Oh, okay, now the high crime rate in New Yawk
City is MY fault....!
Dawn
-----
I am Scuzzlebutt, Lord of the Mountains. Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
jean the queen (kill xs to reply)
Andrew wrote:
>
> I can't claim to be any better at this than you, but I've heard
> several suggestions on how to meet people in public (and these aren't
> "speed seduction" techniques).
>
> For one, you can just make up excuses. "Excuse me, do you know where
> the Gap is in this mall?" "Do you know what time it is?" Whatever.
> It's not a line as much as it's a way to break the ice. The idea is
> that - maybe she *does* want to meet you too (then again maybe not),
> and all you need to do is break this invisible wall between you and
> you've got the ball rolling.
>
> Once you find a way to break the ice, if she is interested in meeting
> you you'll probably be able to get a conversation started (if she's not
> interested - be polite and be on your way). Best thing is to make her
> feel comfortable. There's also a lot of body language crap you can do
> that may or may not mean something. :-)
>
> I usually don't have the guts to approach women in public like this.
> I can tell you, though that when I do it inadvertently (i.e. approach
> an attractive stranger when I really *do* need directions), I've been
> surprised how easy it is to get a conversation started. Wish I could
> apply it to meeting women for real! :-|
>
> Andrew
Well, here's the thing: what makes that so hard is that you have to just
walk up to somebody out of the clear blue and start yakkin'. What you
should do is hang around bookstores, coffee shops and other places where
there are *lots* of opportunities to start conversations with people.
I am a very outgoing person and I even I can't get the hang of just
yakking to somebody about something asinine like melons in the grocery
store. Book stores are good because it's easy to come across like you
know something about a particular author, and you look like a smoothie
in front of the womenfolk :)
just my $.02 jtq
Crash Street Kidd
In article <356D929A...@erols.com>, Jeffrey says...
>
>It is quite difficult, especially in NYC, where women are so
>paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
>success when women approach me(unfortunately, the women
>who approach me are usually too old. I am 38, and the women
>who approach me are usually 36-45. It would be nice if women
>in their late 20s or very early 30s would approach me more often).
Why don't you just make this post your sig file.
Crash Street Kidd
------------------
Spam free Usenet news http://www.newsguy.com
Aaron Kulkis
Dawn O' The Dead wrote:
>
> On Thu, 28 May 1998 12:55:16 -0400, Aaron Kulkis <aku...@flash.net>
> wrote:
>
> >Jeffrey Karp wrote:
> >>
> >> paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
> >
> >Thank you, Feminists....!
>
> Wha.......?
>
> <mutter grumble bitch> Oh, okay, now the high crime rate in New Yawk
> City is MY fault....!
No, but you (or your cohorts) ARE responsible for preaching,
spreading, endorsing and/or giving tacit approval to extremeist,
antagonistic rhetoric which has only one effect, which is to
poison relationships between men and women.
When you have women running around, teaching classes in
"Women's studies", and teach (even TEST on) IDIOTIC drivel, such as:
"Every man is a potential rapist",
then what do you expect to get, other than paranoid women!?!?!?!
*I* for one, am NOT a potential rapist.
Never have been, nor will I ever be.
Most guys are the same.
Scariest time in my life was in college when this psychotic twit
who I broke up with started following me around and telling people
that *I* was "stalking" her....
I have no doubt in my mind that she was planting these ideas in
the ideas of restaurant waiters, etc. so that she could then go
to the police, and say "well, all these people at ABC and XYZ
are aware that he's been stalking me for weeks"
The way it was finally defeated was that I only went out with
friends, who then would speak to the restuarant personnel on
my behalf, until the whole thing was cleared up.
And people wonder why I absolutely refuse to date American
women any more...
Nathan SZILARD
On Thu, 28 May 1998 16:06:41 GMT, snoo...@aol.com <snoo...@aol.com> wrote:
>Alright, call me a loser or whatever, but I just have a hard time approaching
>women in an attempt to meet them. I guess I just don't know the right words
>to say. The following scenarios come to mind:
>
>1)Strolling through a mall alone, you see a nice looking lady walking in the
>opposite direction as you alone or with friends
>
>2)You go into a take out restaurant, where you see 3 ladies together waiting
>for their order.
>
>Now I think it would be pretty rude to just run up to her in either of these
>situations, and start spouting out how beautiful you think she is and how you
>are just dying to meet her. Maybe that's just me though. Opinions? Comments??
>Help???
First of all, it's not an easy situation, in general.
HOWEVER, in the situations you describe, things may happen (and you may
trigger them) that will facilitate your action.
Some real life experiences:
* in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily "offer advice",
or make it look like you're interested to see someone share the same
interest. The key, here, is not to look interested by her at first, but
rather by the topic.
* 2 girls laugh loudly. I like this one. Because they laughed loudly, it is
"normal" that you react, like, by looking at them funny (like "are you
crazy?"), making a comment. Then, start joking, and here, again, don't look
interested at them, but rather by their "sense of humor".
* In a restaurant, or cafe, or whatever, if there 2+ girls, it's easier with
another guy, if you can take seat near them, and then, like in the second
example, grab any piece of conversation that would make it "natural" for you
to jump in. Example: was with a friend in a cafe, two girls chat, one of
them say "But he's much older! He's 25!". Well, my friend I were 25, so I
said, loudly, "Do you hear that Seb? We're getting really old!". And that
started the conversation.
More to come.
