Another Metro Moment #45
fo...@eskimo.com
These are the continuing adventures of a typical
Seattle Metro patron. The incidents involved are
real and happened exactly as described. I keep a
log of the details in the unlikely event that Metro
gives a flying whangdoodle enough to challenge me.
I am not now nor have I ever been a cardcarrying
employee or manager at King County Metro Transit
& Sewers. I'm just one of the butts in the seats.
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#45
There's a cry that is heard in the city
Froom Vivian at Pentecost Lane
A shriekin' and dancing till 4 a.m.
Another night of muscles and pain
I love you despite your convictions
That God never laughs at my jokes
CHORUS
I'm a young man at oods with the Bible
But I don't pretend faith never works
When we're down on our knees
Prayin' at the bus stop
Now Jesus he came in a vision
And offered you redemption from sin
I'm not sayin' that I don't believe you
But are you sure that it really was him
I've been told that it couldn've been blue cheese
Or the meal that we ate down the road
Hallelujah
David Bowie & Reeves Gabrels
(Albums:Tin Machine + Tin Machine
Live 89)
How about that Pierce County bus driver Shirley
Helton who had a heart attack while driving this
week. She manages to get the bloody bus off to the
side without any major injuries. Then she gets up
and tries to help the passengers who got shook up.
Hey Shirley! You just had a heart attack! Sit down
and relax for Pete's Sake!
Having a heart attack is often described as feeling
like you've got an elephant sitting on your chest -
excrusiating, overwhelming pain. It was a big enough
trick just getting the bus safely out of morning
rush-hour traffic on Interstate-5 under those
circumstances. But then she gave that elephant a
shove and got up to help her passengers. Amazing!
What a Babe!
She doesn't sound like the kind of person who's
easily intimidated by a heart attack. I hope she
gets well quickly.
...................................................
The results are in on the Complaint Challenge:
'Complaints are no joke' wins hands down.
I basically drained the blood out of what I wrote
in AMM #44 and passed it along to MetroKC. Within
the week they responded. How's that for sudden
service.
From the sounds of the letter I got back, Bad Actor
is in for an administrative wake-up call. His
supervisor is going to sit down with him and discuss
the matter. If he deems it necessary, he'll give
him some remedial training in customer relations.
And the incident goes into his personel file.
Good enough by me. I ain't out to get anybody
fired for having a bad day. On the other hand it's
bad enough having to endure Attila the Hunny-bun's
attentions when I arrive late for work without
having the guy who made it all possible give me
the Blow Off on the way there. And he did ask for
it.
.........................................................
Finally! After centuries of debate by the greatest
minds in human history, the proof is in and the
debate is over. THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH.
The source of the proof, amazingly, is our very own
Seattle Police Department. A recent search of the
Disabled Parking Permits database by one of the local
Rags uncovered the astounding fact that 10,000 dead
people held permits. And, if that isn't enough to set
you all a-biver, some of them have even renewed long
after Go'n Back To Jesus!
There's nothing in the Bible about the need for
Parking Permits in the Gloryland. What gives?
There better not be an IRS branch office up there
too or I ain't going.
...................................................
Speaking of Disabled Parking Permits...
The Police in Seattle and a number of neighboring
communities have begun deputizing citizens to form
Parking Posses. After a background check and 16
hours of training, each will be issued a coil of
rope and sent out to string up any varmint who
illegally parks in a Disabled Parking spot. If
there aren't any trees nearby, they may use their
firearms instead.
Just pulling your leg Pardner. The truth is far
more ominous - they'll be able to issue $250
parking tickets.
For people who have to use wheel-chairs and the
such, the jerks who plug up their parking spots
are no joke. The environment around here for
those with limited mobility sucks enough as it
is without any free-lance enhancements.
Nice start. I'll be first in line when they add
bus-zones to the list. I can cover the Beamers
and Jeeps if somebody else wants to take the Volvos
Audis, Mercedes and courier trucks. It'd be as easy
as spiders and flies - just find a Bean Joint near
a bus stop (eg. Starbucks, Tullys, SBC, whatever)
and wait. They'll come to you.
Given the local Butthead meme, a Concealed Weapons
Permit and appropriate hardware wouldn't be a bad
idea. For the sake of a $250 ticket, many Seattlites
would be willing to blow your brains out.
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@ Local Transit Company
- THE 60'S: BLUESTREAK, THE OCTUPUS & SERVICE CUTS -
TCFL continues his historical series with a look
at bus'n it in Seattle during the Flower-Power,
Hell-No-We-Won't-Go 1960's - a time of service
cutbacks, combo-route-runs and the emergence of
express service. These were his Inspiration Years.
The buses he saw as a kid in the 60's had him so
cranked he tried to sign up as a bus driver as
soon as he turned 21. Probably noticed how the
Poodles got all in a-swither over those uniforms.
Regular Babe Magnets.
-foggy-
Take it away Bus Guy...
