Repost of several filks (long)
Arthur T.
"X-No-Archive: yes" since August of 2008. I didn't mean them to be.
So that Google (and who knows who else) will keep them safe forever
(fsvo forever), I'm reposting them.
If you've been following rmf, there shouldn't be anything here
you haven't already seen. (I've taken the emended versions and
fixed a couple of tune attributions.)
The following are copyright by Arthur Tansky. Through "I'll be
broke for Christmas", they're copyright 2008; the ones after that
are copyright 2009.
==============================================================
Title: Don't Feed the Trolls
ttto: Finale (Don't Feed the Plants) from Little Shop of Horrors
They may claim they're misunderstood
Their position is really quite good
But whatever they say to you
Don't feed the trolls!
Some of their questions just sound naive
But dissension is what they achieve
So whatever persona they use
Don't feed the trolls!
They say, "Why don't you two fight?"
They say, "I'll slip out of sight."
"I'm out of sight"
"I'm out of sight"
"I'm out of sight"
Don't reply 'cause then you can't win
All they want is to pull you in
These are men who've all lost their souls
But whatever they say to you
They're just making a play to you
So whatever they say to you
Don't feed the trolls!
Don't feed the trolls!
==============================================================
Title: Headless
ttto: With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her Arm
In the lakes and ponds quite late at night
The waterfowl have no heads, it appears
For even birds need time for sleep's delight
And this is how they've slept for megayears
Just how they spend the night in headless states
Is what the chorus easily relates
(Chorus)
With their heads tucked underneath their wings
They're warm; they snugly cower
With their heads tucked underneath their wings
Through the darkness hours
The geese and swans have limber necks that they need to protect
Curled on their bodies they're quite safe as you might well expect
And looking just like rocks they are much harder to detect
With their heads tucked underneath their wings
(Chorus)
Now we with our short necks and awkward, bare-of-feathers arms
We don't see how they're comfy, why they do not come to harm
And while we do not understand, we recognize the charm
Of their heads tucked underneath their wings
(Chorus)
So if you see one breathing with no head
Don't fear it is some mutant demon breed
There's no need for disgust or fear or dread
Or wondering who did this ugly deed
The feathers hide their heads but don't block air
The birds do this for comfort, not to scare
(Chorus)
==============================================================
Title: The Old Gray Fans (a filkish poem)
NOT ttto The Old Gray Mare
When we were young we were picked on as nerds
We gathered together as like does to like
But now with the Net we have virtual meetings
Conventions we went to are not worth the hike
And fandom is graying
Now all the young want is manga and cosplay
Video games or a media con
Fandom will fragment to parts self-sufficient
And who will read SF after we're gone
And fandom is graying
Little by little we won all our battles
And mainstream includes all the SFnal themes
But now there's no ghetto there's no need for fanac
To get what you want is the end of your dreams
And fandom is graying
When we were young the science was simpler
Nobody cared about quanta or c
Now it's much harder to write the hard SF
Thrillers and fantasy satisfy me
And I, too, am graying
We had a good ride; it may yet last a cent'ry
But many can see that the end is in sight
We started as misfits who clung to each other
Is that the subculture for which we should fight?
And fandom is graying
There's only one way to reverse fandom's graying
A way that we've read about in SF tales
If we're immortal we'll keep up traditions
But it comes too late. In the meantime we've failed
And fandom keeps graying
==============================================================
Title: Bound for Argo
ttto: Banned from Argo (by Leslie Fish)
We soon will get to Argo Port for standard R&R
The crew has simple tastes and don't want anything bizarre
We have high expectations of their hospitality
We know that they are popular with spacers such as we
And we're bound for Argo, everyone
Bound for Argo just to have a little fun
We'll spend a jolly shore leave there for five days, maybe six
Or, that's what Argo's liaison predicts
Our Captain's tired of all those girls who want him in their beds
To keep this grueling schedule he has started taking meds
A little solo R&R is what he really wants
He'll beam down, take it easy. After all, he is no dunce
Our Engineer, he took the pledge; he's gonna drink no more
He's tired of waking up with his head resting on the floor
The Navigator took it too. Why drink until he's out?