Jim Dutton
In article <6kl83f$t...@drn.newsguy.com>,
Crash Street Kidd <CrashSt...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>In article <356D929A...@erols.com>, Jeffrey says...
>>
>>paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
>>success when women approach me(unfortunately, the women
>>who approach me are usually too old. I am 38, and the women
>>who approach me are usually 36-45. It would be nice if women
>>in their late 20s or very early 30s would approach me more often).
>
>Why don't you just make this post your sig file.
Super models always ask me out but I pine for the girl next door.
Everyone always wants to be like me but I just want to be unassuming.
-Jeem, Sheep are always coming on to me but I like gerbils.
========================================================================
http://www.mcs.net/~jjd
Steatopygias's 'R' Us. doh#0000000005 That ain't no Hottentot.
Sesquipedalian's 'R' Us. ZX-10. DoD#564. tbtw#6. s.s.m#8 There ain't no more
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
streets? -Dick Cavett
=======================================================================
Dawn O' The Dead
On Fri, 29 May 1998 01:49:04 -0400, Aaron Kulkis <aku...@flash.net>
wrote:
>Dawn O' The Dead wrote:
>>
>> On Thu, 28 May 1998 12:55:16 -0400, Aaron Kulkis <aku...@flash.net>
>> wrote:
>>
>> >Jeffrey Karp wrote:
>> >>
>> >> It is quite difficult, especially in NYC, where women are so
>> >> paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
>> > ^^^^^^^^
>> >
>> >Thank you, Feminists....!
>>
>> Wha.......?
>>
>> <mutter grumble bitch> Oh, okay, now the high crime rate in New Yawk
>> City is MY fault....!
>
>No, but you (or your cohorts) ARE responsible for preaching,
>spreading, endorsing and/or giving tacit approval to extremeist,
>antagonistic rhetoric which has only one effect, which is to
>poison relationships between men and women.
Actually me and my cohorts seem to spend most of our time drinking
coffee, flirting with guys, talking about movies and current events
and bitching about problems. Oh wait ... I was thinking of my friends.
I don't think I have any "cohorts". I'm not sure what that means. Is
that like having a trusty sidekick or some henchmen?
>When you have women running around, teaching classes in
>"Women's studies", and teach (even TEST on) IDIOTIC drivel, such as:
> "Every man is a potential rapist",
>
>then what do you expect to get, other than paranoid women!?!?!?!
Women's studies courses make women paranoid. Interesting theory. Have
you ever *taken* one of these classes yourself? Or are you just
operating from your own weird fantasy world, assuming that "women's
studies" is code for "feminazi man-hating propaganda"?
TEACHER: "Welcome, class, to the first session of Women's Studies
101. I don't have time to discuss the entire curriculum in depth but
if you'll look at the syllabus I've passed out you'll get a good
overview of the material we'll cover...
You'll note that the section of "Simple Ball Busting" has been
changed...we're going to cover "Destroying Men's Lives And Spirits"
instead. Then we've brought back the popular discussion on Why All Men
Suck followed by a few weeks of studying ways to covertly undermine
the patriarchy by instilling our insidious propaganda in the Supreme
Court, enabling us to soak divorced fathers for all their money and
take away any rights they may have.
Oh, and then we'll read Jane Eyre."
>*I* for one, am NOT a potential rapist.
>
>Never have been, nor will I ever be.
>
>Most guys are the same.
No, YOU'RE just an idiot.
>Scariest time in my life was in college when this psychotic twit
>who I broke up with started following me around and telling people
>that *I* was "stalking" her....
>
>I have no doubt in my mind that she was planting these ideas in
>the ideas of restaurant waiters, etc. so that she could then go
>to the police, and say "well, all these people at ABC and XYZ
>are aware that he's been stalking me for weeks"
"... this was about the same time that my landlord started spying on
me by putting that camera in my toothbrush and the black helicopters
were circling my rooftop every night. If I didn't have the voices in
my head to tell me it's okay, I don't what I would have done!!!"
>The way it was finally defeated was that I only went out with
>friends, who then would speak to the restuarant personnel on
>my behalf, until the whole thing was cleared up.
>
>
>And people wonder why I absolutely refuse to date American
>women any more...
Gee, most of us decided weeks ago that it's because no one on this
continent would touch you with a ten foot pole.
rosmaderos
Nathan SZILARD wrote:
>
> Some real life experiences:
>
> * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
> "offer advice",
Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman.
> or make it look like you're interested to see someone share
> the same interest. The key, here, is not to look interested
> by her at first, but rather by the topic.
Why not try to find common ground first. Isn't that what it's
all about, anyway? Look at what she's reading or the section
she's browsing. If it's the best-seller section (and you've
read a best-seller or two in the last few months) start by asking
something like "I've heard that the new book by Joe Piscopo is
pretty good. Do you know anything about it?".
This gives you an easy intro to conversation and leads to some
obvious followups. If she's read Joe Piscopo she might start
talking about the book. If she hasn't, you can mention what
you've read recently and ask her for suggestions from what she's
read recently.
Of course, this does require that you have an interest in the
"topic", books. If you're not interested in books, why hang
around in the bookstore anyway? For the Speed Seductionists
in the audience ... you want lots of sex ... don't any of you go
to the various noncommercial sex clubs where the goal of the
members is pure, unadulterated, consensual sex? What's up with
that?
> * 2 girls laugh loudly. I like this one. Because they laughed
> loudly, it is "normal" that you react, like, by looking at them
> funny (like "are you crazy?"), making a comment. Then, start
> joking, and here, again, don't look interested at them, but
> rather by their "sense of humor".
