How Do I Become a "Pick-Up" Artist???
Ogre
In article <Pine.A41.3.95.970903...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu>,
Richard Dubois <dri...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu> wrote:
>
> I am wondering if anyone out there can tell me how to become a "pick-up"
>artist (If such a thing even exists).
First you have to buy a pickup.
Then you'll need something to work on it with. An arc-welder might be
nice, and some folks might be satisfied with a can or three of spraypaint,
but my personal weap^H^H^H^Hinstrument of choice would be a sledgehammer.
Then you go to work on it.
Finally, when you're finished, you find a suc^H^H^Hbuyer for it,
sell it for a huge amount of money, go buy another pickup, and
start again.
Ogre, but it's not like I have any experience at this, or anything
--
"Most people learn from their past mistakes and in future
lives go on to grow into better people. Others, who don't,
become ogres." - E. A. Scarborough, _The Godmother_
Profile of an Ogre: http://www.iglou.com/profile/view.cgi/ogre
Thomas R Scudder
So.
Is a "Pick-Up" artist someone who produces works of art like Carhenge?
Or p'raps the next stage up from a "starving" artist - no longer starving,
but can't afford rent and must thus live full-time in zir pickup?
--
Tom Scudder aka tom...@umich.edu <*> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~tomscud
ZEN SPAM FILTER NOTICE: Remove "" from the above address before responding.
Inquiring minds want to know!
Paul Goldschmidt
pir...@gooroos.com (piranha) wrote:
>In article <Pine.A41.3.95.970903...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu>,
>Richard Dubois <dri...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu> wrote:
>>
>> I am wondering if anyone out there can tell me how to become a "pick-up"
>>artist (If such a thing even exists).
Assuming this isn't a troll, you sound like you'd be better off in
soc.support.loneliness.
--
Price's first law: "If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it".
Visit the Bartlepage <http://www.spectra.net/~bartle>
Spammers think they own the net. What are you going to do about it?
<http://www.cauce.org>
eve...@teleport.com
In soc.singles.moderated, The Meritorious TheCauldron <ls...@cnsvax.albany.edu> wrote:
T=eve...@teleport.com wrote:
>
>
> I have done my feeble best to paint the picture of the real predator that
> I know, for you, in 60 minutes or less. I could go on. It is a
> friendship that has got much thought from me. But it it time to spell
> check and post.
>
> Choose wisely!
T=Wow. That's one of the most interesting descriptions I've read in quite
T=some time. Part of what makes the impact strong for me is the way you
T=describe how you feel about it. It sounds as though perhaps you are his
T="committed" relationship, after all these years. You, and perhaps other
T=non-sexual relationships have probably sustained him.
Thanks for that interesting thought.
T=My reaction is one of feeling sorry for him but at the same time trying
T=to understand that it's apparently the way he wants to live his life,
T=and it's probably the most reasonable way for him to do it. I think
T=earlier in my life I would have thought that he should change to a
T=person who can hold a committed relationship. Now I'd be tempted to
T=just watch his life, much like you do, and be fascinated. Watching the
T=flavor of the month drift in and out of his life must be entertaining.
Ya. I do. Earlier in our acquaintance, he was big on finally getting
into a committed relationship. He was going to make changes and even
tried a couple. That ended but he did tone down the taking advantage
aspect of his routine. He is genuinely benign now and tries hard not to
hurt anyone, short of finding gratification at least 5 or 6 nights
nights a week if he can get it.
I get a little worn out by the flavor of the month, week, day, coming to
me for debriefing after he has severed the affair. I get pointed out
as a special friend so I am all that is left when he is gone. I only
really debrief about 1 in 30 or 40 or so. But I have learned more than I
want to about him that way. And I don't like to see these hurt women,
when they are hurt. And I sometimes feel like his butler or something.
I guess his lady acquaintances are more of a curiosity to me now than he
is. There seems to be know misunderstanding on their parts. The ones I
have talked to all seem to have substantial insights into his personality.
And they don't seem to surprised by the outcome. But they had to try. Of
course I haven't talked to the vast majority, a group which includes any
and all the who were just using him for the same reason.
In truth though, our old relationship is waning, as are most of my old
friendships. It is kind of scary. But I guess that is another thread,
maybe another newsgroup. Or maybe I can just change this one?
--
Dave
Choose your enemies carefully. eve...@teleport.com
You are choosing your future self. =======================================
eve...@teleport.com
In soc.singles.moderated, The Meritorious Richard Dubois <dri...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu> wrote:
RD= I am wondering if anyone out there can tell me how to become a "pick-up"
RD=artist (If such a thing even exists). You see, I have to become one. This
RD=is because I have no friends through which to meet women. But I don't care
RD=about this because women are all I care about, not friends.
