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GOD TO TAKE A BITE OF THE BIG APPLE
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ignorant bastard
Feb 7, 2012, 4:41:03 PM2/7/12
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<
NEW YORK CITY (Rueters) --
A traffic jam of Biblical proportions
is expected in the Big Apple at
5:34 p.m. Friday when New Yorkers
pause to give thanks to Almighty
God for helping the Giants win
the Super Bowl.
<
"It'll be our way of apologizing
for failing to give Him His just due
right after the game," said Mayor
Michael Bloomberg.
<
Eli Manning, the game's MVP
(although the honor should have
gone to You-Know-Who), said he,
his teammates and Giants fans
everywhere were too shocked
and dumbfounded to give the
Supreme Bean His due when
it was due.
<
God performed a double dose
of mircles with time running out
to help the Giants bet the New
England Patriots.
<
Miraculously, both came on the
very same play: the touchdown the
Giants didn't really want (although
they were LOSING); and the TD
that the Giants allowed (even
though they were WINNING at
the time and knew it would put
them behind).
<
(PS: Hey, Vatican, you'll have
to go pretty far to top that one.)
<
In any event, all traffic will come to
an abrupt stop at 5:34 p.m. Friday
and nobody will move -- not even
pedestrians or guys pushing hot
dog carts -- for a full five minutes.
<
All car radios suddenly will be
miraculously turn on to praise
the Lord with soft but scary
music, "Nearer My God to Thee."
<
Considerat teens, who used
to wash your windshield at
traffic lights, will roam the lines
of stalled traffic on expressways
and elsewhere to accept your
donations (at gunpoint).
<
Meanwhile, there is an ugly,
unsubstatiated rumor afloat
that New Yorkers may NOT
really be praising God helping
the Giants beat the NY Patriots.
<
Instead, some say, they'll
be doing it out of the fear that
The Man Upstairs may keep
His promise that, because of
their original ingratitude, He
won't allow either the Giants
or Damn Yankees to reach
the Super Bowl or World Series
until 2029.
<
WHAT FRIDAY'S TRAFFIC JAM WILL LOOK LIKE
<
http://www.ridelust.com/wp-content/uploads/traffic-jam.jpg
<
Father Guido Sarducci, who will head NYC's
traffic control on Friday, advises motorists how
far they should stay behind the vehicle ahead.
<
http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
<
===============
<
GOD A REALLY GREAT GUY WHEN YOU DON'T PISS HIM OFF
<
http://www.edconrad.org
<
YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS
<
http://www.edconrad.com
<
==================
<
LARGEST U.S. NEWSPAPERS
<
Rank Newspaper Circulation
1. USA Today (Arlington, Va.) 2,528,437
2. Wall Street Journal (NY, N.Y.) 2,058,342
3. Times (New York, N.Y.) 1,683,855
4. Times (Los Angeles) 1,231,318
5. Post (Washington, DC) 960,684
6. Tribune (Chicago) 957,212
7. Daily News (New York, N.Y.) 795,153
8. Inquirer (Philadelphia) 705,965
9. Post/Rocky Mountain News (Denver) 704,806
10. Chronicle (Houston) 692,557
11. Post (New York, N.Y.) 691,420
12. News/Free Press (Detroit) 669,315
13. Morning News (Dallas) 649,709
14. Star Tribune (Minneapolis) 606,698
15. Globe (Boston) 604,068
16. Star-Ledger (Newark, N.J.) 599,628
17. Journal-Constitution (Atlanta) 561,405
18. Arizona Republic (Phoenix) 556,465
19. Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.) 488,825
20. Chronicle (San Francisco) 451,504
21. Plain Dealer (Cleveland) 450,875
22. Times/Post-Intelligencer (Seattle) 435,581
23. Post-Dispatch (St. Louis) 423,291
24. Times (St. Petersburg, Fla.) 422,410
25. Union-Tribune (San Diego) 408,392
26. Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee) 405,355
27. Sun (Baltimore) 401,918
28. Herald (Miami) 390,171
29. Oregonian (Portland) 384,729
30. Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, Pa.) 373,980
31. Star (Kansas City, Mo.) 367,712
32. Register (Orange County, Calif.) 354,632
33. Dispatch (Columbus, Ohio) 352,510
34. Star (Indianapolis) 347,217
35. Express-News (San Antonio, Tex.) 342,709
36. Sentinel (Orlando, Fla.) 341,025
37. South Florida Sun-Sentinel 339,728
38. Bee (Sacramento, Calif.) 330,993
39. Star-Telegram (Fort Worth, Tex.) 322,824
40. Tribune & Times (Tampa, Fla.) 309,916
41. Enquirer/Post (Cincinnati) 293,151
42. Daily Oklahoman (Oklahoma City) 287,505
43. Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock, Ark.) 275,991
44. Observer (Charlotte, N.C.) 274,125
45. News (Buffalo, N.Y.) 273,177
46. Courant (Hartford, Conn.) 272,918
47. Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.) 271,920