Girls and their sense of humor ... they'll soon be laughing at
you for making such an awkward approach. They are cruel sometimes.
This is twice in a row that you've made the point of pretending
to be not interested in the woman you're approaching. Let me
ask you something. If two guys approach a woman, all other things
being equal between the two guys, who do you think has the better
chance of at least getting the woman's phone number, the guy who
acts interested or the guy who pretends to be not interested in her?
If you pretend to be not interested, and are good at pretending,
then she will believe that you're not interested. If you're not
good at pretending, you'll come across as awkward. Pretending to
be not interested (on the guy's part) is a leftover from junior
high and maybe high school when guys and girls were just learning
how to socialize with each other.
So, you need to appear interested in the women you're approaching.
Other comments ... giving women strange looks, as in "are you
crazy?", doesn't sound like a good idea. (Why would it be crazy
that two women are laughing loudly, anyway?)
Likewise, interrupting their moment of humor might put a damper
on things if you can't keep them laughing ... you'd need a good
spontaneous sense of humor yourself as well as a reallly smooth
approach. Otherwise you come across as a wet noodle bringing them
down from their fun. If they don't laugh *at* you, their response
(in attitude if not in words) is likely to be along the lines of
"oh no not another one".
Rosmaderos
jean the queen (kill xs to reply)
Dawn O' The Dead wrote:
>
> >
> You'll note that the section of "Simple Ball Busting" has been
> changed...we're going to cover "Destroying Men's Lives And Spirits"
> instead. Then we've brought back the popular discussion on Why All Men
> Suck followed by a few weeks of studying ways to covertly undermine
> the patriarchy by instilling our insidious propaganda in the Supreme
> Court, enabling us to soak divorced fathers for all their money and
> take away any rights they may have.
>
> Oh, and then we'll read Jane Eyre."
>
I LMAO at this...you know, it's just sad how many people reach so far to
justify their total, complete lack of common sense and/or social skills.
..
jean the queen (kill xs to reply)
yourcon...@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> You are right, public places are REAL difficult for approaches. Some
> suggestions have been made. I find the malls difficult. One suggestion I
> saw was to bring something offbeat with you to the mall and stay in one
> place, like a bench. It is easier to spark a conversation with someone that
> sits down next to you than to grab a moving target. Of course, you can also
> sit down next to them.
I can't think of a good "mallternative", but I took a kite to the beach
with me last weekend. As I walked down the sand i got a lot of comments
and attention, and a lot of people started talking to me. Worked like a
charm!
cbianco
crem of sum yung guy:
>>When you have women running around, teaching classes in
>>"Women's studies", and teach (even TEST on) IDIOTIC drivel, such as:
>> "Every man is a potential rapist",
>>
>>then what do you expect to get, other than paranoid women!?!?!?!
dawn
>Women's studies courses make women paranoid. Interesting theory.
not in Camille Paglia's class, ya dont.
-- who by the way teaches here in philadelphia. i like her writing,
and id love to know whos familiar with it (talking mainly about the
essay stuff and not the scholarly tomes)
Though you gotta admit dawn, a lot of teachers spout some pretty wild
claimmage. lets grant the globe its percentage of maniacs of any
stripe.
i remember a seriously feminist, famous conceptual-artist (barbara
kruger) who visited my school back in the eigh-days, she was
alarmingly bent and beligerent. (she even insulted my momma) . i think
she was the firt wave of ex-post-femino's. im sure the labels changed
at the same pace as her hairstyles.
anyway, the content of a class has more to do with the character of
the teacher than the syllabus.
>>*I* for one, am NOT a potential rapist.
why do people brag about what they're Not?
cbianco
John Fereira
Nice tail!
John Fereira
ja...@cornell.edu
Stop Unsolicited Commercial Email - Join CAUCE (http://www.cauce.org)
Support HR 1748, the anti-spam bill.
Aaron Kulkis
Dawn O' The Dead wrote:
>
> wrote:
>
>
> >Scariest time in my life was in college when this psychotic twit
> >who I broke up with started following me around and telling people
> >that *I* was "stalking" her....
> >
> >I have no doubt in my mind that she was planting these ideas in
> >the ideas of restaurant waiters, etc. so that she could then go
> >to the police, and say "well, all these people at ABC and XYZ
> >are aware that he's been stalking me for weeks"
>
> "... this was about the same time that my landlord started spying on
> me by putting that camera in my toothbrush and the black helicopters
> were circling my rooftop every night. If I didn't have the voices in
> my head to tell me it's okay, I don't what I would have done!!!"
You act like it was a figment of my imagination...
Sorry, but being asked to leave a restuarant while you're in
the middle of a meal, or else the police will be called is
NOT a figment of my imagination.
Aaron Kulkis
jean the queen (kill xs to reply) wrote:
>
> yourcon...@hotmail.com wrote:
> >
> > You are right, public places are REAL difficult for approaches. Some
> > suggestions have been made. I find the malls difficult. One suggestion I
> > saw was to bring something offbeat with you to the mall and stay in one
> > place, like a bench. It is easier to spark a conversation with someone that
> > sits down next to you than to grab a moving target. Of course, you can also
> > sit down next to them.
>
> I can't think of a good "mallternative", but I took a kite to the beach
> with me last weekend. As I walked down the sand i got a lot of comments
> charm!
Passive....
Crash Street Kidd
In article <356EED...@pacbell.net>, rosmaderos says...
Hi Ros! Pardon my 2 cents but...