RD= How good looking do you have to be to become a pick-up artist? Do you
RD=have to look like a movie star, or just look nice?
RD= How nice does one have to dress? Do you have to be a "flashy" sort of
RD=person?
RD= If you know anyone who is a pick-up artist or if you are one yourself,
RD=please tell me about it. I need all the help I can get! Thanks!
I've known a number of pick up artists. (One reason I am not one.) The
only thing one needs to *become* a pick up artists is a resilience to
getting slapped\kicked\called names\ignored a lot. The rest comes with
practice. If you are looking to glide through it all as the grand
gentleman pickup artist, first check and make sure you actually know such
a person exists. Then, interview him (her). You will probably find that
either he was simply born with a talent you weren't or that there is a
lot about his past he would rather not talk about. Most likely both.
If he was born with it, and he is not just a bloated braggart, ask him to
take you with him. I have found that most operators worth their salt are
glad for the wide-eyed company. You might see some interesting stuff.
Most of all you will notice that he (she) is being quite genuine. If
actively pursuing prospects, it will be only because he/she has an
active personality in the first place. (This is not to say such a person
isn't the genuinely superficial in love, if you will.) I find genuine
superficialness to be a problem that gets voiced and agonized over by some
of my pickup artist friends--the older ones anyway. I also find the most
successful ones don't "chase" women at all. Their women friends believe
*they* picked *him*. And I think they may.
In truth, I have a friend who is by far the most successful pickup artist
I have ever known. He is absolutely nothing like anything you suggest.
He does have money but you wouldn't have a clue to look at him. Nor would
you know from his vocation. I don't have money but I often look like I
have more than him (without trying). We are bald. He is not big. I am
6'5", 250#. Neither of us is aggressive or even very active in the
pursuit of women. He is not a Play Girl idol. I am fattening and
balding, but I used to be a thin, blond Cary Grant. Actually, he spends a
lot of his time trying to avoid women in an effort to keep things
manageable. I spend a lot of my time talking to women. They *pursue* him in
large numbers. "They" meaning the majority of single women within 30 years
of his age and some of the married women that he comes into contact with.
This has been the case all his life. He actually is not out to bed them
all. He will be perfectly happy establishing a "platonic" friendship.
But he he doesn't like to go very long without a lover too. I am
flattered when one or two women a year my own age pay much attention to
me--other than the obligatory "God, look at that handsome beefcake," which
is waning. And I have been able to establish a platonic friendship with a
woman only very rarely. (Greatful for the ones that succeeded though.)
He is a bachelor in his late, late 40's and increasingly unhappy about his
love life. But he doesn't know what to do without it. It reminds me of
someone tired of their favorite drug. I am a bachelor in my early, early
40's and I think I finally have the skill and maturity necessary to
start the last and best committed relationship of my life, if only I can
find her. He has, in my best judgement, from age 13 through now--his
twenties and thirties being most prolific--probably bedded somewhere
around a thousand women, possibly more. I've had two relationships and
five affairs. The latter I could have done without. I had those affairs
because I was young and stupid and thought I had too. I couldn't possibly
imagine having the love life he has. I wouldn't last a week. I'm
serious.
Women never hold anything against him, not even an outspoken feminist he
had an affair with. (She was a big subject of conversation between us
because he found her a little intimidating at first.) Interestingly, I
found her generally obnoxious toward me--who would treat her as an equal
out of not being very good at seducing anyone, if for no other reason--and
loving to Bill--who was a womanizer seducing her. They remained friends
for years after. Throughout the years of *our* friendship, what I have
been able to ascertain is that women almost always feel he is nice,
unassuming, unimposing, genuine, generous, somehow sexy, and honest.
However, he simply doesn't have long term commitment and loyalty in his
personality make up. This seems to be discovered sooner for most, later
for some. They leave with no hard feelings. Since he isn't pulling
anything and actually does give everything he can, I think his lady
friends end up feeling kind of sorry for him.
Other than lust, there is very little difference between the way he
relates to men and women. He makes one feel important. He treats one
like an uncommon find, a gold nugget on a treacherous scree. And he
means it. He'll get you talking or exchanging information and he'll
listen intently and flatteringly. He is generous and benign and willing
to share most of what he has, or he'll give you a good reason why not when
you didn't even ask. He is always considerate, gracious and attentive.
You will always gain something from knowing Bill, be it a loan, an
addition to a collection or common interest, a complement. What ever is
appropriate. He'll zero in on it. But, in return, don't offer anything
with strings attached or, at best, next time you see him he'll be giving
you a warm, and respectful good-by wave.
