Thankyou America!
Peter D Rieden
would just like to express our heartfelt thanks to the citizens of the
United States of America for their generous provision of entertainment over
the last few days. "Electing a President" could soon rival football (soccer)
as the world's favourite spectator sport, being a combination of almost
shakesperian drama with comedic moments that might rival Monty Python. Each
twist and turn brings a chuckle to the throat and a tear to the eye - true
quality!
It has been extremely entertaining and here in the UK it has been
particularly appreciated as it has helped distract us from the recent round
of storms and floods. I propose that the rest of the world have a whip-round
to buy America a big box of chocolates!
We thank you all!
--
Peter D Rieden
(aka PDR)
Steven James Forsberg
: It has been extremely entertaining and here in the UK it has been
: particularly appreciated as it has helped distract us from the recent round
: of storms and floods. I propose that the rest of the world have a whip-round
: to buy America a big box of chocolates!
Ah, shucks. We really owe it all to you Brits, who taught us
the fundamentals of "western" governence. I mean, not knowing who is
going to be running the nation next week is par for the course for a
nation whose leader might be ejected at the drop of a "no confidence"
vote. We may have Florida, but we acknowledge that the English were
the inventors of the "rotten borough'. And then there were the mad
kings who have so inspried our own leadership... :-) :-)
All we need now is wigs...
regards,
-----------------------------------
sjfo...@bayou.uh.edu wizard 87-01
ANDREW ROBERT BREEN
"whigs", surely?
Nobody needs Tories.
--
Andy Breen ~ PPARC Advanced Research Fellow, Interplanetary Scintillation
Solar Physics Group, UW Aberystwyth
"When I was young I used to scintillate
now I only sin 'til ten past three" (Ogden Nash)
Peter Skelton
>
>: It has been extremely entertaining and here in the UK it has been
>: particularly appreciated as it has helped distract us from the recent round
>: of storms and floods. I propose that the rest of the world have a whip-round
>: to buy America a big box of chocolates!
>
> Ah, shucks. We really owe it all to you Brits, who taught us
>the fundamentals of "western" governence. I mean, not knowing who is
>going to be running the nation next week is par for the course for a
>nation whose leader might be ejected at the drop of a "no confidence"
>vote. We may have Florida, but we acknowledge that the English were
>the inventors of the "rotten borough'. And then there were the mad
>kings who have so inspried our own leadership... :-) :-)
>
> All we need now is wigs...
Just ask Tina, she'll help you out.
(She can put on a mid-length skirt, flip her wig and walk unrecognized
anywhere - a really brilliant bit of misdirection that thing is.)
--
Peter Skelton
B F Lake
>
> All we need now is wigs...
>
Spruce Goose going again?
Regards,
Barry
Peter D Rieden
> Ah, shucks. We really owe it all to you Brits, who taught us
>the fundamentals of "western" governence.
It's all part of our cunning plan to induce America to return to the fold
and take its proper place under the Crown...<BG>
>I mean, not knowing who is going to be running the nation next week is par
for the course for a
>nation whose leader might be ejected at the drop of a "no confidence"
>vote.
Can you think of a better incentive to prevent another Nixon/Clinton (delete
according to political preference)? You have to actually prove your
president did something illegal before you can get rid of him/her - we
merely have to prove we don't like him/her...<BG>
>We may have Florida, but we acknowledge that the English were
>the inventors of the "rotten borough'.
...and indeed the "Robber Button" (with due acknowledgement to Mr BA)
> And then there were the mad kings who have so inspried our own
leadership...
You certainly seem to have taken the style to heart!<BG> Did you know that
the film about George the Third was originally going to be called "The
madness of King George III", but the US distributors insisted it was changed
to "The madness of King George" to avoid a flood of enquiries about the
previous two films...!
Peter D Rieden
>Nobody needs Tories.
Amen to that - 18 years was QUITE long enough!
Keith Willshaw
"Peter D Rieden" <Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote in message
news:3a0c...@pull.gecm.com...
> ANDREW ROBERT BREEN wrote in message <8ugudj$a1uf$1...@central.aber.ac.uk>...
> >Nobody needs Tories.
>
> Amen to that - 18 years was QUITE long enough!
>
It sounds like you believe Blair isnt a Tory :)
Keith
Peter D Rieden
<8uh1s9$9d9$1...@sshuraab-i-1.production.compuserve.com>...
>
>It sounds like you believe Blair isnt a Tory :)
I won't say that I agree with everything that Blair does, nor do I
necessarily believe everything that he says, but these things are relative.
Blair may cause me to suffer the odd period of annoyance, but Major and
Thatcher cuased me to seriously consider getting into the subversion and
terrorism business. There is a world of difference, but people forget
incredibly quickly.
As for subjecting Hague to the travails of governmental responsibility, I
could never condone such an act of extreme child abuse...<G>
ANDREW ROBERT BREEN
Peter D Rieden <Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote:
>As for subjecting Hague to the travails of governmental responsibility, I
>could never condone such an act of extreme child abuse...<G>
Steve Bell refers.
:)
Peter D Rieden
>
>Steve Bell refers.
>
Regrettably I have not kept up on the cartoon strips in recent years - Do I
presume this has been the general thrust of his representation of the
Bandwagon Kid?
<BG>
Andy Hartley
a...@aber.ac.uk (ANDREW ROBERT BREEN) wrote:
> In article <3a0c1330$1...@pull.gecm.com>,
> Peter D Rieden <Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote:
>
> >As for subjecting Hague to the travails of governmental
responsibility, I
> >could never condone such an act of extreme child abuse...<G>
>
> Steve Bell refers.
>
> :)
God, I need to get back in the habit of watching Question Time on
C-SPAN. The Times and The Economist aren't quite keeping me up
here. :)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Al Gerharter
e recent round
> of storms and floods. I propose that the rest of the world have a
whip-round
> to buy America a big box of chocolates!
>
> We thank you all!
Stephen M. Willis
videos of Labor Party yada yada, Conservative Party, yada-yada, Liberal Party,
yada-yada, Spam Lovers Party......Silly Kinckers Party......Colonic Irrigation
Party.....
Peter D Rieden wrote:
> Apologies for posting off-topic, but on behalf of the rest of the world I
> would just like to express our heartfelt thanks to the citizens of the
> United States of America for their generous provision of entertainment over
> the last few days. "Electing a President" could soon rival football (soccer)
> as the world's favourite spectator sport, being a combination of almost
> shakesperian drama with comedic moments that might rival Monty Python. Each
> twist and turn brings a chuckle to the throat and a tear to the eye - true
> quality!
>
> It has been extremely entertaining and here in the UK it has been
> particularly appreciated as it has helped distract us from the recent round
redc1c4
>
> Steven James Forsberg wrote in message <8ugtb3$11b$1...@Masala.CC.UH.EDU>...
> > Ah, shucks. We really owe it all to you Brits, who taught us
> >the fundamentals of "western" governence.
>
> It's all part of our cunning plan to induce America to return to the fold
> and take its proper place under the Crown...<BG>
so ER prefers to be on top, eh? having seen her pic's i think doggy
style would be the only way that might have a chance of success... %-)
redc1c4,
definitely a two bagger, she is.
--
"I am not worth purchasing, but such as I am, the king of Great Britain
is not rich enough to do it."
General Joseph Reed
William Black
> so ER prefers to be on top, eh? having seen her pic's i think doggy
> style would be the only way that might have a chance of success... %-)
Well the guy she married went from Captain RN to Admiral of the Fleet
overnight, and they never retire and stay on full pay
So you'd do as you were bloody told.
--
William Black
--------------------------------------
On time, on budget, or works;
Pick any two from three
John W.
Jim Herring
> In article <8ugtb3$11b$1...@Masala.CC.UH.EDU>,
> Steven James Forsberg <sjfo...@Bayou.UH.EDU> wrote:
> > All we need now is wigs...
>
> "whigs", surely?
>
> Nobody needs Tories.
>
There was an American Whig party about 160 years ago, William H. Harrison (1840)
and Zachary Taylor (1848) won. We kicked out the Tories in the late 1780's,
during some disagreement with some island off France. :)
--
Jim
carry on
Neill McKay
>
> Sour grapes for the loss of the Empire.
I wouldn't imagine so; empires are damn expensive, and a fair bit of
trouble in modern times. They're probably quite glad to be rid of you
guys, in particular! :)
Neill McKay
--
Neill McKay, BScE, EIT, ASCSCE
Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada
Michael P. Reed
Jim Herring <mus...@bga.com> wrote:
> There was an American Whig party about 160 years ago, William H. Harrison (1840)
> and Zachary Taylor (1848) won. We kicked out the Tories in the late 1780's,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
By late, I assume you mean early. <g>
--
Regards,
Michael P. Reed
Reply to mpreedattdi.net
Brian Allardice
>
>Keith Willshaw wrote in message
><8uh1s9$9d9$1...@sshuraab-i-1.production.compuserve.com>...
