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NEWS BULLETIN -- ANOTHER PREDICTION COMES TRUE ,
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Intrepid
Jan 1, 2010, 8:56:37 AM1/1/10
to
<
HAZLETON, Pa. (Rueters) -- Another
prophesy for the new decade came true
around 4:45 this morning when the late
MotherTeresa and the late George Carlin
appeared at Father Guido Sarducci's bed-
side and scared the living sh*t out of him.
Father Sarducci, who was not smoking
in bed, got up, lit a cigarette and showed
Fox News how close he came to pooping
in his pajamas.
<
http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
<
This prophesy was a bit off-target because
it had explicitly stated that, when Father
Sarducci would see the ghosts, he would
swallow his cigarette.
Well, nobody's perfect.
<
Before he disapeared, Mr. Carlin forgot
to take this video he had with him.
<
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o
<
============================
<
Earlier Story
<
PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEW DECADE . . .
<
These predictions will appear in the order in which they will
occur, just like Nostradamus.
<
10 -- Rush Limbaugh has a heart attack while on vacation in Hawaii.
There are fears that he had become brain dead and a Babbling Idiot
until neurologists revealed that tests showed "The Great One"
has been a Babbling Idiot for years. (Please note that the timing
of this tragic event is a bit cloudy. It could happen early in 2010
but possibly in the waning days of 2009)
<.
9 -- The late Mother Teresa, accompanied by the late George Carlin,
appear to Father Guido Sarducci and scare the living shit out of him.
He almost swallows his cigarette.
<
8 -- Federal agents finally discover where Bernard Madoff has been
hiding $21.5 billion all these years. Amazingly, nobody ever asked
him to remove his socks.
<
7 -- Keith Olbermann gets into a pissing match with Glenn Beck.
Olbermann wins because his urine goes approximately two feet farther.
<
6 -- Dick Cheney accidentally swallows Truth Serum and starts
rattling off horrid details of the 911 government conspiracy. It's
two-for-one Bonus Day when Tiger Woods admits being the father
of 375 children.
<
5 -- Extraterrestrials make their first official contact with the
people
of earth to get them to wise up. However, within 45 minutes, they head
back to their distant galaxy, disgusted that their trip was a complete
waste of time.
<
4 -- George W. Bush pronouncement of "Mission Accomplished"
celebrates the 6,000th day since he first said it (The streak has now
extended for 16 years and we're still counting).
<
3 -- Evolutionists and atheists finally admit the theory of man's
evolution is a myth and replace all statues of Charles Darwin with
those of Ed Conrad. All old science textbooks are burned and
new factual ones printed.
<
2 -- Medical experts unveil a cure for all cancers, admitting they
have had it since 1953 but couldn't reveal it sooner because
of the steady cash flow.
<
1 -- Ed Conrad kicks the bucket and thousands pee on his grave
after the services. Richard Dawkins, who had traveled all the way
from Jolly Old for the funeral, waits until the sun goes down so he
can take (leave?) a healthy crap. Miraculously, tiger lillys grow
overnight
on the exact spot of his defacation and blossom the next day. Pope
Benedict praises God and declares it a freakin' miracle.
