Test your Python Quotient
sla...@feller.udr.edu
Here's a little test that was included in a Christmas present I got
this year. What was the present? It is _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_Python_.
I'll post the answers given in the book next week.
-----------------------------cut here---------------------------------------
1. How did Mrs. G. Pinnet have to sign for her new gas cooker?
2. Why does the Minister of Silly Walks arrive at his office late?
3. What is the annual budget for the Ministry of Silly Walks?
4. What was the Piranha Brothers' prison sentence?
5. What was the occupation of Arthur Piranha, Doug and Dinsdale's father?
6. What happened the week Dinsdale did not nail Vince Snetterton Lewis's head
to the floor?
7. For which surveillance role was Harry "Snapper" Organs of "Q" Division
panned by critics?
8. What was the name of the giant hedgehog that followed the Piranha Brothers?
9. How large was the hedgehog?
10. What is pneumoconiosis?
11. In the Disgusting Objects International at Wembley, how did England defeat
Spain?
12. What did the Chairman of the Board of Irresponsible People feed to his
goldfish?
13. True or false: Goldfish are quite happy eating bradcrumbs, ants, eggs, and
the occasional pheasant.
14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
15. What three ways does the undertaker initially recommend to deal with stiffs?
16. What is the name of the man who has a "fifty-percent bonus in the region
of what you said"?
17. What is the song attempted by Arthur Ewing and his Musical Mice?
18. What would members of the stock exchange do about the "Mouse problem"?
19. What is the name of that most dangerous of animals, the clever sheep?
20. What are the only four phrases spoken by Jimmy Buzzard?
21. Why is Mr. Howard Stools particularly interesting?
22. What is the name of the flying cat that lands in a bucket of water (when
she is flung)?
23. "Don't you ever take the bones out?"
24. What play did Leatherhead Rep do with the Redfoot Indian tribe?
25. Which two stars did Irving C. Saltzberg plan to star in his next film?
26. Why does the llama have a beak?
27. What does R. J. Gumby croon while hitting himself in the head with bricks?
28. What does the barber drink before cutting Terry Jones's hair?
29. Which Python is featured in the "Stop the Film" segment of "Blackmail"?
30. How many things did the Australasian branch of the Society for Putting
Things on Top of Other Things put on top of things last year?
31. Name two methods for waking Ken Clean-Air System.
32. Which of his films does director Ellis Dibley call a "real failure"?
33. How many votes did Kevin Phillips Bong (the Slightly Silly candidate at
Luton) receive?
34. "Do like all smart motorists -- choose _____________."
35. What is Archbishop Shabby doing for peace?
36. What is the first lesson in not being seen? What is the second?
37. "Coventry city last won the English Football Cup in what year?"
38. The other works of art voted unanimously to support the strike by the
paintings in the National Gallery. Which work abstained from voting?
39. What tool does Mr. Gumby use in flower arranging?
40. The "Black Eagle" was based on what novel?
41. What was the official slogan of the British Army?
42. What does the smuggler claim his watches are?
43. What is in the brown paper bag planted by Police Constable Henry Thatcher?
44. What is the secret of Charles Fatless?
45. What are the five chief weapons of the Spanish Inquisition?
46. What does the Gumby brain specialist want done to his patient?
47. What joke did Hitler come up with to challenge the Allied Killer Joke?
48. Who is high scorer in "Mozart's Famous Deaths"?
49. What is Whizzo Butter compared to in a TV commercial?
50. Who serves as a character witness for Harold Larch? How does inspector Dim
trip him up?
51. What would Dim like to be (if he were not working for the CID)? And
Bartlett?
52. Where are the numbers on a camel?
53. Why would men turn into Scotsmen?
54. In separate shows, which members of the group played Dracula and Franken-
stein's monster?