>>
>>It sounds like you believe Blair isnt a Tory :)
Forget Blair... What about Jack [Adolf] Straw. To the right of Haider.... who
needs trial by jury, ve haf judges who can sort it alle out......... Christ,
and this is the Labour Party.......???????? (but don't mention the war....)
Cheers,
dba
Brian Allardice
>God, I need to get back in the habit of watching Question Time on
>C-SPAN. The Times and The Economist aren't quite keeping me up
>here. :)
Now, now, the US networks are the idiots who 'called' Florida for Gore, no-one,
Bush, no-one &c....
Mind you, I used to love the Times, but it has moved so far down market that
only the lack of a pg.3 distinguishes it from the Sun....
It's fun to see the Yanks finally topple over into third-worldism.... A tight
vote, ok..... a recount, OK, but shrieking morons protesting that they were too
stupid to fill in a ballot that (as an experiment) my 12 year old son managed
first time [hey, kid! Vote fore Gore.... Christ Dad, there's the arrow, now
bugger off, I'm playing Nintendo with my friends.....] makes you kinda
wonder.... pretty pathetic....
Cheers,
dba
Andrew Chaplin
>
> On Fri, 10 Nov 2000 13:48:41 -0600, "Stephen M. Willis"
> <swi...@tambcd.edu> wrote:
>
> >You Brits do it so much better. I really miss those election night returns and
> >videos of Labor Party yada yada, Conservative Party, yada-yada, Liberal Party,
> >yada-yada, Spam Lovers Party......Silly Kinckers Party......Colonic Irrigation
> >Party.....
>
> block of concrete.....
Canada has boasted the Rhino Party (its leader was Cornelius the
rhinocerous at the Toronto Zoo) the Natural Law Party (it will bring
peace and prosperity to Canada and the world through yogic flying) and
now the Marijuana Party (a single issue party about guess what) that I
expect will out-poll the Communists.
--
Andrew Chaplin
SIT MIHI GLADIUS SICUT SANCTO MARTINO
(If you're going to e-mail me, you'll have to get "yourfinger." out.)
Andy Ashworth
"Peter D Rieden" <Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote in message
news:3a0c0722$1...@pull.gecm.com...
> Steven James Forsberg wrote in message <8ugtb3$11b$1...@Masala.CC.UH.EDU>...
> > Ah, shucks. We really owe it all to you Brits, who taught us
> >the fundamentals of "western" governence.
>
> It's all part of our cunning plan to induce America to return to the fold
> and take its proper place under the Crown...<BG>
Heard on Radio the morning the whole debacle was first reported:
"America's revolutionary experiment is over - look's like its time to rejoin
the Commonwealth"
Andy
Ogden Johnson III
>now the Marijuana Party (a single issue party about guess what) that I
>expect will out-poll the Communists.
As is only to be expected, since the constituency for marijuana vastly
outnumbers that for Communism.
OJ III
Eugene Griessel
What a potty statement. It's all smoke without fire. The idea should
be put out to grass.
Eugene L Griessel eug...@dynagen.co.za
www.dynagen.co.za/eugene
SAAF Crashboat Page - www.dynagen.co.za/eugene/eug3.htm
Snake Page - www.web.netactive.co.za/~sean
Peter Skelton
>Tex Bennett wrote:
>>
>> On Fri, 10 Nov 2000 13:48:41 -0600, "Stephen M. Willis"
>> <swi...@tambcd.edu> wrote:
>>
>> >You Brits do it so much better. I really miss those election night returns and
>> >videos of Labor Party yada yada, Conservative Party, yada-yada, Liberal Party,
>> >yada-yada, Spam Lovers Party......Silly Kinckers Party......Colonic Irrigation
>> >Party.....
>>
>> Sensible Party, Silly Party and the Very Silly Party candidate in the
>> block of concrete.....
>
>Canada has boasted the Rhino Party (its leader was Cornelius the
>rhinocerous at the Toronto Zoo) the Natural Law Party (it will bring
>peace and prosperity to Canada and the world through yogic flying) and
>now the Marijuana Party (a single issue party about guess what) that I
>expect will out-poll the Communists.
When I lived in Lachine the Rhinos outpolled the PC's, the second of the
main-line parties at the time.
Their platform in the mid-eighties included moving to driving on the left
side of the road, sensibly moving to the majority. The implementation,
however, was a phased in approach, trucks the first year, cars later.
--
Peter Skelton
Greg McFadden
"Brian Allardice" <d...@uniserve.com> wrote in message
news:97393982...@neptune.uniserve.ca...
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk
them the book on how to run a democracy, it works for a few years then it
all goes pear shaped - Uganda, Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe...and now the
States! :)
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk
>
>
> What a potty statement. It's all smoke without fire. The idea should
> be put out to grass.
Groan! LOL
Eugene Griessel
>This is the standard pattern for the ex colonies unfortunately. We give
>them the book on how to run a democracy, it works for a few years then it
>all goes pear shaped - Uganda, Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe...and now the
>States! :)
And they can't even make a decent cuppa there anymore either.
Yeff
Eugene Griessel<eug...@dynagen.co.za> wrote in
sci.military.naval:
> And they can't even make a decent cuppa there anymore either.
Cuppa? At least we can finish a sente
;-)
-Jeff B.
yeff at erols dot com
Brian Allardice
>When I lived in Lachine the Rhinos outpolled the PC's, the second of the
>main-line parties at the time.
>
>Their platform in the mid-eighties included moving to driving on the left
>side of the road, sensibly moving to the majority. The implementation,
>however, was a phased in approach, trucks the first year, cars later.
Hell! I lived in Lachine then AND I was one of the Rhino voters! It is a sad
commentary on the viciousness of Canadian political life that in revenge for
this great victory our leader was exiled to San Diego zoo.
Cheers,
dba
Jim Herring
> In article <3A0CDA2E...@bga.com>,
> Jim Herring <mus...@bga.com> wrote:
>
> > There was an American Whig party about 160 years ago, William H. Harrison (1840)
> > and Zachary Taylor (1848) won. We kicked out the Tories in the late 1780's,
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> By late, I assume you mean early. <g>
Yeah, I always get got with the details.
--
Jim
carry on
Jim Herring
> Hell! I lived in Lachine then AND I was one of the Rhino voters! It is a sad
> commentary on the viciousness of Canadian political life that in revenge for
> this great victory our leader was exiled to San Diego zoo.
>
It seems he saw the light. BTW, San Diego went for Bush. Smart the rhino. :)
--
Jim
carry on
Jim C
see for yourself. Fortunately, I am not there yet, but I've had parents who
were and I my 84 year old father in law had to ask for help three times when
voting this week in Texas. He's no dummy either, but gets a little confused
at his age. Fortunately the poll workers in his precinct were willing to
explain things to him.....again, three times. He takes his "duty" to vote
seriously and was well prepared on the issues and candidates. .
Unfortunately the poll workers in W Palm Beach wouldn't help those with
similar problems, all 19k of them. Hardly American.
Too stupid to fill out a ballot, uhuh? You shouldn't believe everything El
Rusbo wails about.
Jim
Greg McFadden <arch...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:8uk4lo$59i$1...@bop.gonzaga.edu...
Brian Sharrock
a _serious_ on-topic question;-
While the world waits the ten days allowed
for Floridian postal votes to arrive and
with the presumption that many of these
will be from navy &/+ marines ... I wondered;-
Do the absentee (postal), and military,
voters utilise the same procedures as at
their 'precint'(?) polling station?
In other words; are any 'Palm Beach Co.'
(fr'instance) service voters punching a card
or do they mark a mult-page ballot form?
If they mark a form, who transcribes it
onto a punched card? ... a part volounteer or
some notarised official ...the world wonders!
I understand from the media (CNN, Fox, BBC)
that the card used needs to be used in
combination with a 'book' of pages ...
but can't believe that such contraptions
are held as ship's inventory ... not
considering the 50 states plus the district
having differnt processes.
Brian Sharrock
Andre Lieven
> In article <3a0d8255.82976483@news>, skel...@home.com says...
>
>>When I lived in Lachine the Rhinos outpolled the PC's, the second of the
>>main-line parties at the time.
>>
>>Their platform in the mid-eighties included moving to driving on the left
>>side of the road, sensibly moving to the majority. The implementation,
>>however, was a phased in approach, trucks the first year, cars later.
>
> commentary on the viciousness of Canadian political life that in revenge for
> this great victory our leader was exiled to San Diego zoo.