48. Mercury News (San Jose, Calif.) 263,373
49. Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.) 251,565
50. Register (Des Moines, Iowa) 240,912
51. Tennessean (Nashville) 236,563
52. World-Herald (Omaha, Neb.) 231,115
53. Herald (Boston) 230,344
54. American-Statesman (Austin, Tex.) 228,619
55. Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, Va.) 225,730
56. Times-Union (Jacksonville, Fla.) 222,392
57. Democrat Chronicle (Rochester NY) 219,660
58. Times-Dispatch (Richmond, Va.) 219,595
59. Review-Journal (Las Vegas) 219,228
60. Journal (Providence, R.I.) 218,388
61. Commercial Appeal (Memphis) 216,705
62 News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.) 213,878
63. Post (W. Palm Beach, Fla.) 211,697
64. Investors Business Daily (LA 210,708
65. Record (Hackensack, N.J.) 206,086
66. Asbury Park Press (Neptune, N.J.) 199,723
67. Contra Costa (Ca) Times 190,613
68. Press-Enterprise (Riverside, Calif.) 189,000
69. Daily News (Los Angeles) 187,740
70. Bee (Fresno, Calif.) 183,744
71. Press (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 182,810
72. News (Birmingham, Ala.) 180,451
73. Daily Star (Tucson, Ariz.) 173,064
74. Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio) 170,870
75. Daily News (Dayton, Ohio) 168,645
76. Post-Standard (Syracuse, N.Y.) 168,393
77. Blade (Toledo, Ohio) 167,686
78. Advertiser (Honolulu) 160,723
79. Tribune-Review (Greensburg, Pa.) 158,013
80. Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.) 153,291
81. News-Sentinel (Knoxville, Tenn.) 152,945
82. Tribune/Deseret News (Salt Lake) 151,422
83. Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 150,936
84. Journal (Albuquerque) 149,455
85. Wisconsin St Journa Madison, Wis 148,489
86. Patriot-News (Harrisburg, Pa.) 148,301
87. Journal News (White Plains, N.Y.) 144,231
88. Eagle (Wichita, Kans.) 143,948
89. Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.) 141,019
90. State (Columbia, S.C.) 140,362
91. Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Fla.) 138,675
92. News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.) 137,730
93. News Journal (Wilmington, Del.) 134,865
94. Times Union (Albany, N.Y.) 133,787
95. La Opinion (Los Angeles) 128,553
96. Republican (Springfield, Mass.) 125,864
97. News-Journal (Daytona Beach, Fla) 125,754
98. Daily News (Philadelphia) 123,483
99. Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Ind.) 121,475
100. Spokesman-Review (Spokane) 120,632
NEW YORK CITY (Rueters) --
A traffic jam of Biblical proportions
is expected in the Big Apple at
5:34 p.m. Friday when New Yorkers
pause to give thanks to Almighty
God for helping the Giants win
the Super Bowl.
<
"It'll be our way of apologizing
for failing to give Him His just due
right after the game," said Mayor
Michael Bloomberg.
<
Eli Manning, the game's MVP
(although the honor should have
gone to You-Know-Who), said he,
his teammates and Giants fans
everywhere were too shocked
and dumbfounded to give the
Supreme Bean His due when
it was due.
<
God performed a double dose
of mircles with time running out
to help the Giants bet the New
England Patriots.
<
Miraculously, both came on the
very same play: the touchdown the
Giants didn't really want (although
they were LOSING); and the TD
that the Giants allowed (even
though they were WINNING at
the time and knew it would put
them behind).
<
(PS: Hey, Vatican, you'll have
to go pretty far to top that one.)
<
In any event, all traffic will come to
an abrupt stop at 5:34 p.m. Friday
and nobody will move -- not even
pedestrians or guys pushing hot
dog carts -- for a full five minutes.
<
All car radios suddenly will be
miraculously turn on to praise
the Lord with soft but scary
music, "Nearer My God to Thee."
<
Considerat teens, who used
to wash your windshield at
traffic lights, will roam the lines
of stalled traffic on expressways
and elsewhere to accept your
donations (at gunpoint).
<
Meanwhile, there is an ugly,
unsubstatiated rumor afloat
that New Yorkers may NOT
really be praising God helping
the Giants beat the NY Patriots.
<
Instead, some say, they'll
be doing it out of the fear that
The Man Upstairs may keep
His promise that, because of
their original ingratitude, He
won't allow either the Giants
or Damn Yankees to reach
the Super Bowl or World Series
until 2029.
<
WHAT FRIDAY'S TRAFFIC JAM WILL LOOK LIKE
<
http://www.ridelust.com/wp-content/uploads/traffic-jam.jpg
<
Father Guido Sarducci, who will head NYC's
traffic control on Friday, advises motorists how
far they should stay behind the vehicle ahead.
