The Top 10 Heisman Trophy Winners Who Failed at Life
TMC
Just like the overachieving sorority girl who ends up working in the
accounts receivable department of an insurance brokerage who resorts
to internet dating in her late 30s, some college athletes peak early
in life and rarely enjoy the success they had while attending
university. Here's a look at 10 of the former football studs who ended
up as recurring characters on ESPN's less-than-popular Is He Still
Alive? trivia show.
10. Matt Leinart
This guy had everything necessary to become the next great NFL
quarterback from California. A girlfriend on a high school reality
show, hot tubs that required regular free clinic testing, and a ton of
money left over from his USC signing bonus. By the time Leinart left
Trojan Town he had a Heisman trophy, national title, and only one
illegitimate child with a girl on the basketball team. Along with
teammate Reggie Bush (whose reality show girlfriend was at least 18
years old when she made her sex tape), Leinart entered the NFL as a
can’t-miss prospect who would become the savior of the Arizona
Cardinals - instantly giving him more sex symbol sizzle than the
alleged John McCain-Tempo Numminen sex tape and Sam Keller
unemployment calendar combined. Only problem was, Leinart forgot that
being a football stud is tough to do without playing football.
Since joining the Cardinals four years ago, the suspected porn
enthusiast has notched just 14 total career touchdowns, one cameo on
Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d, a completion percentage not much higher than
his blood alcohol level and is now the poster boy for just how much
damage a single beer bong can do. He is, however, still the all-time
leader in Pac-10 touchdown passes – a stat that he claims “still
totally gets him laid at the Theta house.”
9. Eric Crouch
One of the most prolific players to ever come out of Nebraska (a state
which has featured three of their all-time leading running backs in
the federal prison system), Crouch’s unbelievable speed, ability to
avoid getting stabbed by Lawrence Phillips and unparalleled agility
made him the school’s all-time leading rusher in 2001. During that
storied season, the talented Husker marched his team all the way to a
Rose Bowl that nobody wanted to see them play in before getting
crushed by a Miami Hurricanes team that many consider the greatest
college football team of all time. Not exactly the collegiate swan
song he was looking for, but the ABC broadcast team did shatter the
“running for his life” and “you’ve got to feel sorry for” reference
made in the broadcast booth that night. (It's almost like Tim Couch
doesn't have a single record left!)
After ending his highly heralded college career with a Heisman trophy,
Crouch was immediately dismissed as an NFL quarterback by every NFL
team, and was mercifully drafted in the third round by the St. Louis
Rams as a wide receiver. Due to various injuries and a delusional
belief that he could play quarterback at the professional level,
Crouch left the team before playing a single regular season game. It
would be years before resurfaced at the 2004 Heisman ceremony in some
casual Gap clothing during the "Where are they now?" montage, a cameo
that made him a punch line by the sharply dressed Tony Kornheiser on
Pardon the Interruption. Eventually Crouch would realize his dream of
being a top-level signal caller as the fourth string quarterback for
the Toronto Argonauts behind Marcus Allen’s little brother, Michael
Bishop, and Spergon Wynn – all of whom spent a lot of time in the film
room comparing “thanks, but no thanks” NFL letters.
8. Chris Weinke
The only Heisman trophy winner to grace the stage 10 years after
graduating high school, Chris Weinke won college football’s top honor
a little before his 30th birthday thanks to an amazing season at a
school called Florida State - which according to Wikipedia, used to be
a relevant Division I football program that didn’t struggle against
schools like Jacksonville State. Much like Danny Almonte and the 36-
year-old former high school star who still wears his letterman’s
jacket while practicing with the local junior varsity football team,
Weinke dominated the much younger competition while amassing a .914
winning percentage and setting school records for career passing yards
and touchdowns - a mark that Chris Rix and Drew Weatherford shockingly
failed to break.
Following his Rodney Dangerfield-inspired return to college, Weinke
was drafted in the fourth round by the Carolina Panthers before
backing up NFL legends like Alex Smith, Jake Delhomme, and Trent
Dilfer. Currently Weinke is out of football and approaching his 40th
birthday, but remains optimistic that the last remaining year of
eligibility for his junior high school wrestling team is a viable
option if he fails to make the Miss Teen USA circuit.