At that time, I lived in the riding of Mount Royal, so since it was a
Liberal safe seat, my voting Rhino was more of an amusement than anything
else.
But, they had a great platform... such as, making graft and corruption
available to persons of common means. So, you could be a judge for $10,
a Senator for $15, and the sum of $19.99 would get you a Crown Commission
on the subject of your choice...
And, IIRC, there is a piece of Federal legislation that now mandates
that the leader of a national political party up here has to be a human
being.... Hmm... wonder how Mulroney got past that one... <g>
> Cheers,
> dba
Andre
--
" The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some
other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "
David Gelernter, " 1939 "
Peter Skelton
>Brian Allardice wrote:
>
>> Hell! I lived in Lachine then AND I was one of the Rhino voters! It is a sad
>> commentary on the viciousness of Canadian political life that in revenge for
>> this great victory our leader was exiled to San Diego zoo.
>>
>
>It seems he saw the light. BTW, San Diego went for Bush. Smart the rhino. :)
>
Our leader died heartbroken and imprisoned in his cruel exile.
--
Peter Skelton
Ogden Johnson III
>Do the absentee (postal), and military,
>voters utilise the same procedures as at
>their 'precint'(?) polling station?
>In other words; are any 'Palm Beach Co.'
>(fr'instance) service voters punching a card
>or do they mark a mult-page ballot form?
I can't speak, of course, to all jurisdictions, but logic suggests
that most would send out an old-fashioned "mark the X in the square"
type ballot, since few absentee voters would have access to whatever
voting machine/punches/magic markers are currently being used in their
home jurisdiction. That was the case with the ~9 or 10 absentee
ballots I submitted to Fairfax County VA during my 21 years in the
USMC.
>If they mark a form, who transcribes it
>onto a punched card? ... a part volounteer or
>some notarised official ...the world wonders!
Again, in Fairfax County VA only from my own knowledge, they hand
counted the ballots, which had to be notarized. Fairly simple in the
case of the military, since any commissioned officer has notary power
by virtue of his commission as an officer. If the number was correct
in yesterday's paper, Florida had a total [rounded, for the
nit-pickers amongst the audience] of 15,000 absentee ballots requested
for this election. That would not be an undue burden to hand count,
given that most FL jurisdictions other than Mayport, the Pensacola
area, would probably have far fewer than even a thousand to hand
count.
>I understand from the media (CNN, Fox, BBC)
>that the card used needs to be used in
>combination with a 'book' of pages ...
>but can't believe that such contraptions
>are held as ship's inventory ... not
>considering the 50 states plus the district
>having differnt processes.
Oh, how little you understand the US military bureaucracy. Such a
"book" would be puny compared to many of the arcane references each of
the individual services requires each of their reporting units to
maintain. However, in my day ['61-'82], each of the states had agreed
to accept the Federal Voter Registration/Absentee Ballot Request
Postal Card [or somesuch name]. The absentee ballot package itself,
when sent, contained whatever specialized instructions required as to
exact details such as notarization, when it needs to be returned
[e.g., VA was any time after receipt until midnight of the day of the
election], etc.
OJ III
Brian Sharrock
"Ogden Johnson III" <oj...@home.com> wrote in message
news:cgjt0t07e499jjvnp...@4ax.com...
> "Brian Sharrock" <bria...@pavilion.co.uk> wrote:
>
> >Do the absentee (postal), and military,
> >voters utilise the same procedures as at
> >their 'precint'(?) polling station?
Snip
Thanks, OJI II, for the excellent answers to
my Ukian questioning
> >but can't believe that such contraptions
> >are held as ship's inventory ... not
> >considering the 50 states plus the district
> >having differnt processes.
>
> Oh, how little you understand the US military bureaucracy. Such a
> "book" would be puny compared to many of the arcane references each of
> the individual services requires each of their reporting units to
> maintain.
Oh, but I do ... how many hours? at what rate? (We'll
have the Federal auditors fly in from Frankfurt and turn your
accounting departmrnt upside down), How many drawings?
what size? [Loop: If you don't know how many drawings, how
do you know how many hours?]. Is this the best way to go?
{Loop: We'll send in our Federal Technical guys to turn your
Design Dept upside down], When's the PDR conference?,
You understand that if you provide the attendees with
coffe'n'donuts they'll all have to hand over $15 each, which'll
drive your Finance Director crazy 'cos he can't decide
if he has to pay VAT on it?, Source code? .., embodied COTS?,
Can this instrument - used since Nelson's time- be redesigned
to incorporate jewelled bearings from some Indian^H^H^H^H^H^H
Native American reservation?, How many of your purchased items
are sourced from USA small firms comprising at least one
Lesbian and a Democrat (extra points if the Lesbian is
black]? First angle projection? camera ready copy? Wordperfect 5.0?
aparture cards?, three ring binders?, letter size? ...
ILS conferences?, pre provisioning?, special tools?,
FSN assignments?, ... et. al.
Rule of Thumb; one container (2xTEU) for the kit, two
containers for the doc's.
</bitter mode> You may have noticed how in other threads
I've risen to the bait of "the Ruritanian widget is better than
your widget - because the Ruritania Defence Force uses it"!
Regards
Brian Sharrock
Peter D Rieden
>Sour grapes for the loss of the Empire.
We didn't lose the empire - we found it down the back of the sofa cushions
next to a couple of old pizza crusts and £1.37 in small change.
Peter D Rieden
made the point that if this fiasco had happened in Zimbabwe or Uganda the
USA would be screaming "rigged election" and imposing sanctions before you
could say "Antidisestablishmentarianistically speaking". He suggested that
perhaps there should be inependant (african) observers monitoring the polls
in the USA...
All tongue-in-cheek, of course, but I was highly amused...<BG>
--
Peter D Rieden
(aka PDR)
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk wrote in message <3A0D9796...@netcomuk.co.uk>...
>This is the standard pattern for the ex colonies unfortunately. We give
>them the book on how to run a democracy, it works for a few years then it
>all goes pear shaped - Uganda, Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe...and now the
>States! :)
>
Olivers
>
> Just jumping into the thread, and posing
> a _serious_ on-topic question;-
>
> While the world waits the ten days allowed
> for Floridian postal votes to arrive and
> with the presumption that many of these
> will be from navy &/+ marines ... I wondered;-
>
> Do the absentee (postal), and military,
> voters utilise the same procedures as at
> their 'precint'(?) polling station?
> In other words; are any 'Palm Beach Co.'
> (fr'instance) service voters punching a card
> or do they mark a mult-page ballot form?
>
> If they mark a form, who transcribes it
> onto a punched card? ... a part volounteer or
> some notarised official ...the world wonders!
>
Back in my active duty days (and since while traveling), I had to
request by mail (or in person) an absentee ballot appropriate to my
precinct of residence/"Home of Record" in McLennan County, Texas, which
after marking (these days in little penciled blips to be read by optical
scan), which had/has to be returned prior to Election Day to Mclennan
County's Courthose. No witnessing or other verification was involved.
These days, the ballot is exactly the same as those used by other voters
in my precinct, listing state and local offices down through the Justice
of the Peace for the precinct.
Olivers
>
> wa...@netcomuk.co.uk wrote:
>
> >This is the standard pattern for the ex colonies unfortunately. We give
> >them the book on how to run a democracy, it works for a few years then it
> >all goes pear shaped - Uganda, Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe...and now the
> >States! :)
>
>
for internal security purposes for the next fiscal quarter in Florida
remain substantially below those required to maintain the garrison
forces in Northern Ireland.
Reports of the exchange of gunfire between Bush and Gore forces in Palm
Beach County turn out to have been erroneous, caused by someone playing
Radio Belfast at high volume. The local government of West Palm Beach
continues to allow funereals and parades to continue unabated (and with
low casualties), while the gunshops of Palm Beach, one of the US's
richest enclaves, sell more Purdeys than AK47 clones.
Eugene Griessel
>...on the other hand, Defense Estimates of the number of troops required
>for internal security purposes for the next fiscal quarter in Florida
>remain substantially below those required to maintain the garrison
>forces in Northern Ireland.
>
>Reports of the exchange of gunfire between Bush and Gore forces in Palm
>Beach County turn out to have been erroneous, caused by someone playing
>Radio Belfast at high volume. The local government of West Palm Beach
>continues to allow funereals and parades to continue unabated (and with
>low casualties), while the gunshops of Palm Beach, one of the US's
>richest enclaves, sell more Purdeys than AK47 clones.
How boring! No taxi wars? No pipe bombs at the local hamburger
joint?
Martin Sinclair
>
> ...on the other hand, Defense Estimates of the number of troops required
> for internal security purposes for the next fiscal quarter in Florida
> remain substantially below those required to maintain the garrison
> forces in Northern Ireland.
