Unki Republic - Declaration of War
shero
South Sligo Embassy
Re: Declaration of War against The Moon
Dated: September 16, 1998
In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
shero
Acting Leader of the Unki Republic
The Clangers
>In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
>Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
>which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
>from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
>between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
>
>shero
>Acting Leader of the Unki Republic
For some time now we have tried to accommodate Shero's needs as best we can.
Unfortunately he still prefers his wife, thus resulting in a stalemate
situation.
The demands made by the Unki Republic have been deemed physically
implausible and socially unacceptable. It is, therefore, with much regret
that we, The Clangers, acting in our military capacity as protectors of the
Moon, announce that hostilities will commence at 0800 hours Unki Republic
Time (about half nine in Roscommon).
We will not hesitate to use the latest military methods available to
us...Confrontational Ironing...shirts so antagonistically thought provoking
that no man can survive the creases.
Shero has until the prescribed time to surrender and retreat to the bathroom
for self gratification.
We shall fight and we will be right.
Clanger HQ
John Diamond
wrote:
>Unki Republic War Department
>South Sligo Embassy
>Re: Declaration of War against The Moon
>Dated: September 16, 1998
>
>
>In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
>Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
>which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
>from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
>between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
>
>shero
>Acting Leader of the Unki Republic
Why would that stop you. You have to take the rough with the smooth.
John Diamond
Software/Systems
Indigo Internet Services
http://www.indigo.ie
Sutal
Shero wrote:
>In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
>Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
>which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
>from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
>between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
>
>shero
>Acting Leader of the Unki Republic
Official response from The Clangers:
>>>>For some time now we have tried to accommodate Shero's needs as best we
can.
Unfortunately he still prefers his wife, thus resulting in a stalemate
situation.
The demands made by the Unki Republic have been deemed physically
implausible and socially unacceptable. It is, therefore, with much regret
that we, The Clangers, acting in our military capacity as protectors of the
Moon, announce that hostilities will commence at 0800 hours Unki Republic
Time (about half nine in Roscommon).
We will not hesitate to use the latest military methods available to
us...Confrontational Ironing...shirts so antagonistically thought provoking
that no man can survive the creases.
Shero has until the prescribed time to surrender and retreat to the bathroom
for self gratification.
We shall fight and we will be right.
Clanger HQ<<<<<<
(hilarious!) .... However!!!! .....
... George Mitchell and I are best friends... - yeah we are TIGHT - like
FAMILY, ya know.
George and I were talking about all this... green condoms...satellite warfare,
all that.... and he wanted me to point out to both parties in this current
dispute that Unki's animosity is directed at the wrong entity.
Before actively engaging in the hOrrOr of Confrontational Ironing - which is
bound to involve pain and suffering to innocent parties.... please consider
this:
It is not the MOON that has caused Unki's problem - (Note: we do understand
that he went to a great deal of trouble purchasing a whole new wardrobe of
condoms in anticipation of the 'longed for encounter') - this declaration of
war is misdirected.
George and I would like to suggest that Unki investigate the other FEMALES Mrs.
Unki is currently associating. It is likely that one of these women is the
true enemy - her hormones apparently STRONGER than those of Mrs. Unki. (Oh
my!) She is the culprit. She was the one who caused this, this other WOMAN!
Find her. She is the one.
The Moon is innocent. Leave Phoebe alone, Unki. The Moon needs to remain
exactly where she is - grimacing down at us. When I look at the moon on a
clear night in Seattle and you folks look at the moon there in Ireland... we
see the same moon - she's full for me when she is for you, she looks like a
clipped toenail on the same nights here as she does there. Me and George think
she does some good. You know, there is one thing we all see the same and all
that there diplomatic stuff. We suggest you retract this. (No doubt in a day
or two you'll agree with us anyway and wonder what all the fuss was about.)
~~~ Are we there yet? ~~~
John McCormack
shero wrote:
> Unki Republic War Department
> South Sligo Embassy
> Re: Declaration of War against The Moon
> Dated: September 16, 1998
>
> In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
> Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
> which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
> from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
> between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
I think in this case you might be blaming the wrong culprit. Rumor has it
that Greig was seen running through some backyards just down from your house
on a number of occasions recently. I would recommend a lab test to be
carried out on this 'period' your wife claims to have had. I think the
results will show it to be your wifes stomach lining scraped off by Mr.
Babyhose during some extra deep discussions they had. If your wife was
Protestant she would have been able to accommodate this, so you might
consider changing religion, making her drink lots of milk or modifying your
declaration of war to include Greig and all Protestant women.