<
==============================
<
DEATH DOES NOT EXIST, YOU MORON
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Miracle.jpg
http://edconrad.com/lifeafterdeath
<
MAN AS OLD AS COLE SLAW
http://www.edconrad.com
<
=========================
<
WORLD'S TOP-RANKED UNIVERSITIES
(Study Real Hard So You Can Become Almost As Smart As Me)
<
Rank Name of University Country
1 Harvard University USA
2 University of Oxford UK
3 University of Cambridge UK
4 Stanford University USA
5 Massachusetts Institute of Technology USA
6 University of California, Berkeley USA
7 California Institute of Technology USA
8 Princeton University USA
9 Yale University USA
10 University of Chicago USA
11 Columbia University USA
12 University of California, San Diego USA
13 Cornell University USA
14 University of California, Los Angeles USA
15 University Pennsylvania USA
16 University of Wisconsin, Madison USA
17 University of Washington, Seattle USA
18 Tokyo University Japan
19 University of California, San Francisco USA
20 University of Michigan, Ann Arbor USA
21 Kyoto University Japan
22 Imperial College London UK
23 Johns Hopkins University USA
24 University of Toronto Canada
25 University College London UK
26 University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign USA
27 Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, Zurich Switzerland
28 Washington University, St. Louis USA
29 New York University USA
30 Duke University USA
31 University of Minnesota, Twin Cities USA
32 Northwestern University USA
33 Rockefeller University USA
34 University of Colorado, Boulder USA
35 University of California, Santa Barbara USA
36 University of British Columbia Canada
37 University of Maryland, College Park USA
38 Utrecht University Netherlands
39 University of Texas, Austin USA
40 University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center USA
41 Pennsylvania State University, University Park USA
42 University of California, Davis USA
43 Vanderbilt University USA
44 University of California, Irvine USA
45 University of Paris 06 France
46 University of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh USA
47 University of Southern California USA
48 Rutgers State University, New Brunswick USA
49 University of Manchester UK
50 Karolinska Institute, Stockholm Sweden
51 University of Munich Germany
52 Technical University of Munich Germany
53 University of Florida USA
54 University of Edinburgh UK
55 Australian National University Australia
56 Carnegie Mellon University USA
57 University of Copenhagen Denmark
58 University of Zurich Switzerland
59 Hebrew University, Jerusalem Israel
60 Osaka University Japan
61 McGill University Canada
62 University of Bristol UK
63 University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill USA
64 Uppsala University Sweden
65 Ohio State University, Columbus USA
66 University of Paris 11 France
67 University of Sheffield UK
68 University of Heidelberg Germany
69 University of Oslo Norway
70 Case Western Reserve University USA
71 Moscow State University Russia
72 University of Leiden Netherlands
73 Purdue University, West Lafayette USA
74 University of Helsinki Finland
75 University of Rochester USA
76 University of Melbourne Australia
77 Tohoku University Japan
78 University of Nottingham UK
79 University of Arizona USA
80 Michigan State University USA
81 King's College London UK
82 Boston University USA
83 University of Basel Switzerland
84 Stockholm University Sweden
85 Brown University USA
86 University of Goettingen Germany
87 Rice University USA
88 Texas A&M University, College Station USA
89 Tokyo Institute of Technology Japan
90 University of Birmingham UK
91 University of Utah USA
92 University of Freiburg Germany
93 McMaster University Canada
94 Nagoya University Japan
95 University of Iowa USA
96 University of Strasbourg 1 France
97 Ecole Normale Super Paris France
98 Indiana University, Bloomington USA
99 Arizona State University, Tempe USA
100 University of Rome La Sapienza Italy
<
ABC NBC CBS MSNBC Fox News CNN Larry King Michael Moore
Bill O'Reilly George Bush New York Times Post Daily Daily News
Newsweek Washington Post Wall Street Journal Bill Moyers Chris
Matthews Lou Dobbs AOL Time Warner AT&T CBS Viacom Disney
Rupert Murdoch News Corporation Newsday AAA PBS Newsweek
SA Today The Nation War in Iraq talk.origins David Iain Greig Heaven
and Hell PBS BBC Lou Dobbs Chris Matthews Brian Williams Katie
Couric Charles Gibson White House Evolution Creation Intelligent
Design Extraterrestrials Billy Meier UFOs Hubble News of the World
New England Journal of Medicine Bill Gates Smithsonian Yomiuri
Shimbun Asahi Shimbun Bild Germany The Sun London The View
60 Minutes Oprah Winfrey Rosie O'Donnell Meet the Press Anderson
Cooper Science Biology Pseudoscientists Religion Pope John XXIII
Cancer Republican Las Vegas Evolution Democrat Evolutionists AP
UPI Reuters U.S. News and World Report Fortune 500 OPEC Bill
Maher ExxonMobile Turkey Killer Sarah Palin The Huffington Post
HAZLETON, Pa. (Rueters) -- Another
prophesy for the new decade came true
around 4:45 this morning when the late
MotherTeresa and the late George Carlin
appeared at Father Guido Sarducci's bed-
side and scared the living sh*t out of him.