>
> Reports of the exchange of gunfire between Bush and Gore forces in Palm
> Beach County turn out to have been erroneous, caused by someone playing
> Radio Belfast at high volume. The local government of West Palm Beach
> continues to allow funereals and parades to continue unabated (and with
> low casualties), while the gunshops of Palm Beach, one of the US's
> richest enclaves, sell more Purdeys than AK47 clones.
Hey, less of that.
After all, from what we see on our news programmes, when Florida's
Social Services go round to pick up a kid, it takes a platoon of SWAT
in full armour, tooled for bear. By jingo, these Cuban five-year-olds
must be a handful, eh ?
:-) :-)
Martin
First of Foot, Right of the Line
Chris Manteuffel
<Peter....@bae.co.uk> arranged electrons in an arbitrary pattern
familiar to all as:
>Did you hear the Zimbabwean chappie on the R4 morning news last week? He
>made the point that if this fiasco had happened in Zimbabwe or Uganda the
>USA would be screaming "rigged election" and imposing sanctions before you
>could say "Antidisestablishmentarianistically speaking". He suggested that
>perhaps there should be inependant (african) observers monitoring the polls
>in the USA...
My favorite line is from a Lebanese newspaper, apologizing for
prematurely calling the election- 'in our country we are used to the
winner being declared and then the votes counted'.
Chris Manteuffel
"...the war situation has developed not necessarily
to Japan's advantage..."
-Emperor Hirohito, August 14, 1945
Remove something from email address
Brian Allardice
cdm7g*REMOVETHIS*@virginia.edu says...
>My favorite line is from a Lebanese newspaper, apologizing for
>prematurely calling the election- 'in our country we are used to the
>winner being declared and then the votes counted'.
From the Russians: Of course democracy is better in Russia than in America:
Here we know results months before, there they can't figure out even after....
Cheers,
dba
Ogden Johnson III
>John W. wrote in message <3A0C2175...@neta.com>...
>>Sour grapes for the loss of the Empire.
>We didn't lose the empire - we found it down the back of the sofa cushions
>next to a couple of old pizza crusts and £1.37 in small change.
Pardon me while I translate to the old style - I never got used to
that decimal stuff ... ... ... that would be roughly £1 7/5, right?
OJ III
[Or was it 12 shillings to the £, 20 pence to the shilling? I do know
that a shot was 2/6 which was $0.35 {in 196mumble}.]
Paul J. Adam
writes
>Eugene Griessel wrote:
>> And they can't even make a decent cuppa there anymore either.
>>
>for internal security purposes for the next fiscal quarter in Florida
>remain substantially below those required to maintain the garrison
>forces in Northern Ireland.
Only because there's a lack of wealthy outsiders subsidising the
"democratic pro-Cuban forces" in their "armed struggle against majority
oppression"...
>Reports of the exchange of gunfire between Bush and Gore forces in Palm
>Beach County turn out to have been erroneous, caused by someone playing
>Radio Belfast at high volume.
That wasn't gunfire, that was a mortar barrage. Mortar fire is just the
sound of healthy democracy when it's funded _by_ US citizens. (When it's
directed _at_ US citizens it's terrorism, but that's a contradiction the
US doesn't want to face just yet :) )
> The local government of West Palm Beach
>continues to allow funereals and parades to continue unabated (and with
>low casualties), while the gunshops of Palm Beach, one of the US's
>richest enclaves, sell more Purdeys than AK47 clones.
You think the Real IRA (as opposed to Continuity IRA, Provisional IRA,
Republican Irish Army, the Republican Army of Provisional Ireland -
SPLITTERS!) _choose_ AK clones? They're available and affordable and so
they're used.
--
There are four kinds of homicide: praiseworthy, justifiable, excusable and
felonious...
Paul J. Adam ne...@jrwlynch.demon.co.uk
Kerryn Offord
Ogden Johnson III wrote:
>
<SNIP, finding GBP 1.37>
> Pardon me while I translate to the old style - I never got used to
> that decimal stuff ... ... ... that would be roughly £1 7/5, right?
>
> OJ III
> [Or was it 12 shillings to the £, 20 pence to the shilling? I do know
> that a shot was 2/6 which was $0.35 {in 196mumble}.]
12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound.
GBP 0.37 ~ 6.4 shillings (3.7 * 2)
0.4 shillings ~ 5 pennies (0.7 * 12)
so: 1.37 pounds ~ GBP 1 6/5
THESE Coridon Henshaw
><Peter....@bae.co.uk> arranged electrons in an arbitrary pattern
>familiar to all as:
>>Did you hear the Zimbabwean chappie on the R4 morning news last week?
>>He made the point that if this fiasco had happened in Zimbabwe or
>>Uganda the USA would be screaming "rigged election" and imposing
>>sanctions before you could say "Antidisestablishmentarianistically
>>speaking".
Not to mention how the US would react to a 3rd or 2nd world election where
where the brother of one of the candidates was ultimately responsible for
the vote count in a critical election riding/district/state.
--
Coridon Henshaw -- http://www3.sympatico.ca/gcircle/csbh
"..To expect a good deal from life is purile." -- D.H. Lawerence
Random
All questions neatly side stepped by making the appropriate
arrangements for not funding ILS, spares, training, technical manuals,
special tools etc. I know the mechanism and I'm currently trying to
live with the results. COTS sucks when procured in a slimey manner.
random
Random
>Eugene Griessel wrote:
>>
>> wa...@netcomuk.co.uk wrote:
>>
>> >This is the standard pattern for the ex colonies unfortunately. We give
>> >them the book on how to run a democracy, it works for a few years then it
>> >all goes pear shaped - Uganda, Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe...and now the
>> >States! :)
>>
>> And they can't even make a decent cuppa there anymore either.
>>
>...on the other hand, Defense Estimates of the number of troops required
>for internal security purposes for the next fiscal quarter in Florida
>remain substantially below those required to maintain the garrison
>forces in Northern Ireland.
Oh if only! Do you suspect that there is a reason we have Cape
Canaveral, Patrick AFB, MacDill AFB, Southern Command, Central Command
and Special Operations Command all located in Florida? Do you have
any idea how much we spent to rebuild Homestead AFB after the
hurricane? I would far rather pay the bill for continuing insanity
in Ireland than SPECOPS bills for a quarter. It'd be orders of
magnitude cheaper for one thing.
It does make one wonder how much we pay when we federalize the guard
for hurricanes and other natural disasters..
random
Random
<ka...@student.canterbury.ac.nz> wrote:
>
>
>Ogden Johnson III wrote:
>> =
>
><SNIP, finding GBP 1.37>
>
>> Pardon me while I translate to the old style - I never got used to
>> that decimal stuff ... ... ... that would be roughly =A31 7/5, right?
>> =
>
>> OJ III
>> [Or was it 12 shillings to the =A3, 20 pence to the shilling? I do kno=
>w
>> that a shot was 2/6 which was $0.35 {in 196mumble}.]
>
>12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound.
>
>GBP 0.37 ~ 6.4 shillings (3.7 * 2)
>0.4 shillings ~ 5 pennies (0.7 * 12)
>
>so: 1.37 pounds ~ GBP 1 6/5
From page 178 of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's wonderful novel,
"Good Omens."
"*NOTE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE AND AMERICANS: One shilling = Five Pee. It
helps to understand the antique finances of the Witchfinder Army if
you know the original British monetary system:
Two farthings = One Ha'penny. Two ha'pennies = One Penny. Three
pennies=A Thrupenny Bit. Two Thrupences=A Sixpence. Two
Sixpences=One shilling, or Bob. Two Bob=A Florin. One Florin and One
Sixpence=Half a Crown. Four Half Crowns=Ten Bob Note. Two Ten Bob
Notes=One Pound (or 240 pennies). One Pound and One Shilling=One
Guinea.
The British resisted decimalized currency for a long time
because they thought ti was too complicated."
random
loki
>
> From page 178 of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's wonderful novel,
> "Good Omens."
>
> "*NOTE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE AND AMERICANS: One shilling = Five Pee. It
> helps to understand the antique finances of the Witchfinder Army if
> you know the original British monetary system:
> Two farthings = One Ha'penny. Two ha'pennies = One Penny. Three
> pennies=A Thrupenny Bit. Two Thrupences=A Sixpence. Two
> Sixpences=One shilling, or Bob. Two Bob=A Florin. One Florin and One
> Sixpence=Half a Crown. Four Half Crowns=Ten Bob Note. Two Ten Bob
> Notes=One Pound (or 240 pennies). One Pound and One Shilling=One
> Guinea.
Pratchett? *You* read Pratchett???? <smile> Wonders never cease.