Breathnac
The Clangers wrote:
>The Clangers, acting in our military capacity as protectors of the
>Moon, announce that hostilities will commence at 0800 hours Unki Republic
>Time (about half nine in Roscommon).
The Ancient Order of Roscommon Sheep Stealers have been analyzing the above
statement at our HQ's in NY, and while we would like to remain neutral in this
conflict, we deem the above statement to be an insult. Should we decide to
enter the fray, we have a huge arsenal at our disposal including 50,000 sheep,
many of them fierce rams. We demand an immediate apology to be issued before
0800 hours - that's about half nine in Roscommon.
AOSS
John McCormack
> "The Clangers" <clan...@quirky.moon..ds> wrote:
>
> > For some time now we have tried to accommodate Shero's needs as best we can.
> > Unfortunately he still prefers his wife, thus resulting in a stalemate
> > situation.
>
> I have no argument with the Clangers. My gripe is with the Moon and it's
> gravatational pull which result in my having to pull myself off.
>
You must know that one of the most basic tenets of the Second Republic is that
mickeys are made to be pulled off. It is in fact the very core of our dogma.
Your statement "having to pull myself off" has been construed as being a
derogatory comment towards the Second Republic and its people. The puritan
extremism of the Unki Republic and its overly friendly relations with the Taliban
have caused some big dicked people at high levels some concern. Cease and desist
at once or there will be trouble
> So be it. Remember that you took this action aginst the Unki Republic
> and any suffering to Clangerdom will be of your own making. You are
> making a terrible mistake Claggers. If you think the dustbin lids on top
> of your craters will protect you, then you have no chance.
The Second Republic is pleased to announce its new line of dustbin lid liners.
These can protect against dust and grime and attacks from weapons of the Unki
Republic .
Gregory
> We shall fight and we will be right.
>
> Clanger HQ
I am banging binlids in taigish solidarity. Unkists are shit eating
scum, so much is self evident and inalienable. You aliens know that and
us fenians certainly fucking know that.
The cuntstuffingubermensch mentality needs stopped before we are all
slaves sitting beside his TV remote and attendant on his every
disgusting whim.
Greig
--
x
shero
> For some time now we have tried to accommodate Shero's needs as best we can.
> Unfortunately he still prefers his wife, thus resulting in a stalemate
> situation.
I have no argument with the Clangers. My gripe is with the Moon and it's
gravatational pull which result in my having to pull myself off.
> The demands made by the Unki Republic have been deemed physically
> implausible and socially unacceptable. It is, therefore, with much regret
> that we, The Clangers, acting in our military capacity as protectors of the
> Moon, announce that hostilities will commence at 0800 hours Unki Republic
> Time (about half nine in Roscommon).
This is a most unfortunate situation. The Clangers are allowing
themselves to be used as pawns by the Man in Moon. I would suspect that
he is forcing you into this crises against your will by cutting off you
cheese supply.
This will escalate into a major war. Will the Cadburys Smash Robots be
next on the list?
> We will not hesitate to use the latest military methods available to
> us...Confrontational Ironing...shirts so antagonistically thought provoking
> that no man can survive the creases.
>
> Shero has until the prescribed time to surrender and retreat to the bathroom
> for self gratification.
>
> We shall fight and we will be right.
>
> Clanger HQ
So be it. Remember that you took this action aginst the Unki Republic
and any suffering to Clangerdom will be of your own making. You are
making a terrible mistake Claggers. If you think the dustbin lids on top
of your craters will protect you, then you have no chance.
My spies have already located you bases:
http://www.clangers.co.uk/img/lidvff.jpg
Prepare for your doom.
shero
shero
> Why would that stop you. You have to take the rough with the smooth.
It's a bit sloopy I would imagine?
shero
ro...@my-dejanews.com
su...@aol.com (Sutal) wrote:
<snipped - argument against going after the moon>
Are you playing negotiator here? Your argument is logical but one thought
has to be kept in mind. Generally for one's woman's menses to affect
another, they generally have to be around each other quite a long time. (And
seeing each other on occasion doesn't count.)
Actually, there are times when specific dates can play a role. For instance,
mine likes to wait until a weekend or a holiday begins, etc. if it can. So, I
can understand Unki's frustration. It frustrates me and my husband, too.
Which gives me another thought. What if Mrs. Unki had wanted to shag him just
as much as he wanted to shag her and felt the same frustration?
Rose
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
John Diamond
wrote:
>John Diamond <diam...@indigo.ie> wrote:
Just have a shower afterwards and wash the sheets.
shero
> Unfortunately he still prefers his wife, thus resulting in a stalemate
> situation.
