More math jokes :)
Snis Pilbor
My mentor insisted I do a presentation on the Gram-Schmidt process. It
went horribly! The lighting was so dim people could barely see. All
my slides were horribly smudged, and the fonts were typeset way too
small. My mentor was furious. "I'm sorry sir!" I wailed. "I'm
terrible at projections!"
And a general-purpose one...
PERSONALITY TYPES
Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass of
water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified into
personality types.
Optimist: The glass is now half full.
Pessimist: The glass is now half empty.
Set Theorist: The amount of water hasn't changed cardinality... it
still has cardinality aleph_1.
Graph Theorist: The water is now self-complementary.
Applied Mathematician: The temperature and pressure must have risen
dramatically.
Topologist: The water hasn't changed significantly.
Algebraist: The water is completely the same, mod 2.
Analyst: It's undergone a contraction mapping.
Combinatorialist: The task of choosing an arbitrary water molecule has
been reduced by a subtask of 2 possibilities.
....it's a work in progress! add your own! everyone can participate!
:)
|-|erc
> First a cheesy one for all you Linear Algebra fans...
>
> My mentor insisted I do a presentation on the Gram-Schmidt process. It
> went horribly! The lighting was so dim people could barely see. All
> my slides were horribly smudged, and the fonts were typeset way too
> small. My mentor was furious. "I'm sorry sir!" I wailed. "I'm
> terrible at projections!"
Homers IOU lands on the lamp and is seen on the ceiling...
Marge : Homer is this projection accurate?
>
>
> And a general-purpose one...
>
> PERSONALITY TYPES
>
> Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass of
> water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified into
> personality types.
>
> Optimist: The glass is now half full.
> Pessimist: The glass is now half empty.
> Set Theorist: The amount of water hasn't changed cardinality... it
> still has cardinality aleph_1.
> Graph Theorist: The water is now self-complementary.
> Applied Mathematician: The temperature and pressure must have risen
> dramatically.
> Topologist: The water hasn't changed significantly.
> Algebraist: The water is completely the same, mod 2.
> Analyst: It's undergone a contraction mapping.
> Combinatorialist: The task of choosing an arbitrary water molecule has
> been reduced by a subtask of 2 possibilities.
>
> ....it's a work in progress! add your own! everyone can participate!
> :)
Engineer : We can do it, but you'll have to use cups.
Programmer: What do you mean half the data is missing!
Herc
Wayne McDermott
A psychotic knows that 2 + 2 = 5
A neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 ... but it worries him
"Snis Pilbor" <snisp...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1105160495.3...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
David Kastrup
>> Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass of
>> water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified into
>> personality types.
>
> Engineer : We can do it, but you'll have to use cups.
Uh, no. The engineer's answer is that the second glass is
unnecessarily large for its contents.
--
David Kastrup, Kriemhildstr. 15, 44793 Bochum
|-|erc
> "|-|erc" <h@r.c> writes:
>
> >> Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass of
> >> water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified into
> >> personality types.
> >
> > Engineer : We can do it, but you'll have to use cups.
>
> Uh, no. The engineer's answer is that the second glass is
> unnecessarily large for its contents.
>
ahh right, that was just the quantity surveyor.
I.T. Manager: Its not a conceptual fault, its implementation!
Civil engineer: its 0.02 joules lower
Herc
George Cox
>
> PERSONALITY TYPES
>
> Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass of
> water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified into
> personality types.
>
> Optimist: The glass is now half full.
> Pessimist: The glass is now half empty.
> Set Theorist: The amount of water hasn't changed cardinality... it
> still has cardinality aleph_1.
I don't understand this last one. Explanation please.
ge
wrote:
>....it's a work in progress! add your own! everyone can participate!
Maybe all mathmeticians know this one; being an enginear, it was new
to me. It was originally posted as "Pardoxes of Randomness".
