Things a cat should always remember
Helen Miles
I will not hide behind the toilet so that I can pat the human on the
backside when he sits down just to make him levitate.
I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the
night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs so that
my human can
admire my "kill."
If I sit in the sink while my human is brushing his teeth, I will not
get angry when he spits toothpaste on me.
I will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am thirsty after
sitting in my water bowl.
I will not knead my male human's groin at 3 AM with claws extended. It
seems to cause him some discomfort and he wakes up all grumpy.
I will not attempt to stop the human's snoring by sticking my paws into
his mouth.
I will not use my psychic powers to project myself into my human's
dreams when I am hungry, causing her to dream that I am a talking cat,
and I can say
"Where's my supper!"
I will not run through the house with a condom wrapper in my mouth when
my human's grandmother is visiting.
I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.
When my young humans are playing with modeling clay, I will not remove
solid waste from my litter tray and roll it onto the kitchen floor.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to
catch them.
I will not display my worm collection on the kitchen floor on a rainy
night. My human does not like finding it with her bare feet.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she is on the floor
trying to do situps.
I will not give the vet a urine or stool sample unless he requests it.
And finally, I will remember that any critter that lives in the house,
like hamsters, stays in the house; and any critters that live outside,
like frogs and worms, stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster
free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.
--
Posted via Mailgate.ORG Server - http://www.Mailgate.ORG
Kreisleriana
<helen...@virgin.net> yodeled:
>Things A Cat Should Always Remember
>
>I will not hide behind the toilet so that I can pat the human on the
>backside when he sits down just to make him levitate.
WHYYYYYYY NOT?????????
LUV DANTE
(Dante is a chronic heiney-pincher. He used my (fortunately
jeans-clad) butt for a scratching post last week, when was sitting in
my office chair. For some reason, he also likes to bite the butts of
sleeping slaves. :P)
Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
Make Levees, Not War
Jane
Kreisleriana wrote:
> On Wed, 4 Oct 2006 14:54:02 +0000 (UTC), "Helen Miles"
> <helen...@virgin.net> yodeled:
>
> >Things A Cat Should Always Remember
> >
> >I will not hide behind the toilet so that I can pat the human on the
> >backside when he sits down just to make him levitate.
>
> WHYYYYYYY NOT?????????
>
> LUV DANTE
>
> (Dante is a chronic heiney-pincher. He used my (fortunately
> jeans-clad) butt for a scratching post last week, when was sitting in
> my office chair. For some reason, he also likes to bite the butts of
> sleeping slaves. :P)
>
Rita does this too, but she doesn't hide behind the toilet seat. She
likes to lounge in a chair or on the bed, reaching out a lazy claw to
hook whatever body part comes closest to her reaching arm. If it's
naked, then she snags the skin. Ouch.
Jane
- owned and operated by Princess Rita
jXwXeXr...@sonic.net
> Things A Cat Should Always Remember
>
> [snip]
>
Here's one I got from someone else. If it's not from your list, it
should be!
"I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his shoes
off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts
to compare odors. My female human might find it amusing, but my male
human does not appreciate it, especially in front of company."
Joyce
tension_on_the_wire
jXwXeXr...@sonic.net wrote:
> "I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his shoes
> off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts
> to compare odors. My female human might find it amusing, but my male
> human does not appreciate it, especially in front of company."
AAhahahahahaha!!!
ROFLMAO
--tension
Lesley
Kreisleriana wrote:
>
> (Dante is a chronic heiney-pincher. He used my (fortunately
> jeans-clad) butt for a scratching post last week, when was sitting in
> my office chair. For some reason, he also likes to bite the butts of
> sleeping slaves. :P)
>
>
>
ambush" which Sarsi so LOVES to do
Lesley
Slave of the Fabulous Furballs
CATherine
>Things A Cat Should Always Remember
>
>
ROFL! I enjoyed this!
--
CATherine
Kreisleriana
yodeled:
>On Wed 04 Oct 2006 05:52:50p, wrote in rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
>(news:45242d32$0$34576$742e...@news.sonic.net):
>I just love that opened-mouth thing they do when they’re processing
>a scent. Hilarious looking!
Flehmen! Hoofed animals do it, too-- horses, cows, goats, deer.
Here's a BIG kitty doing it:
http://www.nigeldennis.com/stock/images/mammals/species/lion/25219.jpg
jXwXeXr...@sonic.net
>> If I sit in the sink while my human is brushing his teeth, I
>> will not get angry when he spits toothpaste on me.
>>
> My mom cat sat for me one week, and she reported that Shamrock sat
> in the sink while she brushed her teeth. He never ever did that to
> me, before or since.
LOL, I parsed your first sentence incorrectly when I first read it, and
I thought you were saying "My momcat sat for me one week..." Oh, you have
a momcat? I didn't know that! And what does it mean when a cat "sits for"
you? Are you painting a portrait of the cat? :) Maybe it means the cat is
sitting in the sink to amuse you?
Finally I realized you meant "my mom cat-sat". :)
Easily confused,
Joyce
jXwXeXr...@sonic.net
>> "I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his
>> shoes off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my
>> private parts to compare odors. My female human might find it
>> amusing, but my male human does not appreciate it, especially
>> in front of company."
