For Fun- More Medical Slang
jen
These have been mostly collected from the UK and USA, with a few
non-English contributions (many thanks to all contributors from around
the globe). Some of the acronyms are region-specific and have
differing meanings in US and UK. It is noticeable that the US has
numerous acronyms and slang terms relating to gun-related incidents
and injuries. The slang/acronyms are directed variously at patients,
other medical staff or mystifying medical conditions. I haven't
included the slang terms for all of the various medical equipment.
4F - Fair, fat, female and forty (abdominal pain patient who is
candidate for gall bladder disease)
4H - (US) Haemophiliac, Hispanic, Homosexual, Heroin addict
5-H-1-T - polite medical term for shit
Acronymophilia - excessive reliance on TLAs /TLMs & XTLMs (extended 3
letter acronyms)
Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound
(Acute Lead Poisoning) 185 grain Injection - 9mm gunshot wound
(Acute Lead Poisoning) 240 grain Injection 44 calibre magnum wound
(Acute Lead Poisoning) Air-conditioned - Multiple gun shot wounds
Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another
planet"
ADR - Ain't Doing Right
AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair
AGA - Acute Gravity Attack (fell over)
AGMI - Ain't Gonna Make It (won't survive)
AHF - Acute Hissy Fit
ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase)
Amyoyo syndrome - Alright motherf*****, you're on your own (seen in
head injury patients in Intensive Care)
Angel lust - a male corpse with an erection (not uncommon)
APRS - (US) Acute Puerto Rican syndrome (bouts of screaming and
yelling)
AQP - Assuming the Q Position: deteriorating or dying with tongue
hanging out
AQR - Ain't Quite Right
ART - Assuming Room Temperature (dead)
Ash Cash - money for signing a cremation form
Ash Point - where you collect the Ash Cash
Assmosis - promotion by "kissing ass"
AST - Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead)
ATFO - Asked To F*** Off
ATS - Acute Thespian Syndrome: faking illness; known in US as MGM
syndrome
Aunt Minnie Lesion - once seen, never forgotten, much like certain
aunts at the family wedding
Babygram -x-raying (radiographing) a newborn
Bagged and Tagged (B&T) - Body ready for dispatch to morgue
Bash Cash: the money paid for completing accident (insurance) claim
forms in A&E
BBCS - Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. no serious injuries)
Beached whale - obese patient unable to do much for him/herself except
lie there with flailing arms and legs
Betty - a petient with diabetes
Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in
doubt
Blamestorming - apportioning of blame for mistakes, usually to any
locum or lowliest medic in sight
Blood Suckers - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs
BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine
Bobbing for apples - unblocking a badly constipated patient with one's
finger
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
Boogie - a tumour
Bordeaux - bloodstained urine
Bottle return - removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal
Bounce - returning a turfed patient back to original dept (see also
turf and buff)
Brothel Sprouts - Genital warts
Brown trout - a stool that won't float (as opposed to an air biscuit,
which does)
BSS - Bilateral Samsonite Syndrome: patient admitted with both their
bags packed in preparation
BTSOOM - Beats The Sh*t Out Of Me
Buff - re-hash the patient's story to make it sound more appropriate
for the patient to be referred to another dept (see also turfing and
bouncing)
Bugs in the rug - pubic lice
Bull in the ring - blockage in the large intestine
BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
Bungee jumper - a patient who pulls on his catheter tube
Bunnies - Sanitary Towels (sanitary napkins)
Bunny Boiler - (Psych) dangerously obsessive or unbalance woman (based
on film "Fatal Attraction")
Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft)
Cephosplat - Domestos Antibiotic; Kills all known germs
Ceiling Sign - near-levitation from the bed to the ceiling induced by
examining for abdominal tenderness
Celestial discharge - died
Celestial transfer - died (transferred to the Eternal Care Unit)
Champagne tap - bloodless lumbar tap
Chandelier's Sign - The result of any test or probing after which the
patient must be removed from the chandelier
Chartomegaly - patient is so frequent s/he has a large (and growing)
chart
Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour
CKS - cute kid syndrome
CLL - chronic Low Life
Code 0 - (Ambulance) Time-waster/tax-waster (genuine codes are Code 1
[non-serious] to Code 4 [emergency])
Code Brown - faecal incontinence emergency (e.g. of bedlinen)
Code Yellow - urinary incontinence emergency
Coffin Dodger - survived against expectations, or a very old person
Cold-tea sign - refers to the several cups of cold tea on the bedside
cabinet beside a dead geriatric (i.e. no-one noticed the patient had
died)
COPD - Chronic Old Persons Disease (unwell, no specific cause)
Crackerjack referral - (UK) It's Friday, it's five to five, it's...
