hi, i am a shopoholic
Hellsing
shopping addiction that wasn't advocating it and wasn't full of
advertisements. i have a
big problem with shopping addiction. i was in control of all of my
families money and spent over $1000 on ebay in about a month. i also
spent much much more at target and walmart. i maxed out all of out
credit cards. i spent so much money, my family was completely broke,
we were $900 minus in our bank account, owed 2 months rent, didn't
really have any food in house and this is just when i hit bottom and
was discovered. i was letting our family rack up even
more debt by not telling my husband about our money sittuation. he
kept using our debit card and i kept using it too. and the bank would
cover our charges, but charge us $20 each time we used our cards or
wrote a check. i started selling things on ebay. my husband never
really uses ebay, and i never told him i used ebay, so one day he
decided to browse for some things and saw our feedback rating was at 35
and
wanted to know where all the feedback was coming from. he saw
everything i bought and sold on ebay and knew i was lying to him so i
told him about all the money problems and that i had been lying to my
family when i would have things sent to their houses so he wouldn't
find out i had bought them. even during the whole time we were broke,
i would go out shopping and buy more stuff. i would go to target and
buy shoes and tops and makeup and all that because it was so cheap and
i couldn't stop myself. i would pick things up and look at them and
try them on and then put them back because i knew i couldn't afford
them, and then find myself going back and just grabbing like a kid in a
candy shop. i could't help myself. we had to borrow $2000 dollars
from my grandmother to pay the rent we owed. then we had to use mine
and my husbands entire pay checks for that week just to pay the minimum
on all the bills so that we would not get shut off. i had a $30 gift
card at target that i had to use to get grocieries. i was so
embarrassed and mortified at having to buy groceries at target. i went
home and sobbed for hours. my husband was ready to pack his bags and
leave me and i wanted to kill myself. my daughter is barely going to
have a few christmas gifts from her mom and dad because we are still
trying to pay off bills and get up to date with our credit cards and
put a little money away for the winter when my husbands work slows
down. i had been a compulsive shopper for some time, but have allways
been able to keep it in check and not go overboard, untill all of the
sudden, i felt the need to have designer clothes and shoes and
expensive makeup. i blew all of our money and our good credit in a
matter of 3 months. in that time, i bought 4 denim skirts, 9 pairs of
shoes, i can't even count how many tops. 5 eyeshadows from bare
minerals, 2 foundations from bare minerals along with 10 of their
makeup brushes, and blushes and all that from them and they are not
cheap. i bought about 6 purses, spent more than $200 in one trip to a
scrapbooking store. and this is just the tip of the iceburg. and in
the mean time, my husband has 1 pair of tennis shoes, 1 pair of dress
shoes, 3 pairs of pants and a hand full of t-shirts. he asks me if he
spend money on himself. when he has money to do for himself, he will
get just what he really needs and then spend the rest on something nice
for me or give me a little cash to play with. and i hurt him so badly.
i tore him apart. he is allready a very insecure person. not very
trusting in people and i took that unblinking trust that he put in me
and smashed it to shreads. and for what. i don't even know. most of
the things i bought, i haven't even used. and what makes me feel even
worse is that after i told my husband everything, he took my credit
cards, my bank card and check book, and took complete control of our
money and after getting it all off my chest, i am relieved that i don't
have to deal with it anymore. i am relieved it is all out in the open
and i don't have to lie or hide anymore. i shouldn't feel like that.
he looks at our money everyday, and knows what we have to give our
daughter a christmas and he is crushed. all of our tax return is going
to pay back my grandmother. but he has been so wonderful to me. he
has been so good to me through all of this. he tells me that he
doesn't want me to get depressed and do something to hurt myself. i
don't deserve him. the only thing he asks of me is that i get help
and prove to him that i can regain selfcontrol so that we can get back
to normal and share the money responsability. the only problem is that
this addiction is laughed at. i can't find a therapist near me that
will treat shopping addiction. there are no support groups anywhere
near me. so i am here looking for some help. someone with a like
problem that i can talk to.