>Nathan SZILARD wrote:
>>
>> Some real life experiences:
>>
>> * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
>> "offer advice",
>
>Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
>turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman.
Well I offered some advice when I was checking out the
new MCSE titles and the store clerk who obviously was trying
to impress was offering a pretty woman
a Lotus Notes manual because her Microsoft Office package
could read Lotus 1-2-3 files and she wanted to find out about
this capability. Arghhh!!! Some clerks should not be allowed
near the computer books.
>> or make it look like you're interested to see someone share
>> the same interest. The key, here, is not to look interested
>> by her at first, but rather by the topic.
Isn't that hard when you have to move your lips when you read.
She might get ideas.
>Why not try to find common ground first. Isn't that what it's
>all about, anyway?
I thought speed secretion was about geting laid fast. And Ocker
snickers that his wallabee sock puppet is always ready, willing
and able.
>Look at what she's reading or the section
>she's browsing. If it's the best-seller section (and you've
>read a best-seller or two in the last few months) start by asking
>something like "I've heard that the new book by Joe Piscopo is
>pretty good. Do you know anything about it?".
>This gives you an easy intro to conversation and leads to some
>obvious followups. If she's read Joe Piscopo she might start
>talking about the book. If she hasn't, you can mention what
>you've read recently and ask her for suggestions from what she's
>read recently.
>
>Of course, this does require that you have an interest in the
>"topic", books. If you're not interested in books, why hang
>around in the bookstore anyway?
Cause the poobah says that's where they should go and he probably
has a www.amazon.com pattern to run on the unsuspecting missies.
>For the Speed Seductionists
>in the audience ... you want lots of sex ... don't any of you go
>to the various noncommercial sex clubs where the goal of the
>members is pure, unadulterated, consensual sex? What's up with
>that?
>
>> * 2 girls laugh loudly. I like this one. Because they laughed
>> loudly, it is "normal" that you react, like, by looking at them
>> funny (like "are you crazy?"),
You silver tongued devil you.
>> making a comment. Then, start
>> joking, and here, again, don't look interested at them, but
>> rather by their "sense of humor".
Show them your anatomically correct Barbie sock puppet. Then they
can laugh at your leetle friend.
>Girls and their sense of humor ... they'll soon be laughing at
>you for making such an awkward approach. They are cruel sometimes.
>
>This is twice in a row that you've made the point of pretending
>to be not interested in the woman you're approaching. Let me
>ask you something. If two guys approach a woman, all other things
>being equal between the two guys, who do you think has the better
>chance of at least getting the woman's phone number, the guy who
>acts interested or the guy who pretends to be not interested in her?
>
>If you pretend to be not interested, and are good at pretending,
>then she will believe that you're not interested. If you're not
>good at pretending, you'll come across as awkward. Pretending to
>be not interested (on the guy's part) is a leftover from junior
>high and maybe high school when guys and girls were just learning
>how to socialize with each other.
That's what's wrong with this country. All this socializm and next
thing you know the speed secretionists will be pretending that they
got a blow job from a nun. <By the way Dawn any idea of when you'll
be seeing that $2,000???? I think you have a better shot at Bianco's
$20 gazillion.>
>So, you need to appear interested in the women you're approaching.
>
>Other comments ... giving women strange looks, as in "are you
>crazy?", doesn't sound like a good idea. (Why would it be crazy
>that two women are laughing loudly, anyway?)
W
>Likewise, interrupting their moment of humor might put a damper
>on things if you can't keep them laughing ...
Wee little willie and the sock puppet have that one covered.
>you'd need a good
>spontaneous sense of humor yourself as well as a reallly smooth
>approach.
No Design. No Conception. Turn off the ships computers. Listen
to the Force, young master luke. Wimmins ain't da enemy or even
the enema. The dark side of the force is not stronger only easier
but in the end it consumes the practitioner. The light shall
extinguish the dark except around a singularity.
>Otherwise you come across as a wet noodle bringing them
>down from their fun. If they don't laugh *at* you, their response
>(in attitude if not in words) is likely to be along the lines of
>"oh no not another one".
>
>
>Rosmaderos
Crash Street Kidd
Ocker
Here's how we do it in Australia....
All you need to do is walk up to a sheila, and say the magic words....
"G'Day..... how 'bout a root?"
works every time!
Ocker
(Hey true blueeeeee....)
snoo...@aol.com wrote in article <6kk22h$eu5$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
> Alright, call me a loser or whatever, but I just have a hard time
approaching
> women in an attempt to meet them. I guess I just don't know the right
words
> to say. The following scenarios come to mind:
<much lack of confidence snipped..>
Aaron Kulkis
Lethrcuffs wrote:
> Aaron R. Kulkis wrote:
> > Dawn O' The Dead wrote:
me around and then accusing ME of *stalking* HER are on the level
of "black helicopter" stories]
> >You act like it was a figment of my imagination...
> >Sorry, but being asked to leave a restuarant while you're in
> >the middle of a meal, or else the police will be called is
> >NOT a figment of my imagination.
> >
>
> Try having a woman accuse you of raping her, because her boyfriend (whom she
> never told me about) found out she was cheating on him? There's nothing quite
> like being confronted in a public restroom by some guy you've nver seen before,
> who is threatening to kill you for raping his girlfriend.
>
> Now this is far from justification that all women have messed up brains, but
> they are also far from being innocent victims of big bad men.
Egad!