(Crackerjack was a popular TV show) i.e. Friday afternoon job
CRAFT - Can't Remember A F*cking Thing
Cranio-faecal Syndrome - s**thead or s**t for brains
CRI - Cranial-Rectal Insertion or Cranial-Rectal Inversion
(head-up-ass syndrome)
Crinkly - geriatric
Crispy critter - severe burns case
Crumble (crumbly) - elderly patient
CRS - Can't Remember Sh*t
CRT - Can't Really Treat
CTD - Circling the Drain (Close To Death)
CTS - Crazier than sh*t
D&D - Divorced and Desperate (middle aged female who visits doctor
weekly just for male attention)
DACB - (US) Drunk As Cooter Brown (UK equivalent is PIAF)
Dandruff on wheels - scabies or other transmissible flaky skin
condition
DBI - Dirt Bag Index: number of tattoos x number of missing teeth =
days since the patient last bathed
De-coke and Re-bore - Dilatation and curettage (gynae) op
Deep fry - cobalt therapy
Departure lounge - geriatric ward
Dermaholiday - nickname for dermatology dept used by staff in busier
depts
DFO - (1) (US) Done Fell Out (anything from fainting to cardiac
arrest)
DFO - (2) Drunk and Fell Over
DFO-SFJ - Done Fell Out - Screaming For Jesus
Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
DIIK - Darned if I know
Discharged downstairs - transferred to the morgue
DMFNFL - Dumb mother f*cker, not fit to live
Donorcycle - motorbike: the biggest cause of donated organs!
Double bind trial - Two orthopods looking at an electrocardiogram
Double Whopper with Cheese - Obese female with genital thrush
Doughnut - CT scanner
DPS - Dumb Parent Syndrome
DRT - Dead Right There (patient dead at scene of accident)
DRTTTT - Dead Right There, There, There and There (patient dead and in
multiple parts at scene of accident)
DSB - Drug-Seeking Behaviour (faking illness to fuel narcotic
addiction)
DTS - Danger To Shipping (in a particularly large patient's records)
DWPA - Death With Paramedic Assistance
Dude Factor - Survival scoring factor based on social worth. A high
dude factor = an individual of questionable social worth who survives
near-fatal injuries. A low dude factor = professional person who slips
in the bathroom sustaining a fatal injury
Eating In - Intravenous feeding
ECU - Eternal Care Unit: heaven ("gone to the ECU = dead)
ERCP - Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient, an emergency
procedure before the consultant rounds
Eternal Care - Intensive Care (for a petient who won't come out again)
ETOH - Extremely Trashed or Hammered (possibly corruption of "Etho",
meaning an ethanol addict)
Expensive care - intensive care
Expensive Scare - intensive care
Faecal Encephalopathy - Sh*t for brains
Family Care Plan - One child gets the sniffles, whole family gets a
trip to A&E
Fascinoma - Interesting pathology, but not as interesting as the
ensuing politics over who gets first authorship when the case is
written up
FCBP - Fellow of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor
having a look-see
FD - F*cking drunk
FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way
Feather Count - measure of flakiness (e.g. high feather count)
Feet-up General - a quiet district hospital
FINE - F*cked up , insecure, neurotic & emotional
FIRT - Failed impact resistance test (crash victim)
FITH - F***ed in the head
Fluttering Eye Syndrome - Patient faking unconsciousness
FLB - Funny Little Bumps (unexplained skin bumps)
FLK - Funny Looking Kid (sometimes suggests rural inbreeding)
FLK w/ GLM - Funny Looking Kid with a Good Looking Mother
FLKOFS - Funny Looking Kid, Okay For Sunderland (one of many regional
variants of NFN [Normal For Norfolk])
Flower Sign - flowers at a bedside, denotes patient has a supportive
family and might be candidate for early discharge
FLP - Funny Looking Parents (hereditary cause suspected for FLK)
FODE - Falling On Deaf Ears
FORD - Found On Road Dead
FOOSH - Fall Onto Outstretched Hand (as cause of broken wrist/arm)
FOS - Full Of Sh*t (severely constipated
FPO - For practice only (FTD)
Frequent Flyer - Someone who is transported to and from hospital on a
routine basis
Freud Squad - psychiatrists
Friday construction - Anatomical equivalent of the cars made on
Fridays, when the workers mind was more on the weekend than the job in
hand
FTD - Fixing To Die
FTF - Failed to Fly (botched suicide)
Gassers - anaesthetists
GDA - Gonna die anyway
Genital hurties - genital herpes
GLM - Good Looking Mum
GOA - Gone On Arrival (police turn up, ambulance turns up, fire
brigade turns up, patient doesn't)
