Getting Started with G-Spot Play
Society for Human Sexuality
Getting Started With G-Spot Play
hum...@u.washington.edu
INTRODUCTION
For me, having my first two fingers inside someone I love is one of
the most wonderfully intimate activities on the planet. With some
(though by no means all!) of my female lovers, this form of sex seems
to have been enhanced through conscious stimulation of the so-called
"G-spot." Over time, several of my friends have commented that it
would be nice to write down some of the things that can help make
G-spot play fun, and this article is our collaborative result.
But before getting started, let's review the most important element of
satisfying sex: good communication. Your partner will know better than
anyone else what feels good to her, so encourage her to talk to you
and listen to what she has to say. It should go without saying that
every woman is different, and that you should pay attention to what
feels good for the unique person you are with.
A PRELIMINARY: PREPARING YOUR HANDS
If you absolutely must have long fingernails for fashion reasons, then
you'll probably want to put cotton balls around them and don latex
gloves before doing any penetration. If you don't need your
fingernails long, then go ahead and clip them short before playing.
Even if you have short fingernails, you may wish to wear a glove on
your "insertive" hand for comfort or "peace of mind" reasons; see the
"Safer Sex Choices" section of this article for details.
THE BASIC IDEA
For many women this type of vaginal penetration can be physically and
emotionally intense; it isn't the sort of play most folks would want
to leap into immediately after taking their clothes off. If you think
of sex as being like a feast, you should probably think of the things
this article will talk about as being the "main course."
So... Start out by kissing and stroking and teasing each other until
you two can't stand it any more (a word to the wise: many women find
that vaginal penetration and G-spot play feel especially good after a
lot of cunnilingus). When the two of you get to the point where a
little penetration starts to sound nice, grab your bottle of
water-based lube, apply it liberally to your "insertive" hand, and
slowly (teasingly?) insert your first two fingers into your lover's
vagina.
At this point, many couples like to alternate between patterns such as
these:
1. Move your fingers in even circles all around the vagina, with your
fingers as far "in" as is comfortable for the receptive partner.
It generally feels best if you keep consistent, firm pressure
along the entire length of the fingers against the vaginal walls
and if you keep the pressure fairly constant while rotating
(though you can give a LITTLE extra pressure at 12 o'clock
[towards her belly] as long as you don't break the steady
rotational rhythm).
2. Stop rotating and rest your fingertips on the (often slightly
ridged) area of the vagina just behind the pubic bone and exert
pressure upwards, towards her belly. This is direct G-spot
stimulation, and it usually feels best if the fingers are subtly
moving somehow. You can move them in small, slow circles, or point
the fingers more sharply upwards and rock them forwards and back.
EMBELLISHMENTS
Some couples find it erotic and pleasurable when the insertive partner
thrusts his or her hand in and out in a simulated fucking style (and
for an extra thrill, possibly exerts pressure upwards when withdrawing
to involve her G-spot a little more). It might also feel good to her
for you to use your thumb to rub her clitoris while the first two
fingers of your hand rest, move in circles, rub her G-spot, or thrust
in and out.
Your non-insertive hand can do an almost endlessly delicious variety
of things. You might try:
1. Holding the "penetratee"
2. Gliding your hand all over her body
Depending on your mutual comfort levels with these sorts of things,
you might also experiment with one or more of the following:
1. Firmly grabbing her hair while kissing her
2. Holding her hands above her head
3. Pinching her nipples
4. Penetrating or just massaging the outside of her anus (especially
if she's lying on her side and your other hand is gloved and
lubed)
You can also lie down or crouch so that your head is next to hers and
whisper hot things in her ear (incorporating fantasies which you know
your partner enjoys into your verbal teasing and hot talk is almost
always fun). Passionate kissing is usually welcome, as is licking or
sucking your partner's nipples while she is being penetrated.
Licking, kissing, or sucking on your partner's clitoris might also
feel good to her during vaginal penetration. If safer sex precautions
for oral sex are necessary, you might try putting on a latex glove,
slitting the glove up both sides, and using the flap as an oral sex
barrier while the rest of the glove still serves as the barrier for
your hand; if this doesn't work well, the other option would be for
your partner to hold a Glyde oral sex barrier in place for you.
You and your partner might find vaginal penetration and G-spot play to
be more arousing if she is somehow pleasuring you as you are
pleasuring her; this can work equally well for same-sex as for
opposite-sex couples, though you might have to do some experimenting
to find the body positions that are most comfortable for the two of
you.
MULTIPLE ORGASMS
Most women who have experienced both claim that it is easier to have
multiple G-spot orgasms than it is to have multiple clitoral orgasms.
If an orgasm rears its lovely head while you two are playing, try
whispering some words of encouragement (and perhaps ratchet up the
intensity just a little bit), but basically continue pleasuring
through her orgasm, afterwards, and possibly into a next one. As long
as it still feels good what's the point of stopping? There is often a
"pyramid effect" with multiple G-spot orgasms; each one makes the next
one feel better, and makes almost anything else sexual feel better
too. However, as I said earlier everybody is a little different, and
quality is obviously more important than quantity.
By the way, in general it isn't a good idea to have a huge
ego/emotional stake in having (or "giving") orgasms or multiple
orgasms. Most sex educators believe it isn't helpful to get "goal
oriented" about something that's supposed to be fun.