55. Why was the Norwegian Blue sitting on it's perch in the first place?
56. What does the bandit steal from the lingerie shop?
57. What program follows "It's a Tree" at 9:30?
58. What is the ideal job for Mr. Anchovy?
59. What are Mr. Anchovy's qualifications for lion taming?
60. What does Cardinal Richelieu perform on "Historical Impersonations"?
61. What message do the police get on their Ouija Board?
62. What does the courteous hijacker call out as he is pushed from the jet?
63. What kind of car insurance policy does the vicar have?
64. What is the main food that penguins eat?
65. Who sings a Jimmy Durante song?
66. What is the name of Rev. Arthur Billing's church?
67. How did Roy Spim lose his left arm?
68. What did Kemal Ataturk name his entire menagerie?
69. What was the first scene shot in "Scott of the Antarctic"?
70. What did the crew of "Scott of the Antarctic" use for snow?
71. What is Michael Norman Randall's sentence for the murder of twenty people?
72. How do you put budgies down, according to the book?
73. What do Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion sing while phoning Jean Paul
Sartre?
74. Who is featured on "Farming Club"?
75. What was Brian Norris's first book?
76. What was the result of treating athlete's foot with explosives?
77. What is the jugged fish?
78. The Church Police conclude their arrest with what hymn?
79. What is Annie Elk's theory of the brontosaurus?
80. What does the Fire Brigade request to drink (in unison)?
81. What was Biggles writing thank-you notes to royalty for?
82. What do the men from the lifeboat order with their tea?
83. What is the name of the man who owns the Cheese Shop?
84. Why did Reg Pither crash his bicycle?
85. What does Eartha Kitt sing to the Central Committee?
86. The poster for the Moscow Praesidium adverises Eartha Kitt, Burgess and
Maclean, Marshall Bulganin and "Charlie", and who else?
87. Where is the bomb (for a pound)?
88. Which two countries are in the finale of the Olympic Hide and Seek?
89. Where does Don Roberts hide?
90. Who is the author of "Gay Boys in Bondage"?
91. What is Dennis Moore's horse's name?
92. Which two shows feature animation that parodies _2001_?
---------------------------------cut here------------------------------------
I will post the answers, as supplied in _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_
_Python_ in about a week. Until then, remember: "Kilimanjaro is a pretty
tricky climb. Most of it's up, until you reach the very, very top, and then it
tends to slope away rather sharply."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slambo (not affiliated with Rambo | Why would anyone want to listen
or Yambo or anyone else whose name | to a puny little undergrad CS
ends in "...bo") | major in the first place?
lak...@oak.circa.ufl.edu
}
} Here's a little test that was included in a Christmas present I got
}this year. What was the present? It is _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_Python_.
}
}I'll post the answers given in the book next week.
}
}-----------------------------cut here---------------------------------------
}
}1. How did Mrs. G. Pinnet have to sign for her new gas cooker?
}4. What was the Piranha Brothers' prison sentence?
}9. How large was the hedgehog?
}13. True or false: Goldfish are quite happy eating bradcrumbs, ants, eggs, and
} the occasional pheasant.
}14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
}15. What three ways does the undertaker initially recommend to deal with stiffs?
}36. What is the first lesson in not being seen? What is the second?
2) Don't hide behind the only bush around
+-------------------------+---------------------------------------------------+
|Jeff "The Riffer" Mercer |"Win or lose, nought to choose, all men are equal |
|LAK8141@UFOAK (Bitnet) | when their memory fades. No one knows, friends or |
|lak...@oak.circa.ufl.edu| foes, if Valhalla lies beyond the grave." |
| (Internet) | --Deaf Forever by Motorhead |
+-------------------------+---------------------------------------------------+
David Whitney- RCD
>}
>} Here's a little test that was included in a Christmas present I got
>}this year. What was the present? It is _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_Python_.
>}14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
I'm sorry, but that's a rather personal question.
_____________
David Whitney
whi...@athena.arc.nasa.gov
Richard Stueven
>In article <21...@uflorida.cis.ufl.EDU> lak...@oak.circa.ufl.edu writes:
>>}
>>} Here's a little test that was included in a Christmas present I got
>>}this year. What was the present? It is _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_Python_.
>
>>}14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
>
>I'm sorry, but that's a rather personal question.
Have we started again?
gak
Richard Stueven g...@sun.com
I like to know what I'm doing when I'm doing what I do when I'm
doing it because I don't know what to do when I'm not doing it. - S.Ridgeway
Roy M. Silvernail
< In article <21...@uflorida.cis.ufl.EDU> lak...@oak.circa.ufl.edu writes:
< >}
< >} Here's a little test that was included in a Christmas present I got
< >}this year. What was the present? It is _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_Python_.
<
< >}14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
<
< I'm sorry, but that's a rather personal question.
Are we starting again?
