"A MILLION LAUGHS"
SneakPeeks
I'm sure some of us are missing the juicy stuff so I kinda' think a heading like this
one might be a good place for some of the good stuff some of us are missing.
this Subject up' and I'm just here for a laugh. ...;-} Just sit back and watch,
in a few minutes I'll get "Whacked", Insulted/Joked-about/Riddled/Punned-to death,
Quoted to high heavens and One-lined. And then there's that guy that comes behind
me with "You Have Way To Much Time On Your Hands". ...;-} Well' yea' this shits
I'd like to add here:
SneakPeeks
The sergeant gave the man a broomstick instead and told him, "When you need to shoot, just point this and say, 'Bangity, bangity, bang!'"
The man felt a little uneasy about it and became even more disconcerted when they handed out bayonets and he didn't get one of those, either. Once again the sergeant took him aside.
"If you get into hand-to-hand combat," said the sergeant, tying a carrot on to the end of the broomstick, "just poke the enemy with this and say 'Stabbity, stabbity, stab!'"
The soldier felt quite nervous about all this. But he figured the sergeant knows what he is doing.
So the company was shipped overseas and started to see some action. During their first battle the soldier with the broomstick saw a few German [soldiers] running toward his position. He pointed the broomstick at them and said, "Bangity, bangity, bang!" He was amazed when they all fell down.
"Wow!" he said to himself, "it really works!"
Suddenly a German soldier jumped out from behind a nearby tree. Immediately the American poked him with the carrot and said, "Stabbity, stabbity, stab!"
The German soldier fell dead at his feet.
"This is great!" the American said to himself.
Just then, another German started approaching, so he pointed his broomstick and said, "Bangity, bangity, bang!" But the German just kept on coming. After trying to "shoot" him a few more times the German kept getting closer and closer, so the American said, "Stabbity, stabbity, stab!" But the German just kept on coming.
Finally the German knocked the American down and walked over him. As the American was lying on his back being trampled, he heard the German saying, "Tankity, tankity, tank!"
Firewalker
early 70's.....
Firewalker
"SneakPeeks" <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote in message
news:OitGqdEKAHA.357@cpmsnbbsa07...
Jammer Six
<Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>€ training. Unfortunately, when the rifles were handed out, the supply ran =
>€ out, and so one of the [soldiers] didn't get a rifle.
>€ The sergeant gave the man a broomstick instead and told him, "When you =
>€ need to shoot, just point this and say, 'Bangity, bangity, bang!'"
>€ The man felt a little uneasy about it and became even more disconcerted =
Learn to post, newbie.
Your posts are unreadable.
--
"C'mon, you sons of bitches, you want to live forever?"
-Sergeant Major Dan Daly
SneakPeeks
early 70's.....
Firewalker
-=-=-=
Yea' it's an old one all right.
SneakPeeks'
SneakPeeks
Your posts are unreadable.
--
"C'mon, you sons of bitches, you want to live forever?"
-Sergeant Major Dan Daly
-=-=-=
I'm using Out Look Express,
it looks great when I write it up and send it off.
Am I doing something wrong???
SneakPeeks
Scott
This is the Courts Chaplain.
I think the name sucks, however, and humbly request he be assigned a
suitably noble moniker.
Scott
Jammer Six <jam...@oz.net> wrote in message
news:8qum1o$l0u$d...@216.39.130.73...
> In article <eGZ6L$MKAHA.233@cpmsnbbsa07>, SneakPeeks
> <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>
> >? I'm using Out Look Express,
> >? it looks great when I write it up and send it off.
> >? Am I doing something wrong???
>
> Not now.
>
> That looks fine.
>
> Keep doing things this way, and welcome to the group.