There are only three things in his life that get an iota of commitment
from him: his hobby (other than women), his second business (where he
makes his big bucks), and the organization in which we are closely
associated peers (therefore the long term friendship).
When his affairs don't figure this out right away, he'll spend quite a lot
of time helping them through the adjustment to going their own way. I
have been his shoulder to cry on while he faithfully "endured" such
periods that lasted up to a year. It was interesting to me how painful it
is for him to remain faithful out of respect for his woman. I wouldn't
know what else to do. Literally. (Despite the long term of our
friendship, I have no real understandings of the essence of his
motivations. His sexual appetite strikes me more as a result of his
habits rather than a cause.)
I love the man. There is some truth we share and have supported each
other in a way. But I wouldn't want to be him. Be it empty faith or not,
I think the answer is more likely to fall on my side of the fence than
his. Then again, one person's answer is another person's bullshit.
I have done my feeble best to paint the picture of the real predator that
I know, for you, in 60 minutes or less. I could go on. It is a
friendship that has got much thought from me. But it it time to spell
check and post.
Choose wisely!
Ewen McNeill
In article <Pine.A41.3.95.970903...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu>,
Richard Dubois <dri...@tiger3.ocs.lsu.edu> wrote:
> I am wondering if anyone out there can tell me how to become a "pick-up"
>artist (If such a thing even exists).
There might not be any pickup artists yet -- but you, yes YOU, can be
the very first. Not just the first on your block, the FIRST. In the
WORLD. Act NOW. Do NOT delay!
What you need
-------------
Pickup trucks -- At least 3 (one for each primary colour), and probably
more to save cleaning them all the time.
Paint Trays -- Large. Preferably big enough to do a three-point turn.
Paint -- Lots, enough to fill the paint trays at least twice.
In at least 3 primary colours.
Canvas -- A couple of hectares worth.
Preperation
-----------
Clean pickup trucks thoroughly. You don't want any foreign bodies to
distract from your artistry.
Set out paint trays. Ideally these should be close enough that you can
go from one to the next easily.
Pour paint into trays. Be sure to keep colours separate. Mix paint
well.
Lay out canvas. This step may require some assistance. Perhaps hire a
small school of children to sit on the edges. Tell them they'll be part
of an innovative new art piece.
Technique
---------
Get in pickup. Select first colour. If you have only primary colours,
and want a non-primary colour select one of the colours that will make
up the colour you require. Drive pickup into paint tray filled with
that colour.
_Quickly_ (before the paint sets) drive pickup onto canvas, and "draw"
out your stroke. When the paint runs out, drive back to paint tray.
Continue until this stroke is finished.
If another colour is required, carefully park your pickup. Get in
pickup for new colour. Repeat from above.
Continue as above until design is finished.
Hints
-----
Proceed rapidly. Paint will dry quickly.
Best viewing would be from the air. You might wish to charter a plane
to offer views of your art. Or possibly arrange for satellite photos.
THINK BIG. Pickup art is best suited to bold, powerful strokes. Aim
for effect, not details.
Once you've had some practice you could add handbrake-turns, wheelies,
and other special effects to your art.
Ewen
eve...@teleport.com
In soc.singles.moderated, The Meritorious TheCauldron <ls...@cnsvax.albany.edu> wrote:
T=eve...@teleport.com wrote:
>
> In soc.singles.moderated, The Meritorious TheCauldron <ls...@cnsvax.albany.edu> wrote:
>
> T=eve...@teleport.com wrote:
> I get a little worn out by the flavor of the month, week, day, coming to
> me for debriefing after he has severed the affair. I get pointed out
> as a special friend so I am all that is left when he is gone. I only
> really debrief about 1 in 30 or 40 or so. But I have learned more than I
> want to about him that way. And I don't like to see these hurt women,
> when they are hurt. And I sometimes feel like his butler or something.
T=That is well within the realm of being your choice, it seems to me. You
T=could always say that you're not available for conversations about him
T=that involve how they feel about getting left behind. I don't think that
T=would be in the least bit callous of you, BTW.
Point taken. : )
>
> In truth though, our old relationship is waning, as are most of my old
> friendships. It is kind of scary. But I guess that is another thread,
> maybe another newsgroup. Or maybe I can just change this one?
T=Yes. Do tell.
T=Is it that you want to keep them? Or do you not mind letting go and
T=that's the scarey part?