Aaron Kulkis
rosmaderos wrote:
>
> Nathan SZILARD wrote:
> >
> > Some real life experiences:
> >
> > * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
> > "offer advice",
>
> Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
> turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman.
You forgot to finish the sentance.
Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman
who has a chip on her shoulder.
m.ba...@genie.com
Jeffrey Karp <jeff...@erols.com> played it again with::
>
>It is quite difficult, especially in NYC, where women are so
>paranoid. Usually, the more aggressively a man approaches
>success when women approach me(unfortunately, the women
>who approach me are usually too old. I am 38, and the women
>who approach me are usually 36-45. It would be nice if women
>in their late 20s or very early 30s would approach me more often).
Maybe they don't want a parrot.
What's this "more often"? How many do you need?
Also, are you a mute? Do you lack the balls to take a chance?
I think you are getting exactly what you have earned.
-Mike Barry-
rosmaderos
Crash Street Kidd wrote:
>
> rosmaderos says...
> >Nathan SZILARD wrote:
> >
> Well I offered some advice when I was checking out the new MCSE
> titles and the store clerk who obviously was trying to impress
> was offering a pretty woman a Lotus Notes manual because her
> Microsoft Office package could read Lotus 1-2-3 files and she
> wanted to find out about this capability. Arghhh!!! Some clerks
> should not be allowed near the computer books.
Awww, Crash ... rescuing a damsel in distress ... ;-)
> >Likewise, interrupting their moment of humor might put a damper
> >on things if you can't keep them laughing ...
>
> Wee little willie and the sock puppet have that one covered.
For a millisecond I thought "puppet show", but nooooo, we don't
wanna go there.
> > > [approaching two women who are "laughing loudly"]
> >you'd need a good spontaneous sense of humor yourself as
> >well as a reallly smooth approach.
>
> No Design. No Conception. Turn off the ships computers. Listen
> to the Force, young master luke. Wimmins ain't da enemy or even
> the enema. The dark side of the force is not stronger only easier
> but in the end it consumes the practitioner. The light shall
> extinguish the dark except around a singularity.
Well, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. If I'm in the right
mood I can do no wrong. Otherwise, I can come across as a "wet
noodle" because brain-to-speech is often slow for me in "real life".
[One seductive thing about posting, e-mail, etc, is that I usually
express myself much more quickly and deeply as compared to real life.]
But heck, I met/flirted with a cashier in a liquor store a couple
days ago. It was spontaneous. She's fat. Yet I couldn't help but
notice first her pretty face, then her lush figure, and feel attracted
to her. She noticed me noticing and responded positively, nonverbally,
which made it easy to start chatting.
Ros
--------------------------------------------
NEWBIES: Please read the soc.singles FAQ at:
http://x6.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345630518.1&CONTEXT=896455549.1669857330&hitnum=48
Crash Street Kidd
In article <356FDB32...@flash.net>, Aaron says...
>
>rosmaderos wrote:
>>
>> Nathan SZILARD wrote:
>> >
>> > Some real life experiences:
>> >
>> > * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
>> > "offer advice",
>>
>> Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
>> turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman.
>
>You forgot to finish the sentance.
>
> Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
> turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman
> who has a chip on her shoulder.
Ain't it great how natural selection keeps working even when
some kindly regular (Ros) tries to short circuit it.
Crash Street Kidd
>Aaron R. Kulkis
Crash Street Kidd
In article <357045...@pacbell.net>, rosmaderos says...
>
>Crash Street Kidd wrote:
>>
>> rosmaderos says...
>> >Nathan SZILARD wrote:
>> >
>> titles and the store clerk who obviously was trying to impress
>> was offering a pretty woman a Lotus Notes manual because her
>> Microsoft Office package could read Lotus 1-2-3 files and she
>> wanted to find out about this capability. Arghhh!!! Some clerks
>> should not be allowed near the computer books.
>
I guess I'm just a knight in shining armour. ;-p
>> >Likewise, interrupting their moment of humor might put a damper
>> >on things if you can't keep them laughing ...
>>
>> Wee little willie and the sock puppet have that one covered.
>
>For a millisecond I thought "puppet show", but nooooo, we don't
>wanna go there.
Why not? The world is about to become a speed secretionist
frenzy zone. There must be at least a few hundred people who
read the articles in Playboy. Lock up your daughters!
>> > > [approaching two women who are "laughing loudly"]
>> >you'd need a good spontaneous sense of humor yourself as
>> >well as a reallly smooth approach.
>>
>> No Design. No Conception. Turn off the ships computers. Listen
>> to the Force, young master luke. Wimmins ain't da enemy or even
>> the enema. The dark side of the force is not stronger only easier
>> but in the end it consumes the practitioner. The light shall
>> extinguish the dark except around a singularity.
I also forgot to mention that wimmin don't usually bite until
much later.
>Well, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. If I'm in the right
>mood I can do no wrong.
So learn to put yourself in that right mood at will. May I suggest
the tape "Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins. About eight or
nine bucks plus shipping at www.amazon.com or at your local bookstore.
>Otherwise, I can come across as a "wet
>noodle" because brain-to-speech is often slow for me in "real life".
And yet you are the same person. Trust your id.
>[One seductive thing about posting, e-mail, etc, is that I usually
>express myself much more quickly and deeply as compared to real life.]
More deeply yes, but more quickly? That's surprising.
>But heck, I met/flirted with a cashier in a liquor store a couple
>days ago. It was spontaneous. She's fat. Yet I couldn't help but
>notice first her pretty face, then her lush figure, and feel attracted
>to her. She noticed me noticing and responded positively, nonverbally,
>which made it easy to start chatting.