Scott
His Royal Highness, Lord of Rudeness, Earl of Heinous, Duke of Flame, Jammer
of Six
Her Royal Highness, Queen of all that is Good and Right, Barbara of One True
Sir Richard of Hyde, 1st Knight, Lord of Decency
Sir Jason of O Rourke, Keeper of the Royal Photographic Archive
Sir Jerome of O'Neil, Earl of Micks, Receiver of the First Flame
Sir Clifford of Beshers, Keeper of the Limericks
Sir Steven of Competence, Earl of Glawackus, Keeper of Dry Humor
Sir Nils of Sweden , Earl and Subjugator of Free Ascent
Sir Lisa, Princess of Sunshine, Subjugator of Easy Men
Sir Kristyna of Hellen, Princess of Sultry, Lord of Liimatta
Sir Chilly, Chancellor of the Exchequer
Sir Iain of Kilt, Lord of Special Circumstances
Sir Toni of Naughton, Princess of 3 mil
Sir Brian of Wagner, Turner of the Royal Capstan
Sir Salty of Tears, Princess of Pain Abatement, Royal Nurse
Sir Philip of Karl
Sir Wayne of Cogdill, the Humble
Sir Alfred of Fossil
Sir Curtis of Cops, Earl of Nightstick
Sir Ted Of Pfirmann, Lord of Banff
Sir Joan of Jem, Princess of Parachute
Sir Dennis of Icarus, Researcher to the Court
Sir Michael of Nelson, Earl of E. Coli
Sir Robert of Decker, Duke of Somewhere Back East.
Sir Popeye The Shorthaired, Royal Keeper of Firewood, and Duke of Vehicles
Sir Paul of Common Birth, Pincher of waitresses, swizzler of Blatz, scourge
of
Zebra Mussels
Sir Adrian of Aquaria, Earl of Ichthyology, Lord of the LAN, Master of the
Holy German Shepherd, Keeper of the Seven Kegs, Sniffer of Young Lady's
Bicycle Saddles.
Sir Trace of Malinowski, Knight of Black Wetsuit, Prince of Free Divers and
Champion of
the Lady of the Lake
Sir Steven of Harris
Sir Carl the Dark Muhl, Pancake Master and Dark Lord of the Sith
Sir Huntzinger of The Hummer, Lord of Ballistics
His Royal Holiness, Sneaky Peek the First, Court Chaplain
Officers:
Major General Larry Harris Taylor, Minister of Education
Brigadier General Michael H. Kane, Minister of Finance and Recruiting
General George of Horn, Lord of Da Bridge
Colonel Daniel of Volker, Minister of Fitness and Gas Management
Major Richard of Lesperance, Minister of Defense Special Forces
Captain Daniel Of Bracuk, Keeper of the Unholy Archive
Lieutenant Roger of Banks, Minister of Rank Insignia
WO1 David of Alberta, Keeper of the Truth, Royal Librarian
WO1 Brian of Nadwinny, Keeper of Courage
In the enlisted ranks we find:
Regimental Sergeant Major Scott of Tequila, NCOIC of Partying, Royal HP
Plumber
Regimental Master Sergeant, Randal Of Milak, Royal Corpsman, Hearer of
Bubbles
First Sergeant David of Dinky, Bounce Squad, MP, Grunt
Master Sergeant Einar of Hagen, Foreign Intelligence
Master Sergeant Scott of McFadden, Slapper of Fooles, First Lord of Poetry,
Bain of Strokes
Gunnery Sergeant Robert of Crownfield, NCOIC of SCU, Spam Control Unit
Gunnery Sergeant Michael of Blitch, also NCOIC Communications Security and
Intelligence
Gunnery Sergeant Michael of Gault, AKA "Bulldog"
Gunnery Sergeant Miranda of Aldritt, NCOIC of Motivational Unit, AKA "Mad
Dog"
Staff Sergeant Lee of Bell, Keeper of Facts
Sergeant Rod of Childs
Sergeant Mary of Elaine, Nuclear Engineer
Sergeant Abbot of Costello, Master of Ducking and Running
Corporal Moyo of Lawn Care <BRIG>
Corporal Graeme of Miller
Lance Corporal Michael of Gray, Royal Pain in The Ass, Court Jester,
and diddler of the Pantry Maid. <in the brig>
Nydivecon, Of the Clan Coward, Court Eunuch, Keeper of the Toiletries.