> The British resisted decimalized currency for a long time
> because they thought ti was too complicated."
Yeah, thank the gods they did finally decimalize or I'd never have been
able to deal with it. Then again, the banks handle it all if you just put
it on the old charge card...
Loki
Keith Willshaw
"Kerryn Offord" <ka...@student.canterbury.ac.nz> wrote in message
news:3A10856D...@student.canterbury.ac.nz...
Ogden Johnson III wrote:
>
<SNIP, finding GBP 1.37>
>> Pardon me while I translate to the old style - I never got used to
>> that decimal stuff ... ... ... that would be roughly £1 7/5, right?
>>
>> OJ III
>> [Or was it 12 shillings to the £, 20 pence to the shilling? I do know
>> that a shot was 2/6 which was $0.35 {in 196mumble}.]
>12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound.
>GBP 0.37 ~ 6.4 shillings (3.7 * 2)
Pardon for intruding but last time I checked
3.7*2= 7.4
Of course the equation is wrong anyway
37 New pence = 37*2.4 old pence
= 88.8 old pence = 7 shillings and 4.8 new pence
Ogden Johnson III was quite correct
Keith
yo...@pl.jaring.my
>...on the other hand, Defense Estimates of the number of troops required
>for internal security purposes for the next fiscal quarter in Florida
>remain substantially below those required to maintain the garrison
>forces in Northern Ireland.
If we didn't have NI for training purposes it would have to be
invented. Maybe that's why we're in Sierra Leone...
andrew
--------------------------------------
Andre...@Christ-Church.Oxford.AC.UK
yo...@pl.jaring.my
<swi...@tambcd.edu> wrote:
>You Brits do it so much better. I really miss those election night returns and
>videos of Labor Party yada yada, Conservative Party, yada-yada, Liberal Party,
>yada-yada, Spam Lovers Party......Silly Kinckers Party......Colonic Irrigation
>Party.....
Also, we get to hear every politician's silly middle names:
"James Algernon Barfmeister Jones, Labour Party, 20,453 votes."
andrew
--------------------------------------
Andre...@Christ-Church.Oxford.AC.UK
Brian Sharrock
"Kerryn Offord" <ka...@student.canterbury.ac.nz> wrote in message
news:3A10856D...@student.canterbury.ac.nz...
Ogden Johnson III wrote:
>
<SNIP, finding GBP 1.37>
> Pardon me while I translate to the old style - I never got used to
> that decimal stuff ... ... ... that would be roughly £1 7/5, right?
>
> OJ III
> [Or was it 12 shillings to the £, 20 pence to the shilling? I do know
> that a shot was 2/6 which was $0.35 {in 196mumble}.]
12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound.
<hobby horse>
Apparently the Romans used a copper coin
which was popular amongst the Angles-Saxon-Vikings
etc. This was named "penny" (or variant pfennig etc)
There were two mechanisms extant in counting the
critters ... the thorough Germans went one, two, three
until they got to "One Hundred" then made a Mark
on a stick, The idle Brits just chucked the fiddly
things into a scale until they'd got One Pound (weight).
It so happened that there's 240 of the critters
to one pound weight due to some Roman coin maker
saying "that'll do nicely!".
... USA-ians still chunter on about "six-penny-nails"
from the same basic mechanism to the bafflement of
Brits! ...
Thus One Mark means you've got one hundred Pennies and
one pound (weight) means you've got two hundred and forty.
The shilling/sjilling/schilling coin seems to
have been of a twelve penny worth, quite handy for
commerce involving counting in dozens. By extention
there just happened to be twenty shilling coins
value in one pound weight of pennies!
The British "£" symbol[1] is the "L" off Librae
a) an ancient Roman unit of weight equal to 327.45 grams
b [Sp & Pg, fr. L]: any of various Spanish, Portuguese,
Colombian, or Venezuelan units of weight
(according to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary)
Now, ... if it takes one man half a day to dig
one cubic yard of soil how many men will it take to
dig a trench 5 feet six inches wide by ten feet eleven
and three quarter inches deep and four furlongs, two rods
long in four days? What will be the charge if the men are
paid 5/6d per hour and work an eight hour day?
We used to do stuff like this without spreadsheets
and computers!
</hobby horse>
Regards
Brian Sharrock
[1] Your mileage[code page] may vary.
Keith Willshaw
"Keith Willshaw" <keith_w...@compuserve.com> wrote in message
news:8uqqgm$b5a$1...@sshuraaa-i-1.production.compuserve.com...
See what you get for Correcting Others :)
That should read
= 88.8 old pence = 7 shillings and 4.8 Old pence
Keith
Peter D Rieden
>All questions neatly side stepped by making the appropriate
>arrangements for not funding ILS, spares, training, technical manuals,
>special tools etc. I know the mechanism and I'm currently trying to
>live with the results. COTS sucks when procured in a slimey manner.
COTS, NDI and "Open Systems" - the three biggest thorns in any
Supportability Engineer's side.
Don't get me started on that....must
resist...trying....trying....AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!
[At this point PDR's brain exploded]
"Would Sir like a wafer thin mint?"
--
Peter D Rieden
(aka PDR)
Head of Harrier Supportability Engineering
ra...@joesbar.cc.vt.edu
> Oh if only! Do you suspect that there is a reason we have Cape
> Canaveral, Patrick AFB, MacDill AFB, Southern Command, Central Command
> and Special Operations Command all located in Florida? Do you have
I figured it was because the officer corps likes the climate
and the golf courses.
--
*****************************************************************************
* Bill Ranck +1-540-231-3951 ra...@vt.edu *
* Virginia Polytechnic Institute & State University, Computing Center *
*****************************************************************************
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk
handy before they try a Somalia again!!!
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk
they have mainly 2 fingers!
Random wrote: The British resisted decimalized currency for a long time
ken...@cix.compulink.co.uk
bria...@pavilion.co.uk (Brian Sharrock) wrote:
> This was named "penny
Nit pick. It was named a denarius. The old abbreviation for currency was
LSD.
By the way just to confuse things for a large part of British history the
pound was a unit of value not a coin. The sovereign was introduced around
1800 replacing the Guinea as the largest value coin.
People also seem to have omitted the Groat 4d and the crown 5s both coins
that were in common circulation at one point.
Ken Young
ken...@cix.co.uk
Maternity is a matter of fact
Paternity is a matter of opinion
Martin Sinclair
>
> From page 178 of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's wonderful novel,
> "Good Omens."
It also contains a possible US misinterpretation of the old English song
that involves putting another fagot (piece of firewood over here) on
the fire.....
....as well as another view of software licensing agreements, and why
the M25 is the shape that it is.....
yo...@pl.jaring.my
> People also seem to have omitted the Groat 4d and the crown 5s both coins
>that were in common circulation at one point.
Not to mention the Noble (6/8 = 1/3 of a pound), the double-florin
(4/-), etc.
andrew
--------------------------------------
Andre...@Christ-Church.Oxford.AC.UK
Martin Sinclair
> >arrangements for not funding ILS, spares, training, technical manuals,
> >special tools etc. I know the mechanism and I'm currently trying to
> >live with the results. COTS sucks when procured in a slimey manner.
>
> Supportability Engineer's side.
Yup. You try and get a COTS supplier to guarantee that Processor
Card #1 will be exactly the same as Processor Card #1081 two years
later....
...."We had to change the Ethernet Chip / they don't make those
NVRAMs any more / ooooh, that was one of our early boards".....
....Right up there with "No, we aren't going to support that compiler
any more"......
....And the slow and dawning realisation that COTS salesmen lie about
what their kit can do. (100BaseT Ethernet, sir ? Certainly, sir.
<months later, including four weeks trying to tune the card / software>
Oops, we can't find our verification, but we're sure it can. Well,
40MBit/s, anyway. On the transmit side. Well, you can receive 17MBit/s,
but that's not the point.)
> Head of Harrier Supportability Engineering
I won't mention 2/3 of my defence-related projects, then (still,
it was _Sea_ Harrier.....)
yo...@pl.jaring.my
If anyone wonders why the UK and Ireland have pounds and Australia and
New Zealand have dollars, the answer is that decimalisation wasn't as
straightforward as it might seem.
Australia and then New Zealand were the first to decimalise. They
chose to make the basic unit the ten bob note, and divide that into
100 cents, so 5s = 50c, 2s = 20c, 1s = 10c, 6d = 5c etc. Which is why
if you go to Australia the 5c piece is the same size as a sixpence,
the 10c is the size of a shilling etc. and why Ł1 is roughly $A2
The Labour govt in the UK decided to 'keep the pound' for reasons of
history and international confidence in the constantly sinking
currency. The Tories on the other hand wanted to scrap the pound and
adopt the 10/- decimal system and call the new unit the royal or
suchlike. By the time the Tories won in 1970 it was too late to change
the plans, which is why we got the Łp system. Eire of course followed
whatever the UK did for trade reasons
andrew
--------------------------------------
Andre...@Christ-Church.Oxford.AC.UK
William Black
> Not to mention how the US would react to a 3rd or 2nd world election where
> where the brother of one of the candidates was ultimately responsible for
> the vote count in a critical election riding/district/state.