- * -
Prior to "Blue Streak Service" there were very few
actual Express routes. In fact, coaches were not
allowed on the then new I-5 Freeway! The "Blue Streak
Service" was one of the first Federally-funded transit
projects. It funded the construction of the Northgate
P&R (Park and Ride) and the purchase of 70 General
Motors GMC T8H-5305 "New Look" diesel coaches - the
now famous "700 series".
Yeah, and the "700s" could actually keep up with
traffic, I assume. Unlike pretty much everything now
except the Gilligs, Flyers (if they are still in
storage), and AMG/MAN SG220-18-2 "1400s" on a downhill/
flat area.
When the voters voted for Metro to take over transit
service there was talk that, had the election went the
other way, there were going to be service cuts that
would make the trolleys surplus. The Trolleys rolled
on for five more years until they were replaced by GMC
diesel "700s" while the overhead wiring was redone
throughout the city.
Service Cuts were not new at STS (Seattle Transit System -
a MetroKC predecessor). Until 1955, most routes ran all
night!! The current "Night Owl Service" is based on the
service cuts put in place in 1955.
As time went on, STS became quite creative in how to
run the system with fewer and fewer coaches. In 1963
STS retired 140+ trolley coaches: Twin Coach GWFT's
and Pullman-Standard 44-CX's (700-799 and lots of "800s"
renumbered to 600-659). They had only 100 Flixible
F2D6V401-1's (500-599) diesel coaches.
Many of the Columbus-Pullmans were axed then or in the
next few years. Same with the Twin Coaches with windows
that looked like a school bus (the ones that half of the
order was Westinghouse and the other half was GE).[These
were trolleys built in the 40's, diverted by the federal
Office of Defense Transportation(?) during WWII to Seattle
to help with the influx of military personel into the area
and eventually purchased by STS.]
All through the 1960s STS hooked routes together in mind-
boggling combinations. One of the most famous combinations
was called "The Octopus" because every trip was a different
route. The trip started as #4 E.Queen Anne (heading north
from 3rd Avenue & Union downtown); out and back; then,
northeast from downtown as the #4 Montlake to LakeCity via
routes #4 & #8; then, south from Lake City as the #22
Roosevelt to downtown Seattle; then further south to
Georgetown as the #23 South Seattle. The operators had
transfers for each route so it was kinda complicated. Every
new operator's greatest fear was to get this monster!!
They also did the same on trolley routes. This practice
reduced the number of coaches need to provide service for
the city of Seattle. That is really confusing. It's about
as hard to figure out as the #15/#18 night shuttle thing.
..................................................
- A TRUE STORY -
I'm walking downtown one afternoon on 2nd Avenue between
Union and Pike on my way to The Turf Restaurant near the
Pike Place Farmer's Market.
The Turf is one of the few joints in town where you can
get genuine American cuisine: ox-tail, corned-beef and
cabbage, made-from-scratch chili and other normal foods.
The sort of grub that would set Monsieur Escoffier green
with envy. From the bar on the other side, wafes delicate
refrains from every R&B hit ever recorded in the 60's and
the animated conversation of its customers as they debate
the great issues of our day: who's get'n laid tonight, who
ain't, etc. "Beer - helping ugly people have sex for over
300 years". I saw that recently on a poster. The clientele
do a masterful job of scaring the visiting Yuppie touristas
from Pike Place away. One look at the 'lobby' heavily
littered with losing game tickets usually sends them
scurrying anyways. People like that often mistake it for
a dump. It's no dump. It has a lovely painting of a boxer
hanging above the counter. The sign of a class joint.
I digress...
I'm approaching one of those multi-level parking buildings.
This one has a narrow ramp from the 2nd level that leads
down to the street. It must be rent-by-the-month. There's
no little ticket booth. No attendents around. But it is
busy. Well-dressed people in nice cars holding cell-phones
to their ears constantly come and go.
It's also kind of a blind spot so I always slow down and
take a peek first. Sometimes they come shooting out of there
with reckless abandon. The mythical courtesy of Seattle's
drivers doesn't extend down to the level of pedestrian
traffic. Pedestrians have about the same status as pigeons
and squirrels - target practice.
As I glance at the ramp I'm surprised to see a guy
sprawled out on one side of it. At first I though maybe
he was hurt or something. But even as my mind was processing
that thought, I heard him snore loudly and noticed the
bottle nearby. Not hurt. Just a sleeping drunk who must
have passed out while attempting to climb the ramp. He
was a pretty hefty guy and looked like he must have been
bum'n it lately. Had a lot to forget. Don't we all.
As I considered how to move Cotton-Eyed Joe out of harms
way, Harm showed up in the form of a cute, little BMW
sedan.
A woman was driving it. When she noticed the drunk
blocking the way, she stopped for a moment a few
feet away from him to consider the situation. Then,
nonchalantly, drove over his outstretched arm. I heard
the muffled crunch of the bone. It's one of those sounds
you feel in the pit of your stomach.
