PER NAR: The Final Day of My Husband's Life

[Michael Lee]

http://www.mpce.mq.edu.au/~tran/viet/vnwar/le_van_hung

THE FINAL DAY OF MY HUSBAND'S LIFE

April 30, 1975

By Pham Thi Kim Hoang (General Hung's wife)
Translation by Tran Thi My Ngoc and Larry Engelmann

*
My husband was stationed in the Delta in Can Tho in the spring of 1975
where he was vice commander for Military Region IV (MR IV) under
General Nguyen Khoa Nam.

In March, when the North Vietnamese Army attacked Ban Me Thuot, I was
in Bien Hoa. My husband contacted me during the battle and he told me
to move to MR IV. He said the Communists would march on to MR III
[Which included Saigon] from Ban Me Thuot and he did not think that MR
III would be able to resist them. It was because of that I moved to
MR IV with my husband.

My husband knew all along that the American government would abandon
us. He knew it. He had no faith in them.

I had our two small children with me at Bien Hoa at that time. And my
husband told me that I had to hurry and move to MR IV because the
National Road 4 linking Saigon with the Delta would be cut soon
because Saigon and Bien Hoa would be lost to the communists for sure.

So on the 2nd of April 1975, I left for Can Tho by car. I stayed in a
house near the corps commanders headquarters in MR IV.

After the fall of Ban Me Thuot, General Pham Van Phu (Commander of MR
II where Ban Me Thout was located) was isolated and he couldn't
accomplish anything. And the same is true for General Ngo Quang
Truong in MR I (the area including the northernmost provinces of South
Vietnam and the cities of Danang and Hue). He could not do anything
at all. As for General Nguyen Van Toan in MR III (the area around
Saigon) and Cao Van Vien, the chairman of the Joint General Staff, my
husband had no faith in them and he did not trust them. One need only
to look at Toan's character and his military life experience and one
just can't have any faith in a man like that or have any hope in that
person.

My husband knew that Saigon would fall because after the loss of the
other two regions, MR I and MR II, because there was no able
leadership left in the military. Seeing who was in charge in Saigon,
he concluded that Saigon could not hold out. So, military and
political survival meant retreating to the MR IV region and
establishing an enclave there, but even that could not hold out for
long all alone.

To tell you the truth and be fair, in 1975, the number of people in
the South who were really honest and who were ready to fight against
the North Vietnamese was negligible and very few of the country's
leaders could be trusted. There were some members of the Hoa Hao, for
example, who came to my husband and expressed their willingness to
fight against the communists. They asked my husband to provide them
with arms and ammunition. My husband, however, was unsure of their
reliability and he suspected there might be treachery by this group
once he gave them supplies.

Then, on April 21, 1975, President Nguyen Van Thieu resigned and
handed over the government to Mr. Tran Van Huong. I remember still
the worlds of Mr. Thieu. "Losing a President Thieu, the military
still has a three-star General Thieu. The people still have a
soldier, Nguyen Van Thieu. I pledge to fight side by side with my
brothers, the soldiers."

Thieu's announcement moved me very much. But then his words became
meaningless when the high-ranking commanders, who directly ran the
working machinery of the government and the military, ran away to seek
safety for themselves and their families and friends and at the same
time abandoned their own countrymen just as we were being caught up
the final bloody hurricane of the war.

News of the loss of MR I, II and III arrived in Can Tho. We learned
that there were places where no fight took place, important places
abandoned to the enemy. Yet there were also a few places where
intense and determined fights were waged to the last man. But too
often the losing troops ran for their lives like a colony of ducks
being hunted. The army became confused and demoralized. President
Thieu, Prime Minister Tran Thien Khiem, General Cao Van Vien, ran like
scared rabbits and left the country to others. So, who was left to
fight? The soldiers who remained watched their commanders flee. Who
was left to lead them? The soldiers began to whisper among
themselves, "For all of these years we have been fighting for our
country or have we been fighting for a horde of corrupt individuals?."