Thank you for formulating that for me. I don't mind letting go and that
is frightening. Where does the letting go stop? I wanted a family (the
one I never had.) When I didn't feel I could handle one of my own, I went
looking for groups to join and circles of friends to juggle. They have
all become transitory.
I am not clear what I want to do with my future. It looks pretty empty
right now. I have basically stopped dating to see one person in
particular for a while. I don't really know where the two of us are at.
I am not having much luck finding out. I am interested in finding someone
to travel into that future with. But what am I to say? Look at this
empty future that I don't have any ideas for! That is basically what I am
saying I guess. My friend seems to accept that. But we are still just
checking each other out. The present is OK. But the truth is, I hold onto
it only because I don't know what to replace it with. So I may have to
let go of it at some point. Sell the business.
It is like swimming out to sea. The bottom gets murkier and murkier.
Soon it is gone and there are dark shapes moving beneath. When you
finally look back the shore is gone. Why isn't there someone there beside
you?
Les Francey
Ewen McNeill (ew...@naos.co.nz) wrote:
a geat discription of pick up art.
It is strange the way people from different cultures take some " sayings"
to mean different things. Perhaps this should be in a different thread
here, but I naturally assumed a pick-up artist is an artist that paints
pick-up trucks not paints with them. I'd be willig to bet that there are
some people from the Southern United States who have even a more different
idea of what this phrase means.
Les
Warren Cheney
As the sun began to rise above the horizon, Dr. Popularity raised
his head above the level of the desk. It hadn't been easy, that long
stay at the Betty Ford Clinic, but somehow he had managed to get
through the process with his self-esteem intact and a working still
securely hidden among the pipes in the furnace room. As he looked
fondly at his new drink of choice within a Perrier bottle, it was
obvious that making vodka out of mashed potatoes was a cinch once you
figured out how to remove the milk and butter. Lactose intolerance
is indeed the mother of invention, he blearily commented to himself.
Looking at the monitor (somewhat crosseyed), he reflected that it
wasn't all that bad there, since they did let you online after a while.
Especially if you let the staff have half of the still production
in exchange. Healthy living did have its own rewards.
Scanning Usenet in search of enlightenment, he instead found the
following. His eyes took on a brighter shade of bloodshot pink as
he undertook the task of commentary before his 12-step sponsor
came in to see if his urine was still clean. Seeing that he had a
still for *that* as well, he wasn't really worried...
Richard Dubois wrote:
>
> I am wondering if anyone out there can tell me how to become a "pick-up"
> artist (If such a thing even exists).
Yes, pick-up artists exist, and now, time is at a premium for
most professional pick-up artists. This is why most of them have
abandoned the time-honored arts of love, romance, and the occasional
obscene phone call for the more efficient concepts of just-in-time
delivery and material handling techniques.
Most state-of-the-art pick-up artists know that the first thing to
consider is finding adequate warehouse space to store the females you
pick up. Adequate space is available at most industrial parks. Make
sure that there is access to water and sewer lines when you rent your
suite. Adherence to routine sanitation procedures will do much to
ensure your continued enjoyment of the craft, as well as keeping
those pesky health and immigration inspectors safely at bay.
Once this is settled, the question to ask, obviously, is, "How
*do* I pick up females?" And the equally obvious answer is, "Depends
on if you have a floor jack or a forklift."
A large part of your success at being a pick-up artist will also
depend upon how you palletize your females. Successful pick-up artists
have several ways of storing women for efficient space utilization and
retrieval. The most favored is the steel wire-mesh living module approach,
where the module (some beginners mistakenly call it a "cage") is mounted
on a shipping pallet and can be easily stacked for multi-level viewing.
If you lack the financial resources to purchase your own storage modules,
financing is available, and rental outlets for same are as close as your
local Yellow Pages.
There are those less-prosperous individuals who are still using
cardboard shrouds and steel banding, or just relying upon short-term
cellophane tissue wrapping. However, their success rate is drastically
less in the long run. You'll know these individuals by the way they
hang out at the local watering holes and avoid conversing about how
big their forklift is. (True to form, they have to settle for floor
jacks and rationalize that it's not how big it is, it's how you use
the forks.)
But, I'm sure that at this stage of the game, all you should be
concerned with is the actual technique of picking up women. Actually,
it's quite simple, as long as the women are properly mounted upon the
pallet.
Using the lift controls on your forklift, bottom out the forks,
then lift slightly to clear the bottom board of the pallet. Slowly
move forward, making sure the forks are centered under the pallet.
Once the forks are fully under the pallet, use the side shift control
(if you're lucky enough to have one) to center the load and allow for
any female gyrations during transit. Then, slide the tilt control so
that the pallet rocks back slightly. You can now lift the pallet off
of the conveyor belt or truck bed. Be sure and allow enough clearance
to clear any floor obstructions, since the pallet contents will be quite
peeved if their white wine spills or their chocolate is scattered.