He'll have a quiet, sober time; of that there is no doubt
Our lady of Communication's done with hacking nets
Although she did it very well and always won the bets
Some time upon that planet, far from all her commo gear
Will let her feel all rested, fresh, and let her mind go clear
Our proper, cool First Officer recovering from Pon-Farr
Wants some time to rest his mind in the Argo "Word Bazaar"
There's dictionaries, thesauri, and logophile wares
And maybe he can fin'lly learn why every Earthman swears
The Head Nurse knows her dream is something that cannot come true
And that she shouldn't even think of hitting on the crew
She knows she needs to get off-ship to find another beau
And shopping time to look at clothes to round out her trousseau
Our gen'rous country Doctor volunteered to help inspect
The health of working women and how best he can correct
The problems he might find and any inequalities
If he can help he knows the women will show they are pleased
Our Helmsman loves exotic plants. His knowledge is the best
He got invited as the Planetary Gov'nor's guest
The gov'nor's wife likes horticulture and wants to discuss
A choice of plants that grow real fast with little work or fuss
And if we find some Klingons there, we'll spot them to a drink
We know that any fighting just might land us in the clink
Although in space we find our interests rarely are aligned
With them we know we can talk shop, relax, and all unwind
Our crew is Starfleet's finest and we represent the rest
We are refined and gracious when we are a planet's guest
We'll have our fun and rest and recreation then we'll leave
And Argo will remember our good deeds, I do believe
==============================================================
Title: I'll Be Broke for Christmas
ttto: I'll Be Home for Christmas (by Gannon and/or Kent)
I'll be broke for Christmas
You can count on that
I do foresee there'll be no tree
My bank account is flat
I am really lucky
And I still am here
I've a home for Christmas
But maybe not next year
==============================================================
Title: Re Your Branes
ttto: Re Your Brains (Music Copr. Jonathan Coulton. Creative
Commons License for noncommercial use with attribution.)
Those strings, they're a good theory of everything
All of the equations work so well
That is they seem to mostly except when time is really short
Or when the distances are small
I know that there's a lot of you that want to understand
How out of little strings we make a universe so grand
But there is one more thing beyond a simple string and
All we want is to compute the branes
All the infinities, more that we can calculate
All we want is to compute the branes
We've got a problem now, seeing how the branes relate
If a lemma can be proved
We'll find that we can compute the branes
Too many dimensions, even though they're mostly small
Wonder what old Occam'd have to say
You can't even reconcile your several sub-theories now
I wish you'd all just go away
You know that there are other theories coming up behind
And since they are much simpler, to them we are inclined
3-D is quite enough. Don't go off in a huff, but
All we want is to dispute the branes
All the infinities, more that you can calculate
All we want is to dispute the branes
You've got a problem now; can't show how the branes relate
If you cannot find more proof
We'll find that we do not need your branes
We'd like to know how things like leptons really work
With quarks et cetera and relativity, too
A working theory's here, well technically it's not
I guess it's not
There's always one more theory to try to wrap things up
Another take on quantum gravity
But some of us, we chose to go with 4-D space-time worlds
Don't need a 10-D cavity
We hope to understand why nature's hard to understand
We want a theory that we'll know is unified and grand
One that's elegant and nice
Where 3-space will suffice, so
All we want is to refute the branes
All the infinities, more that you can calculate
All we want is to refute the branes
We've got a problem making quantum and GR relate
But if we can find the proof
We'll find that we do not need your branes
==============================================================
Title: Pi Day
approximately ttto: chorus of Jambalaya by Hank Williams
It's a time I enjoy digitally
We should party, for after, abruptly
Actuality worsens bizarrely
Now we got mnemonic, only barely
==============================================================
Title: The Con Song
ttto: The Wedding Song by Paul Stookey
It is time to get together for this thing we hold so dear
Meeting friends we seldom see except when we are here
We always come and always laugh but when it ends we cry
But still we know as long as we are linked by our Sci-Fi
There'll be cons, there'll be cons
And one will leave Atlanta and another come from Nome
But where we get together will be a new-found home
From the registration desk until the dead dog at the end
We'll meet and talk and sing and buy and do it all again
While at cons, while at cons
They ask what is the reason that we come here every year
It's not the books and panels that we hold so very dear
'Cause SF's not the reason that we're always meeting for
It's friends that understand us and with whom we have rapport
At the cons, at the cons
The volunteers that plan it and that run it day to day
Let us have the enjoyment but complain in mock dismay,
"We run cons. Why run cons?"
==============================================================
Title: Feud for Book Clubs
ttto: Fugue for Tinhorns (by Frank Loesser)
I've got the book right here
It's simple, good and clear
It made the top ten list with its premiere
Must read. Must read. The Times says it's a must read.
If they say that we must read, must read, must read.
Clear books are out of style
And have been for a while
You need immense complexity for bibliophiles
It's out. It's out. It's old-hat and so it's out.
It's trite so that means it's out, it's out, it's out.
I want a book with meat
But one without conceit
And the end should all be tied up nice and neat
No fads. No fads. Not trite, but no complex fads.
Odd writing is just a fad, no fads, no fads
Let's read the book right here
You shouldn't have to fear
That the author's style will interfere
It's plain. It's plain. No strain on the brain, it's plain.
Surely you all can see it's plain, it's plain, it's plain.
That author needs more guile
He misses by a mile
A simple story isn't versatile
Won't do. Won't do. I still say that book won't do.
If I say the book won't do, won't do, won't do.
A simple book's a cheat
But I like them complete
And too complex a book is not a treat
No treat. No treat. You know those books are no treat.
My head hurts and it's no treat, no treat, no treat.
Your really shouldn't sneer
It's simple and austere
And it hasn't arabesques for us to fear
It's good. It's good. An old-fashioned kind of good.