Without the commanding generals, the troops were like a snake without
a head, all broken up and in disarray. And there was this question:
"If the soldiers have no commanders, then what will happen?" The
soldiers started asking, "What do the generals know about fighting in
battles? It is the soldiers who fight and the generals who reap the
benefits." Those comments came from unhappy and dissatisfied elements
and they were from the point of view of observers who were like frogs
sitting in the bottom of a well -- they could see only a very small
part of the developing situation.

When my husband heard that President Thieu had resigned and said he
would stay in the country, he knew right away that Thieu would flee
from the country, no matter what he said. And Thieu did. My husband
also knew that the whole Thieu administration would flee from the
country and they did. But my husband made the decision to remain in
his country. And he did.

How did my husband know these things? How could he predict? He could
do so by looking at the past activities of these people and looking at
their record. Everything was there -- the answers were all there
already. They lacked character.

When President Tran Van Huong resigned and as General Duong Van Minh
took control of the government, my husband knew that there would be no
peace settlement and that there would not be any last- minute
agreement between the North and the South. There were rumors of what
General Minh might do to stop the advance of the North Vietnamese
Army. There were rumors that he would arrest all of the generals in
the army. But my husband was not afraid of General Minh or the rumors
like this.

Despite the chaotic situation in Saigon and in the nearby regions, MR
IV was relatively calm. And the reason for its calmness was because
of the calmness generated by the leaders of the region --leaders like
General Nguyen Khoa Nam and my husband.

As the leaders of the region, they decided not to flee, not to run
away. And therefore, the personnel under their command did not want to
flee either. There was, of course, a small number who did try to
escape and ran away. This is always true.

You need to know also that as soon as the central highlands were lost
to the communists, I myself made the decision that I would not leave
the country. My husband never asked me to leave and never told me to
leave. And I decided for myself even before then, that I would not
leave because I knew that my husband would never leave the country.
And I made up my mind to stay and die, if that should be our fate,
together.

On the 29th of April on the radio Prime Minister Vu Van Mau and
President Duong Van Minh broadcast on the Voice of Saigon ordering all
Americans to leave Vietnam within 24 hours. It was at that time that
the secret plan for military operations by Generals Nam and my husband
were finalized.

In those last hours of the Saigon regime, General Nguyen Huu Hanh,
the replacement for General Vinh Loc (Chairman of the Joint General
Staff) during the last day, made countless phone calls to Can Tho. He
tried to persuade my husband to cooperate with General Minh and to
surrender. He stressed the concepts of military brotherhood and
comradeship.

But my husband suspected that he was merely examining the attitudes of
the two commanders of MR IV. Many times during his telephone
conversations with General Hanh, my husband was decisive and said that
he would not cooperate with Minh and he would not surrender to the
communists and he would fight to the death.

On April 30th, General Duong Van Minh surrendered the country to the
Communists unconditionally. Remember that General Duong Van Minh
twice destroyed (Minh headed the coup against President Ngo Dinh Diem
in 1963 and ordered the murder of Diem and his brother) the country
and had stained its history and lowered himself down to sign his name
to a treacherous document that offered his country to the enemy. I
heard Duong Van Minh's unconditional surrender speech to the North
over the radio. When Duong Van Minh declared his surrender of South
Vietnam to the Communists a number of soldiers just left the military
and went home.

But I remember now still the large number of officers and soldiers who
broke into tears when they heard the surrender announcement from
General Minh. They embraced the flag and they kept their weapons and
they cried.

Prior to the surrender my husband and General Nam, made contigency
plans. They decided to stay in MR IV and fight. And even should
Saigon fall, they and their troops would withdraw into the secret
hidden areas in the jungles of the Delta region.

The plan to withdraw into the jungle areas was made before General
Minh surrendered. However, they were kept secret and only a very few
people knew about it. My husband and General Nam still carried out
their duties and continued to make plans for regular military
exercises and operations. The plan to retreat into the hidden areas
was made and ready to be executed at the proper moment. My husband
and General Nam never thought they would receive any military aid from
the US Government. And so in order to carry out their plans they
never planned on it and they never even considered it.