>
> I just love that opened-mouth thing they do when they?re processing
> a scent. Hilarious looking!
And I love how the above completely reinterprets what the cat is doing.
It freezes the mouth open "in disgust". It's sniffing its private parts
"to compare odors". You could make up all sorts of amusing motivations
for cat behavior.
Joyce
tension_on_the_wire
Kreisleriana wrote:
> >I just love that opened-mouth thing they do when they're processing
> >a scent. Hilarious looking!
>
>
> Flehmen! Hoofed animals do it, too-- horses, cows, goats, deer.
>
> Here's a BIG kitty doing it:
> http://www.nigeldennis.com/stock/images/mammals/species/lion/25219.jpg
>
And here's a LITTLE kitty doing it:
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/tension_at_home/detail?.dir=9a0ascd&.dnm=84dcscd.jpg&.src=ph
--tension
Micha
> Things A Cat Should Always Remember:
What are the stargate coordinates of the planet those cats come from??
;-)
Squarely Yours
Michael
--
Square Dance is friendship put to music
Andrea and Michael with furballs Blacky and Merlin
More detailed info: http://www.curschmann-sachsen.de
Kreisleriana
<tension...@yahoo.com> yodeled:
Hee hee, so CUTE! He/she looks a bit like a Stinky-Cat, by the way.;)
Randy
Randy
I bought a new pair of shoes a couple of months ago and they made my feet smell
pretty bad. When I came home and took my shoes off, Tippy smelled my feet and
started scratching at the floor. I think he was trying to buring them. LOL. I
took a shower!
Kreisleriana
Oh, and there's Stinky's famous "Greeting of the Workman" maneuver.
There was a guy from the phone company one day, squatting near a wall,
fiddling with a phone jack, and displaying the tool-belt-droop effect,
in all its glory.
My sweet Stinky-boy, always friendly and curious with repairmen, and
always wanting to be helpful, went right up and applied his ice-cold
nose to the exposed area. ;)
Yeeeeeeeeha!!!
The guy was very nice about it, after we peeled him off the ceiling.
He said "Well, it is *his* house."
jXwXeXr...@sonic.net
> There was a guy from the phone company one day, squatting near a wall,
> fiddling with a phone jack, and displaying the tool-belt-droop effect,
> in all its glory.
> My sweet Stinky-boy, always friendly and curious with repairmen, and
> always wanting to be helpful, went right up and applied his ice-cold
> nose to the exposed area. ;)
> Yeeeeeeeeha!!!
> The guy was very nice about it, after we peeled him off the ceiling.
> He said "Well, it is *his* house."
LOL!!! That was extremely charitable of the phone guy! I wonder what
went though his mind before he found out who/what was goosing him?
I've probably told the story about getting "goosed" by a cat at an outdoor
hot tub, haven't I?
Joyce
tension_on_the_wire
Kreisleriana wrote:
> Oh, and there's Stinky's famous "Greeting of the Workman" maneuver.
>
> There was a guy from the phone company one day, squatting near a wall,
> fiddling with a phone jack, and displaying the tool-belt-droop effect,
> in all its glory.
>
> My sweet Stinky-boy, always friendly and curious with repairmen, and
> always wanting to be helpful, went right up and applied his ice-cold
> nose to the exposed area. ;)
>
> Yeeeeeeeeha!!!
>
> The guy was very nice about it, after we peeled him off the ceiling.
> He said "Well, it is *his* house."
Ahahahahahahaha!!!!! I laughed so hard, Muezza Glorio almost fell off
my neck!
You are right, by the way, Stinky-boy looks a lot like
Luthien, he could be her brother, they are so similar.
You aren't from the LA area are you? Luthien is
searching for her lost family....well actually it's
my daughter who thinks we should be searching,
as Luthien is firmly convinced that we all carry
the same DNA in *this* house!
--tension
Kreisleriana
<tension...@yahoo.com> yodeled:
Nope. Stinky is a NYC boy. In fact, he couldn't be *MORE* NYC--
he came from the subway.
tension_on_the_wire
Kreisleriana wrote:
> Nope. Stinky is a NYC boy. In fact, he couldn't be *MORE* NYC--
> he came from the subway.
Aw, I bet there's a story there!
--tension
polonca12000
> Things A Cat Should Always Remember
>
> I will not hide behind the toilet so that I can pat the human on the
> backside when he sits down just to make him levitate.
>
> I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the
> night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs so that
> my human can
> admire my "kill."
<snip>
Thanks for the laugh, Helen.
Best wishes,
Polonca and Soncek
polonca12000
> Oh, and there's Stinky's famous "Greeting of the Workman" maneuver.
>
> There was a guy from the phone company one day, squatting near a wall,
> fiddling with a phone jack, and displaying the tool-belt-droop effect,
> in all its glory.
>
> My sweet Stinky-boy, always friendly and curious with repairmen, and
> always wanting to be helpful, went right up and applied his ice-cold
> nose to the exposed area. ;)
>
> Yeeeeeeeeha!!!
>
> The guy was very nice about it, after we peeled him off the ceiling.
> He said "Well, it is *his* house."
>
>
> Theresa
> Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
>
> Make Levees, Not War
ROFLOL!