--
_ R_ o_ y _ M_ . _ S_ i_ l_ v_ e_ r_ n_ a_ i_ l | UUCP: uunet!comcon!roy | "Every race must arrive at this
#include <opinions.h>;#define opinions MINE | point in its history"
SnailMail: P.O. Box 210856, Anchorage, | ........Mr. Slippery
Alaska, 99521-0856, U.S.A., Earth, etc. | <Ono-Sendai: the right choice!>
rjm1...@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
>/* Written 11:26 pm Jan 8, 1990 by sla...@feller.udr.edu in uxa.cso.uiuc.edu:rec.humor */
>/* ---------- "Test your Python Quotient" ---------- */
>
> Here's a little test that was included in a Christmas present I got
>this year. What was the present? It is _The_First_20_Years_of_Monty_Python_.
>
>I'll post the answers given in the book next week.
>
>-----------------------------cut here---------------------------------------
>
>15. What three ways does the undertaker initially recommend to deal with stiffs
>22. What is the name of the flying cat that lands in a bucket of water (when
she is flung)?
>23. "Don't you ever take the bones out?"
>26. Why does the llama have a beak?
>37. "Coventry city last won the English Football Cup in what year?"
>49. What is Whizzo Butter compared to in a TV commercial?
>55. Why was the Norwegian Blue sitting on it's perch in the first place?
>59. What are Mr. Anchovy's qualifications for lion taming?
>77. What is the jugged fish?
>79. What is Annie Elk's theory of the brontosaurus?
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Slambo (not affiliated with Rambo | Why would anyone want to listen
> or Yambo or anyone else whose name | to a puny little undergrad CS
> ends in "...bo") | major in the first place?
Ron Menelli
men...@cs.uiuc.edu
Tim Lennard-Jones
>6. What happened the week Dinsdale did not nail Vince Snetterton Lewis's head
> to the floor?
They napalmed Cheltenham.
>7. For which surveillance role was Harry "Snapper" Organs of "Q" Division
> panned by critics?
As Ratty in Toad of Toad Hall.
>8. What was the name of the giant hedgehog that followed the Piranha Brothers?
Spiny Norman
>9. How large was the hedgehog?
13 ft.
>14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
"Thats rather a personal question, isn't it?"
33 days.
>15. What three ways does the undertaker initially recommend to deal with stiffs?
Burn 'em, bury 'em, dump 'em.
>29. Which Python is featured in the "Stop the Film" segment of "Blackmail"?
Graham Chapman
>45. What are the five chief weapons of the Spanish Inquisition?
Suprise, fear, pain, a ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical
devotion to the Pope.
>55. Why was the Norwegian Blue sitting on it's perch in the first place?
Because it was nailed there.
>68. What did Kemal Ataturk name his entire menagerie?
Eric
>78. The Church Police conclude their arrest with what hymn?
All things dark and odourous.
>79. What is Annie Elk's theory of the brontosaurus?
Thin at one end, fat in the middle, and thin at the other end.
--
Tim Lennard-Jones, British Telecom Research Labs, Suffolk, England.
t...@planet.bt.co.uk
"If moths like the light so much, why do they only come out at night?"
Robert Stanley
to start reading the two-volume book of all the words, which, I am told,
does NOT have the words of all the songs. The records are different...
We appear to have already seen correct answers to 8, 9, 14, 15, 22, 23, 26,
36, 37, 49, 55, 59, 77, and 79. At least, I thought they sounded right.
=> 5. What was the occupation of Arthur Piranha, Doug and Dinsdale's father?
Host on a television game show
=> 6. What happened the week Dinsdale did not nail Vince Snetterton Lewis's
=> head to the floor?
His mother came round for tea and Cheltenham was napalmed
=> 7. For which surveillance role was Harry "Snapper" Organs of "Q" Division
=> panned by critics?
As Ratty, in Toad of Toad Hall
=> 19. What is the name of that most dangerous of animals, the clever sheep?
Harold (Ah, nostalgia! The very first show, entitled "Part 2")
=> 24. What play did Leatherhead Rep do with the Redfoot Indian tribe?
Puss In Boots
=> 25. Which two stars did Irving C. Saltzberg plan to star in his next film?
Marilyn Monroe was one of them
=> 27. What does R.J. Gumby croon while hitting himself in the head with bricks?