>
>
>Ros
Way to go ros!
Crash Street Kidd, but did she ask you out?! ;-p
>--------------------------------------------
>NEWBIES: Please read the soc.singles FAQ at:
>http://x6.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345630518.1&CONTEXT=896455549.1669857330&hitnum=48
>
------------------
rosmaderos
Aaron Kulkis wrote:
>
> rosmaderos wrote:
> >
> You forgot to finish the sentance.
>
> Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
> turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman
> who has a chip on her shoulder.
It depends on exactly how the advice is offered. Specifically,
being arrogant, overestimating your own knowledge, trying to fake
like you know what you're talking about, and underestimating the
woman's intelligence/knowledge are not good. It's not restricted
to meeting women in bookstores. If I'm in a computer store and
the salesperson pulls any of that on me, I'm going to go to another
store.
Rosmaderos
--
m.ba...@genie.com
>> me by putting that camera in my toothbrush and the black helicopters
>> were circling my rooftop every night. If I didn't have the voices in
>> my head to tell me it's okay, I don't what I would have done!!!"
>
>Sorry, but being asked to leave a restuarant while you're in
>the middle of a meal, or else the police will be called is
>NOT a figment of my imagination.
I'd call it an exercise in good taste.
-Mike "We reserve the right to refuse service to any idiot we want" Barry-
m.ba...@genie.com
Aaron Kulkis <aku...@flash.net> after deciding deductive reasoning, cause
and effect and statistics are just a pain in the ass, wrote:
>
>And people wonder why I absolutely refuse to date American
>women any more...
Oh that's easy. You're a Luser(tm).
-Mike "Where's the Amazon Nation when you need it" Barry-
m.ba...@genie.com
Oh boy, I love word associations.
Aaron Kulkis <aku...@flash.net> with a talent for rolling snake eyes,
wrote:
>
>jean the queen (kill xs to reply) wrote:
>>
>> I can't think of a good "mallternative", but I took a kite to the beach
>> with me last weekend. As I walked down the sand i got a lot of comments
>> and attention, and a lot of people started talking to me. Worked like a
>> charm!
>
>Passive....
Anal-retentive whiner.
Your turn.
-Mike "This post subject to the usual circular rationalizations" Barry-
Nathan SZILARD
On Fri, 29 May 1998 10:16:25 -0700, rosmaderos <ging...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>Nathan SZILARD wrote:
>>
>> Some real life experiences:
>>
>> * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
>> "offer advice",
>
Pure B/S!
"Dunno if you've read it already, but Pynchon's latest book is *great*.
Well, it took me 6 months to read it all ;-)"
How can that NOT work?
Richard Evans
Nathan SZILARD wrote:
> On Fri, 29 May 1998 10:16:25 -0700, rosmaderos <ging...@pacbell.net> wrote:
> >Nathan SZILARD wrote:
> >>
> >> Some real life experiences:
> >>
> >> * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
> >> "offer advice",
> >
> >Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
> >turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman.
Perhaps, perhaps not.However why not try it the other way around, and ask for
advice.
Apparently women love to give advice.
I suppose asking for advice can have it's drawbacks too, if
perhaps she is not in a mood for giving it.
Perhaps just try to guess the situation, and decide which approach
is better at the time.
Richard.
--
I have altered my Email Address, to try to avoid Bulk Email systems.
To Email me, remove the .nospam from my address.
rosmaderos
Crash Street Kidd wrote:
>
> rosmaderos says...
> >
> >the right mood I can do no wrong.
>
> So learn to put yourself in that right mood at will. May
> I suggest the tape "Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins.
> About eight or nine bucks plus shipping at www.amazon.com or
> at your local bookstore.
If anyone else suggested that to me, I'd probably dismiss it
out of hand. But I'll see if I can find it locally, first.
In the meantime, allow me to ask ... how about a concrete
example of what this has done for you? Not end result, but
the mechanics of applying it to effect some change in your
life.
> >[One seductive thing about posting, e-mail, etc, is that
> >I usually express myself much more quickly and deeply as
> >compared to real life.]
>
> More deeply yes, but more quickly? That's surprising.
The most obvious evidence of this involves wordplay. When
I teach, I'm pretty good at such spontaneous humor. But on
the newsgroup, whoa baby, all cylinders are firing.
Ros
rosmaderos
Nathan SZILARD wrote:
>
> rosmaderos <ging...@pacbell.net> wrote:
> >Nathan SZILARD wrote:
> >>
> >> Some real life experiences:
> >>
> >> * in a bookstore. When looking through books, you can easily
> >> "offer advice",
> >
> >Offering advice which hasn't been requested can easily be a
> >turnoff (as in paternalistic) to an educated, well-read woman.
>
Depends on you and on how well you've "read" the woman before
you approach her.
> "Dunno if you've read it already, but Pynchon's latest book is
> *great*. Well, it took me 6 months to read it all ;-)"
>
> How can that NOT work?
If I ran the world, it would work every time.
Heck, I first read Pynchon in my senior year of high school.
Talking about Pynchon is usually good for some blank stares.
Though some of the rocket limericks might work at some parties.
I think I'll get "V" out and reread. It's been at least 10 years.
Rosmaderos
Crash Street Kidd
In article <357619...@pacbell.net>, rosmaderos says...
>
>Crash Street Kidd wrote:
>>
>> rosmaderos says...
>> >
>> >Well, I know my strengths and my weaknesses. If I'm in
>> >the right mood I can do no wrong.