Father Sarducci, who was not smoking
in bed, got up, lit a cigarette and showed
Fox News how close he came to pooping
in his pajamas.
<
http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
<
This prophesy was a bit off-target because
it had explicitly stated that, when Father
Sarducci would see the ghosts, he would
swallow his cigarette.
Well, nobody's perfect.
<
Before he disapeared, Mr. Carlin forgot
to take this video he had with him.
<
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o
<
============================
<
Earlier Story
<
PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEW DECADE . . .
<
These predictions will appear in the order in which they will
occur, just like Nostradamus.
<
10 -- Rush Limbaugh has a heart attack while on vacation in Hawaii.
There are fears that he had become brain dead and a Babbling Idiot
until neurologists revealed that tests showed "The Great One"
has been a Babbling Idiot for years. (Please note that the timing
of this tragic event is a bit cloudy. It could happen early in 2010
but possibly in the waning days of 2009)
<.
9 -- The late Mother Teresa, accompanied by the late George Carlin,
appear to Father Guido Sarducci and scare the living shit out of him.
He almost swallows his cigarette.
<
8 -- Federal agents finally discover where Bernard Madoff has been
hiding $21.5 billion all these years. Amazingly, nobody ever asked
him to remove his socks.
<
7 -- Keith Olbermann gets into a pissing match with Glenn Beck.
Olbermann wins because his urine goes approximately two feet farther.
<
6 -- Dick Cheney accidentally swallows Truth Serum and starts
rattling off horrid details of the 911 government conspiracy. It's
two-for-one Bonus Day when Tiger Woods admits being the father
of 375 children.
<
5 -- Extraterrestrials make their first official contact with the
people
of earth to get them to wise up. However, within 45 minutes, they head
back to their distant galaxy, disgusted that their trip was a complete
waste of time.
<
4 -- George W. Bush pronouncement of "Mission Accomplished"
celebrates the 6,000th day since he first said it (The streak has now
extended for 16 years and we're still counting).
<
3 -- Evolutionists and atheists finally admit the theory of man's
evolution is a myth and replace all statues of Charles Darwin with
those of Ed Conrad. All old science textbooks are burned and
new factual ones printed.
<
2 -- Medical experts unveil a cure for all cancers, admitting they
have had it since 1953 but couldn't reveal it sooner because
of the steady cash flow.
<
1 -- Ed Conrad kicks the bucket and thousands pee on his grave
after the services. Richard Dawkins, who had traveled all the way
from Jolly Old for the funeral, waits until the sun goes down so he
can take (leave?) a healthy crap. Miraculously, tiger lillys grow
overnight
on the exact spot of his defacation and blossom the next day. Pope
Benedict praises God and declares it a freakin' miracle.