Goat Rodeo - Emergency scene which goes badly (resembles a bunch of
people riding or wrestling goats)
GOK - God Only Knows
Golden ass - affluent mother who treats the obstetrics nurses like
servants
GOMER - Get Out of My Emergency Room; extended to mean elderly patient
who is unable to communicate their symptoms and passed from one
department to another
Gomergram - Ordering all available tests because the person is unable
to explain what is wrong with them
Gone Camping - patient in oxygen tent
Goober - nutter
Gork - comatose or brain dead
Gorked Out - mental impairment through disease or substance abuse
Go to Ground - fall out of bed or chair
GPH - Goddamns Per Hour
GPO - Good for Parts Only (won't survive)
Granny Dumping - dumping elderly relative in A&E; often happens just
before Christmas or family holiday aka the hospital granny-sitting
service
Granny Farm - old persons' residential home, run by a Granny Farmer
Grape Sign - grapes at a bedside, denotes patient has a supportive
family and might be candidate for early discharge
Gravity Assisted Concrete Poisoning - jumped/fell from height
GROLIES - (UK) Guardian Reader Of Low Intellect In Ethnic Skirt
GTO - Gomer tip over (elderly person with injury from trip or fall)
GTTL - Gone to the light (died)
Guessing tubes - stethoscope
HAIRY PSALMS - Haven't Any Idea Regarding Your Patient, Send A Lot
More Serum
HALS - Hit And Left Standing (apparently uninjured but in shock after
RTA/MVA)
Hamburger (Helper) - Train or juggernaut vs pedestrian
Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on
hospital bed clutching handbag
Happy feet - (US) patient having a grand mal epileptic seizure (in UK,
Happy feet means smelly feet (feet which "hum" [stink])
HIBGIA - Had it before, got it again
High Serum Porcelain Level - Patient is a crock of sh*t
Hippo - Hypochondriac or depressive
HMO - From phrase, "Hey, Moe!", a concept pioneered by Dr Moe Howard,
who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain
in his foot if he was poked hard enough elsewhere. Modern "pokes" with
same outcome include estimates for private treatment.
Horrendoplasty - difficult operation for 12 hours on a patient with a
BMI of 45
House red - blood
HTD - Higher Than a Duck
HTK - Higher Than a Kite
HVLT - High Velocity Lead Poisoning: gunshot wound
Improving His Claim - Victim of minor accident, needs no treatment but
wants something to support his insurance/legal claim.
Inbreds - doctors whose parents are also doctors
Insurance Pain - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump
Insurance Whiplash - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump
ISQ - In Status Quo ("no change"): often used during the weekend
surgical round
ITBNTL - In The Box, Nail The Lid (dead or dying)
JLD - Just Like Dad (often used to explain an FLK)
Journal of Anecdotal Medicine - favourite, but unwritten, source of
medical wisdom
J P FROG - Just Plain F***ing Ran Out Of Gas (old age etc)
Kidney Stone Squirm - a spot diagnosis in A&E
Larry - Locum, as in "doing a Larry"
Leeches - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs
LMC - Low marble count (low IQ)
LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home
LOFD - Looks Okay From Door
LOL - Little Old Lady
LOLINAD - Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress
LPT - Low pain threshold
LRO - Luck Ran Out (cheated death before, but not this time)
LWS - (US) Low Wallet Syndrome (No medical insurance or money)
M sign - Patient just goes "Mmmm"
Map of Antarctica - (NZ) appearance of fatal spontaneous brain
haemorrhage on CT scan
MARPs - Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals
MCBP - Member of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor
having a look-see
Metabolic clinic - the tea room
MFI - very large myocardial infarction
MGM syndrome - Faker putting on a real good show
MICO - Masterly Inactivity and Catlike Observation
MICOS - Masterly inactivity, cat-like observation and steroids
Microdeckia - Micro = small, deck = deck of cards; patient playing
with less that a full deck (low IQ)
MUH - Messed up heart
Mushroom syndrome - suffered by lowly medics who are kept in the dark
and have crap piled on them
n=1 trial - polite term for experimenting on a patient
NAD - Not actually done
NARS - Not a rocket scientist (low IQ)
Neuro-faecal Syndrome - s**t for brains
NFN - Normal for Norfolk (rural area, suggests inbreeding or quaint
rural oddness), might explain FLK
NGMI - Not Going to Make It
NKDA - Not known, didn't ask