>>
>> So learn to put yourself in that right mood at will. May
>> I suggest the tape "Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins.
>> About eight or nine bucks plus shipping at www.amazon.com or
>> at your local bookstore.
>
>If anyone else suggested that to me, I'd probably dismiss it
>out of hand. But I'll see if I can find it locally, first.
You will. The tape is a decent encapsulation of what Robbins is about
or rather was about when it came out.
>In the meantime, allow me to ask ... how about a concrete
>example of what this has done for you? Not end result, but
>the mechanics of applying it to effect some change in your
>life.
I am not sure that I can isolate the results of this one
particular tape as I do a lot of reading and listen to lots
of tapes by lots of different people. I have recommended
it to a number of people and most have at least enjoyed
it and many have loved it. I used to listen to it as I
walked my dog day after day. Here is my attempt at
describing my experience with anchoring confidence in
a small trivial measurable area.
Robbins claims that you can apply his technologies to
any part of your life and see results in a fairly short time
frame. He challenges you to try it in some small measurable
area. I accepted his challenge about eight years ago. I
decided to apply it to my hobby of playing chess. I'd been
what at the time was known as an "A" player with a rating
in the low 1900s in Canada and the 1700s (a "B" rating) in
the U.S. since I hadn't played there in many years. For
Robbins to win the challenge I asked the unreasonable.
I wanted to be playing master strength chess on a
consistent basis within one year. Robbins won the
challenge.
To assess my starting state: My play was somewhat uneven
with brilliant play interspersed with mediocre. I would often
achieve reasonable positions against masters but they
would always find a way to slip out. Senior masters seemed
to be able to crush me at will. In analysing my performance
it became clear that part of my poor performance was
related to anxiety when playing these strong players. Often
I played too quickly without properly considering the position,
playing the move that intuitively felt right. Often my intuition
was wrong.
To combat anxiety or any other negative emotion you
must take control of your internal states. The way to do this is to
remember a time when you were feeling confident and to feel
now how you were feeling then. Move the way you were feeling then.
Use some signal to anchor that feeling. For me, the anchor was
making a fist and then squeezing it with a pumping action to
make a very compact proper fist just as my Sensei had taught
me many years before. I used other anchors: Stretching my arms
with hands clenched into fists. Tensing the arm and punching
downward slowly with a closed fist. These were all fairly
imperceptible and so I could do them while sitting at the
chessboard. Once you have anchored that feeling you
can call it up at will. Eventually you can lose the anchor
and slip into state at will. You gain new references for
confidence each time you slip into the confident state
and are rewarded for it.
I can remember the moment when I truly felt that I had
achieved the goal I had set out to achieve and Robbins
material had passed the test. I was playing in a tournament
and the pairings for the next round were posted. I had drawn
the number two player, a senior master. An acquaintance
tried to commiserate with me. "Sorry about your bad luck."
I asked him what he meant. He pointed out that I was
playing a player rated several hundred points higher than
me. I told him I wanted to play those players. I said
something to the effect that you couldn't beat them
if you didn't play them. He looked at me with a puzzled
look. I turned around and who was listening to our
conversation but my opponent. I looked into his eyes
steadily without a trace of nervousness and smiled
at the fact that he had overheard the exchange.
He finally broke the gaze. I had already achieved
my first victory with this opponent when he looked
away. I had the feeling that he was just meat (
probably under the influence of the movie Bull Durham)
and I was a predator hungry for my next meal.
This person had beat me the last three times we
had played. That day he seemed nervous. Drifted
into a difficult position. I played the right moves and
he finally resigned. He was one of a number of senior
masters I defeated that summer. You have to silence
the negative voices in your head that tell you that you can't
when really you can.
rosmaderos
Crash Street Kidd wrote:
>
> rosmaderos says...
> >In the meantime, allow me to ask ... how about a concrete
> >example of what this has done for you? Not end result, but
> >the mechanics of applying it to effect some change in your
> >life.
>
> must take control of your internal states. The way to do this
> is to remember a time when you were feeling confident and to
> feel now how you were feeling then. Move the way you were
> feeling then. Use some signal to anchor that feeling. For me,
> the anchor was making a fist and then squeezing it with a
> pumping action to make a very compact proper fist just as my
> Sensei had taught me many years before. I used other anchors:
> Stretching my arms with hands clenched into fists. Tensing the
> arm and punching downward slowly with a closed fist. These were
> all fairly imperceptible and so I could do them while sitting
> at the chessboard. Once you have anchored that feeling you
> can call it up at will. Eventually you can lose the anchor
> and slip into state at will. You gain new references for
> confidence each time you slip into the confident state
OK, Crash, I experimented with this today. I took the ball and
ran with it, so to speak, trying to take advantage of the idea
that memories are often interwoven with the sensory impressions
of multiple senses. [One enjoyable book is "A Natural History of
the Senses" by Diane Ackerman.]
In my anchor I mixed touch, sight, and sound.
The physical movement: (future stimulus)
I lightly, and a bit slowly, rub my left forefinger along the
inside of my left thumb, all the way down into the little web
between thumb and forefinger. Note that (1) the sensation is
pleasurable and (2) there's an acupressure point in the web area.
That acupressure point can block out the pain from a headache.
Without a headache, my thinking is that it might simply narrow
the brain's sensory focus toward the thumb and forefinger.
The sound: (mood enhancer)
I figured, why not have a favorite tune running through my head
while I do this. Add another sensory dimension in other words.
