the good ol days in the Navy...
Jim Yanik
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
2. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the
curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry,
wrong rack" or "Your watch!"
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your
bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level.
5. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while
soaping.
6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking
chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous.
7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it
to "high".
8. Don't watch TV, except movies in the middle of the night. Also,
have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a
different one.
9. (Mandatory for all ex-engineering types) Leave lawnmower running
in your living room 2 hours a day for proper noise level.
10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
11. Once a week, blow compressed air up through your chimney,
making sure the wind carries the soot across onto your neighbor's
house. Laugh at him when he curses you.
12. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up
garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
13. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
on stale bread. (Optional: cold canned ravioli or soup.)
14. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in
your food cabinets or refrigerator.
15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night.
When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can,
then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose.
16. Once a month, take a very major appliance completely apart and
then put it back together again.
17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6
hours before drinking.
18. Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and
visit for a couple of months.
19. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee
table and lie under it to read books.
20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back
doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head
on the sill every time you pass through one of them.
21. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.
22. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is
baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off
the top.
23. Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout,
"Man Overboard, ship recovery!", run into the kitchen and sweep all
the pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor, then yell at
your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea."
24. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don't plug them in).
Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular),
"Stove manned and ready.' Stand there for at least 3 or 4 hours. Say
(again to no one in particular) "Stove Secured". Roll up the headphones
cord and put them away.
--
Jim Yanik
jyanik
at
kua.net
vaughn
"Jim Yanik" <jya...@abuse.gov> wrote in message
news:Xns9C445603120...@74.209.136.87...
> Suggestions for ex-navy people who miss "the good old days."
>
> 13. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
> on stale bread. (Optional: cold canned ravioli or soup.)
Stale bread? Not!
I actually have fond memories of midrats. They baked at night, so that was
the only time you could get oven-fresh bread. I was known to bury a whole
stick of butter in an entire loaf of hot bread and "chow down".
No wonder I weighed 100 pounds more then than today!
Vaughn
Joe Osman
> "vaughn" <vaughnsimonHATESS...@gmail.FAKE.com> wrote:
>
> ::"Jim Yanik" <jya...@abuse.gov> wrote in message
>
> :news:Xns9C445603120...@74.209.136.87...
> :> Suggestions for ex-navy people who miss "the good old days."
> :.
> :>
> :> 13. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
> :> on stale bread. (Optional: cold canned ravioli or soup.)
> :
> : Stale bread? Not!
> :
> :I actually have fond memories of midrats. They baked at night, so that was
> :the only time you could get oven-fresh bread. I was known to bury a whole
> :stick of butter in an entire loaf of hot bread and "chow down".
>
> Midrats was the best meal of the day. Breakfast to order PLUS various
> choices for dinner PLUS fresh bread and rolls.
>
> :
> : No wonder I weighed 100 pounds more then than today!
> :
>
> Yeah. One ship I was on assigned a new kid to be 'midnight baker'. He
> did a bunch of cinnamon rolls and then asked people to try them and
> brought them around to watch stations. They were incredible! He was
> so happy to be doing something that people liked that he started
> making about twice as much as he needed for the next day so that he
> could feed all the midnight watchstanders with fresh, warm, pastries.
>
> When you're trapped where no one can hear you scream, even the simple
> pleasures are wonderful....
>
> --
> "Adrenaline is like exercise, but without the excessive gym fees."
> -- Professor Walsh, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
In the Marines when I was in, for midrats we had either bologna or
"horse cock" sandwiches which were placed in a punch press before
being packed up. Some of the best 1/8 inch thick sandwiches that I've
ever had. "Horse cock" was some sort of salami with about a 4 inch
diameter. We used to wonder how they got the hole out of the middle.
Joe
Jim H.
Midrats on the USS Mars was most often 'left-over' roast beef when I
was on her in '68-'71.... a couple of slices of slightly toasted light
bread, a smear of mayo, and a slab of roast beast.... Mighty fine
eating! And at sea, you didn't have to be a watchstander, anybody
could eat. I believe it was in 'The Sand Pebbles' that I first
encountered the phrase, "She was a home and a feeder". AFS-1, Ichi
Bon Benjo Maru, was a feeder, for sure. Ahhh, the Supply Navy! 8-)
Jim H. "Entropy never sleeps. Do y'all?"
Ray O'Hara
"Joe Osman" <Joseph...@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:68d78b8f-cdc1-4192...@k26g2000vbp.googlegroups.com...
On Jul 10, 10:10 am, Fred J. McCall <fjmcc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> "vaughn" <vaughnsimonHATESS...@gmail.FAKE.com> wrote:
>
>
> :news:Xns9C445603120...@74.209.136.87...
> :> Suggestions for ex-navy people who miss "the good old days."
> :.
> :>
> :> 13. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
> :> on stale bread. (Optional: cold canned ravioli or soup.)
> :
> : Stale bread? Not!
> :
> :I actually have fond memories of midrats. They baked at night, so that
> was
> :the only time you could get oven-fresh bread. I was known to bury a whole
> :stick of butter in an entire loaf of hot bread and "chow down".
>
> Midrats was the best meal of the day. Breakfast to order PLUS various
> choices for dinner PLUS fresh bread and rolls.
>
> :
> : No wonder I weighed 100 pounds more then than today!
> :
>
> Yeah. One ship I was on assigned a new kid to be 'midnight baker'. He
> did a bunch of cinnamon rolls and then asked people to try them and
> brought them around to watch stations. They were incredible! He was
> so happy to be doing something that people liked that he started
> making about twice as much as he needed for the next day so that he
> could feed all the midnight watchstanders with fresh, warm, pastries.
>
> When you're trapped where no one can hear you scream, even the simple
> pleasures are wonderful....
>
> --
> "Adrenaline is like exercise, but without the excessive gym fees."
> -- Professor Walsh, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
In the Marines when I was in, for midrats we had either bologna or
"horse cock" sandwiches which were placed in a punch press before
being packed up. Some of the best 1/8 inch thick sandwiches that I've
ever had. "Horse cock" was some sort of salami with about a 4 inch
diameter. We used to wonder how they got the hole out of the middle.
Joe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
get a real newsreader, google sucks.
and even though it might not seem to bewotking one click does it.
Jack Linthicum
Wake up to the sound of gentle waves washing against the shore, then
realize you are in your bunk on a ship you've never sailed on and the
gentle waves are sea water about 6 inches deep and you shoes just went
ashore.
Richard Casady
>3. Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout,
>"Man Overboard, ship recovery!"
Do you use a gunny sack for the cat?
Casady
frank
Put in pipes with labels throughout the house. Sewage. Hot Water. Cold
Water. Steam. Put arrows on them, add lots of valves.
Make the rooms smaller. Put stairs and doors all over to get from one
side of the house to the other. Block direct access by a large room or
wall that doesn't open to through traffic. Make sure stairs only go
one direction by custom. Don't tell what that is.
Other than that, the Navy was pretty nice to visitors, even when we
asked where the front of the boat was, walked on the bridge and said
'Nice view.' Sat in the Captain's chair. Though sometimes I think much
hilarity was the CPOs setting up the XO and others.
Jim Yanik
news:qqsr55lg91vs5ltkg...@4ax.com:
I dunno,I was USAF!
vaughn
> bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level.
>
More typically:
Shine up your bathroom until it glows like new. Then put a big "SECURED"
sign across the door and never let anyone in there again.
Vaughn