Well I sugested that the day it all happened, I'm still picking the buckshot
out of my arse from the good ol' boys...
Trying to sugest that the USA needs to get in the late nineteenth century is
not a popular point of view.
--
William Black
--------------------------------------
On time, on budget, or works;
Pick any two from three
Paul J. Adam
Sharrock <bria...@pavilion.co.uk> writes
>Now, ... if it takes one man half a day to dig
>one cubic yard of soil how many men will it take to
>dig a trench 5 feet six inches wide by ten feet eleven
>and three quarter inches deep and four furlongs, two rods
>long in four days?
If it takes twenty-two men 90 minutes to play one game of football, how
long will it take one man to play the same game?
If one car can drive from Portsmouth to Nottingham in four hours, how
long will it take four cars to make the same trip? :)
Paul H. Lemmen
viewpoint, it will take 9 women 1 month to accomplish the same goal.
Slainte,
--
Paul H. Lemmen
"Blóç Spràó Àgàth Nó Gó Màçi"
(to the non-Gaelic enabled:"Have fun or get out!")
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Andre Lieven
> If it takes 1 woman 9 months to make a baby, from the marketing
> viewpoint, it will take 9 women 1 month to accomplish the same goal.
This is actually the proper definition of a " crash program ".
> Slainte,
> --
> Paul H. Lemmen
Andre
--
" The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some
other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "
David Gelernter, " 1939 "
Greg Yantz
> Paul H. Lemmen (PLe...@yahoo.com) writes:
> > If it takes 1 woman 9 months to make a baby, from the marketing
> > viewpoint, it will take 9 women 1 month to accomplish the same goal.
> This is actually the proper definition of a " crash program ".
According to management, you can bring Baby 1.0 to market faster if
you bring in a new VP of Uterine Operations (along with his requisite
coattail-riding "staff") to reengineer the process, rendering the
original development team superfluous (no need to stretch the
development budget making the "team lead" aka Surrogate a matching
offer when eBaby.com tries to poach her).
6 months later, after the birth^h^h^h release of eBaby.com's
segment-defining eBaby 1.0 product, upper management realizes that the VP
of Uterine Operations has managed to put together an all-male staff, and
in any case *noone* is willing to be inseminated by the "Architect".
-Greg
loki
> If it takes 1 woman 9 months to make a baby, from the marketing
> viewpoint, it will take 9 women 1 month to accomplish the same goal.
Hey, that's pretty close to something I use with clients who want to
just throw bodies at a project.
"You cannot produce a baby in 1 month by impregnating 9 women".
Hmpf.
Loki
Paul J. Adam
<PLe...@yahoo.com> writes
>If it takes 1 woman 9 months to make a baby, from the marketing
>viewpoint, it will take 9 women 1 month to accomplish the same goal.
I'd volunteer to be the man involved in that experiment, except Hazel
would make her objections vehemently known... :)
TJ
<Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote:
>We didn't lose the empire - we found it down the back of the sofa cushions
>next to a couple of old pizza crusts and £1.37 in small change.
Cripes! That's dangerous.
Don't you know that dinosaurs are hiding in the sofas??
TJ
Random
>Random <rand...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
>> Oh if only! Do you suspect that there is a reason we have Cape
>> Canaveral, Patrick AFB, MacDill AFB, Southern Command, Central Command
>> and Special Operations Command all located in Florida? Do you have
>
>I figured it was because the officer corps likes the climate
>and the golf courses.
OK, there is that. OTOH, I was shocked to discover the wide spread
incidence of child abuse and murder in the Tampa area while I was with
CENTCOM at Bright Star in 94. It seemed that we got a message every
day informing us that one of our servicemembers needed to go home due
to some vicious act inflicted upon their family members in Tampa.
random
>
Random
wrote:
>Random wrote:
>>
>> From page 178 of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's wonderful novel,
>> "Good Omens."
>
>It also contains a possible US misinterpretation of the old English song
>that involves putting another fagot (piece of firewood over here) on
>the fire.....
>
>....as well as another view of software licensing agreements, and why
>the M25 is the shape that it is.....
I laughed out loud for about 5 minutes after reading page 148. It was
hilarious! Yep, we can blame it all on incompetent forces of
darkness. [It's too bad I had several incompetent forces of darkness
manning my switchboards in the Persian Gulf. OTOH, I've grown used to
them now...]
random
Peter D Rieden
>Yup. You try and get a COTS supplier to guarantee that Processor
>Card #1 will be exactly the same as Processor Card #1081 two years
>later....
>
>...."We had to change the Ethernet Chip / they don't make those
>NVRAMs any more / ooooh, that was one of our early boards".....
>
>....Right up there with "No, we aren't going to support that compiler
>any more"......
>
>....And the slow and dawning realisation that COTS salesmen lie about
>what their kit can do. (100BaseT Ethernet, sir ? Certainly, sir.
><months later, including four weeks trying to tune the card / software>
>Oops, we can't find our verification, but we're sure it can. Well,
>40MBit/s, anyway. On the transmit side. Well, you can receive 17MBit/s,
>but that's not the point.)
>
Not to mention "Open Systems - the answer to obsolescence problems"
So we buy an open systems mission computer.
"Don't worry about the components becoming obsolescent Sir, even if they do
you will always be able to buy a higher performance, off-the-shelf
replacement that will just drop into the same slot!".
So we start planning the support process and we look at this option. We just
buy the new processor card, drop it in and...oh...hang on a minute...what
about thermal, vibration, EMC etc etc....don't we need to requalify this
box? How do we know that the thermal management of the LRI still works?
"Err...well only if that's a special requirement for your application Sir"
Of COURSE it is you diseased piece of wombat ordure! We can't put a
high-frequency piece of avionics that dissipates a Kw or two into the middle
of a military aeroplane without confirming that it not only works but it
doesn't interfere with anything else!
"In that case I guess you'll have to requalify it SIr"
Who is going to pay for this? The Qualification aspects constituted around
25% of the original development costs, and now you're telling me that I'm
going to have to spend this again every 3-4 years???
"Yes Sir, but look at the benefits - guarranteed freedom from obsolescence
problems!"
So what you're saying is that if I treble or quadruple the life-cycle cost
of the equipment I can overcome a problem that threatened to double it!
"That's about the size of it Sir".
Hmmm I smell the vile odour of testicular verbosity. I'm afraid I'll just
have to shoot you.
"Can't argue with that Sir, I'd do the same in your position"...
[degenerates into a pale imitation of a pythonesque ending]
<I won't mention 2/3 of my defence-related projects, then (still, it was
_Sea_ Harrier.....)>
I'd be interested to hear about this (being responsible for both Harrier and
Sea Harrier) - by email if you prefer!
Peter D Rieden
>If it takes twenty-two men 90 minutes to play one game of football, how
>long will it take one man to play the same game?
>
>If one car can drive from Portsmouth to Nottingham in four hours, how
>long will it take four cars to make the same trip? :)
Reminds me of the phrase I used to have as a sigfile which I had to drag out
every time some project manager agreed to pull a critical path forwards with
the words "this is important - we'll just put more people on it!":
"Crash programmes usually fail because they are based on the principle that
nine women working as a team can produce one baby in one month!"
Peter D Rieden
>
>Cripes! That's dangerous.
>
>Don't you know that dinosaurs are hiding in the sofas??
Are you sure? How could you fit a whole battleship down the back of a
sofa???
Peter D Rieden
Clinton at 07:30 (EST) today:
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Britannic Majesty,
Queen Elizabeth II.
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP - for
the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. Future adult suffrage will be based in part on successful
completion of compulsory spelling examinations which will focus on words
like "colour" and "visualise" whose mis-spelling is endemic in the American
colonies.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played in the girls leagues; it is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
side by 2015.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all
tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
11. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be refered to as
"beer", and european brews of known and accepted provenance will be refered
to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will
henceforth be refered to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception
of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be
refered to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true
Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech
Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
12. From November 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you
will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2001) prices with the
former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and
the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US
gallon - get used to it).
13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Keith Willshaw
"Peter D Rieden" <Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote in message
news:3a12...@pull.gecm.com...
> The following is the text of a message which was communicated to President
>
> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played in the girls leagues; it is a
> difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play
> rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour
> like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> side by 2015.