She goes crazy when I even smile at other women. I am always getting hit
over the head with the flying pan.
> George and I would like to suggest that Unki investigate the other FEMALES
> Mrs. Unki is currently associating. It is likely that one of these women
> is the true enemy - her hormones apparently STRONGER than those of Mrs.
> Unki. (Oh my!) She is the culprit. She was the one who caused this,
> this other WOMAN! Find her. She is the one.
Interesting to say the least. Might be something to it alight. But I
just like the idea of killing Clangers anyway. Their Musical Trees
always got on my tits.
-- Shero. (Son of Unki)
shero
> We demand an immediate apology to be issued before
> 0800 hours - that's about half nine in Roscommon.
You see it always happens. Won't be long now before Walsh comes in
grabbing his bollox and screaming about Kilkenny.
shero
> The cuntstuffingubermensch mentality needs stopped before we are all
> slaves sitting beside his TV remote and attendant on his every
> disgusting whim.
>
> Greig
So let it be written so let it be done. Unlike yourself and McCormack I
realised that the knob on the end of my willy was not there to stop my
hand from flying off the end.
Sheela na Gig
wrote:
>Unki Republic War Department
>South Sligo Embassy
>Re: Declaration of War against The Moon
>Dated: September 16, 1998
>
>
>In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
>Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
>which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
>from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
>between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
>
>shero
>Acting Leader of the Unki Republic
Statement from the Woman's Coalition
You big baby, stop yer whinging.
You can have a shag any time you want if you don't mind a bit of fuss.
If you'd like to stop by our offices we have a brochure that describes
aforementioned policies and procedures. We also have a book on
lactation that none of us read because we think it's disgusting, a few
dusty boxes of condoms we sell cheap as they're past their used by
dates (most of our staff are too but that's beside the point), and a
video entitled "Gelding Your Man: A Practical Course" by the Seven
Sisters, Lucan, The Swamp, County Dublin.
Thomas Walsh
shero <kfuz...@tinet.ie> wrote:
>You see it always happens. Won't be long now before Walsh comes in
>grabbing his bollox and screaming about Kilkenny.
One has only to look at John Waters to realise that Roscommon, like the moon,
is inhabited entirely by lunatics.
Tom
>Shero. (Son of Unki)
JC
>So be it. Remember that you took this action aginst the Unki Republic
>and any suffering to Clangerdom will be of your own making. You are
>making a terrible mistake Claggers. If you think the dustbin lids on
top
>of your craters will protect you, then you have no chance.
As defacto president of the OZ republic, having signed a strategic
alliance
with HRH "Snatters" of the "Pogrom of Greggers", and having formed the
opinion that the Unki Republic has become "soft" due to "easy sex" have
no option but to interpret these hostile intentions as an acts of war as
they occur too close to the borders of the said "Pogrom of Greggers".
JC (Bigfella)
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shero
> Which gives me another thought. What if Mrs. Unki had wanted to shag him just
> as much as he wanted to shag her and felt the same frustration?
>
> Rose
She is dying for it as well. Might explaing the Beckham dream?
Hey, want to hear how truly pathetic I am? The last time I had a sex
dream I was doing to my wife!
There is something seriously wrong there.
Sutal
Shero wrote:
>>>Hey, want to hear how truly pathetic I am? The last time I had a sex
dream I was doing to my wife!
There is something seriously wrong there.<<<
......or seriously RIGHT.
Dr Q
shero wrote in message <199809191...@p51.sligo1.tinet.ie>...
>
>Hey, want to hear how truly pathetic I am? The last time I had a sex
>dream I was doing to my wife!
>
Yeah! Me too. Hope you don't mind?
Pete Stuart
shero wrote:
> The last time I had a sex dream I was doing to my wife!
Hey, so did I, and I've never even met your wife! ;-)
--
Pete Stuart
http://personal.bhm.bellsouth.net/~taocelt
Here 's to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here 's to the widow of fifty;
Here 's to the flaunting, extravagant quean,
And here 's to the housewife that 's thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I 'll warrant she 'll prove an excuse for the glass.
--Richard Brinsley Sheridan
Gregory
Masturbation is a perfectly natural way to improve one's tennis serve by
strengthening the wrist muscles. My recent arrest for doing it in the
park was no doubt contrived by anti-sports fanatics allied to your
depraved politics.
A recent survey carried out amongst 2000 recent heart attack victims
found only three were masturbating at the time of their seizures. If you
are elected to office wankel engines will be outlawed and the automotive
industry thrown into chaos.
I'm never happier than when I am blowing a fuse on my own.