She made no effort to slow down as she whizzed by me,
took a look at the traffic and pulled away, as though
running over drunks was perfectly normal behavior.
Welcome to life in America's Most Liveable City.
...........................................................
BUS'N IT IN THE GREAT WHITE NORTH
(A Beauty Way To Go Eh)
Plot complication! As Vancouver struggles to expand
its 10+ year old SkyTrain light-rail system with a
new line, BC's failing provincial government party -
the NDP (New Democratic Party) - have grabbed at the
it to save them from political oblivion.
They've got a Premier up there who's dumber than a
mine mule in low coal. You may remember him as the
yappy little lizard who Trash-Talked America during
the brutal Salmon Wars a while back. The one with the
California political consultants. He was doing bad
enough as it was in the normal course of matters when
his house got raided by the RCMP (C)* as part of a
gambling investigation. Big scandal eh. The little
weasel tried to Clinton his way out but nobody's
buying it. So his government's now on the drop edge
of Yonder as his party sets new record lows in the
polls.
Now they've let it be known that they have a big, new
Secret Plan to expand the SkyTrain system over and
above the Non-Secret Plan presently being haggled
over. They haven't been able to figure out where to
get the $1.6 billion (Cdn) for the N-SP so you know
they're sucking vapors on the SP. But the NDP isn't
revealling any details about the nature or cost of
their SP. They just want everybody to know they've
got one.
______________________
* RCMP: The Disney Corporation holds the legal rights
to the initials 'RCMP'. A schoolmarm in Nova
Scotia put together an educational tribute to
the Mounties recently for her schoolkids.
Disney sued her.
- * -
They just hired an American as their new Supreme
Poo-Bah of the Bus Barn. I know we're nice guys
and we can really sling it in job interviews but,
we're hardly the Grand Masters of public-transit.
I think I would have gone for one of those dudes
from Quebec who managed to con Ottawa into paying
for Montreal's Metro instead. Now that's talent.
We could use a fella like that around here.
- * -
BC's Attorney General has poo-pooed the idea of
arming the BCTransit Police. It ain't gonna happen.
But then BC's AG may not be happening next week
either, so who knows.
Concern about public safety around SkyTrain
stations isn't going away. A group of citizens
staged an Anti-Crime demonstration at the Broadway
Station on Saturday where the recent gang shooting
and knifing occured. They want better policing
and physical modifications at the station to deter
the many morally-challenged who patronize it. The
SkyTrain stations have got everybody in laid-back
Vancouver a bit nervous. A Staff/Sgt from the
Vancover Police spoke at the demo but no one at
City Hall could be bothered attending. Their mayor
is about as useless as ours.
..................................................
It figures. It's Good Times, the economy's roaring,
there are jobs a-plenty, the Joey Buttafucco of
politics is running the country and our military is
the terror of every impoverished, defenseless Third
World nation on the map. We are America! Hear us roar!
In the past when we've achieved this sort of pre-
eminence it's been our cue to self-destruct. We are
the Three Stooges of World Domination. From our Pig
Blind arrogance that allowed the Japanese and Euros
to economically sneak up and bushwack us, to our
hapless efforts to save Korea and Vietnam from
themselves - directly resulting in the untimely
demise of millions of their citizens who got in our
well-intentioned way - we've always found a way to
smack ourselves in the noggin with a baseball bat.
Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
How we gonna do it this time?
God Bless The Road-To-Hell Paving Company (Pentagon
Division). We can always count on those paper-
shuffling Desk Warriors to come up with something
Boneheaded enough to get the job done.
They want us to occupy Yugoslavia. This the only
Warsaw-Block Soviet ally that managed to scare the
hell out of Joe Stalin and the Red Army, forcing
him to stand down the invasion force he had massed
on their border. The only European country whose WWII
resistance didn't merely annoy the Germans (eg. the
phony French Resistance), but actually kicked their
butts out of the country.
These people are Dragon Slayers; they've taken on
the biggest Nasties of the century and nailed their
hides to the wall. It's kind of odd company for
Americans to be running in, but it looks like we're
volunteering for a turn.
And why are we doing this? Because they're committing
atrocities. Who in the hell isn't? Even the victims
can't wait to get in a few of their own once they get
back on their feet. And given our history, we ain't
got much cause to be putting on a Preacher Face. We've
got a long list of our own and little of it is ancient
history.
Times like these I often wish there was some form
of suspended animation I could slip into and just
snooze through our periods of Truely Abject National
Stupidity. But then I'd miss the best parts of the
show. Modern American angst in a nutshell.
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The above is copyright material. You want to use
it, ask. You want to make money off it, gimme
some first. I'll let you know if it's enough.
You want to steal it, I'll sic my lawyer Yoshi
'The Proctologist' Rasmussen on you baby. He'll
teriyaki your sorry butt and turn it into Lutefisk.
~--------------------------------------------------
Another Metro Moment Archives: www.eskimo.com/~foggy
Max Masters!!!
just call him LOOTICUS. he really hates that.