>
You bounder Sir
The only true form of football is Rugby Union although
I may stretch a point and allow Rugby League Soccer
is a game for hooligans :)
Keith
Peter D Rieden
<8uu8dc$80p$1...@sshuraac-i-1.production.compuserve.com>...
>You bounder Sir
>
>The only true form of football is Rugby Union although
>I may stretch a point and allow Rugby League Soccer
>is a game for hooligans :)
Au contraire - Rugby Union is a hooligan's game played by gentlemen. Rugby
League is a game for wimp's, old women and merkins. I once saw a TV
programme in which a certain eminent Welsh rugby player went to try out in
that barbarian game called "American Football". Initially he didn't do so
well, but then they let him play without the body armor and then they
couldn't catch him (they fell for every dummy he sold and quite a few that
were only offered for rental!). With or without body armor none of them
could match him on kicking (drop-goals or penalty style). Several could
match the range, but the idea of being able to place the ball within a few
feet of the intended location was apparently completely new to them...<G>
I seem to recall he had a book stuffed into his jock strap. When asked if he
felt he needed extra proctection he replied "No - it gives me something to
read in the inumerable breaks..."
Glenn Dowdy
Martin Sinclair wrote in message <3A1187C6...@tality.com>...
>Yup. You try and get a COTS supplier to guarantee that Processor
>Card #1 will be exactly the same as Processor Card #1081 two years
>later....
>
>...."We had to change the Ethernet Chip / they don't make those
>NVRAMs any more / ooooh, that was one of our early boards".....
>
components buyer for an internal printed circuit assembly shop for
HP/Agilent. We're still making PCAs for test equipment designed *ten* years
ago. Do you know how hard it is to find 4kb SRAM or 1MB DRAM? Those idiots
were still designing that crap in. And don't get me started about sourcing
crystals at 19.98746577 MHz.
Glenn D.
Keith Willshaw
> Keith Willshaw wrote in message
> <8uu8dc$80p$1...@sshuraac-i-1.production.compuserve.com>...
> >You bounder Sir
> >
> >The only true form of football is Rugby Union although
> >I may stretch a point and allow Rugby League Soccer
> >is a game for hooligans :)
>
>
> Au contraire - Rugby Union is a hooligan's game played by gentlemen.
The definition I always preferred was a Ruffians Game played by Gentlemen
> Rugby League is a game for wimp's, old women and merkins.
I know one or two ex Union players who would disagree. In the bad
old days League player were payed purely on results. So much for
a Draw , more for a win and Nothing for a loss. This used to
concentrate minds wonderfully
>
> I once saw a TV
> programme in which a certain eminent Welsh rugby player went to try out in
> that barbarian game called "American Football". Initially he didn't do so
> well, but then they let him play without the body armor and then they
> couldn't catch him (they fell for every dummy he sold and quite a few that
> were only offered for rental!). With or without body armor none of them
> could match him on kicking (drop-goals or penalty style). Several could
> match the range, but the idea of being able to place the ball within a few
> feet of the intended location was apparently completely new to them...<G>
>
>
> I seem to recall he had a book stuffed into his jock strap. When asked if
he
> felt he needed extra proctection he replied "No - it gives me something to
> read in the inumerable breaks..."
> --
> Peter D Rieden
> (aka PDR)
>
Keith
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk
much the same as Rugby League. Not that this in any way justifies or defends
either game for plagarising Gods chosen sport (he couldnt play though, as he
wasnt hard enough!!!)
ps before all the septics start complaing and heckling, I am still carrying the
scars recieved when a chosen RN XV got absolutely stuffed by the Southern
Command team in Panama a few years ago! Mind you, we gave them a vicious
'bleeding over'!
Martin Sinclair
>
> Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
> rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
> like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> side by 2015.
Now now, the US Eagles were over here only recently, playing (snggmphmphmph)
rugby against Scotland.
Not to forget their performance in the Rugby World Cup. (teeheeheehee)
Don't worry, though - all you have to do is find good Kiwi players with
an American granny, and recruit them. Works for Scotland :-)
(We won't mention the makeup of the winners of the Army Sevens, who
played a token non-Fijian. Name that Scottish Infantry Regiment)
TJ
<Peter....@bae.co.uk> wrote:
>TJ wrote in message ...
>>
>>Cripes! That's dangerous.
>>
>>Don't you know that dinosaurs are hiding in the sofas??
>
>
>Are you sure? How could you fit a whole battleship down the back of a
>sofa???
OK, that's not bad, but I was referring to the Dilbert series where he
writes a program that proves that dinosaurs are not extinct, they are
merely hiding.
Maybe a similar program would find a few battlewagons in the comfy
chair?
Hmmmm. naw. too silly. Triremes maybe . . . .
BTW: I have been the recipient of a number of emails at work.
Background: I am the "pet Yank" in the office, so this was not too
surprising.
I paraphrase. . . . . .
From the British Embassy, Washington, D.C.
To the American people.
Seeing how you can't chose a president this time around, Her Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II has decided to step in and revoke your claim to
independence.
However, you must fulfill several conditions:
1. Look up revoke in a dictionary
2. Learn to call Soccer Football
3. Declare war on Quebec
4. Learn to like drinking warm pints of beer
BTW: there is this matter of back taxes due retroactive to 1776.
Have a nice day.
-------------------------------------------------------------
When the giggles started, I figured it was another election joke and
had something to do with a UN mandate to step in or to accept Serb
pollcounters. That got even more giggles. The locals DO have a sense
of humo(u)r.
CU
TJ
Ogden Johnson III
{snip foregoing, that escalated from 1 pound 37 in the sofa to
Dinosaurs in the sofa}
>Hmmmm. naw. too silly. Triremes maybe . . . .
Foists, concrete or otherwise, along with the Random hula skirt and
lei.
OJ III
Peter D Rieden
>ps before all the septics start complaing and heckling, I am still carrying
the
>scars recieved when a chosen RN XV got absolutely stuffed by the Southern
>Command team in Panama a few years ago! Mind you, we gave them a vicious
>'bleeding over'!
And I had to delay taking my A-levels until the November re-sit due to a
certain opposing prop-forward confusing my shoulder with the pitch. Broken
clavicle & collar bone, dislocated shoulder, torn biceps & triceps etc etc -
all in the name of a 26-24 victory to uphold the school's honour! Even in
the re-sit I had to do my exams via a secretary in a closed room (I dictated
and she typed) because I had very little mobility in my right arm until the
following June. My sacrifice for the honour of the school was rewarded by
being appointed "Honourary Head Boy" for the three months of enforced
additional schooling...
Mind you, I'd rather risk the injury than lose all self respect by wearing
the kind of body armour favoured by the kind of wimps who play that famous
oxymoron "American Football"...<BG>
wa...@netcomuk.co.uk
> Mind you, I'd rather risk the injury than lose all self respect by wearing
> the kind of body armour favoured by the kind of wimps who play that famous
> oxymoron "American Football"...<BG>
Or even worse, playing kissball - oops sorry - soccer, and having to roll around
on the ground clutching your shins everytime your perm drops or you break a
finger nail!!!!
Peter D Rieden
ensure strict balance in these turbulent times.
--
Peter D Rieden
(aka PDR)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------
DECLARATION OF ANNEXING THE BRITISH ISLES AS PART OF THE USA
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------
To the imperialist British colonizers.
In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency,
your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European
Governments and the fact that you already almost speak our language and
refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a
State of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to
replace your old postal districts. The state capital will be
Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London. Princess Diana will
be declared a saint. You have already assimilated so much American culture
that you are unlikely to notice the transition. To aid in the assimilation,
the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling
and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are
mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to your
idiosyncratic and illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted it
pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place. You
will quit using words such as "fortnight". The correct term is "a two week
period". You will learn words such as "credenza", "intern" and "chad".
2. There is no such thing as "UK English". UK English is the relic of a
defunct colonialist power which attempted to impose British English
linguistic superiority on a nation which has a higher number of English
speakers.
3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the American and Canadian
accents. American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York
accents. Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in
our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially
those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To
make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs
must use American vocabulary and accents; Scotch characters will wear plaid,
Irish characters will have shamrocks on them, Welsh characters will not be
used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear
bowler hats and pinstripes.
4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as
cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood
will continue to use "Mockney" and "Posh" British accents as this makes it
easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have
Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All
British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are
better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film
which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. All American
characters should be 'good guys'.
5. You will learn your new national anthem "The Star Spangled Banner". It
shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and
your places of work. Your Union Flag will be hung up any damn way we wish so
stop bitching about it being upside down. If there was meant to be a right
way up you should have made it simpler. All Union flags will be replaced by
the Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of time.