George
On Tue, 04 Sep 2001 02:07:58 GMT, in sci.math je...@cs.uiuc.edu (Jeff
Erickson) wrote:
>cha...@us.ibm.com (Gregory J Chaitin) writes:
>> http://www.cs.umaine.edu/~chaitin/summer.html
>
>
>Theorem: All positive integers are boring.
>
>Proof: Let n be the smallest interesting positive integer. So what?
>
>
>--
>Jeff Erickson je...@cs.uiuc.edu
>Computer Science Department http://www.uiuc.edu/~jeffe
>University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign Non sum, ergo non cogito.
William Elliot
> A psychotic knows that 2 + 2 = 5
and a White House economic advisor has to know 2 + 2 = 3.
> A neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 ... but it worries him
>
A braggart says 2222 + 2222 = 4444
A wimp say 0.002 + 0.002 = 0.004
A mathematician says 2 + 2 = 2*2 = 2^2
An artist says
from two to two to two two = too two
A physicist says 2.000 + 2.000 = 4.000 +- 0.0001
A statistician says 2 + 2 = 4 with 99.98% assurance.
|-|erc
A set theorist says suc suc 0 + suc suc 0 = suc suc suc 0 + suc 0 = suc suc suc suc 0
Herc
Thomas Nordhaus
>
>A set theorist says suc suc 0 + suc suc 0 = suc suc suc 0 + suc 0 = suc suc suc suc 0
That joke sucs.
Thomas
>
>Herc
>
>
|-|erc
William Elliot
Hauke Reddmann
> Topologist: The water hasn't changed significantly.
The Quantum Topologist heavily objects!
--
Hauke Reddmann <:-EX8 fc3...@uni-hamburg.de
His-Ala-Sec-Lys-Glu Arg-Glu-Asp-Asp-Met-Ala-Asn-Asn
Phil Carmody
A set theoretician says 2 and 2 is 2
Phil
--
The gun is good. The penis is evil... Go forth and kill.
|-|erc
> William Elliot <ma...@privacy.net> writes:
>
> > On Sat, 8 Jan 2005, Wayne McDermott wrote:
> >
> > > A psychotic knows that 2 + 2 = 5
> >
> > and a White House economic advisor has to know 2 + 2 = 3.
> >
> > > A neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 ... but it worries him
> > >
> > A braggart says 2222 + 2222 = 4444
> > A wimp say 0.002 + 0.002 = 0.004
> >
> > A mathematician says 2 + 2 = 2*2 = 2^2
> > An artist says
> > from two to two to two two = too two
> >
> > A physicist says 2.000 + 2.000 = 4.000 +- 0.0001
> > A statistician says 2 + 2 = 4 with 99.98% assurance.
>
> A set theoretician says 2 and 2 is 2
>
you fuckwit Phil, we've done him
Herc
William Elliot
> William Elliot <ma...@privacy.net> writes:
>>
>>> A psychotic knows that 2 + 2 = 5
>> and a White House economic advisor has to know 2 + 2 = 3.
>>
>>> A neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 ... but it worries him
An inferiority complex knows 2 <= 2
A superiority complex knows 2 >= 2
>> A braggart says 2222 + 2222 = 4444
>> A wimp say 0.002 + 0.002 = 0.004
>>
A fundamentalist says "I BELIEVEeee, TWO + TWO = FOUR!"
>> A mathematician says 2 + 2 = 2*2 = 2^2
>> An artist says from two to two to two two = too two
>>
>> A physicist says 2.000 + 2.000 = 4.000 +- 0.0001
>> A statistician says 2 + 2 = 4 with 99.98% assurance.
>
> A set theoretician says 2 and 2 is 2
>
He's also been know to say, 2 or 2 is 2,
whereas ordinary folk say two is two.
An analytic geometric says
rho rho rho your slope
gently down the angle,
verily, verily, verily
math is but a wrangle.
Michael Jørgensen
Proof: Let n be the smallest boring positive integer. Now, *that*'s
interesting!