Greig
Ó Maolagáin
shero wrote in message <199809171...@p32.sligo1.tinet.ie>...
>Unki Republic War Department
>South Sligo Embassy
>Re: Declaration of War against The Moon
>Dated: September 16, 1998
Me and the lads are in waiting for a column of Unkites in Newtownforbes.
We've gotten our stone wall camo suits cleaned and have them funny Tommy
helmets with grass and bushes growing out of the tops. We've strung tin
cans and string across Richmond Street and have been waiting for weeks.
What's this about the moon then?
shero
> shero wrote:
>
> > The last time I had a sex dream I was doing to my wife!
>
> Hey, so did I, and I've never even met your wife! ;-)
First Beckham, Ger looking at her tits, and you and Quirky shaggin her
in your sleep.
Women as soon as your turn your back. . .
Wives no longer feel any sense of duty to their husbands. When they take
the marriage vows they promise to honour and obey you. Dream on
brothers.
Women are a bunch of hypocrites anyway. One minute they are carrying
organ donor cards around with them quite happy to donate all their
organs to medical research. But the minute a doctor or dentist trys to
feel them up while they are under gas, they go running to the Gardai.
And it does'nt end there, oh no! I worked in offices for years and most
secretaries have no sense of loyalty to the employers. There are happy
to cash their pay cheques, drink your coffee and use your phone, but the
minute you try giving them a bonus behind the water cooler they also go
straight to the cops.
and Women business people are the biggest bunch of cows going. When I
was a high-powered Wall Street money spinner, I suggested that Aer
Lingus should merge with the shipping line Cunard. Thereby creating a
new corporation called Cuna-Lingus. I even came up with a spiffy
advertising slogan: "We Lick the Competition". All these stuck-up power
suits got all offended. All I wanted to do was to give that twat Richard
Branson something to think about.
I am going to make my own jam and give none of it to the wife. That way
it shall remain a male preserve.
and while we are talking about David Beckham. I believe that he and Posh
Spice are having trouble finding time to get married. Well, I doubt it
will be any easier in a few years when he is playing for the Woking
reserves and she is doing Mosney for the summer. If I was them, I would
tie the know while they can still afford a decent reception.
Times have changed for the worse. I do not understand today's wedding
receptions with their drink, drugs and casual sex. When I was a lad all
we had was communal mastrubation, but we were happy then. The streets
were much safer in them days.
Talking of streets. They say "All roads lead to Rome". Me arse they do!
I drove on the N17 the other day and ended-up in Ennis.
Brendan Heading
<?@?.?> writes
>>In failing to acknowledge previous diplomatic overtures presented to the
>>Moon regarding the personal intrusion of the oppressive Lunar Cycle
>>which caused my wife to have her period two days early and prevent me
>>from getting a shag when I was dying for it, a State of War now exists
>>between the Unki Republic and The Moon.
>>
>>shero
>>Acting Leader of the Unki Republic
>
>Statement from the Woman's Coalition
Nah, the Women's Coalition would seek to appoint a People's Tribunal
which would investigate the couple before a committee of prominent local
politicians to determine if they should have an affair.
>You can have a shag any time you want if you don't mind a bit of fuss.
Haven't you heard ? Men have had ample time already to improve their sex
capabilities and have failed to deliver. It is time for women to have
their turn.
--
Brendan Heading (brendan at heading dot demon dot co dot uk)
===Please remove the spamguard to reply====
NB : I am a spokesman for *no* organisation or movement.
"At some point we must draw a line across the ground of our home and our
being, drive a spear into the land, and say to the bulldozers, earthmovers,
governments and corporations, 'Thus far and no farther'." - Edward Abbey
Alan D Red
lol
>Times have changed for the worse. I do not understand today's wedding
>receptions with their drink, drugs and casual sex. When I was a lad all
>we had was communal mastrubation, but we were happy then. The streets
>were much safer in them days.
But very slippery underfoot?
>--
>Shero. (Son of Unki)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Goldenhole
#############
ro...@my-dejanews.com
kfuz...@tinet.ie (shero) wrote:
> <ro...@my-dejanews.com> wrote:
>
> > Which gives me another thought. What if Mrs. Unki had wanted to shag him
just
> > as much as he wanted to shag her and felt the same frustration?
> >
> > Rose
>
> She is dying for it as well. Might explaing the Beckham dream?
>
> dream I was doing to my wife!
>
>
> Shero. (Son of Unki)
>
Sounds like there's something seriously right.
Garth Brooks
I watched those arseholes playing on Sunday, rough
fuckers they are.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Goldenhole
#############