FISTING
Some women enjoy vaginal fisting (having all or most of their lover's
hand in their vagina). This is DEFINITELY a case where you should
proceed only with your partner's active and ongoing encouragement and
within her comfort level. If you two would like to give vaginal
fisting a try, then I'd recommend first reading Deborah Addington's
book A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. However, the
basic technique is as follows: with your hand palm up (and your lover
on her back or on all fours) bring your fingers and thumb together to
form something that looks like a duck bill. With massaging, and
possibly gentle twisting motions, slowly tease your hand into her
vagina. If your anatomies allows it, once you get past the third
knuckles your fingers will start to gently and naturally curve back to
form a fist. The whole procedure takes time and plenty of trust, but
the women and men who can take a whole hand vaginally or anally often
claim that it leads them to transcendent, ecstatic altered states
(read Trust: The Handballing Book by Bert Herrman for a discussion of
anal fisting, if that is your area of interest).
ANATOMICAL MUSINGS ON FEMALE EJACULATION AND THE G-SPOT
According to The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and
Anne Semans (which I highly recommend), the G-spot, anatomically, is
the area beneath the urethral sponge. This might at least partially
explain its role in what is often called "female ejaculation." It also
may shed light on why G-spot stimulation makes some women feel as if
they have to urinate when they really don't (several studies HAVE
shown that female ejaculate is NOT urine).
If you're interested in learning more about this topic you might
consider renting the films How to Female Ejaculate and Sluts and
Goddesses. Still, it should be pointed out that female ejaculation is
NOT a universal response to G-spot stimulation and orgasm; even among
women who regularly enjoy G-spot orgasms, it's still pretty rare.
FOR MEN...
Many of these G-spot techniques will work in a similar fashion on men
when performed anally. Men have what is called a "prostate gland," the
stimulation of which can provoke and/or intensify orgasms. One may
stimulate the prostate gland with one or two fingers a few inches
inside the anus pressing towards the penis, which leaves the other
hand free to massage the penis itself. The prostate gland usually
feels like a little dome. Please see the latest edition of Jack
Morin's book Anal Pleasure and Health or The New Good Vibrations Guide
to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans for more information on prostate
stimulation.
SAFER SEX CHOICES
It is certainly true that you are much less likely to pick up or
transmit diseases from the activities this document describes than you
are from many other common sexual activities (such as unprotected
vaginal or anal intercourse). If you and your partner don't wish to
use gloves and one or both of you is possibly infectious, just be
aware that menstruation or the presence of cuts on your hands adds
risk, and washing your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap
after playing reduces risk. For absolute protection when playing with
someone of unknown HIV/STD status (and/or when YOU are of unknown
HIV/STD status), standard latex "examination" gloves can be used.
Boxes of these gloves may be purchased at many drug stores. Except in
cases of powder allergies it doesn't matter whether the gloves are
powdered or not, but do make sure you buy the size that fits you
properly. Also, don't forget to use plenty of water-based lube on the
outside of your gloves, preferably something without Nonoxynol-9 (by
the way, if you want to see an erotic film in which both lube and
gloves are used with obvious skill and comfort, rent Safe is Desire)
I've tried a lot of different products and have personally settled on
the following choices:
Water-Based Lube: I-D, without N-9
Latex Condoms: Kimono MicroThins, without N-9
Oral Barriers: Glyde "Lollyles"
Gloves: Standard Latex Examination Gloves, powdered
Lately I've been experimenting with the new silicone-based lubes,
which feel like oils but which have many of the desirable properties
of water-based lubes. I-D "Millenium" is a fine brand, as is Wet
"Platinum." Some women like the vaginal feel of silicone lubes and
some don't, so it's a matter of mutual preference; water-based lubes
without Nonoxynol-9 are still the most universally-accepted choice.
The Kimono MicroThins condoms taste fine for oral sex; certainly, they
taste better than powdered, unlubed condoms and those mint condoms.
The Glyde barriers, like all oral barriers, feel even better if you
put a drop of water-based lube on your partner's side before applying
them. Some men like to put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of a
condom before putting it on to increase sensation, but other men
(especially those who have been circumcised) don't notice a
significant difference.
MAKING A SAFER SEX KIT
Those ever-popular "hip packs" work well for this sort of thing.
You'll probably want to include a small bottle of water-based lube and
latex condoms, and depending on your personal safer sex standards may
want to add antiseptic towelettes, gloves, and Glyde barriers. You
might also want to pack a portable toothbrush and a travel-sized
toothpaste tube in the front pocket of your hip pack in case you end
up staying overnight somewhere.
GETTING SAFER SEX SUPPLIES
My favorite places to order lube, toys, videos, and books are Toys in
Babeland (1-800-658-9119) and Good Vibrations (1-800-BUY-VIBE), and my
favorite place to get condoms and other safer sex supplies is The
Rubber Tree (1-888-792-TREE). If you want more information on safer
sex or pointers to other sex-positive resources, please refer to the
Society for Human Sexuality web page at
http://weber.u.washington.edu/~humsex/ or call SFSI at (415) 989-7374.
A FINAL COMMENT
Ultimately, most sex is about pleasure and/or intimacy rather than
"technique," and if one's entire focus is on "technique" rather than
either of these things sex can often lose some of its spark. In other
words, this whole article should be taken with a grain of salt; it has
value only insofar as it inspires more pleasure, passion, and joy in
your life.
Happy loving!
Amber Rose
::Applauds:: This was a wonderful article. *Thank you* for sharing it.
:)