NLPR - No longer playing records (dying)
NPS - New Parent Syndrome
NQR - Not Quite Right
NSA - Non-Standard Appearance (what a FLK grows into)
O sign - Patient unconscious with mouth open
OAP - Over-Anxious Patient
OBS - Obvious bullsh*t
Obs and gobs - obstetrics and gynaecology
OFIG - One Foot In the Grave
OFIGATOOS - One Foot In the Grave And The Other One Slipping
Ohno-second - The time from making an error (e.g. dropping that
hard-to-get sample immediately after you got it) to going "oh-no"
Old Man's Friend - (US) pneumonia, an illness which often carried off
the elderly
Oil slick - (1991, NZ) - appearance on CT scan of a porencephalic cyst
Oligoneuronal - "few brain cells" i.e. thick (not very bright) (Note:
In the UK, "dumb" means "mute")
Ooh-Aahs - Those who gather to gawk at an emergency and go "Oooh,
Aaah"
Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away
PAFO - Pissed [Drunk] And Fell Over
Paninvestigram - order all the tests; for when you haven't got a clue
what's going on
Paperweight - (NZ) very small patient with severe congenital mental
retardation
Parentectomy - removing parents as an effective cure for a child's
problems
Pathology outpatients - Follow-up for dead people
Paws Up - dead
PBAB - Pine Box At Bedside
PBS - Pretty bad shape
PBOO - Pine Box On Order
Percussive maintenance - the sharp tap/bang which cures faulty
equipment
Pest control - term applied to psychiatrists by casualty officers
PFO - Pissed [Drunk] and Fell Over
PGT - Pissed [Drunk] and Got Thumped
Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated
PHAT - Pretty Hot and Tempting (warning to others)
PIA - Pain in the ass
PIAF - Pissed as a fart
PID shuffle - apot diagnosis in A&E (Pelvic Inflammatroy Disease)
PIMBA - (Brazil) swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar
PITA - Pain in the ass
PLH - Pray Long and Hard
Plumboscillation - swinging the lead (malingering)
Plumbum oscillans - Latin for "swinging the lead" (malingering) i.e
seeking a sick note to take time off work
Pneumo-cephalic - airhead
Podo-Oral - Foot in Mouth (i.e. put one's foot in it - rarely used BY
senior staff, sometimes used ABOUT them)
Policeman Lesion - lesion on an X-ray so obvious that a policeman
would spot it
Polydipose Dysfunction - big, fat patient (polydipose being invented
plural of adipose [fat])
Pop Drop - granny dumping (dumping elderly relative at Casualty dept)
Porcelain Level - fictitious blood test ordered to communicate to
colleague that the patient is malingering (crock of sh*t)
Post-Weekend Fatigue Syndrome - an ailment which presents at GP
surgeries on Monday mornings
Pox Docs - clap clinic (sexually transmitted disease clinic) doctors
PPP - Piss poor protoplasm
PPA - Practicing Professional Alcoholic
PRATFO - Patient Reassured And Told to F*** Off
Psychoceramics - psycho-geriatrics
Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would
encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up
Q sign - Patient unconscious/terminal with mouth open and tongue
hanging out; "Dotted Q" means flies land on tongue (dead/dying)
Qwertyitis - what a doctor suffers from when he spends more time on a
computer than with actual patients
QID - Queen in distress (hissy fit)
Q-Tip - Elderly person (white haired old person) (Q-Tip is a cotton
bud)
Rabbit - over-talkative (from slang "Rabbit & Pork - talk)
Raisin Farm - old person's home, geriatric ward etc (also Raisin
Farmer - person who runs old persons' home)
RBG - Received by God (a person in receipt of a Celestial Transfer)
RBS - Really Bad Shape
Rear Admiral - proctologist
Rear Admiralty - proctology dept
Removal men - dept of care of elderly people
Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight
Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be
a less busy dept)
Road Chilli - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected
and splattered
Road Pizza - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected
and splattered
Rocket Room - a ward/unit where there are many deaths (many transfers
to heaven)
Rocking horse stool - even rarer than hen's teeth
Rose cottage - mortuary
Rothman's sign - tobacco staining of fingers
Rounding Up The Usual Suspects - Ordering a set of tests for a given
set of symptoms
RPVU - Relative Porsche Value Unit: surgical index of potential income
from the repair of patient injuries, usually orthopaedic in nature.
Fractured finger = a windscreen wiper; a fractured hip = new tyres
etc.
Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are
obscured by tubing, he has no chance
Saddles - Maternity sanitary towels (napkins), so called for their
size and the bow-legged effect of wearing them
SBLEO - (pronounced S-B-Leo) Suicide By Law Enforcement Officer
SBOD - Stupid bitch/bastard on drugs
Scepticaemia - chronic condition suffered by two doctors in a debate
over which therapy
Scratch and sniff - gynaecological examination
September club - the students who have to return after summer holidays
for retakes
Serum porcelain - battery of blood tests on an elderly patient
Serum rhubarb - What they test for at tertiary centres
SF Scale - Sphincter Factor Scale: 1 to 10 scale indicating degree of
bowel-loosening in response to an emergency
Shandy Tap - bloodless lumbar puncture
Sh*ts & Spits - lab tech term for a patient's stool and sputum
samples; also the instruction to obtain these samples
Shotgunning - Ordering of a vast array of tests in the hopes that one
or other of them will give an idea of what is wrong with a patient
Sick - Really sick i.e. FTD (Fixing To Die) or CTD (Circling The
Drain)
Sidewalk Souffle - (US) suicide-by-jumping
Sieve - a doctor who admits almost every patient he sees
SIG - Stroppy Ignorant Girl
Silver Bracelet Award - patient is a prisoner brought in wearing cuffs
SIO - Sleeping It Off
Slashers - general surgeons
Slough - a patient inappropriately or unfairly unloaded from one
hosptial unit on another
Smellybridge - area between the anus and the back of the scrotum
(perineum)
Smiling Mighty Jesus - (US) spinal meningitis (also Screamin' Mighty
Jesus)
Smurf Sign - patient blue or going blue
Soft Admission - an admission that only a "Sieve" would accept
Solomf yoyo - So long, mother-f*****, you're on your own (see "amyoyo
syndrome")
St Elsewhere - medical academia's term for any non-teaching hospital
SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess
SWW - Sick, wet and whiny (infant)
SYB - Save Your Breath (for patients who don't take advice)
Tash Test - observation suggestive of HIV status (presence of a
Freddie Mercury-esque moustache)
TATT - Talks All The Time (also "Tired All The Time")
T&T Sign - Tattoo-to-Teeth Sign: survival indicator; those who are
tattooed and toothless will survive major injuries
Tax-Sucker - Someone who does not need an ambulance, but calls anyway
because it's free
TBP - Total body pain
TBC - Total Body Crunch: multiple injuries
TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise
syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open)
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
TF BUNDY - Totally f*cked, but unfortunately not dead yet
THC - Three hots and a cot; sought in A&E by the local homeless
Throckmorton's Sign - in the unconscious male, the penis points to the
injury
TMB - Too Many Birthdays: person dying of "old age"
Toaster - defibrillator
Trans-occipital implants - bullet wound to the head
Trauma Gods - Mythological deities whom A&E personnel believe to be
the cause of major emergencies
Treat 'n' street - A&E's term for quick patient turnaround
Trick cyclists - psychiatrists
TRO - Time ran out
TSL - To Stupid to Live
TTFO - Told To F*ck Off
TTR - (UK) Tea Time Review (a ripping yarn?)
TTR - (US) Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio (Dirtbag Ratio)
TUBE - Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination (might happen to a GLM)
Turf - get rid of patient by referring to another team (see also
buffing, sloughing and bouncing)
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine
UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling
VAC - Vultures are Circling (dying)
Vampires - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs (also slang
for blood donor service)
Velcro - Family or friends accompanying patient everywhere
Viaggravation - what a doctor gets from a patient who is demanding
erectile dysfunction medication on the NHS (not all areas of the UK
provide this on NHS)
VIP - Very intoxicated person
Vitamin V - Diazepam
Vitamin H - Haldol
Vitamin P - Lasix (diuretic) given to stimulate urination (peeing) in
post-operative patients
WADAO - Weak And Dizzy All Over
Wall - a doctor who resists admitting patients at all costs
Wallet Biopsy - (US) free medical test performed by hospital insurance
department before patient is treated (UK) similar test in private
health sector
White Mice - tampons
Woolly jumper - any non-acute physician
WNL - (Ambulance/casualty) Within Normal Limits, but more often
interpreted as We Never Looked
WNL - Will Not Listen; patient won't take medical advice
Woolworth's Test - (UK anaesthesia) if you can imagine patient
shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic
WWI - Walking while intoxicated (and fell over)
Wrinkly - geriatric
YOYO - You're on your own; see "amyoyo" and "solomf yoyo" (also
message passed from one doctor to another regarding problem/mystifying
cases)
Note: Any dept ending in "-ology" is likely to be nicknamed "-holiday"
by those working in busier depts