7. Johnny Rodgers
The speedy running back was one of the best overall players the
University of Nebraska had ever seen. In his final college game,
Rodgers handed Notre Dame their most embarrassing non-Charlie Weis
loss in history with a 40-6 drubbing in the Orange Bowl thanks to his
three touchdown runs, touchdown reception, and touchdown pass.
Rodgers, like all great players, parlayed this success into a sweet
contract with the Montreal Alouettes where he would win the highly
coveted “Most Outstanding Rookie Award,” All-Canadian honors, and was
even named and Eastern Division MVP in 1975!
Though he was one of the top players to ever suit up for three-down
football, Rodgers fell on some hard times in the 1980s when he retired
while facing prison time for threatening a cable repair man with a gun
as he tried to shut off his service. Unlike most athletes, Rodgers was
found guilty, but just before the judge sentenced him, the former
college star brought his Heisman trophy to court in an effort to
remind the jury that he was, in fact, a football star and was above
the law. With the exception of an alibi, decent lawyer and “not
already having a felony record,” a shiny trophy is the best thing you
can bring to court. If only they had let him bring it to the six
months of jail the judge sentenced him to after calling him a complete
tool for the stunt – he may have gotten a second helping of pudding in
the cafeteria.
(On a side note, growing up in Canada my father used to talk about the
1974 Edmonton-Montreal Grey Cup as one of the most exciting games he's
ever seen.)
6. Rashaan Salaam
Like most great college running backs, Rashaan Salaam put up big
numbers, embarrassed Notre Dame in a bowl game, and was eligible for
the Reggie Bush “free homes for your family” program the second he
walked on campus. During his career at Colorado, Salaam became one of
the most successful backs in conference history (and we’re not talking
Division I-AA or the Big East here) en route to being selected by the
Chicago Bears behind Heisman runner-up Ki-Jana Carter. It’s like they
couldn’t have gone wrong with the pick!
With all the hype surrounding his start with the Bears, Salaam
narrowly missed becoming the next Walter Payton after leaving the NFL
within 48 months before becoming, as his biography notes, “the fourth
most prolific rusher in XFL History as a member of the Memphis
Maniax.” It’s hard to believe that little tidbit didn’t help him avoid
getting cut by the Detroit Lions in 1997, or let him stick around the
CFL long enough to visit the friendly folks in Regina.
http://www.spike.com/blog/top-ten-heisman/89699?page=2&numPerPage=1
5. Paul Crewe
After a storied football career and assumed Heisman victory, Paul
Crewe went on to become a successful NFL quarterback, winning various
honors and rocking one of the all-time greatest moustaches the game
had ever seen. He had talent, style, an uncanny resemblance to the guy
from Evening Shade, and even a Super Bowl ring or two.
However, like most great fictional quarterbacks not played by James
Van Der Beek, Crewe suffered from moral dilemmas and substance abuse
problems that led him down a dangerous path. In 1967, Crewe was caught
shaving points in the NFL – a charge that inevitably led to his
dismissal from the league. Crewe’s problems escalated after that when
he stole his girlfriend’s Citroen SM and took it for a joyride that
led to 18 months in jail, where, by many accounts he was responsible
for the murder of a loveable janitor, foiled the evil plans of the
Warden, and may or may not have contracted a sexually transmitted
disease during clothing optional choir practice.
(Note: Is it weird that the actor who played the point-shaving, bribe
taking, scandal-laden quarterback (Burt Reynolds) played football at
Florida State University? Where could he possibly have gotten his
inspiration from?)
4. Andre Ware
While playing at the University of Houston, Andre Ware was the type of
quarterback that USC would have secretly paid tons of money to have
run their offense. He set all kinds of records while putting up 4,699
yards, 44 touchdowns, seven awkward postgame interviews, and
reportedly attended “some” classes during his Heisman trophy year in
1989 (which some people say is the reason the Berlin Wall came down).