Repeat the procedure until satisfied.
Most professionals will also freely admit that gentle, soothing
conversation during the handling procedure does much to settle the
contents of the module in transit. It helps if you are able to relay
exactly what you are about to do in an understandable manner to whomever
you are transporting. There are many who find that asking questions
like, "Was it good for you too?" adds to the chances of a favorable
outcome.
> You see, I have to become one.
Many times, the choice of this profession does not come through the
standard aptitude tests or vocational indices, but instead happens through
a personal revelation early in life, usually involving a common thread
with a dazzling vision of a supermodel sitting on one's face. Sometimes
the profession is entered by offspring who have been working alongside
their fathers in the family business, and remember with fondness (or
at least a vague sense of foreboding) the odd look their dad had on
his face when he mentioned Cheryl Tiegs or Christie Brinkley.
> This
> is because I have no friends through which to meet women. But I don't care
> about this because women are all I care about, not friends.
This is an excellent attitude to have when considering a career in
pick-up artistry. When you're picking up women, you don't need friends.
They only get in the way of honing your craft, and they're prone to making
hooting noises when you nuzzle up next to some desirable female. As you
progress beyond friends and start building your own collection of females,
you will find that the time you normally spent in friendship activities
will now be spent in feeding and watering your female stock.
> How good looking do you have to be to become a pick-up artist? Do you
> have to look like a movie star, or just look nice?
Looks are *extremely* important to the pick-up artist. A shiny
and well-maintained forklift is essential for quick and efficient
lifting and stacking of female pallets. A clean and well-shaven
appearance is essential to projecting a successful corporate image.
> How nice does one have to dress? Do you have to be a "flashy" sort of
> person?
Usually, a good set of work clothes are a must when working around
moving mechanical equipment. Hydraulic fluids and normal grime are hard
to get off street clothes fairly easily, so if you have access to a
uniform service, or if you also have employees who handle the operation
on second and third shifts, you might want to consider a uniform company
for laundering your corporate clothes. It also contributes to a more
professional appearance overall.
There are those who believe that uniforms are absolutely essential
in attracting the attention of desirable females, as discovered by most
armed forces, the U.S. Postal Service, and more successfully, UPS.
Jewelry is not recommended, due to the possibility of being caught
in moving machinery. However, certain states (New Jersey comes to mind)
actually require gold chains as part of the licensing procedure.
> If you know anyone who is a pick-up artist or if you are one yourself,
> please tell me about it.
It's a hard life. Up every morning to feed the stock, milk them,
apply udder cream, herd them out to pasture...
Oh, sorry, I was thinking about the dairy farm.
Usually my collection of females are remarkably self-feeding and
most have retained bladder control, although there are still a few that
enjoy whipping a few of their choicer specimens around whenever I come
down to the warehouse to visit. Of course, if you do choose to keep
yourself clean-shaven, it makes for an easier personal cleanup should
you find yourself caught in the crossfire.
> I need all the help I can get! Thanks!
As you may have realized by now, that thought has probably been
reflected back to you in more ways than you ever cared to think about.
Of course, most of the replies assumed you weren't thinking much about
anything useful in the first place.
-----Dr. Popularity (or much of anything *else* for that matter)
--
(discussing DB4)
Melanie: "Yeah, sure. You probably sat there and didn't say
*anything* and did *this!*" (folds hands over chest and frowns)
Warren Cheney Can't stand spam? http://www.cauce.org
Ewen McNeill
In article <5urpqr$jcd$1...@main.freenet.hamilton.on.ca>,
Les Francey <ab...@hwcn.org> wrote:
>Ewen McNeill (ew...@naos.co.nz) wrote:
> a geat discription of pick up art [take pickup truck, drive into
> paint, drive onto canvas. repeat]
>
>It is strange the way people from different cultures take some " sayings"
>to mean different things. Perhaps this should be in a different thread
>here, but I naturally assumed a pick-up artist is an artist that paints
>pick-up trucks not paints with them.
Actually there's a far more mundane reason in this case. Thanks to my
new-found much-better-newsfeed (I get my own articles back in 10
_minutes_ instead of 10 _days_), I'd already seen someone suggest
paint-on-pickup-trucks; that was what occured to me first too.
However, a little free-association led to the paint-with-pickup-trucks
idea, and I thought it was good enough that it had to be shared.
I'm glad you liked it.
Ewen
--
Ewen McNeill, ew...@naos.co.nz