I ALMOST OD'ED ON FACE PAINT BROTHERS
HULKA
EVEN SUPREME HULKAMANIACS SUCH AS MYSELF. JUST LIKE YOU NORMALS,
SOMETIMES I MAKE BAD DECISIONS IN MY LIFE AND I RECENTLY WENT THROUGH
SOMETHING IN MY LIFE THAT NEARLY COST ME EVERYTHING THAT I LOVE AND
NEARLY TOOK MY LIFE.
IT ALL STARTED IN 1998; I WAS FRESH ON THE RSPW SCENE AFTER SPENDING 4
YEARS IN PRISON FOR SMUGGLING HULK RULES T-SHIRTS ACROSS INTERNATIONAL
BORDERS. ONE DAY I WAS PAINTING A BEARD ON MY FACE TO LOOK LIKE
HOLLYWOOD HOGAN, AND I SAW THIS PERSON I WOULD LATER LEARN WAS ILOVEUWxx
APPEAR IN MY MIRROR. MY BEST FRIEND WHO WAS STANDING BEHIND ME PRAISING
ME WHILE I PAINTED MY BEARD DID NOT SEE HIM, SO I KNEW IT WAS DIVINE
INTERVENTION AND I LISTENED TO WHAT HE HAD TO SAY. HE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW
THE ULTIMATE ALLIANCE WAS THE BIGGEST THING HAPPENING TO RSPW AND HOW
HULKAMANIACS AND WARRIORS MUST UNITE AS ONE TO ENLIGHTEN THE INTERNET TO
THE TECHNICAL PROWESS OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR AND THE HULKSTER.
I WAS SKEPTICAL AT FIRST, BECAUSE I WAS ENTIRELY DEVOTED TO HULK HOGAN,
AND ONCE EVEN PUNCHED MY MOTHER IN HER THROAT BECAUSE SHE DARED TO SAY
THAT THE HULKSTER DIDNT REALLY GORILLA PRESS ANDOR THE GAINT OVER HIS
HEAD WHILE DOING 3 BACKFLIPS BEFORE SLAMMING HIM AT WRESTLEMANIA 3.
COULD I REALLY ALLY MYSELF WITH FANS OF ANOTHER WRESTLER, EVEN IF IT IS
THE SECOND GREATEST SCIENTIFIC WRESTLER OF ALL TIME?
I ASKED FOR SOME TIME TO MAKE MY DECISION AND STARTED WHIPPING MY DOG
WITH MY WEIGHT BELT, LIKE I OFTEN DO WHEN I AM IN DEEP THOUGHT AND AFTER
20 MINUTES OF YELLING RAAAAAAAAAACHA, I FELT MY BODY BEING TAKEN OVER BY
A GODLY POWER. I STARTED SWINGING MY WEIGHT BELT OVERHEAD, LIKE THE
ULTIMATE WARRIOR DID WITH HIS TITLE BELTS, AND I REALIZED THAT IF HE HAD
THIS KIND OF POWER, HE MUST BE A GOD JUST LIKE THE IMMORTAL TERRY CHRIST
HOGAN.
I IMMEDIATELY JOINED THE UA AND WE BEGAN TOURING THE US SPREADING THE
GOSPEL AND ONE DAY, 2X AND ultimatesn ASKED ME TO PUT ON SOME FACE PAINT
TO SHOW MY UNITY WITH THE WARRIORS AND EVEN THOUGH I HESITATED AT FIRST,
I TRIED IT.
GOSH BROTHERS, I WAS IMMEDIATELY HOOKED BROTHER. I STARTED PAINTING MY
FACE AND FOR SEVERAL YEARS, I TOLD MYSELF I DIDNT HAVE A PROBLEM, I
COULD QUIT ANY TIME I WANTED TO.LAST YEAR, I HIT ROCK BOTTOM THOUGH, AND
SOLD HULKETTES WEDDING RING FOR ANOTHER CASE OF PAINT AND SOMETHING
SNAPPED INSIDE OF ME BROTHER.
INSTEAD OF JUST PAINTING MY FACE, I STARTED PAINTING MY NECK AND THEN MY
CHEST JUST LIKE THE WARRIOR HAD AT WRESTLEMANIA 6, AND I DIDNT STOP
THERE DUDE, I PAINTED MY ARMS THEN MY LEGS THEN MY BACK THEN I PAINTED
MY WEINER.
I STILL CRAVED MORE, SO I FILLED MY BATHTUB WITH PAINT AND STARTED
SWIMMING IN IT, OPENING MY MOUTH TO LET SOME OF THE DELICIOUS FACE PAINT
IN SO MY INSIDES COULD BE PAINTED TOO.