<
http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
<
===============
<
GOD A REALLY GREAT GUY WHEN YOU DON'T PISS HIM OFF
<
http://www.edconrad.org
<
YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS
<
http://www.edconrad.com
<
==================
<
LARGEST U.S. NEWSPAPERS
<
Rank Newspaper Circulation
1. USA Today (Arlington, Va.) 2,528,437
2. Wall Street Journal (NY, N.Y.) 2,058,342
3. Times (New York, N.Y.) 1,683,855
4. Times (Los Angeles) 1,231,318
5. Post (Washington, DC) 960,684
6. Tribune (Chicago) 957,212
7. Daily News (New York, N.Y.) 795,153
8. Inquirer (Philadelphia) 705,965
9. Post/Rocky Mountain News (Denver) 704,806
10. Chronicle (Houston) 692,557
11. Post (New York, N.Y.) 691,420
12. News/Free Press (Detroit) 669,315
13. Morning News (Dallas) 649,709
14. Star Tribune (Minneapolis) 606,698
15. Globe (Boston) 604,068
16. Star-Ledger (Newark, N.J.) 599,628
17. Journal-Constitution (Atlanta) 561,405
18. Arizona Republic (Phoenix) 556,465
19. Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.) 488,825
20. Chronicle (San Francisco) 451,504
21. Plain Dealer (Cleveland) 450,875
22. Times/Post-Intelligencer (Seattle) 435,581
23. Post-Dispatch (St. Louis) 423,291
24. Times (St. Petersburg, Fla.) 422,410
25. Union-Tribune (San Diego) 408,392
26. Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee) 405,355
27. Sun (Baltimore) 401,918
28. Herald (Miami) 390,171
29. Oregonian (Portland) 384,729
30. Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, Pa.) 373,980
31. Star (Kansas City, Mo.) 367,712
32. Register (Orange County, Calif.) 354,632
33. Dispatch (Columbus, Ohio) 352,510
34. Star (Indianapolis) 347,217
35. Express-News (San Antonio, Tex.) 342,709
36. Sentinel (Orlando, Fla.) 341,025
37. South Florida Sun-Sentinel 339,728
38. Bee (Sacramento, Calif.) 330,993
39. Star-Telegram (Fort Worth, Tex.) 322,824
40. Tribune & Times (Tampa, Fla.) 309,916
41. Enquirer/Post (Cincinnati) 293,151
42. Daily Oklahoman (Oklahoma City) 287,505
43. Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock, Ark.) 275,991
44. Observer (Charlotte, N.C.) 274,125
45. News (Buffalo, N.Y.) 273,177
46. Courant (Hartford, Conn.) 272,918
47. Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.) 271,920
48. Mercury News (San Jose, Calif.) 263,373
49. Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.) 251,565
50. Register (Des Moines, Iowa) 240,912
51. Tennessean (Nashville) 236,563
52. World-Herald (Omaha, Neb.) 231,115
53. Herald (Boston) 230,344
54. American-Statesman (Austin, Tex.) 228,619
55. Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, Va.) 225,730
56. Times-Union (Jacksonville, Fla.) 222,392
57. Democrat Chronicle (Rochester NY) 219,660
58. Times-Dispatch (Richmond, Va.) 219,595
59. Review-Journal (Las Vegas) 219,228
60. Journal (Providence, R.I.) 218,388
61. Commercial Appeal (Memphis) 216,705
62 News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.) 213,878
63. Post (W. Palm Beach, Fla.) 211,697
64. Investors Business Daily (LA 210,708
65. Record (Hackensack, N.J.) 206,086
66. Asbury Park Press (Neptune, N.J.) 199,723
67. Contra Costa (Ca) Times 190,613
68. Press-Enterprise (Riverside, Calif.) 189,000
69. Daily News (Los Angeles) 187,740
70. Bee (Fresno, Calif.) 183,744
71. Press (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 182,810
72. News (Birmingham, Ala.) 180,451
73. Daily Star (Tucson, Ariz.) 173,064
74. Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio) 170,870
75. Daily News (Dayton, Ohio) 168,645
76. Post-Standard (Syracuse, N.Y.) 168,393
77. Blade (Toledo, Ohio) 167,686
78. Advertiser (Honolulu) 160,723
79. Tribune-Review (Greensburg, Pa.) 158,013
80. Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.) 153,291
81. News-Sentinel (Knoxville, Tenn.) 152,945
82. Tribune/Deseret News (Salt Lake) 151,422
83. Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 150,936
84. Journal (Albuquerque) 149,455
85. Wisconsin St Journa Madison, Wis 148,489
86. Patriot-News (Harrisburg, Pa.) 148,301
87. Journal News (White Plains, N.Y.) 144,231
88. Eagle (Wichita, Kans.) 143,948
89. Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.) 141,019
90. State (Columbia, S.C.) 140,362
91. Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Fla.) 138,675
92. News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.) 137,730
93. News Journal (Wilmington, Del.) 134,865
94. Times Union (Albany, N.Y.) 133,787
95. La Opinion (Los Angeles) 128,553
96. Republican (Springfield, Mass.) 125,864
97. News-Journal (Daytona Beach, Fla) 125,754
98. Daily News (Philadelphia) 123,483
99. Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Ind.) 121,475
100. Spokesman-Review (Spokane) 120,632
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