6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby. There is no need to have two
games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is called
football but patently isn't real football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds
of padding, it isn't football. You should also stop playing cricket.
Americans can't understand the rules. If you insist on playing this game
which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a
simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to make
it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be
declared a draw.
7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys
are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who
attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using the
word "cinema". They are "movie theaters". The snippets of forthcoming films
are not "trailers" they are "teasers".
8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the
appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on
November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament. You
won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there.
Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with
a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns and
ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as
"caravanning". It is properly called "camping". The thing boy scouts do with
tents and bedrolls is called "tenting".
9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to
turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will
start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives
on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if
safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not
permitted in all areas.
10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations.
You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you
want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate
from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold. The
warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have
determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the
difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing
unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans.
11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if
resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to
sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have
therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your
childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy
will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given
compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children after
interesting medical conditions.
12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are
wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless
they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the
population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living
creaturewithin a mile radius (hunting).
Thank you for your cooperation. You will be assimilated.
Resistance is futile. Just ask Hawaii. By the way, Ireland and Scotland
should be separate states. They have entirely different cultures and
languages from those Norman fops. And in order to avoid supporting third
world countries and welfare states (the reason for *not* annexing Mexico),
Canada, Australia, New Zealand, should become independent nations. The
Falkland Islands should become an "American Protectorate" like Puerto Rico,
Samoa, The Philippines, Guam and other places that are neat to vacation. We
should take back Hong Kong immediately.
Peter Skelton
>
>Resistance is futile. Just ask Hawaii. By the way, Ireland and Scotland
>should be separate states. They have entirely different cultures and
>languages from those Norman fops.
Perhaps you should visit Wales, briefly.
And in order to avoid supporting third
>world countries and welfare states (the reason for *not* annexing Mexico),
>Canada, Australia, New Zealand, should become independent nations. The
>Falkland Islands should become an "American Protectorate" like Puerto Rico,
>Samoa, The Philippines, Guam and other places that are neat to vacation. We
>should take back Hong Kong immediately.
Once you're done in Wales, you may convalesce in the Falklands. Enjoy your
vacation.
--
Peter Skelton
Keith Willshaw
"Peter D Rieden" <Peter....@baesystems.com> wrote in message
news:3a1a75df$1...@pull.gecm.com...
> The Supreme Court of Florida has instructed me to post the following to
> ensure strict balance in these turbulent times.
>
> --
> Peter D Rieden
> (aka PDR)
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ------------
> DECLARATION OF ANNEXING THE BRITISH ISLES AS PART OF THE USA
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ------------
>
> To the imperialist British colonizers.
That 'z' will have to go to start with
> In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency,
There's no indecision - the answer was NO
> your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European
> Governments and the fact that you already almost speak our language
It think you have that Bass ackwards
> and
> refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a
> State of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned
to
> replace your old postal districts.
We dont have Postal Districts
> The state capital will be
> Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London.
Not last time I checked , anyway it seemed already to have
been annexed by New Joisey
> Princess Diana will be declared a saint.
Too late
>You have already assimilated so much American culture
> that you are unlikely to notice the transition. To aid in the
assimilation,
> the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling
> and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are
> mispronouncing it.
Nope Aluminium was discovered in 1808 by Sir Humphrey Davy .
> Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to your
> idiosyncratic and illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted
it
> pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place.
You
> will quit using words such as "fortnight". The correct term is "a two week
> period". You will learn words such as "credenza", "intern" and "chad".
>
Take that up with the Scots - they will demand statehood in their
own right or there will be claymores brandished in the Capitol
> 2. There is no such thing as "UK English".
Quite correct - there are many dialects - wait till you hear your First
Geordie or scouser. NBC will need subtitles
> UK English is the relic of a defunct colonialist power which
attempted to impose British English linguistic superiority
on a nation which has a higher number of English
> speakers.
Not its a result of German Georges' mangling of the English Langiage
> 3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the American and Canadian
> accents. American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York
> accents. Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in
> our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially
> those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie.
To
> make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs
> must use American vocabulary and accents;
Most aready do
> Scotch characters will wear plaid,
Scotch is a drink - that sort of mistake will be painful
if you make it in Sauciehall Street
> Irish characters will have shamrocks on them, Welsh characters will not be
> used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear
> bowler hats and pinstripes.
>
Try a flat cap with a whippet on a leash
> 4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as
> cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood
> will continue to use "Mockney" and "Posh" British accents as this makes it
> easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have
> Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All
> British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are
> better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film
> which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. All American
> characters should be 'good guys'.
>
What British Film Industry
> 5. You will learn your new national anthem "The Star Spangled Banner".
Do you have Gujarati, Hindi and Farsi versions
> It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university
and
> your places of work.
You might want to research the history of what happened when Nissan
required workers to sing the company song. The British working
man can be very inventive when it comes to finding Obscene
words for such anthems
> 6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby.
Why when Soccer is played in EVERY Amrican high Schools
> There is no need to have two
> games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is
called
> football but patently isn't real football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds
> of padding, it isn't football.
Well just cause its too dangerous for Americans teh rest of us dont
have to wimp out
> You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the
rules.
Perhaps you might care to wonder why every Peasant in the
India sub continent can figure out something you cant
> If you insist on playing this game
> which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a
> simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to
make
> it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be
> declared a draw.
>
Right unlike that well known short simple game called Baseball
> 7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys
> are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who
> attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using
the
> word "cinema". They are "movie theaters". The snippets of forthcoming
films
> are not "trailers" they are "teasers".
>
Well hell you already cast the Brits as bad guys anyway
so what will change there
> 8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the
> appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on
> November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament.
I've better idea, lets burn down the WhiteHouse AGAIN
> You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated
there.
Yeah build it on the site of the millenium dome, they already know
how to lose millions
> Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned.
Tony's already got that in hand
> Instead, you will go hunting with
> a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns
and
> ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as
> "caravanning". It is properly called "camping". The thing boy scouts do
with
> tents and bedrolls is called "tenting".
>
Camping is dome aplenty on Hampstead Heath
> 9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order
to
> turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will
> start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives
> on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if
> safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is
not
> permitted in all areas.
>
Better rip up the rotaries in Mass first
> 10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations.
> You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you
> want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate
> from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold.
The
> warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have
> determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the
> difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing
> unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans.
>
We know the difference - you have a li ot to learn
> 11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if
> resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to
> sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to
have
> therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your
> childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist.
Therapy
> will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given
> compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children
after
> interesting medical conditions.
>
Sorry you'll make an appointment with my Lawyer to discuss that
> 12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are
> wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless
> they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the
> population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living
> creaturewithin a mile radius (hunting).
>
> Thank you for your cooperation. You will be assimilated.
>
I hope you are a Democrat - think of it , an extra 30 Million votes
for Al Gore and Hilary Clinton's Health Plans
Cheers
Keith
Keith Willshaw
"Peter Skelton" <skel...@home.com> wrote in message
news:3a1a7aaa.60399598@news...
> "Peter D Rieden" <Peter....@baesystems.com> wrote:
>
>
> >
> >Resistance is futile. Just ask Hawaii. By the way, Ireland and Scotland
> >should be separate states. They have entirely different cultures and
> >languages from those Norman fops.
>
>
> >world countries and welfare states (the reason for *not* annexing
Mexico),
> >Canada, Australia, New Zealand, should become independent nations. The
> >Falkland Islands should become an "American Protectorate" like Puerto
Rico,
> >Samoa, The Philippines, Guam and other places that are neat to vacation.
We
> >should take back Hong Kong immediately.
>
> vacation.
> --
Wouldn't South Georgia be more appropriate.
Keith
Vince Brannigan
Keith Willshaw wrote:
> > 1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling
> > and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are
> > mispronouncing it.
>
> Nope Aluminium was discovered in 1808 by Sir Humphrey Davy .
>
Check britannica on this one
Crude aluminum was isolated (1825) by Hans Christian Ørsted by reducing
aluminum chloride with potassium amalgam. Sir Humphry Davy had prepared (1809)
an iron-aluminum alloy by electrolyzing fused alumina (aluminum oxide) and had
already
named the element aluminum; the word later was modified to aluminium in
England and some other European countries. A German chemist, Friedrich Wöhler,
using potassium metal as the reducing agent, produced aluminum powder (1827)
and small
globules of the metal (1845) from which he was able to determine some of its
properties.
> > Scotch characters will wear plaid,
>
> Scotch is a drink - that sort of mistake will be painful
> if you make it in Sauciehall Street
Be careful, even in Glasgow Johnny Walker is a "scotch" character
(actual joke heard one block off "suckyhall" at the Athol pub. :-)
Vince