Threesome in a committed relationship?
left...@gmail.com
My boyfriend and I live together and are considering the idea of a
3some. I've always wanted to but somehow the idea of it being so
plausible now (we have a willing 3rd) is scaring me a little bit.
He and I have a very good sex life, but I know that he is also very
turned on by the idea of me being with another woman. He insists that
he is fine with not having any sexual contact with the other woman but
that just wants to be able to have sex with me while I pleasure her.
This fantasy is extremely hot in my head.
My concern, will this make my boyfriend unable to see me as wife
material? Will I be forever branded as the slutty girlfriend and
he'll eventually move on to child bearing material? Or is this
something we can successfully share and navigate through together and
make our relationship stronger?
The other woman is a good friend of mine who I have had some sexual
contact with in the past. She's trustworthy and not a threat to the
relationship.
Any input would be great! Thanks!
Gordon
> Hello all,
>
> My boyfriend and I live together and are considering the idea of a
> 3some. I've always wanted to but somehow the idea of it being so
> plausible now (we have a willing 3rd) is scaring me a little bit.
Slightly off topic, with posts starting out as this I wonder, the gender and
sexuality of the poster.
Let us move on
>
> He and I have a very good sex life, but I know that he is also very
> turned on by the idea of me being with another woman. He insists that
> he is fine with not having any sexual contact with the other woman but
> that just wants to be able to have sex with me while I pleasure her.
> This fantasy is extremely hot in my head.
Do you trust what he says?
>
> My concern, will this make my boyfriend unable to see me as wife
> material?
Oh dear, wife is a legal term, as in marriage. Mother of your children is
what you mean, yes?
> Will I be forever branded as the slutty girlfriend and
> he'll eventually move on to child bearing material?
Are not you such?
> Or is this
> something we can successfully share and navigate through together and
> make our relationship stronger?
>
> The other woman is a good friend of mine who I have had some sexual
> contact with in the past. She's trustworthy and not a threat to the
> relationship.
Ah, the nub of the problem! Time will tell.
Does your boyfriend know all the details and does he trust her?
A third party often manages to wreck the ship one is on. Sex often has
nothing to do with it in the majority of cases.
In short, this is about you and your boyfriend. Ask him, tell him all you
know.
Good luck
Bob Eld
<left...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:cdd0a53f-3352-4c96...@w7g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
Odds are that you can kiss your relationship with your boyfriend and your
friendship with the other woman good bye. It won't happen immediately,
you'll have great times together, for a while, but sooner or later the
jealousy, distrust, performance angst, and other not so cool issues will
creep into your relationships and they will break apart. Even if they don't
break apart, sour feelings and doubt will always be in the background.
I can already hear it in your words: "will this make my boyfriend unable to
see me as wife
material? Will I be forever branded as the slutty girlfriend and
he'll eventually move on to child bearing material?"
If you feel this way today, before you have done anything, Imagine several
years down the road.
Of course your boyfriend is turned on by the idea, most males would be. Ask
him how he feels about the three-some being him another GUY and you, maybe a
gay guy would get an interesting response. Lets see how open your boyfriend
really is.
Does you boyfriend know you and your girlfriend have fooled around or are
you keeping that little detail from him? Let me guess, he only knows a tiny
bit of the story.
Good luck.
Serene Vannoy
> Hello all,
>
> My boyfriend and I live together and are considering the idea of a
> 3some. I've always wanted to but somehow the idea of it being so
> plausible now (we have a willing 3rd) is scaring me a little bit.
>
> He and I have a very good sex life, but I know that he is also very
> turned on by the idea of me being with another woman. He insists that
> he is fine with not having any sexual contact with the other woman but
> that just wants to be able to have sex with me while I pleasure her.
> This fantasy is extremely hot in my head.
>
> My concern, will this make my boyfriend unable to see me as wife
> material? Will I be forever branded as the slutty girlfriend and
> he'll eventually move on to child bearing material? Or is this
> something we can successfully share and navigate through together and
> make our relationship stronger?
You really need to ask him this. If you suspect it might be the case,
better to talk it out before going any further, I think.
> The other woman is a good friend of mine who I have had some sexual
> contact with in the past. She's trustworthy and not a threat to the
> relationship.
>
> Any input would be great! Thanks!
I've had several good (and no bad) experiences having threesomes with a
boyfriend and a friend, but I wasn't worrying about the whole
marriage-and-kids thing, so I wasn't in your position.
Serene
--
"I am an agnostic only to the extent that I am agnostic about fairies at
the bottom of the garden." -- Richard Dawkins
I like Her Hot
others can't. You guys need to talk it out and make rules and guidelines
that both of you are comfortable with. Once the rules are made, don't
change them unless everybody involved are included and agreeable to the
changes. Also make sure that the third person also knows and agrees to the
rules.
--
... 73 ... KD5QHH ... Jimmy ...
http://www.podsim.us
MSN or windows live... pod...@yahoo.com
Skype, jimmy.podsim ...blind people please note the period between the
names.
Have a great day!
<left...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:cdd0a53f-3352-4c96...@w7g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
Irfon-Kim Ahmad
> My concern, will this make my boyfriend unable to see me as wife
> material? Will I be forever branded as the slutty girlfriend and
> he'll eventually move on to child bearing material? Or is this
> something we can successfully share and navigate through together and
> make our relationship stronger?
Unfortunately, these seem like the sorts of questions that only he can
answer. It's certainly possible for people to have committed,
respectful relationships and also have threesomes. I've seen it happen
plenty of times, and I don't see any particular reason why it should be
a problem. However, the unfortunate truth is that some people just have
weird ideas about sex and romance, and it's impossible for us to guess
if your boyfriend is one of those people.
Have you talked to him about those worries?
Serene Vannoy
> It all depends upon your relation ship. Some people can handle it and
> others can't. You guys need to talk it out and make rules and
> guidelines that both of you are comfortable with. Once the rules are
> made, don't change them unless everybody involved are included and
> agreeable to the changes. Also make sure that the third person also
> knows and agrees to the rules.
Just as a datapoint, our family doesn't seem to require a list of rules
around this stuff. We have a safer-sex-disclosure thing, but it's among
us, and the new folks don't have to know or agree to it.
(That is, we agree among ourselves that we each will let the others know
if there's a barrier failure, or if sex happens without a barrier for
some other reason, so that the others can decide what to do about that.
In practice, what has meant is if the condom breaks, we use barriers
with that person for six months and then that person gets tested before
we stop using barriers with them, but that's not the rule, just how it's
worked out so far.)