<
==============================
<
DEATH DOES NOT EXIST, YOU MORON
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Miracle.jpg
http://edconrad.com/lifeafterdeath
<
MAN AS OLD AS COLE SLAW
http://www.edconrad.com
<
=========================
<
WORLD'S TOP-RANKED UNIVERSITIES
(Study Real Hard So You Can Become Almost As Smart As Me)
<
Rank Name of University Country
1 Harvard University USA
2 University of Oxford UK
3 University of Cambridge UK
4 Stanford University USA
5 Massachusetts Institute of Technology USA
6 University of California, Berkeley USA
7 California Institute of Technology USA
8 Princeton University USA
9 Yale University USA
10 University of Chicago USA
11 Columbia University USA
12 University of California, San Diego USA
13 Cornell University USA
14 University of California, Los Angeles USA
15 University Pennsylvania USA
16 University of Wisconsin, Madison USA
17 University of Washington, Seattle USA
18 Tokyo University Japan
19 University of California, San Francisco USA
20 University of Michigan, Ann Arbor USA
21 Kyoto University Japan
22 Imperial College London UK
23 Johns Hopkins University USA
24 University of Toronto Canada
25 University College London UK
26 University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign USA
27 Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, Zurich Switzerland
28 Washington University, St. Louis USA
29 New York University USA
30 Duke University USA
31 University of Minnesota, Twin Cities USA
32 Northwestern University USA
33 Rockefeller University USA
34 University of Colorado, Boulder USA
35 University of California, Santa Barbara USA
36 University of British Columbia Canada
37 University of Maryland, College Park USA
38 Utrecht University Netherlands
39 University of Texas, Austin USA
40 University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center USA
41 Pennsylvania State University, University Park USA
42 University of California, Davis USA
43 Vanderbilt University USA
44 University of California, Irvine USA
45 University of Paris 06 France
46 University of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh USA
47 University of Southern California USA
48 Rutgers State University, New Brunswick USA
49 University of Manchester UK
50 Karolinska Institute, Stockholm Sweden
51 University of Munich Germany
52 Technical University of Munich Germany
53 University of Florida USA
54 University of Edinburgh UK
55 Australian National University Australia
56 Carnegie Mellon University USA
57 University of Copenhagen Denmark
58 University of Zurich Switzerland
59 Hebrew University, Jerusalem Israel
60 Osaka University Japan
61 McGill University Canada
62 University of Bristol UK
63 University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill USA
64 Uppsala University Sweden
65 Ohio State University, Columbus USA
66 University of Paris 11 France
67 University of Sheffield UK
68 University of Heidelberg Germany
69 University of Oslo Norway
70 Case Western Reserve University USA
71 Moscow State University Russia
72 University of Leiden Netherlands
73 Purdue University, West Lafayette USA
74 University of Helsinki Finland
75 University of Rochester USA
76 University of Melbourne Australia
77 Tohoku University Japan
78 University of Nottingham UK
79 University of Arizona USA
80 Michigan State University USA
81 King's College London UK
82 Boston University USA
83 University of Basel Switzerland
84 Stockholm University Sweden
85 Brown University USA
86 University of Goettingen Germany
87 Rice University USA
88 Texas A&M University, College Station USA
89 Tokyo Institute of Technology Japan
90 University of Birmingham UK
91 University of Utah USA
92 University of Freiburg Germany
93 McMaster University Canada
94 Nagoya University Japan
95 University of Iowa USA
96 University of Strasbourg 1 France
97 Ecole Normale Super Paris France
98 Indiana University, Bloomington USA
99 Arizona State University, Tempe USA
100 University of Rome La Sapienza Italy
<
ABC NBC CBS MSNBC Fox News CNN Larry King Michael Moore
Bill O'Reilly George Bush New York Times Post Daily Daily News
Newsweek Washington Post Wall Street Journal Bill Moyers Chris
Matthews Lou Dobbs AOL Time Warner AT&T CBS Viacom Disney
Rupert Murdoch News Corporation Newsday AAA PBS Newsweek
SA Today The Nation War in Iraq talk.origins David Iain Greig Heaven
and Hell PBS BBC Lou Dobbs Chris Matthews Brian Williams Katie
Couric Charles Gibson White House Evolution Creation Intelligent
Design Extraterrestrials Billy Meier UFOs Hubble News of the World
New England Journal of Medicine Bill Gates Smithsonian Yomiuri
Shimbun Asahi Shimbun Bild Germany The Sun London The View
60 Minutes Oprah Winfrey Rosie O'Donnell Meet the Press Anderson
Cooper Science Biology Pseudoscientists Religion Pope John XXIII
Cancer Republican Las Vegas Evolution Democrat Evolutionists AP
UPI Reuters U.S. News and World Report Fortune 500 OPEC Bill
Maher ExxonMobile Turkey Killer Sarah Palin The Huffington Post
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