Ware, however, realized that this collegiate success would be his
plateau when he heard the seven most daunting words in the football
world: “The Detroit Lions are proud to select…” With Barry Sanders
being the only person elusive enough to avoid this horrific curse,
Ware never stood a chance and was out of the league within 48 months
before Al Davis (the guy who saw potential in JaMarcus Russell)
dismissed him. Ware bounced around the Canadian Football League for a
while but was unable to secure a starting job, eventually retiring
after a brief stop in Germany. Admittedly, he has gone on to become
one of the least annoying broadcasters on the 9:00 a.m. college
football rotation, but it’s tough to ignore what an absolute flame out
he was in the pros.
3. Billy Cannon
Much like Jesus Christ and Olivia Manning’s uterus, nobody in the
state of Louisiana will forget what Billy Cannon did for Bayou
football. As the 1959 Heisman trophy winner, Cannon was one of the
most electric players in the nation while leading the LSU Tigers to
their first ever National Championship. During that season, Cannon
made several memorable plays, including an 89-yard punt return for a
victory over the third-ranked Mississippi Rebels.
As a pro, Cannon might have been even better. He had speed, strength,
size and the moral flexibility required to be a professional athlete.
The only thing he didn’t have was an aversion to white collar crime.
In 1983, Cannon was caught with $50 million worth of counterfeit
currency that he buried in his backyard like some sort of Middle
Eastern oil tycoon or crooked Scrooge McDuck-type character. He ended
up serving two-and-a-half years in a Federal Penitentiary before being
released and doing what every other convicted felon does: become a
dentist.
2. Jason White
Looking at his doughy, misshapen body and an appearance that would fit
in perfectly with the cast of Children of the Corn III, it’s easy to
forget just how remarkable of a career Jason White had at the
University of Oklahoma. He received the Heisman Trophy in 2003 after
throwing 40 touchdown passes while collecting his first of two
“Quarterback of the Year” Awards during the Sooners memorable “Just
Give it to Adrian Peterson” season that nearly won a national title.
Unfortunately, due to a pair of bad knees and arm strength that
redefined the word “questionable,” White became one of the only modern
winners of the award not to be selected, at all, by any team during
the NFL Draft. In fact, White only got one try-out after graduating
college and was quickly cut by the Kansas City Chiefs who decided to
go in more of a “Todd Collins Direction.” Today, White is living the
dream as a shoe store employee who has the ability to talk about the
time he scored four touchdowns in a single game. (He is, quite
literally, Al Bundy.)
1. OJ Simpson
One of the most awkward things to watch in professional sports is when
broadcasters have to read over O.J. Simpson’s name after somebody
accomplishes any sort of rushing record.
“Wow, he truly is an incredible talent. It takes a special kind of
person to rush for 2,000 yards in a season. The only people to have
done that are Barry Sanders, Eric Dickerson, Terrell Davis and…oh,
O.J. Simpson.”
What most people forget, is that before Simpson became an alleged
murderer (yup, we still have to legally sprinkle an allegedly in front
of it) and convicted kidnapper, Simpson was one of the single greatest
running backs in NCAA and NFL history. Unlike his highway chase with
half of the Los Angeles police department, when Simpson was on the
field he was fast, agile, and never got caught.
It’s a shame that by the time everything is said and done, nobody is
going to remember O.J. for dominating on the football field and his
impressive work in The Naked Gun series. Instead, people will simply
focus on his inability to “catch the real killers” and poorly executed
kidnapping plans.
Michael Press
<925b45e0-7ba6-4a1a...@x25g2000prf.googlegroups.com>,
TMC <tmc...@gmail.com> wrote:
[...]
Thanks for the history lesson.
Enjoyable and enlightening.
> What most people forget, is that before Simpson became an alleged
> murderer (yup, we still have to legally sprinkle an allegedly in front
> of it)
I am pleased to disavow you of this illusionary impediment
to free expression. Only the court and the jury, and court
officers are so constrained. You are not; nor I. Watch.
Orinthal James Simpson bought a combat knife
then deliberately cut the throats of
Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.
There was blood everywhere. Orinthal James Simpson
is a psychopath; a creature with no empathy;
who does as he pleases. He planned the murder,
then did it. He is guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty.
See? Suppose somebody is under indictment, or
being tried. If you are not part of the trial
you are free to express yourself on the matter
as you please.
--
Michael Press