MJ Black, Villiage Idiot, Mayor and town drunk
Icarus (Dennis)
Tools, options, send tab, and make sure that 'plain text' is selected for
the news sending format.
Dennis
SneakPeeks <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote in message
news:eGZ6L$MKAHA.233@cpmsnbbsa07...
> Learn to post, newbie.
>
> Your posts are unreadable.
>
> --
> "C'mon, you sons of bitches, you want to live forever?"
> -Sergeant Major Dan Daly
>
> -=-=-=
>
> I'm using Out Look Express,
> it looks great when I write it up and send it off.
> Am I doing something wrong???
>
> SneakPeeks
>
>
chilly
help this guy participate not beat him into submission.
COE
In article <8qtfe5$ibo$e...@216.39.130.131>,
Jammer Six <jam...@oz.net> wrote:
> In article <OitGqdEKAHA.357@cpmsnbbsa07>, SneakPeeks
> <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>
> >€ training. Unfortunately, when the rifles were handed out, the
supply ran =
> >€ out, and so one of the [soldiers] didn't get a rifle.
> >€ The sergeant gave the man a broomstick instead and told
him, "When you =
> >€ need to shoot, just point this and say, 'Bangity, bangity, bang!'"
> >€ The man felt a little uneasy about it and became even more
disconcerted =
>
> Learn to post, newbie.
>
> Your posts are unreadable.
>
> --
> "C'mon, you sons of bitches, you want to live forever?"
> -Sergeant Major Dan Daly
>
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Jammer Six
<Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>€ I'm using Out Look Express,
>€ it looks great when I write it up and send it off.
>€ Am I doing something wrong???
Not now.
That looks fine.
Keep doing things this way, and welcome to the group.
--
Jammer Six
<sco...@hctc.REMOVETHIScom> wrote:
>€ Ahem.
>€
>€ This is the Courts Chaplain.
>€
>€ I think the name sucks, however, and humbly request he be assigned a
>€ suitably noble moniker.
His Royal Holiness, Sneaky Peek the First.
SneakPeeks
Besides' - some one needs to tell him I'm the "Court Chaplin" ya' know!!!
I'll be keeping his note and name for future. ...;-}
-=-=-=-=-=
Geez, Jammer, Sneaks is one of the good guys, newbie or not. Let's
help this guy participate not beat him into submission.
-=-=-=-=-=
"When I was born, the doctor didn't slap me,
but three nurses had to".
SneakPeeks
-=-=-=-=-=
Yes the story was in html format
Tools, options, send tab, and make sure that 'plain text' is selected for
the news sending format.
Dennis
-=-=-=-=-==-=-=
"One should forgive one's enemies,
but not before they are hanged".
SneakPeeks
"If it doesn't move, sweep it up.
If it's too big to sweep up, pick it up.
If it's too big to pick up, paint it."
-=-=-=
SneakPeeks
Maybe I need Knight School!!!
-=-=-=
Ahem.
This is the Courts Chaplain.
I think the name sucks, however, and humbly request he be assigned a
suitably noble moniker.
Scott
SneakPeeks
His Royal Holiness, Sneaky Peek the First.
-=-=-
I don't think so!!!
Tho' a priest does sign my pay check. ...;-}
-=-=-
Just before a drafted farm boy made his first parachute jump,
his sergeant reminded him, "Count ten and pull the first rip cord.
If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxillary chute.
After you land, our truck will pick you up."
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped.
He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.
He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happend.
As he dropped crazily erathward, he said to himself:
"Now I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"
Jammer Six
<Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>€ Like'yea' Chilly, what's up with that Jam guy any-ways???
>€ Besides' - some one needs to tell him I'm the "Court Chaplin" ya' know!!!
>€ I'll be keeping his note and name for future. ...;-}
>€ -=-=-=-=-=
>€
>€ Geez, Jammer, Sneaks is one of the good guys, newbie or not. Let's
>€ help this guy participate not beat him into submission.
