Source of "Barbie Archaeology" joke?
Keith
amet...@nc5.infi.net (Amethyst) wrote:
>Does anyone know the source of the "Barbie Archaeology" joke in the form
>of a rejection letter from the Smithsonian regarding the submission of a
>Barbie doll head as an ancient relic? I'd like to know who the author is
>and if the joke is copyrighted, if anyone knows. Thanks for your help.
This is how I originally got the above joke....seems it is a real
reply to a joker of sorts....needed in what *could* be a dry field!!
Hi guys,
I had this forwarded to me from a buddy of mine in New
Zealand, who got it forwarded to him from whoknowswhere.
This is a real reply from the Smithsonian Museum to a guy who thought
he had found a hominid skull in his backyard....
Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
"211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid
skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed
examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your
theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of
Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it
appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of
the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to
be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great
deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be
quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior
work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your
findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical
attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to
its modern origin:
1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains
are typically fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9
cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest
identified proto-hominids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more
consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the
"ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the
wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one
of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your
history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh
rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail,
let us say that:
a) The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll
that a dog has chewed on.
b) Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your
request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due
to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and
partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of
recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie
dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and so carbon dating is likely
to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny
your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's
Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen
the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking
personally I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of
your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the
species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound
like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this
fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a
hominid fossil it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example
of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so
effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a
special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens
you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire
staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your
digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We
eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you
proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the
Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing
you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating
fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes
the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently
discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears
Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities
Keith
Don't knock at Death's door. Ring the bell and run away.
He hates that.
Christine Malcom
In article <5e0097$a...@news.ibi.co.za>, Keith <ke...@pop.onwe.co.za> wrote:
>amet...@nc5.infi.net (Amethyst) wrote:
>
>>Does anyone know the source of the "Barbie Archaeology" joke in the form
>>of a rejection letter from the Smithsonian regarding the submission of a
>>Barbie doll head as an ancient relic? I'd like to know who the author is
>>and if the joke is copyrighted, if anyone knows. Thanks for your help.
>
>This is how I originally got the above joke....seems it is a real
>reply to a joker of sorts....needed in what *could* be a dry field!!
>
>Hi guys,
> I had this forwarded to me from a buddy of mine in New
>Zealand, who got it forwarded to him from whoknowswhere.
>
>This is a real reply from the Smithsonian Museum to a guy who thought
>he had found a hominid skull in his backyard....
No, it's not a real reply from someone at the Smithsonian. The
authenticity of the reply was debunked recently on alt.folklore.urban.
Try doing a dejanews search in that group on the subject "Barbie
Archaeology UL"
It's still a cute joke, but I can't shed any light on authorship or
origins, unfortunately.
Christine Malcom-Dept. of Anthropology (cm...@kimbark.uchicago.edu)
____________________________________________________________________________
"Let the wild Rumpus start!" - Maurice Sendak