-Michael.
richard miller
duplication (plagiarism)
"Snis Pilbor" <snisp...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1105160495.3...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> First a cheesy one for all you Linear Algebra fans...
>
> My mentor insisted I do a presentation on the Gram-Schmidt process. It
> went horribly! The lighting was so dim people could barely see. All
> my slides were horribly smudged, and the fonts were typeset way too
> small. My mentor was furious. "I'm sorry sir!" I wailed. "I'm
> terrible at projections!"
>
aaaagh!
>
> And a general-purpose one...
>
> PERSONALITY TYPES
>
> Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass of
> water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified into
> personality types.
>
> Optimist: The glass is now half full.
> Pessimist: The glass is now half empty.
> Set Theorist: The amount of water hasn't changed cardinality... it
> still has cardinality aleph_1.
> Graph Theorist: The water is now self-complementary.
> Applied Mathematician: The temperature and pressure must have risen
> dramatically.
> Topologist: The water hasn't changed significantly.
> Algebraist: The water is completely the same, mod 2.
> Analyst: It's undergone a contraction mapping.
> Combinatorialist: The task of choosing an arbitrary water molecule has
> been reduced by a subtask of 2 possibilities.
>
> ....it's a work in progress! add your own! everyone can participate!
> :)
>
Engineer: The glass has been over-engineered by a factor of two
Arts Student: The glass is one third empty
Environmentalist: Its half empty now, but the level is rising due to global
warming
ad nauseum...
richard miller
"|-|erc" <h@r.c> wrote in message news:3499g2F...@individual.net...
> "Snis Pilbor" <snisp...@yahoo.com> wrote in
snippagio
> Programmer: What do you mean half the data is missing!
>
> Herc
>
>
More like..
Programmer: Its the hardware that's at fault
richard miller
"William Elliot" <ma...@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:2005011001...@agora.rdrop.com...
>
> An analytic geometric says
> rho rho rho your slope
> gently down the angle,
> verily, verily, verily
> math is but a wrangle.
which reminds me, why doesn't the Cat fall off the roof,
cos it has a high coefficient of mu.
Take my mother in-law, please...
And no, I haven't given up my day job
Snis Pilbor
What is the cardinality of the set of triplets in a cylinder of radius
1 and height 1?
What is the cardinality of the set of triplets in a cylinder of radius
1 and height .5?
Also I thought of another good one but can't think who would say it!
(Some type of mathematician, upon seeing the half-glass of water):
Hey, I ordered coffee!
Dave Seaman
> George Cox wrote:
>> Snis Pilbor wrote:
>> >
>> > PERSONALITY TYPES
>> >
>> > Several people were shown a glass of water and then a half a glass
> of
>> > water and asked to compare them. Their answers were classified
> into
>> > personality types.
>> >
>> > Optimist: The glass is now half full.
>> > Pessimist: The glass is now half empty.
>> > Set Theorist: The amount of water hasn't changed cardinality... it
>> > still has cardinality aleph_1.
>>
>> I don't understand this last one. Explanation please.
> What is the cardinality of the set of triplets in a cylinder of radius
> 1 and height 1?
That cardinality is c = 2^aleph_0. It is not necessarily equal to
aleph_1, unless we assume the continuum hypothesis.
But that cardinality has nothing to do with the "cardinality of the
water." If that phrase has meaning at all, it surely must be the number
of water molecues in the glass, which is finite. Anything smaller than a
molecule is not water.
> What is the cardinality of the set of triplets in a cylinder of radius
> 1 and height .5?
Again, the answer is c, the cardinality of the continuum.
--
Dave Seaman
Judge Yohn's mistakes revealed in Mumia Abu-Jamal ruling.
<http://www.commoncouragepress.com/index.cfm?action=book&bookid=228>
Joseph Hertzlinger
wrote:
> A fundamentalist says "I BELIEVEeee, TWO + TWO = FOUR!"
Fundamentalism is clearly based on Henkin sentences.