General Nam and General Hung were three times offered a chance to
evacuate by their American advisor. And they refused each of the
three times. They decided not to abandon their men and their country
but to stay and defend it to the death. Their American advisor
continued to prod them, but finally he left in desperation and in
sadness.

The plan for a secret operation in the Delta was now ready. Weapons,
ammunition and food were prepared. All was readied for the troops to
be directed and redeployed in new zones. The plan of moving the
troops was code named Operation LINKING HANDS.

Military Region IV had good strategic points and an army there could
continue the fight alone for a long time. By the 29th of April there
was not a single stronghold in any remote part of that countryside or
any town that had yet fallen into the hands of the NVA or the VC.

But in Can Tho, in the early morning of April 30, 1975, people were in
a confused and frightened state. What led to the collapse of morale
in Can Tho was that there was an infiltrator from the Communists in
the radio station and instead of broadcasting the order of General
Nam, that everybody was supposed to stay put and fight, they broadcast
the message from General Minh telling everyone to surrender and to lay
down their arms. So people became disoriented and didn't know what to
do and many became pessimistic. Some of the military people deserted.
Right in the town the saddest scene of chaos took place. Some
criminal elements seized the uncertain occasion to loot the properties
of the American offices and buildings and disregarded the warnings
shots of the police who tried to maintain order and safety. The
civilians fled. Some people were paralyzed by fear and they sobbed
and screamed and other people looted and destroyed like a bunch of
madmen.

There must have been a number of fifth column people in the crowd who
tried to create disorder and to terrorize the people and to destroy
the morale of the soldiers.

The plans for Operation LINKING HANDS were kept secret and only a few
close staff members of my husband and General Nam were aware of them.
The other people under their command were not told of the plan because
there existed at that time an atmosphere of mistrust among the
officers and others in the military.

The withdrawal was planned to begin at noon on April 30th, 1975. The
troops would be withdrawn into the secret hidden areas of the jungle
at that time. However, before that time, my husband gave the orders
to begin the troop redeployment to the colonel who was chief of the
security office. The colonel was supposed to relay the orders to the
troops but this colonel delegated this direct responsibility to his
captain and then took off with his family and fled the country. And so
what happened to that captain? Nobody knows? He just disappeared
too. He left. His commander fled the place so naturally he did too.
But we did not know that yet.

The order to begin Operation LINKING HANDS was issued. But then when
contacting the commanders of the units in the area, we found out that
they did not know anything about the plan. They had not readied their
troops as they should have done in the morning. When we tried to
locate the colonel who was in charge of distributing maps and orders
for the secret redeployment of the troops, we realized that this
officer had taken his family and ran away after passing the duty to
his captain and the captain had disappeared right on the heels of his
commander. And all of the maps and the orders for the Operation
LINKING HANDS had disappeared with them.

General Nam and Hung were filled with anger, frustration and
disappointment. Their feelings cannot be described adequately with my
words. As for myself, I cannot help but cry today when I remember the
torn expression and the pain and the disappointment that showed on my
husband's face at the moment when he realized that the plan to fight
was hopeless. The lines of veins appeared in his forehead and his
teeth were clenched. He expressed his deepest and utmost inner pain
upon hearing the news of the treachery.

He pounded on his desk. The careful and well-arranged plan was now
suddenly foiled because of an act of betrayal and cowardice.

My husband lifted his eyes to look at me and he said, "Victory is
what we have always aimed for. But what if we fail? Then what do you
want to do?"

I responded, "Then we will all die. Our children do not want us to be
in the hands of the communists either. I will stay with you. I will
not abandon you in this moment of disappointment."

And to deflect the possibility of being captured and falling into the
hands of the enemy, I methodically and calmly planned for the death of
my children -- the final rescue of all of us.

A small number of pessimistic people who who only thought of
themselves, and who did not want to fight, were there. But the
others, who were close to my husband and to General Nam, those who
were trustworthy, stuck close by and said they would follow the
generals' orders.

