New Ryanair Rules

[mul]

Subject: Fw: New Ryanair Rules

NEW RYANAIR RULES,, Attendant: Welcome aboard Ryan Air, sir. May I see your
ticket?,, Passenger: Sure.,, Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be
5,euro please!,,, Passenger: What for?,,, Attendant: For telling you where
to sit.,,, Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.,,, Attendant:
Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of 5. euro It's the
airline's new policy.,, Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I
won't pay it.,,, Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or
not?,, Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to
hear about this.,, Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag
looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for
you?,,, Passenger: That would be nice, thanks.,, Attendant: No problem. Up
we go, and done! That will be 10 euro , please.,,, Passenger: What?,,,
Attendant: The airline now charges a 10 euro carry-on assistance fee.,,
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.,, Attendant: Actually,
you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt.
We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that 10. euro,,,
Passenger: No way!,, Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced
to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.,,,
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?,, Attendant: No, but there's a
50 euro air-marshal hailing fee.,,, Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the
10euro. I can't believe this.,, Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation,
sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?,, Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy
in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?,,
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert 50 cent into
the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.,,, Passenger: The airline
is charging me for cabin air?,, Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant
cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50
cents.,,, Passenger: I don't have any change Can you make change for a
euro?,, Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!,,, Passenger: But you've
given me only 25 cent for my euro,,, Attendant: Yes, there's a change
making fee of 25 cents.,,, Passenger: For crying' out loud. All I have left
is a lousy 25 cent? What
the heck can I do with this?,,, Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it
later for the lavatory.