You read it, you'll see it's good, it's good, it's good.
You're being quite hostile
And you should hark a while
And I'll explain what books you should revile
Bad books. Bad books. Barbarians like bad books.
You should know that they're bad books, bad books, bad books.
I'm feeling lots of heat
There's no need to compete
Instead let's find a middle ground that's sweet
Make it clear!
Go for style!
Give me meat!
[All:] I've got the book right here!
==============================================================
Title: Another Garden Song
ttto: The Glow Worm (by P. Lincke, L.C. Robinson, J. Mercer)
Eat our aphids, lady beetle
Show no mercy; their defeat'll
Save our garden from disaster
They suck fast, but you eat faster
Ladybugs are foes of plant pests
Order frozen, then decant guests
Ladybugs are sure to please
We are your devotees
Praying mantis - preying mantid
I am glad your range expanded
Love to see you in our garden
For your murders you've our pardon
Sneak up on the foul invasives
They'll find your forelegs persuasive
Eat those bugs that we hate so
Sneak up on them slow
Scary snakes eat little mammals
Voles and moles and mice by passels
Keep these critters from our garden
When we see you, how we hearten
When we mow we try to miss you
We like how you look and hiss, too
Slither 'round our garden, please
We need your expertise
These and others will not harm me
They are our all-natural army
If they keep up their predation
They will lower our frustration
Now you've listened and you've all learned
Not all creatures are to be spurned
Before you kill a garden "pest"
Make sure it's for the best
==============================================================
Title: Elegy for a Filker
ttto: The Rose (by Amanda McBroom)
We have had our final parting;
We won't hear him again.
Though the time to mourn is starting,
There's healing after pain.
We will take an extra hour
To sing his finest songs.
In our circle there is power
To keep his mem'ry strong.
That's the gift that filkers must leave,
Their memories and songs.
We sing them to help us grieve
With friends, where we belong.
The filker and his story,
We'll sing of through our tears.
He's bequeathed his inventory
Of songs to sing for years.
He is no longer writing.
He will no longer play.
But his legacy's inviting,
It will not go away.
We can mourn his filkroom absence,
This one that we all knew,
But his songs invoke his presence,
When you sing he lives through you.
==============================================================
Title: Thinking
ttto: Solfeggio (by Robert Maxwell) (AKA Song of the Nairobi Trio)
Monkey see
Then monkey do
Then monkey learn just like us
Monkey see
Then monkey hear
Then monkey say; just like us too
What comes out
Is what came in
Plus just a bit of thinking
So, what we are
Is what we were
Plus what we saw. Now ain't that true
Take free will
Is it for real
Or do we do what's destined?
No free will
Can you agree?
Or, is your "no" a fated thing?
We're complex
Complex machines
But are there ghosts within us?
I have free will
There, I've said so
Just as I was destined to do
Humanoid
Or anthropoid
Is it an ape or human?
Where's the line?
Narrow or wide?
Which side of it do you belong?
We make rules
But are we right
Or do we rule by semblance?
He's not a man
So he can't think
So he can be forgot about
Turing test
Or Chinese Box
Which is your definition?
Can it think?
That all depends
On what you think that thinking is
If you say
Just people think
You have defined your answer
Honestly, though
If YOU can think
You will see complications here
I'm so confused!
==============================================================
Title: Medusa
ttto: Mona Lisa (original by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans)
You're Medusa, you're Medusa
Lovely maiden
You were young when you
attracted that sea god
Then Athena turned you into
A third Gorgon
Any man who looks
At you now turns to stone
Oh, what is to become of you, Medusa
How will you find a man that you can love?
With a mask
You might have
Found a lover
With no peeking,
Gently speaking
All of that
You'd have had,
O Medusa
Instead the statuary
Fills your entrance hall
You're Medusa, you're Medusa
You're a gorgon
With your hair of snakes
You turn all men to stone
Now, you must be very lonely
And tormented
Since you cannot find a
Man that you can love
Do you want to find a lover, O Medusa
Or do you just want revenge on all mankind?
All those men
Who have sought
For your ending
Flesh and bone, now
Is all stone, now
They were warm,
They were real,
O Medusa
Now you're a sad, once lovely,
Lonely little girl
--
Arthur T. - ar23hur "at" intergate "dot" com
Looking for a z/OS (IBM mainframe) systems programmer position
thnidu
> I just realized that my posts to rmf have been set to
> "X-No-Archive: yes" since August of 2008. I didn't mean them to be.
> So that Google (and who knows who else) will keep them safe forever
> (fsvo forever), I'm reposting them.
>
> If you've been following rmf, there shouldn't be anything here
> you haven't already seen. (I've taken the emended versions and
> fixed a couple of tune attributions.)
Well, I haven't been folowing it, and I'm grabbing these for the filk
file!
> Title: Bound for Argo
<a href=http://filk.cracksandshards.com/BoundForArgo.html>Had to
happen.</a>
Mark A. Mandel
The Filker With No Nickname
http://filk.cracksandshards.com/