Let me tell you about this thing first. My husband and General Nam
planned all their military operations from their headquarters
building. My husband divided this place into two sections. One was
where General Nam planned the military events. And the other section
my husband designated as the secondary headquarters. It was to this
place that my husband called me to tell me of the betrayal by his
colonel. And as soon as he heard of the betrayal he developed new
plans and discussed them with General Nam.

At 4:45 PM that day my husband left his office at the corps
headquarters to return to the headquarters office where we lived
temporarily. The reason he returned home on that day was because
there was a rumor that the representatives of the communists would
come in and sit down with General Nam to demand his surrender and to
ask him to sign over the troops and the region. My husband did not
agree to this. And he did not want to witness this event and so he
returned home. He did not wish to witness the shameful transfer
between 2 star General Nam and the Major Hoang Van Thach of the Viet
Cong.

At 5:30 PM my husband radioed to General Mach Van Truong to order him
to deploy two units of tanks to protect the Command Office of the 21st
Division. After that he contacted other troops that were still
fighting in various other nearby areas. At that time, alongside
national road number 4 from Cai Lay and My Tho to Long An, there was
heavy fighting going on. Along this route, fighting continued until
May 2nd, 1975. Very heavy fighting.

My husband called a meeting of his officers for 6:30 that evening. But
at 6:30 when all these officers had arrived at the gate there were
also ten townspeople already standing there waiting.

They asked to meet with General Hung in the name of representatives of
the people of Can Tho. They then made their request. "We know that
General Hung will never agree to surrender. But we beg of you not to
counterattack. With only your order of counterattacking, the Viet Cong
will shell the town. Can Tho then will be destroyed completely, just
like the ruins of An Loc [which General Hung had successfully defended
in 1972]. Please, for whatever the fate of our country is as such,
please General, for the sake of the people and their lives, please put
away your daring and proud spirit." They said that it would be better
to accept shame and to bear shame than to go on fighting, killing and
dying.

Listening to them, I felt both pain and discomfort. I was not
surprised at their request because just one week earlier, the Viet
Cong had shelled heavily in the area of Can Doi, creating a great loss
of life and property. The people of Can Tho were still horrified that
the same thing would happen to them.

My husband was expressionless as he listened to their request. It took
a long time and he forced a smile and replied, "Please be at ease.
I will try my very best to minimize the loss and damage for our
people."

When this group left, my husband turned to me and said, "Do you
remember the story of Mr. Phan Thanh Giang? When three eastern
provinces were lost, he had to bend himself to let go of three more
western provinces to the French because of his care for the people.
He could not bring himself to make the people suffer and he could not
let himself lose his proud spirit or his hands in surrender, for this
act would bring shame to his country and his soldiers. He then went
on a fast and took poison to end his life.

"I would rather die than to have my hands tied and watch the invasion
of the Vietcong."

Because the people came forward to make that request and said they
were the representatives of the local population of Can Tho, my
husband could not refuse them. They made the request on behalf of the
people themselves and not on behalf of the communists. They made the
request as the people, so my husband did not want to hurt them and so
he decided to honor their request.

At 6:45 PM General Nam called my husband to check the situation in
various places. My husband told Nam of what the representatives of
the people of Can Tho had requested. Hung also let Nam know that the
newest secret order would be given to a trusted person to be
distributed.

General Nam said to Hung that he had recorded a message to the people
of Can Tho and the message would be broadcast by the radio channel in
Can Tho. One more time there was a failure. The channel of Can Tho
was taken over one hour before by the infiltrators. The director was
threatened into broadcasting the message to the people of the Vietcong
Major Hoang Co Thach instead of General Nam's message. They broadcast
Thach's message first and ten minutes later they broadcast Nam's. But
it was too late. It was impossible to regain the trust of the
civilians and the soldiers then. More men deserted.

My husband had one major worry. He worried about the safety of me and
of our children. And he asked me what I wanted to do about all of
this. Deep in my heart I had made the decision that if my husband and
his troops were to withdraw into the secret hidden places in the
jungle, then my children and I would not go with him.