I chose Leonard Cohen's "I'm Your Man". It's slow in a measured
way yet with a hint of aggression, sexy, the music sends those
little chills up my spine, AND I have just the right voice to
sing it. Which I do, sing it that is, in the privacy of my own
apartment.
The visual: (future response)
The memory of a time when I felt confident. No, not a romantic
encounter or conquest. Those are more like complexes of memories,
not conducive to instant and short-duration recall. Instead, I
used an oil pastel painting I have, which I found in a secondhand
store for $35. The memory is of the dual pleasure of finding out
the painting is by a minor "listed artist" *and* possibly worth a
few hundred dollars more than I paid for it. As a bonus, anchor-
wise, I can call a rough image of the painting to my mind, another
sensory dimension.
Writing what I've just written and even reading it take much more
time than actually working the stimulus/response. It condenses
to: rub thumb, cue Leonard Cohen, visualize painting, remember
confidence. Initial results are very encouraging.
Crash Street Kidd
In article <357E21...@pacbell.net>, rosmaderos says...
>
>Crash Street Kidd wrote:
>>
>> rosmaderos says...
>> >In the meantime, allow me to ask ... how about a concrete
>> >example of what this has done for you? Not end result, but
>> >the mechanics of applying it to effect some change in your
>> >life.
>>
>> must take control of your internal states. The way to do this
>> is to remember a time when you were feeling confident and to
>> feel now how you were feeling then. Move the way you were
>> feeling then. Use some signal to anchor that feeling. For me,
>> the anchor was making a fist and then squeezing it with a
>> pumping action to make a very compact proper fist just as my
>> Sensei had taught me many years before. I used other anchors:
>> Stretching my arms with hands clenched into fists. Tensing the
>> arm and punching downward slowly with a closed fist. These were
>> all fairly imperceptible and so I could do them while sitting
>> at the chessboard. Once you have anchored that feeling you
>> can call it up at will. Eventually you can lose the anchor
>> and slip into state at will. You gain new references for
>> confidence each time you slip into the confident state
>
>OK, Crash, I experimented with this today. I took the ball and
>ran with it, so to speak, trying to take advantage of the idea
>that memories are often interwoven with the sensory impressions
>of multiple senses. [One enjoyable book is "A Natural History of
>the Senses" by Diane Ackerman.]
>
>In my anchor I mixed touch, sight, and sound.
>
>The physical movement: (future stimulus)
>I lightly, and a bit slowly, rub my left forefinger along the
>inside of my left thumb, all the way down into the little web
>between thumb and forefinger. Note that (1) the sensation is
>pleasurable and (2) there's an acupressure point in the web area.
>That acupressure point can block out the pain from a headache.
>Without a headache, my thinking is that it might simply narrow
>the brain's sensory focus toward the thumb and forefinger.
>
>The sound: (mood enhancer)
>I figured, why not have a favorite tune running through my head
>while I do this. Add another sensory dimension in other words.
>I chose Leonard Cohen's "I'm Your Man".
I love Cohen especially his last half dozen or so albums. I have
used the song First we take Manhatten, Then We'll Take Berlin.
I'd forgotten all about the songs. I did use the power of music.
Bowie's "Cat People" ("See these eyes so green (blue?),... Eyes
that shine for a thousand years"), Chris de Burgh (a song about
revenge of almost supernatural proportions ("Where the traveller
goes a cold wind blows") which I think was called the Traveller)
The song Crash Street Kidds by Mott the Hoople. David Bowie's
"Running Gun Blues". "Welcome to the Jungle" and "You could be
Mine" by Guns and Roses. Anything which suggests the quick
overwhelm of your opponent (at its heart chess is vicious and
cruel) and the hopelessness of his position.
> It's slow in a measured
>way yet with a hint of aggression, sexy, the music sends those
>little chills up my spine, AND I have just the right voice to
>sing it. Which I do, sing it that is, in the privacy of my own
>apartment.
>
>The visual: (future response)
>The memory of a time when I felt confident. No, not a romantic
>encounter or conquest. Those are more like complexes of memories,
>not conducive to instant and short-duration recall.
I had one evening where everything went perfectly. I went to
a party with extremely low expectations and had intended just
to get pleasantly buzzed and it just didn't work out that way.
They used some device to get everyone to meet and mix, you had
to find the girl that had a matching number to the one you were
issued and you got one drink when you came in but you couldn't
get any more until you found and danced with her. My match
was just gorgeous and smart and funny and the evening just got
better and better and I had a huge amount of fun and was
outrageous all evening. I still remember that fondly... and
use it as an reference peak experience though there are others.
>Instead, I
>used an oil pastel painting I have, which I found in a secondhand
>store for $35. The memory is of the dual pleasure of finding out
>the painting is by a minor "listed artist" *and* possibly worth a
>few hundred dollars more than I paid for it. As a bonus, anchor-
>wise, I can call a rough image of the painting to my mind, another
>sensory dimension.
Yes you can use experiences in one area of your life in others.
Oh oh. I'm creating a monster. ;-)
>Writing what I've just written and even reading it take much more
>time than actually working the stimulus/response. It condenses
>to: rub thumb, cue Leonard Cohen, visualize painting, remember
>confidence. Initial results are very encouraging.
They should be especially if you fire multiple anchors for
all your so called modes of experiencing your world (visual,
auditory, kinesthetic/feeling and some add a thinking dimension).
>Rosmaderos
Gee and ya didn't even hafta spend any money or visit a lame
website. Though I still recommend that tape.