McCain Does It Again!
Octopus Ride
In another unprecedented move, Republican presidential nominee John McCain
has announced two of his cabinet picks prior to the November election.
McCain tapped a local Wells Fargo bank teller for Secretary of the Treasury,
and named his UPS delivery person as his pick for Secretary of
Transportation.
Lance Goodling, 27, of Arlington Virginia and the drive thru window at the
Jefferson Mall branch of Wells Fargo Bank, has been named McCain's pick for
the nation's chief financial officer position. While his resume is slim
(including an unsuccessful 4 month stint as assistant manager of a now
closed Starbucks) "he is eminently qualified to replace current Secretary of
the Treasury Hank Paulson", according to McCain, who gave a brief statement
to reporters today. "The nation thanks Hank Paulson for his service" said
McCain, "but you don't need to be a former CEO of Goldman Sachs to count
money. I've driven up to Lance's window on three occasions, and all three
times I was greeted with a hearty good morning. Twice I needed to change a
hundred, and both times I was given five twenties. Lance will be a breath
of fresh air in Washington and he has my full confidence".
Laqweeshiqua King, 34, of the District of Columbia, is McCain's pick for
Secretary of Transportation. She first came to McCain's attention just one
day before being named to the job, as she delivered a copy of "E-Mail for
Dummies" to the McCain household. The book had been ordered for the
senator by his wife as a present for his 94th birthday, which was last
Friday. "I asked Lasee, Lanee, Labikwoo, er, uh, Miss King how she managed
to deliver so many packages to so many people without getting lost", McCain
stated. "I was impressed when she showed me this little electric box with
a map inside that she said she'd been using. She said she never had to make
a left turn. I mean never. No left turns, ever! I knew right then,
especially after seeing how young and vibrant she was, not to mention
noticing those very strong, muscled legs, that I would name her as my
Secretary of Transportation. She'll be able to tell everyone how to get
around and her directions will contribute greatly to fuel conservation and
the battle against global warming", the senator concluded.
McCain is also rumored to be looking at several ROTC kids from his
daughter's high school for Secretary of Defense, including JV track star
Christian Booth, who last semester was named "Best White Rifle Twirler" at
the DC area ROTC Weekend Rifle Twirlathon
JimK
wrote:
The Onion strikes again?
JimK
Octopus Ride
"JimK" <jkezwind@comcastDOTnet> wrote in message
news:9srjb4hvaq433ngur...@4ax.com...
They wish.
OR
grunk
>
> > The Onion strikes again?
>
> They wish.
You wrote that?
Frankly, I thought it was from the Onion as well.
Hats off, a brilliant bit of writing!
I've already forwarded it to quite a few people.
Nice work.
Thanks,
Geoff
Bzl.
"grunk" <grun...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e656c6f1-3d3b-4832...@f36g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
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Ditto. Nice work Mr. Ride!