Parental, job woes for art history major
Ben Kai
I hope it's okay to bring this kind of question here. I
thought people here might have some helpful perspective.
I am in my senior year at college, studying Art History.
My parents have paid for everything, tuition, living, the
works. But in exchange they want me to live my life
according to what they expect. They want to plan everything,
the clothes I wear, the friends I have and even what I am
going to be when I grow up. This is all getting to me now.
I love them very much and appreciate what they have done
but I feel I have no control on my own life that everything
I do needs prior approval.
All this stress is wearing me out and is bound to show up
on my grades. I'm considering quitting school all together,
joining jobdirect or something, just getting into the work
world as quickly as possible so that I can start making my
own money. But I'm afraid that means giving up what I love,
which is the study of art from the point of view of an
historian.
Has anyone been here before? *Ben
Amanda Amante
Sorry to be blunt, but don't be stupid! Your parents love you, and besides,
don't you want to finish school? After you finish you can do what they
want. And as for them picking your clothes and other stuff, don't stress,
believe me, it may not seem like it now, but it sure takes a load off and
gives you more time to concentrate on what you love.....ART! You don't have
to suffer to be creative. Just pay attention. "Baby it's a wild world".
Good Luck, Study Hard, (and don't worry about your parents),
Amanda
Ben Kai <benkais...@maroonbells.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.125c0447...@news.earthlink.net...
Michael Cook
> Hi,
>
> I hope it's okay to bring this kind of question here. I
> thought people here might have some helpful perspective.
>
> I am in my senior year at college, studying Art History.
> My parents have paid for everything, tuition, living, the
> works. But in exchange they want me to live my life
> according to what they expect. They want to plan everything,
> the clothes I wear, the friends I have and even what I am
> going to be when I grow up. This is all getting to me now.
> I love them very much and appreciate what they have done
> but I feel I have no control on my own life that everything
> I do needs prior approval.
>
> All this stress is wearing me out and is bound to show up
> on my grades. I'm considering quitting school all together,
> joining jobdirect or something, just getting into the work
> world as quickly as possible so that I can start making my
> own money. But I'm afraid that means giving up what I love,
> which is the study of art from the point of view of an
> historian.
>
> Has anyone been here before? *Ben
Hey Ben,
You may be on the wrong page (or newsgroup), but your dilemma has a
universal ring to it. Nearly all artists have gone through similar
situations--the majority of us just haven't had the education and living
expenses paid for by our parents. Sad to say, sooner or later one must
leave the nest, and if it's an INSOLUBLE problem with your parents (that
they, for whatever reason, simply can't tolerate your living your own
life), then you have to cut it all loose. If you're a senior, finish
school first. It will be hard enough to get along and find appropriate
work in the art field after graduation. We have all learned to
compromise our ideals and aspirations to some extent--to balance and
juggle, to learn to survive and continue our art--despite the harsh
realities and difficulties of it at times. If you can reason with your
parents and help them to understand what you want to do, who you
are--that would be the best approach to work with first. There's always
time for other decisions later. If they've already paid for your school
and life up to this point, what you want and who you are must mean a lot
to them. Keep that in mind. Good luck!
M.
Misti
but yes, i have been there. as someone who never had a single moment to
herself until she left home, i would say that yes, you need a job, and
yes, you probably need your own place, and yes, you've got great parents
who should be thanked, but no, you do not have to live under their
thumbs. the only other thing i would say is that you don't have to give
up studying what you love. why can't you work and go to school. most
everybody does. don't give it up, just start to own it. besides, if you
do go over to jobdirect or monster or jobs or whatever, you might even
come across something in your field, and wouldn't that be the best of
both worlds.
mistifire
Marti M. Burns
appreciate your parents.What a brat.
Charli
Have your parents always wanted this control over your person or was it
recent?
Being a parent of 5, none of which were able to attend any college, even
the junior ones in town, I empathize with your feelings.
I would hate to see you give up on your degree so close to completion
just because you disagree with your folks. Is there some plan in place
for you to repay them for their part of your formal education. I have no
idea what it must cost but appears it must be an abundant amount.
Perhaps they are just now realizing that soon you will be on your own
and they are having pangs of "Does he still love us enough to come home
for holidays?" or "Will he even want us to be at his wedding?" "What
will become of our child?" Most parents have trouble letting go. I did.
My son and I are still at odds because we both want to be in control of
each others lives. Not a good idea from any angle.
Believe me when I say these are all reasonable questions from a parents
point of view. Some of us view it from the standpoint that once you are
out of the house you are no longer our problem. The only thing wrong
with that theory is that no matter if you are here or there we cannot
stop loving our children and wanting what is best for them. But on a
personal note, what I want for my children is not always what they want.