I DONT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, BUT FROM WHAT THE POLICE REPORTS
SAID, I HOPPED IN MY MONSTER TRUCK AND STARTED DRIVING TO CHARLOTTE, NC,
APPARENTLY INTENDING TO DRIVE MY MONSTER TRUCK THROUGH RIC FLAIR'S
TRAILER. I ONLY MADE IT TO INDIANA THOUGH, AND AFTER A CONFRONTATION
WITH POLICE, I STARTED CLOTHESLINING AND BACKRAKING THEM, AND WAS SHOT
THREE TIMES. HOWEVER, THANKS TO MY YEARS OF SLEEPING IN TANNING BEDS, MY
SKIN IS AS HARD AS DIAMOND AND THE BULLETS BOUNCED OFF ME. FROM WHAT I
WAS TOLD, THE POLICE WENT TO THE VIDEO STORE AND RENTED WRESTLEMANIA VI
AND THREATENED TO SNAP IT IN HALF, WHICH CAUSED ME TO CRY IN HORROR AND
TURN MYSELF IN. WHILE IN CUSTODY, I WENT INTO CONVULSIONS AND ALMOST
DIED IN THE HOSPITAL. LUCKILY RANDY SAVAGE WAS WORKING THERE AS A
JANITOR AND ELBOW DROPPED ME TO BRING ME BACK TO CONSCIOUSNESS.
THE JUDGE FELT SORRY FOR ME AND SENT ME TO REHAB, WHERE I LEARNED THAT
FACE PAINT IS DANGEROUS IF IT IS APPLIED TO OTHER BODY PARTS BESIDES THE
FACE. JUST BECAUSE THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR WAS ABLE TO PAINT HIS CHEST, IT
DOES NOT MEAN OTHER PEOPLE CAN, BECAUSE HE IS A GOD, AND I AM JUST A
SUPERHUMAN THAT IS NOT YET AT A GODLY STAGE.
EVERY DAY IS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE THOUGH BROTHERS, I REMEMBER WHAT IT
FELT LIKE TO HAVE MY LITTLE HULKAMANIACS PAINTED (THAT IS A SECRET WORD
FOR MY TESTICLES) AND I HAVE DESIRES TO FEEL THAT HIGH AGAIN.
LEARN FROM ME BROTHERS, FACE PAINT IS ONLY FOR FACES.
-----------------
HULKA MANIAC: SELF DESTRUCTION OF HULKA DVD COMING SOON
UA 4 LYFE
JeffH
FACE PAINT IS DANGEROUS IF IT IS APPLIED TO OTHER BODY PARTS BESIDES
THE
FACE. JUST BECAUSE THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR WAS ABLE TO PAINT HIS CHEST, IT
DOES NOT MEAN OTHER PEOPLE CAN, BECAUSE HE IS A GOD, AND I AM JUST A
SUPERHUMAN THAT IS NOT YET AT A GODLY STAGE
lol
JeffH
first post in awile that made me laugh legit
Smart Ape - The CW is our new masters!
news:MPG.1e42303ac...@netnews.insightbb.com...
***************
--
--- "Damn dirty fleas..."
--- Proud loser of TWO 2004 RSPW Poster Awards and several in 2005.
--- 3rd Highest Vote-Getter in KORSPW 2005
--- Ranked 4th on Lvubun's Top 127 RSPW Posters of 2005
Ahmed Johnson's Beer Belly v2.0
HULKA wrote:
Awesome. Just. Awesome. POTY so far. Made me cry laughing.
Scott H from El Paso
shoe-in.
FunkyM, the rated PG-13 poster
Scott H from El Paso writed:
> Why HULKA didn't make the RSPW HOF is beyond me, next year he'll be a
> shoe-in.
As this post shows not voting HULKA into the RSPW HOF was a crime
against nature, brahs!
peep peep!
JeffH
Scott H from El Paso wrote:
> Why HULKA didn't make the RSPW HOF is beyond me, next year he'll be a
> shoe-in.
You sholdnt be allowed to post...
HOF... jesus
wany...@gmail.com
David E. Powell
Mr Black
MrB
"HULKA" <raa...@brah.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1e42303ac...@netnews.insightbb.com...
Lord Gow333, Foker of Destrucity!!!
"David E. Powell" <David_Po...@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1138308255.5...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> Oh.. my.. goodness... the references to wrestlers _were_ nice... lol...
Hell yeah! I marked for Savage dropping the elbow...
LG (saw that match)
--
The nobler sort of man emphasizes the good qualities in others, and does not
accentuate the bad. The inferior does. - Confucius
ILOVEUWxx
HULKA wrote:
*SNIP*
YOU MAKE ME SO PROUD BRAH. :)
=============================================================
ILOVEUWxx - MY NAME IS ILOVEUWxx, AND I TOO, AM A FACE PAINTAHOLIC