Matrimony - FAQ&A - Tip 1
Vasan
Marital Tip 1:
Accept whomever your parents and/or other relatives choose as your spouse,
get married, then learn to love him/her. The classical 'Arranged Marriage'.
Warning : Considered outmoded/outdated, but still works out great than
many of those 'Love Marriages'.
Ever seen the movie BenHur?
A slave 'girl' who is about to be given in marriage to someone is asked by
her master (who likes to have her as his wife) whether 'she loves her future
husband'. She replies that 'she will learn to love him'.
Note : Don't read them as martial tips.
Vasan
Manaivi amaivadellAm iRaivan koduththa vaRam - er .. illai
Manaivi amaivadellAm 'relatives' (peRROr, suRRaththAr) koduththa vaRam
Vasan
Make your selection based on a kind of approval from your parents.
Provided your mAmA's (or any suitable relative's) ward is an acceptable
spouse for you. Slowly make your parents sort-of-choose him/her for you.
This is a type of 'Love-cum-Arranged marriage' - as you should fall in
love with your would-be-partner.
Warning : Considered the fashion, but still works out great than
many of those 'Love Marriages' and pure 'Arranged Marriages'.
Vasan
Manaivi amaivadellAm iRaivan koduththa vaRam - er .. illai
Manaivi amaivadellAm mAmA pOtta pichchai
Vasan
Check out the possibles and select a few (better still choose one)
[hope you get the difference between the 'select' & 'choose' here].
Introduce him/her to your parents, slowly (vAzhaipazhaththil oosi ERRuvadhu
pOla, medhuvAgha) and make them believe that this person would be the ideal
one for your household. Some complications now set in - the caste, religious-
subsect or religion comes into picture. If your parents are not highly
conscious of this, well and good. Otherwise, your selection should be within
their expectations. They will be able to approve your choice.
This is a more fuller version of 'Love-cum-Arranged Marriage'.
Warning : Considered very much in fashion - especially those who are
considered professionals. As understanding between the two
partners blossoms at an earlier stage, any difference of
opinions would (most likely) come out earlier. Very helpful.
Vasan
Manaivi amaivadellAm iRaivan koduththa varam - er .. illai
Manaivi amaivadellAm ejamAnar koduththa varam
Vasan
Marital Tip 1: Spouse Selection 4:
Attend many marriages and such social functions, wherein you may chance upon
a prospective spouse whom you may not be able to fathom in a single day. If
needed develop a rapport with her/him and continue after the first meeting.
This falls into the category of 'love at first sight' and are of superficial
(or should it be 'superfacial') in nature. So by choosy (pun intended) & pick
carefully.
Once you have identified a proper spouse, make your parents introduce him/her
to you - so that it may look like its their choice and not yours. In case,
your parents are dumb enough, hint to them slightly (kOdi kAttudhal) about the
'girl'/'boy' [holds a special meaning to me :-)] that you happened to talk to
the other day ('ammA, was it that vAsan's marriage? I think, I met this guy --
mm.. what's his name, hAnn. something that sounds like prathAp .. no, no. I
think its prasAd, yes, PRASAAD it is - such a nice guy, had been in the USofA.
He is a cousin of this next street SriniVenkat ...'). They will take notice
['aiyO, namma pOnnu thAnAgavE pasangaLa meet paNNi pEsuRA ...' :-)] and you
develop from there.
Vasan
Manaivi amaivadellAm iRaivan koduththa varam - er .. illai
Manaivi amaivadellAm vAsan kalyAnam koduththa varam
Vasan
Marital Tip 1: Spouse Selection 5:
Fall in love. I don't have much experience in this. But be sure to fall in
love - heads over heels (or whatever). This may be blind love (digressingly,
how can love be blind, when one is supposed to look at the person?), but
should be strong enough to withstand the onslaught of opposition.
Keep the affair secretive - not to be known to the parents. One fine day, when
your parents are planning to talk to you into a 'girl preview' ceremony, break
the news [your mother should faint instantly or should be courageous enough to
slap your face before you could finish the sentence (if female) OR your father
should faint, b'cos of the sand-castled fortune or he should shout at you to
get lost (if male) :-)]
Somehow or other [don't sleep, don't bathe, don't eat, don't srungArify
yourself (if female) OR grow beard (if male)], you should make your parents
understand that you would die without your chosen life-pardner (texas model!)
They will give some money to go and get the lady 'thAlified' in a temple
in some remote area or out of station.
In case, they don't accept your demands, just Odify - don't know how you
can run so long, when someone (especially the girl's brother) follows you
in a motorised vehicle! Ask around town for detail.
Vasan
Manaivi amaivadellAm iRaivan koduththa vaRam - er .. illai
Manaivi amaivadellAm avar avar kaNNai pOruthadhu