>€
>€ -=-=-=-=-=
>€
>€ "When I was born, the doctor didn't slap me,
>€ but three nurses had to".
[sigh]
I loose track.
I'm very busy, besides being very good looking.
"When I was born, some son of a bitch wearing a mask slapped me, so I
hit him."
Jammer Six
<Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>€ "If it doesn't move, sweep it up.
>€ If it's too big to sweep up, pick it up.
>€ If it's too big to pick up, paint it."
If it resists, shoot it, then yell "HaltHaltHALT!"
Jammer Six
<Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>€ I think the name sucks, however, and humbly request he be assigned a
>€ suitably noble moniker.
Sneaky Peek?
'Neeker?
I'm not sure "Peeker" is much better...
joe_...@my-deja.com
"Scott" <sco...@hctc.REMOVETHIScom> wrote:
Get to work, your very gifted.
Joe
GHorn82707
>
>This is the Courts Chaplain.
>
>suitably noble moniker.
George R Horn
Owner Scuba Divine
Horn's Cycle Service
Brooklyn, NY
(718) 647 1089
www.scubadivine.com
Clifford Beshers
> Sir Lawrence of Horse might do.>
What, he's a drug addict?
________________
Clifford Beshers
beshers at cs dot columbia dot edu
chilly
Jammer Six <jam...@oz.net> wrote in message
news:8qv1e5$iim$1...@216.39.130.9...
> In article <uh$kaHRKAHA.254@cpmsnbbsa07>, SneakPeeks
> <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>
> >€ Like'yea' Chilly, what's up with that Jam guy any-ways???
> >€ Besides' - some one needs to tell him I'm the "Court Chaplin" ya'
know!!!
> >€ I'll be keeping his note and name for future. ...;-}
> >€ -=-=-=-=-=
> >€
> >€ Geez, Jammer, Sneaks is one of the good guys, newbie or not. Let's
> >€ help this guy participate not beat him into submission.
> >€
> >€ -=-=-=-=-=
> >€
> >€ "When I was born, the doctor didn't slap me,
> >€ but three nurses had to".
>
> [sigh]
>
> I loose track.
>
> I'm very busy, besides being very good looking.
>
> "When I was born, some son of a bitch wearing a mask slapped me, so I
> hit him."
>
SneakPeeks
Gotcha' "chilly" with a lower case "c" , but I have to ask' why lower case
"c",???
Hey! I can spell chilly with just two letters check it out' "IC" (icy).
...;-}
Is this not the same chilly that played goalkeeper for a local
soccer team and always wore just one glove.
And when asked why, he always explained
that it might be warm, but on the other hand,
it might be chilly.
-=-=-=-
Henry Youngman once told a joke about a guy they
showed how to run a helicopter. It was up like 800 feet.
All of a sudden it falls to the ground. When asked what happened"'
The guy answered, "It got chilly up there so I turned off the fan.'"
-=-=
Sneaks' (Running4Cover>
SneakPeeks
"When I was born, some son of a bitch wearing a mask slapped me, so I
hit him."
-=-=-
Funny you say that' I was at the track this weekend.
I was doing great' had a sure thing in the fifth.
The only way it could lose, I was certain,
was if someone turned the track around.
(Someone turned the track around)
Sneaks' (Running4Cover>
SneakPeeks
Sir Lawrence of Horse might do.>Ahem.
-=-=-=-
A Horney?
Q. When should you wear a bathing suit to go horseback riding?
A. When you're riding a Seahorse.
Sneaks' (Running4Cover>
Clifford Beshers
Sir Sneak of Peak, Young Man of Henny, Font of One Liners.
________________
Clifford Beshers
a farmer is a man outstanding in his field
chilly
wouldn't . . . umm, well, you know.
SneakPeeks <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote in message
news:#m6r84XKAHA.64@cpmsnbbsa07...
Clifford Beshers
> You are verrrry close! :^) I'd say you were getting warmer but that
> wouldn't . . . umm, well, you know.
>
> SneakPeeks <Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote in message
> news:#m6r84XKAHA.64@cpmsnbbsa07...
