Bye Kay

[Grant Denkinson]

Judes writes on FB:

Very sad news
I heard today that Kay Dekker died unexpectedly last night. His
partner Justin said that he fell asleep while reading a book and never
woke up. Please pass the news along to anyone else you know would want
to know.

[Peter Flynn]

On 07/07/11 16:19, Bethany wrote:

> Could you post this to the FB soc.biters group as well?
>
> -bitty, off to the lounge for a good cry.

That's terrible news; we've known him for so long. So much of what he
posted made me laugh or smile (or at least agree :-). Gods rest him.

///Peter

[Jason Parker]

Thanks for taking the time to share this here. I hadn't talked to Kay
in a few years but I won't forget the good times we enjoyed on soc.bi
and LJ. He's very sorely missed.

jason

[lisa cohen]

Grant Denkinson wrote:

thank you so much for letting us know.

i never met kay in person but i recall him sharing music and humor with
us in various venues. i'm so sorry to hear this.

lisa

[Tane' Tachyon]

Grant Denkinson wrote:

My sympathies to all who knew him. I met Kay once when he was
visiting a local friend very shortly after my younger son (who he
pronounced to be a beautiful baby) was born ... he seemed like a very
fine person both online and off.
--
Tane' Tachyon = tac...@tachyonlabs.com = http://www.tachyonlabs.com/

[Killer of Sacred Cows]

On Jul 7, 7:08 am, Grant Denkinson <grantdenkin...@hushmail.com>
wrote:

I never got to meet him in person, but for about four years he and I
were pretty close, talked a lot on the phone, spent time writing
together over the 'net. I'm stunned and devastated, and I wish he and
I had kept in better touch over the years. I've been weeping since I
found out about an hour ago.

Kay, wherever you are now, I hope that you're no longer in pain. I
don't believe in an afterlife, but for you I'll make an exception.

Gryph

[Matthew]

Grant Denkinson <grantde...@hushmail.com> writes:

> I heard today that Kay Dekker died unexpectedly last night. His
> partner Justin said that he fell asleep while reading a book and never
> woke up. Please pass the news along to anyone else you know would want
> to know.

I was pretty shocked to here this on FB. Such a lovely guy, sorely
missed.

Matthew

--
Hwæt! We Gar-Dena in geardagum
þeodcyninga þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.

[Grant Denkinson]

Judes adds:
Saw Justin today: he is doing as well as can be expected, thanks
people for their kind thoughts and says please don't worry about him.
At the moment though he can't cope with being contacted by lots of
people so PLEASE refrain from contacting him no matter how much you
want to pass on your condolences or ask him how he's doing. If he
wants to contact you he will. Please respect his wishes on this.

Grant

[Josh Barker]

I'm very sorry to hear this... Kay was one one of the first (if not the first) person I met off of soc.bi. Unfortunately I haven't kept up as much I probably could with Kay for the last few years. I will always remember him as someone you could talk with for hours on pretty much anything. He was also very kind and caring, and would always be willing to spend time on people he had barely met.

He will be very missed.

Josh (the Cat)

[David Weinshenker]

Killer of Sacred Cows wrote:
> Kay, wherever you are now, I hope that you're no longer in pain. I
> don't believe in an afterlife, but for you I'll make an exception.
>
> Gryph

What you said.

-dave w

[Entrepreneurial Wombat]

On Friday, 8 July 2011 03:23:41 UTC+1, Killer of Sacred Cows wrote:
> [...] I'm stunned and devastated, and I wish he and
> I had kept in better touch over the years. [...]

I've been hearing this a lot, but you (and anyone) should not blame yourself for this. Kay had very limited energy, especially in the last year or so, and had to deploy it where he most wanted/needed it; in the last couple of years, this meant putting it all into Willow View where he accepted a position on the governing board. This left almost nothing for anything else, but it was very much what he wanted to do.

> Kay, wherever you are now, I hope that you're no longer in pain. I
> don't believe in an afterlife, but for you I'll make an exception.

Neither did he.

So, on the 11th August a short humanist service was attended by round about 60 of his family and friends. Although the day was mostly cloudy, it was brightly sunny for a couple of hours mid-afternoon when the service was held. There were eulogies and Laurie Anderson lyrics before consigning Kay's remains to the crematorium.

And then by way of a wake, on 21st we had a Sunday afternoon picnic for Kay, on a hot afternoon in Memorial Park where we had many picnics - or pinknics - in the past. This was guided by Kay's own wishes that he would like an event where more people were having fun than being sad. People were there from every part of Kay's adult life, from his time at Warwick 25+ years ago through to Willow View. Having know Kay for 20 years I'd met most of them before, but of course being friends of Kay, everyone present was super-nice. There was much food, and some drink, and a wombat pyramid, and then the release of lots of helium-filled black balloons into the sky, where they drifted rapidly off towards the north, until they were out of sight.

Jon.