I had made a decision also I would kill myself and my children so that
my husband would not carry this burden, this worry, that would divide
his attention away from fighting. The reason I wanted to do that was
because I knew that during the time the troops were moving to the
jungles, no doubt, fighting with the communist forces would take
place, therefore as soon as the troops were to be deployed to the
places that were set up and began the march and the withdrawal, then
at that time I would take my life and my children's lives, and this
way my husband would not be distracted from his responsibility and his
duty to defend the country.

I did not want us to be an added burden on him and on his.

I am a Catholic. And I know that Catholicism forbids taking one's
life, but you must know, that there are exceptions to the rule. For
example, to kill oneself for one's country, and for one's military
forces, that is acceptable. I did not change my mind. I did not
change the decision of killing myself and my children, but what
happened was at that time, when the plans for the withdrawal into the
jungle collapsed, my husband thought of killing himself. I wanted to
die with him. The children and I wanted to die together with him. At
the beginning I did not tell him of my plan of killing myself and the
children, but at that time, when the plans for withdrawal collapsed
and my husband talked of killing himself, we discussed a plan of dying
together as a family. But my husband disagreed with my decision. He
did not want me to do that. To tell the truth, in the beginning, my
husband agreed with my plan that the whole family would die together.
I would inject the children with sleep medication and then I would
inject myself with the same medication, and my husband would then
shoot himself. But when the time came, my husband changed his mind
and he did not want me to die nor the children. But he wanted to go
ahead with his own plan to die.

At 7:00 PM my husband called me up to his office. We were alone. He
recounted for me all the failures since the afternoon and up to that
minute. Then, looking at me with his fiery eyes he told me slowly and
gravely that he was going to kill himself. And he said, "You have to
live to raise our children." I panicked. "Oh, my husband! Why did
you change your mind?"

He said, "Our children are innocent. I could never bring myself to
kill them."

"But we could not let them live with the communists. I will do it for
you. All I need to do is to give them a very strong dose of sleeping
drugs. Wait for me. We will all die at the same moment," I begged
him.

"Impossible! Parents cannot kill their children. I beg you, Hoang,
please try to bear this shame. Try to live and replace me to raise
our children into good people. Try hard to live, even if you have to
bow and to bear a heavy burden of shame."

"If this is for the children, for your love of the children, then why
can't we leave for a foreign country like the others?" I asked him.

He narrowed his eyes and with a severe look at me said, "You are my
wife. How could you utter those words?"

Knowing that I was clumsy with my words and had said the wrong things
that disturbed him, I hastily repressed my excuses. "Please forgive
me, my husband. It's only because I love you so much that I said
these words."

His voice was so calm and so serious. "Listen to me. People can run
away but I will never run way. There are thousands of soldiers under
my command and we have lived and died together. How can I at this
minute abandon them and seek life for myself? And I will not
surrender. At this moment, it is too late to withdraw into the secret
places because we do not have the supply of weapons, ammunition and
food, therefore, we will not be able to withstand the enemy for long.
It is too late. The Vietcong are coming. Don't let me lose my
determination. Continuing to fight now will only bring trouble and
loss not only to our family but to soldiers and civilians also. But
I don't want to see the sight of any communists."

I shakily asked. "But what about me? What should I do?"

Holding tightly to my hands he said, "Our marriage has been full of
love and respect and that makes us understand each other. Please try
to tolerate this, even though you will have to bear many shameful and
disheartening things. Go in disguise, change yourself so you can stay
alive. I trust you. For myself, for our children, for the love of
the country, you must bear it. Listen to me. I beg you. I beg you!"

I could say nothing before his gaze and his bittersweet words.

"Yes, my husband, I will listen to you," I promised him.

But he was afraid that I would change my mind, so he continued to
press on. "Promise me! Promise me that you'll do it!"

"I will, I promise. I promise to you, my love. But please let me
have two conditions. If the communists make me live away from the
children and if they rape me. Then do I have the right to take my own
life?"

