[HUMOR] Bugs Bunny Show=hardcore wrestling
Gilbert Sebenste
The history of pro wrestling is going to be shown by a cable channel in
the next week. It's all a lie. Here's the real truth: the Bugs Bunny Show
is the greatest hardcore wrestling show of all time; it makes ECW
look like a house full of pansies.
Oh really, you say? Take a look at the characters, and go where even the
FWO and those other match raters won't DARE touch: to rank the
matches during the toons...
Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote: These two are the most hardcore and have the
longest running feud of all time. Think about it: ECW wrestlers go through
tables with barbed wire. Big deal! Wile E. did at least a couple of
planchas each show from a 500 foot cliff and survived. For extra effect,
he'd use objects such as boulders or anvils to land on top of him once he
hit ground! Did any of you mark out as a kid when they first saw that? Of
course you did. And even Barry Horowitz' record beats his: match after
match, or skit after skit if you prefer, Wile E. always jobbed to the Road
Runner. And when he did half the stuff, he held up signs ala Lodi. A
pioneer who had an effect on that wrestler!
But he didn't stop there. Talk about foreign objects: rockets, robots as
managers that did a face turn on him every time; missile launchers,
springboards that always failed, and talk about crotching yourself: is
there anything left down there? And then getting hit with freight trains
and trucks at high speed? That makes Sandman vs. Sabu look like a hissy
fit by comparison!
Exploding ring! Please. Wile E. used bombs, grenades, and other
explosives and after those backfired on him, he STILL did the 500 foot
plancha off the side of the cliff. He is the ultimate bump machine! Move
over, Shawn Michaels!
No ref ever appeared on screen; Nick Patrick was never known as the
fastest guy in the world. All their matches were no DQ; falls count
anywhere in the desert. Back then, production budgets were slim; and those
cacti which doubled as ringposts were most unforgiving when run into at
full speed. Unfortunately, both badly needed mic skills; all the Road
Runner could do is "beep, beep" after every question "Mean Gene" asked
him, but sadly, that's better than any interview Jim Cornette ever did.
(Score: *****)
And how about those midget matches with Yosemite Sam? Why he picked on
somebody with brains like Bugs Bunny I'll never know. It was boring;
every match was a squash, with Yosemite getting his butt kicked by
something, or a foreign object (usually his gun) backfiring on him.
Worse, 3 seconds after he was hit with multiple bullets, he'd dust
himself off and go after the rabbit again. He no-sells worse than
Goldberg and LOD 2000 combined. (Score: DUD)
Taz? The one in the cartoon has better mic skills, more fear and
definitely more heat. Shoot, in one episode you even see his female
manager before they head off on a plane to Tazmania after Bugs "married"
them. Now you know where the WWF got the idea for Liz and Savage getting
hitched on the show back in the '80s. (Score: ****)
And finally, the sheep dog vs. Foghorn Leghorn? Another squash. What's
worse, half the time the rooster came out butt naked on national TV after
he'd been in a terrible fight, which is at least several times per
episode, and the view is from the front! And we cringe when we see Ric
Flair bare his hairy &^% during a match! Sheesh. (RATING: 1/2*, mostly for
selling the moves).
Next time: Popeye: Even ugly Chyna beats the stringbean whining b**** you
hired as a manager!
Talvin69
In article <Pine.SOL.3.96.980424181016.3339A-100000@taiga>, Gilbert Sebenste
<sebe...@geog.niu.edu> writes:
>0
>
>The history of pro wrestling is going to be shown by a cable channel in
>the next week. It's all a lie. Here's the real truth: the Bugs Bunny Show
>is the greatest hardcore wrestling show of all time; it makes ECW
>look like a house full of pansies.
>
>Oh really, you say? Take a look at the characters, and go where even the
>FWO and those other match raters won't DARE touch: to rank the
>matches during the toons...
Bugs bunny is all ocpied from the stooges. Curly is the real father of hardcore
wrestling.
T.J. Xenos
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