My best advice to you would be not to make any rash decisions on an
empty stomach or a fit of Why Now FOLKS I'm so close to what I want,
Why cant you just leave me alone?
Bottom line is we still love you very much, but have a very difficult
time seeing you as adults. We gave birth to and raised children and
when they finally outgrow the mold, we are at a loss to know where our
place in their lives exists, or if it does.
If you are a praying person, I suggest that you pray for guidance from
the Lord Jesus Christ and trust him to give you the best path for you to
follow. And once you give this problem to him you must let go of it and
let Jesus take care of it.
I have a card in my wallet which a dear friend gave to me that reads
simply:
Gran - Relax! I have it all under control
signed Jesus
It is quite a source of comfort to me. My children are scattered all
over the U.S. and two of them live here in town. My son and I get along
because we both know that we need each other right now. My daughter, who
is my first born doesn't speak to me most of the time because she
doesn't approve of the living situation I have at the moment, with her
brother and his children. He is abrupt, rude and quite a control freak.
She wants me to live like she wants me too. I don't so we agree to
disagree and once in a great while we speak to each other.
I didn't mean to ramble on so much but your situation touches my heart.
I could not provide the blessings for my children which you have
enjoyed. Forgive them for interfering, Thank them for caring and love
them. That's it in a nutshell
Godspeed, Gran
Mark D. Lew
> I hope it's okay to bring this kind of question here. I
> thought people here might have some helpful perspective.
It's OK, but don't be surprised if you get responses like the one calling
you a brat.
> I am in my senior year at college, studying Art History.
> My parents have paid for everything, tuition, living, the
> works. But in exchange they want me to live my life
> according to what they expect. They want to plan everything,
> the clothes I wear, the friends I have and even what I am
> going to be when I grow up. This is all getting to me now.
> I love them very much and appreciate what they have done
> but I feel I have no control on my own life that everything
> I do needs prior approval.
>
> All this stress is wearing me out and is bound to show up
> on my grades. I'm considering quitting school all together,
> joining jobdirect or something, just getting into the work
> world as quickly as possible so that I can start making my
> own money. But I'm afraid that means giving up what I love,
> which is the study of art from the point of view of an
> historian.
It's perfectly reasonable for your parents to dictate what you study so
long as they're paying for it. It's also perfectly natural that you would
feel frustrated by a lack of control of your life. The answer to the
problem is to get out of the situation and claim your life as your own.
I believe your instinct to quit school is a good one. What you need more
than anything right now is to learn what it's like to be independent. It's
a liberating experience to survive on your own, even if the survival is
meager, and a lot of people with generous parents are denied this
experience for too long. Don't worry about giving up study. You may give up
school, but your love of art and knowledge will still be there. You can
continue to read, visit libraries, and study on your own. You can go back
to school later if you decide you want to.
The important thing is to claim your independence. I guess I'm saying the
same thing as the other responder, but without the name-calling: it's time
to grow up.
mdl
Steven Wright
I am a parent who is paying for my child's college education. I
suppose he might feel the same way that you do, in that he is a history
major (against my advice). My advice to both of you, would be, to quit
wining and finish school or quit school and go get a job , pay your own
billing and take responsibility for your own life. You can't have it
both ways.
Steve
David Works
Ben Kai wrote in message ...
>Hi,
>
>I hope it's okay to bring this kind of question here. I
>thought people here might have some helpful perspective.
>
>My parents have paid for everything, tuition, living, the
>works. But in exchange they want me to live my life
>according to what they expect. They want to plan everything,
>the clothes I wear, the friends I have and even what I am
>going to be when I grow up. This is all getting to me now.
>I love them very much and appreciate what they have done
>but I feel I have no control on my own life that everything
>I do needs prior approval.
>
>All this stress is wearing me out and is bound to show up
>on my grades. I'm considering quitting school all together,
>joining jobdirect or something, just getting into the work
>world as quickly as possible so that I can start making my
>own money. But I'm afraid that means giving up what I love,
>which is the study of art from the point of view of an
>historian.
>
>
Perhaps control is being exerted because you allow it -- at least to some
extent. If you are ready to "go independent", a good first step may be to
announce some of your own conditions for your parents continued support. It
may well be that they are capable of reaching a compromise once they know
how deep you feel about this.
Now just to pose the alternate view, working and supporting yourself while
you study will also involve a number of constraints -- particularly on your
time and energy. There is no easy answer here -- find a 'path with heart"
and follow it.
David