My husband thought for a moment and then nodded his head in agreement.

He stood and embraced me and wept. Finally he said, "Hurry up and ask
your mother and the children to come into see me."

When my mother and the children came into his office, he said goodbye
to them and kissed the children. He explained to my mother why he had
to die and why I had to live. Then obeying his command, I invited all
of the officers and soldiers who were still present for their meeting
to go into his office. Everyone lined up and waited for the new
orders.

The atmosphere was so solemn and yet so moving. This was the moment
of saying farewell between the living and the dying of people who had
fought closely together for so many years. My husband said that there
were no new orders to go to the hidden places to fight back. The
fighting was finished for now. He said, instead, "I do not abandon
all of you to take my wife and children to run away overseas. As you
all know, the operation failed midway, and I did not counterattack
because of the people. Now I cannot bear the shame of surrender. You
all have cooperated with me and when you did something wrong I told
you. But when I scolded you, it is not because I hated you. I scolded
you because I wanted us to come and to help one another.

"Even though our country is being sold out, being offered to the
communists today, you are not to be blamed. It is those who directly
held the fate of the country in their hands who are to bear the blame.
Please forgive me my mistakes if I have made any.

"I accept death. A commander who cannot protect his country, his
position, then should die at his position for his country. He cannot
abandon the people and the country and seek safety for himself. When
I die, go back to your families, your wives and your children.

"And remember clearly this, my final warning: You must not let the
communists put you in a concentration camp under some deceptive
pretense.

"Goodbye, my brothers."

General Hung saluted and shook hands with his men one by one. When he
came near Major Phuong and Captain Nghia, he said, "Please help my
wife and children. Goodbye."

Everyone stood still. Nobody was able to say a word.

My mother rushed over to him and asked to die with him. My husband
comforted her and asked her to look after her grandchildren. He then
ordered everyone to leave. No one wanted to move. He had to push
them out one by one.

I then pleaded with him, "My love, please let me stay to witness your
death." But he refused. Captain Nghia ran away. My husband returned
to his office and locked the door.

I heard a loud shot from the other side of the door. A terribly loud
shot. It startled me.

It was 8:45 pm, April 30, 1975. It was the final day of Vietnam. The
final day of my husband's life. Someone said, "General Le Van Hung
was dead!" I thought, "Oh, my husband, you are no more!"

When I entered the room my husband lay across the bed. His warms
were open wide and he was still trembling hard, his whole body shook
in waves and convulsions. His eyes were wide open and filled with
anger. His mouth was open and his lips were moving. I threw myself
at him and embraced him. I knelt beside the bed and put my ear to his
mouth while asking, "My love, my love. Do you have anything else to
say to me."

But he could no longer answer me. I held him in my arms and he died
there.

General Nam was unaware of my husband's suicide. When I tried to call
him on the radio I could not get hold of him because the frequencies
were jammed by the communists who were broadcasting.

I don't know exactly where General Nam was at that time. I just did
not know. But I tried to call him on the radio and I tried to locate
a frequency where I could connect with him. He was probably a mile or
so away from where I was at that time. And my husband did not tell me
or did not leave a message for me to contact General Nam and to tell
him of his death. But I just wanted to tell General Nam, I just
wanted him to know.

My husband did not talk to General Nam about killing himself because
at that time, on the 30th, during the day, there were some contacts
between them but later in the day they lost contact with each other
and he couldn't communicate with General Nam. And besides, my husband
did not commit suicide until the Communists invaded the town of Can
Tho.

At about 1:00 AM the phone rang again. This time it was General Nam.

"Hello, sister Hung?" he said.

I cried when I heard his voice.

"General Nam!"

Nam's voice was filled with sorrow. "I heard the news of what
happened," he said. "I share with you the sorrow. My condolences,
sister Hung."

I continued to sob.

I asked General Nam what he planned to do.

I heard him sigh on the telephone. And then he said to me words that
I will never forget until the day I die.