> > There ya go, Sneaks. By the way, it's "chilly" with a lower case "c". :^)
> > -=-=-=-=-
> > Gotcha' "chilly" with a lower case "c" , but I have to ask' why lower case
> > "c",???
> > Hey! I can spell chilly with just two letters check it out' "IC" (icy).
> > ...;-}
> >
> > Is this not the same chilly that played goalkeeper for a local
> > soccer team and always wore just one glove.
> > And when asked why, he always explained
> > that it might be warm, but on the other hand,
> > it might be chilly.
Hmmm... There's always another hand.
SneakPeeks
Are they all Casualty's???
I hope it's a cristmas list my names in there some where. ...;-}
Hey' is this part of that chain letter making the rounds among the news
groups these days in which no money is involved. You merely send a copy to
six other news groups that are tired of their leaders. Then you bundle up
your leader and send him to the news group at the bottom of the list. In one
week you will receive 16,436 leaders, and one of them should be a dandy. But
beware--one news group broke the chain and got their old leader back!
Sneaks' (Running4Cover>
chilly
Be very careful, Cliff, you know what they say about "slaying" and
"loafers", that worm could turn on you. On the other hand, . . .
Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> wrote in message
news:m3d7hom...@bertin.beshers.net...
SneakPeeks
a farmer is a man outstanding in his field
-=-=-=-=-
Our next speaker is a man who is outstanding in his field.
I hate that phrase. You don't know if he's a celebrity or
a farmer.
SneakPeeks
You are verrrry close! :^) I'd say you were getting warmer but that
wouldn't . . . umm, well, you know.
Cold cash sure has a way of making the approach a little
warmer.
Sneaks' (Running4Cover>
Clifford Beshers
> :^)
>
> Be very careful, Cliff, you know what they say about "slaying" and
> "loafers", that worm could turn on you. On the other hand, . . .
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Jerome O'Neil
>> Be very careful, Cliff, you know what they say about "slaying" and
>> "loafers", that worm could turn on you. On the other hand, . . .
>
> I have no idea what you are talking about.
What are you doing with worms in your hands?
Worms don't have hands.
Turn loos'a that worm!
--
"Civilization rests on two things: the discovery that fermentation
produces alcohol, and the voluntary ability to inhibit defecation.
And I put it to you, where would this splendid civilization be without
both?" --Robertson Davies "The Rebel Angels"
Bob Crownfield
Or a clueless man who is out standing in his field.
--
Bob Crownfield, Crown...@Home.com
Photography, Flying, Delphi Rad Addict
Now diving the Pacific in the LA Area.
"Protect freedoms before they become extinct."
Scott
Bob Crownfield <Crown...@Home.com> wrote in message
news:39D3C7...@Home.com...
> Or a clueless man who is out standing in his field.
No, that would be Nydivecoward.
Scott
Clifford Beshers
> Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> elucidates:
>
> >> Be very careful, Cliff, you know what they say about "slaying" and
> >> "loafers", that worm could turn on you. On the other hand, . . .
> >
> > I have no idea what you are talking about.
>
> What are you doing with worms in your hands?
>
> Worms don't have hands.
Clams got legs.
Jerome O'Neil
>> What are you doing with worms in your hands?
>>
>> Worms don't have hands.
>
> Clams got legs.
They got feet, but can't dance.
chilly
Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> wrote in message
news:m3aecsm...@bertin.beshers.net...
> "chilly" <sla...@home.com> writes:
>
> > :^)
> >
> > Be very careful, Cliff, you know what they say about "slaying" and
> > "loafers", that worm could turn on you. On the other hand, . . .
>
> I have no idea what you are talking about.
chilly
Jerome O'Neil <jer...@activeindexing.com> wrote in message
news:WqPA5.1634$Yc.3...@news.uswest.net...
> Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> elucidates:
>
> >> Be very careful, Cliff, you know what they say about "slaying" and
> >> "loafers", that worm could turn on you. On the other hand, . . .
> >
> > I have no idea what you are talking about.
>
> What are you doing with worms in your hands?