"My head hurts"
=> 42. What does the smuggler claim his watches are?
smuggled watches?
=> 45. What are the five chief weapons of the Spanish Inquisition?
(No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!)
Fear, surprise, pain, a ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical
loyalty to the Pope.
=> 47. What joke did Hitler come up with to challenge the Allied Killer Joke?
"Two peanuts ver valking down zer strasse, ven vun of them vas
assaulted - peanut"
=> 52. Where are the numbers on a camel?
Either the tender or the caboose
=> 60. What does Cardinal Richelieu perform on "Historical Impersonations"?
"Thank heavens for little girls" - not sure of this one...
=> 61. What message do the police get on their Ouija Board?
"Up yours"
=> 68. What did Kemal Ataturk name his entire menagerie?
Eric
=> 78. The Church Police conclude their arrest with what hymn?
"All things dark and odourous..."
=> 83. What is the name of the man who owns the Cheese Shop?
Mr. Wenslydale
=> 91. What is Dennis Moore's horse's name?
Concord
We apologize for this brief interruption; now, on with the show.
Robert_S
--
Robert Stanley UUCP: uunet!mitel!sce!cognos!roberts
Cognos, Inc. INET: roberts%cogno...@uunet.uu.net
(Research) Voice: (613) 738-1338 x6115
The Anarch
Abdul.
>>78. The Church Police conclude their arrest with what hymn?
> All things dark and odourous.
There are different songs in different recordings.
>--
>Tim Lennard-Jones, British Telecom Research Labs, Suffolk, England.
>t...@planet.bt.co.uk
>
>"If moths like the light so much, why do they only come out at night?"
--
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-ana...@dartmouth.edu+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Thy hand, great Anarch! lets the curtain fall,
And universal darkness buries all.
D I S C L A I M E R : E V E R Y T H I N G I W R I T E I S F A L S E
Paul Tomblin
In article <1990Jan12....@planet.bt.co.uk> t...@planet.bt.co.uk (Tim Lennard-Jones) writes:
>sla...@feller.udr.edu writes:
> Eric
>>79. What is Annie Elk's theory of the brontosaurus?
> Thin at one end, fat in the middle, and thin at the other end.
Thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and thin again at the
other end. (Ahem)
>--
>"If moths like the light so much, why do they only come out at night?"
Because during the day they're circling around the sun.
--
Paul Tomblin nrcaer!cognos!geovision!pt or uunet!geovision!pt
Life: Loath it or ignore it, you can't like it. (Marvin)
(My employer may not agree with my opinions, especially my .signature)
Michael Connelly
Richard Meesters
> sla...@feller.udr.edu writes:
>
> "Thats rather a personal question, isn't it?"
> 33 days.
33 days???
Yes, and we haven't eaten since the fifth day!!
We're done for, we're done for!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Richard A Meesters |
Technical Support Specialist | Insert std.logo here
AT&T Canada |
| "Waste is a terrible thing
ATTMAIL: ....attmail!rmeesters | to mind...clean up your act"
UUCP: ...att!attcan!ram |
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Eric Ant Von Laudermann
> In article <1990Jan12....@planet.bt.co.uk>, t...@planet.bt.co.uk (Tim Lennard-Jones) writes:
> > sla...@feller.udr.edu writes:
> >
> > >14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
> > "Thats rather a personal question, isn't it?"
> > 33 days.
>
>
> 33 days???
>
> Yes, and we haven't eaten since the fifth day!!
>
> We're done for, we're done for!
"Yes, Malarkey?"
"The men haven't eaten in days, sir."
"Yes, Malarkey."(Pause)
"Sir, I'm not sure you understand. I said the men have not eaten in days."
"I heard you, Malarkey, thank you."(Pause)
"Captain, you've gone quite mad. I tell you, the men have not eaten in days!"
"Well, FORCE THEM!" --Martin Mull, "Men"
--E.V.L.
Disclaimer: The above opinions do not really exist.
Mister Canoehead
I've recently discovered rec.humor and I >MUST< get a copy of this quiz. Would
someone be kind enough to mail it to me?
--
___________
/___________\ Mister Dylan Salisbury And to my cat,
/#\ Canoehead can...@ucscb.ucsc.edu Mittens, I bestow
/ \ my entire, vast...