"The fate of this war is so miserable. Sister Hung, your husband and
I planned everything so well, even to the most minute details, and in
the last moment we were betrayed.

"That's it, Sister Hung."

Then his voice went down and was again full of sorrow.

"Hung is dead. I guess I will die, too. We are commanders and if we
cannot protect our country, then we have to die with it."

Then his voice came back to its former calmness and strength.

"Try to be brave, sister Hung. You have to live because of your kids.
If there is anything urgent or dangerous then call me."

"Thank you, General," I said.

After my talk with General Nam, I stepped out onto the balcony and
looked to the courtyard below. The officers and soldiers were all
gone. The gate was open. The wind moved the doors making a noise
that was sad and tragic. I just stood there and cried for a long time.

The next morning at 7:00 I had just finished my prayer for my
husband's soul when I heard a sob behind me. Turning around, I saw
Lt. Col. Tung, the chief of staff of the military hospital in Can Tho.
He had come to visit my husband one last time. He told me that he had
to return to the hospital right away because General Nam had just
committed suicide. His body was still in the hospital. General Nam
ended his life by shooting himself in the temple at 6:00 AM, May 1st,
1975.

After our phone conversation, I had a premonition that it would
happen, that he would kill himself. However, when Tung gave the
news, I was still shocked. I knelt down facing the military hospital
where he lay and I prayed for his soul.

The people of Can Tho knew me and would have pointed me out to the
communists so I had to leave Can Tho on May 2nd for Saigon in order to
protect myself and my children. I stayed at one major's home, he knew
my husband, but I stayed there for only one night and then I had to go
find another place to live, because nobody was willing to house me
because they were afraid, and I also was afraid for them if they
housed me and something happened.

During the next years in Saigon I had to change my residence countless
times, I had to change my residence up to the time I left the country,
which was in September of 1981. Why were few people willing to help
me even though my husband a hero? You have to live in a communist
society to know. How could they help me? After all, if they helped
me they would be dead. They would be blacklisted by the government,
they would be punished. Therefore I had to be on the move all the
time.

The children stayed with me most of the time, but whenever the search
by the Communists got too close, I would give them to my mother to
care for and until things calmed down and then they would live with me
again.

I got little help also because not many people in Saigon knew that I
was the wife of General Hung. I hid that fact from everyone. During
the period of 1975 to 1981 I had no idea of committing suicide, but if
I was captured by the Communists, then I would have to die, I was
willing to die in a brave manner and not be tortured nor would I lose
face nor would I hurt my husband's honor.

During that time period who could be happy? I could not be happy.
Who could ever be happy living under Communist rule? In the aftermath
of the war, in the first few years, my hopes were still high and I was
hoping that there would be a coming back, a return, because there was
news and rumors of the resistance forces fighting, and I never thought
of leaving the country. I was still thinking and hoping that the
communist would be booted out of the South. However, as time went on
and I recognized that I knew that the situation was not as rosy and
advantageous to us, to the South Vietnamese people, I decided that the
only way to be able to do something for the country was to leave the
country and then go overseas and maybe from the overseas base I would
be able to affect the situation. There was no way I could become an
activist in Vietnam because they were always following me, like a
shadow. They followed me that close. They followed me day and night.

When my husband was alive he never told me to leave the country nor
did he have the idea of leaving the country. But at night, in my
dreams, when my husband came back and he told me the communists were
near and that I should flee again and so he saved my life so many
times.

I left Vietnam finally by boat. I was in a refugee camp with children
for 11 months in the Philippines. Then I came to the United States.

Besides freedom, I wanted to make a life for my children, to raise
them and to continue to follow the path of my husband. I tried to do
as I promised my husband before he died.

I dream about Vietnam all of the time. For sure. It is in my mind
and it is always with me. Yes, I do. I always dream about being back
in Vietnam and being chased and being hunted down by the communists.
And my children can still remember their father.

General Le Van Hung and General Nguyen Khoa Nam are dead. But their
spirits, their heroic spirits, will not die. I will always remember
and honor them.