>
> Worms don't have hands.
>
> Turn loos'a that worm!
>
>
>
Genisys Davicom Inc.
David
Edmonton, Alberta
> Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> wrote in message
> news:m3aecsm...@bertin.beshers.net...
> > I have no idea what you are talking about.
"chilly" <sla...@home.com> wrote in message
news:wmQA5.14165$P5.3...@news1.rdc1.ab.home.com...
> Me either.
chilly
For the rest, I'll explain later.
Genisys Davicom Inc. <gen...@powersurfr.com> wrote in message
news:8r0kea$bcs$1...@dagger.ab.videon.ca...
SneakPeeks
"What magic there is in a girl's smile.
It is the raisin which dropped in the yeast of male
complacency, induces fermentation."
(P. G. Wodehouse, The Girl on the Boat, 1922)
Jammer Six
<Sneak...@email.msn.com> wrote:
>€ Our next speaker is a man who is outstanding in his field.
>€ I hate that phrase. You don't know if he's a celebrity or
>€ a farmer.
And you don't know if you're going to have to go outside to hear him.
Jammer Six
<jer...@activeindexing.com> wrote:
>€ What are you doing with worms in your hands?
>€
>€ Worms don't have hands.
>€
>€ Turn loos'a that worm!
That's what the handpuppet said.
"Hey! Where's your other hand?"
jeromeso...@my-deja.com
Jammer Six <jam...@oz.net> wrote:
> In article <WqPA5.1634$Yc.3...@news.uswest.net>, Jerome O'Neil
> <jer...@activeindexing.com> wrote:
>
> >?
> >? Worms don't have hands.
> >?
> >? Turn loos'a that worm!
>
> That's what the handpuppet said.
>
> "Hey! Where's your other hand?"
Oh, puhleeease! I'd say something much wittier than that.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Suds
>
> Sir Sneak of Peak, Young Man of Henny, Font of One Liners.
>
I don't know why but I the name SneakPeeks makes me think of
alt.erotica.binaries.whatever. You know, one of those newsgroups that my
wife has banned me from. {;^)
Suds
Suds
Jerome O'Neil <jer...@activeindexing.com> wrote in message
news:fkQA5.1764$Yc.3...@news.uswest.net...
> Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> elucidates:
>
> >> What are you doing with worms in your hands?
> >>
> >
>
> They got feet, but can't dance.
>
I believe they have beards too? {;^)
Suds
(Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)
Suds
conversation.
Suds
Genisys Davicom Inc. <gen...@powersurfr.com> wrote in message
news:8r0kea$bcs$1...@dagger.ab.videon.ca...
> There's that Oldsalt thing again.
>
> David
> Edmonton, Alberta
>
>
> > Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> wrote in message
Suds
<snip> besides being very good looking.
Watch it buddy, talking like that will label you a Stroke. {;^)
Suds
Clifford Beshers
> Clifford Beshers <bes...@fenton.beshers.net> wrote in message
> news:m3k8bwm...@bertin.beshers.net...
> >
> > Sir Sneak of Peak, Young Man of Henny, Font of One Liners.
> >
>
> I don't know why but I the name SneakPeeks makes me think of
> alt.erotica.binaries.whatever. You know, one of those newsgroups that my
> wife has banned me from. {;^)
I've never heard of a newsgroup by that name.
SneakPeeks
-=-=-=-
I don't know why but I the name SneakPeeks makes me think of
alt.erotica.binaries.whatever. You know, one of those newsgroups that my
wife has banned me from. {;^)
Suds
SneakPeeks
Watch it buddy, talking like that will label you a Stroke. {;^)
Suds
-=-=-
Hey don't put words in my mouth I never wrote this!!!
Jerome O'Neil
> In article <8r0muv$g85$m...@216.39.130.244>,
> Oh, puhleeease! I'd say something much wittier than that.
Sock Puppet Pirate!
Some fellow on the east coast with a DSL connection through
Bell Atlantic, (or AT&T) has pirated my sock puppet.
The real sock puppet will always praise me, of course.