The jester's tale...
Simos Hadjiyiannis
Drunk Trek Rules: Version 4.1
(Stardate 9009.11)
By Dan Sissman, Chris Aylott, Toby Elliott, and various other redshirts.
These rules were originally inspired by a document entitled "Star Trek Drinking
Game Rules" compiled by David Vangerov of UCSC. This is NOT an updated version
of those rules, but a completely different document. These rules are far more
comprehensive, and are so complex they border on sentience. If you use them
properly, you too will border on sentience by the end of an episode.
The material contained herein is a
trademark-copyrighted-semi-public-domain-shareware-trade-secret. Any
distribution of these rules must be done in a non-profit fashion or the culprit
will be transported into the middle of a Klingon slam-dancing contest. Any
similarity to being living, dead, or otherwise is strictly in good fun, so
loosen up, already!
I: GENERAL
1: PRIME DIRECTIVE: Keep in mind, the "rules" presented herein are ONLY
GUIDELINES! Feel free to ignore any of them, or to create new ones on the
spur of the moment. Remember, you never really NEED and excuse to drink while
watching Trek. This is not a competition, merely an exercise in art
appreciation. No wagering, please.
1a: P.S.: The only rule you must absolutely, positively, not in any way
violate, ignore or throw out (aside from this one) is Rule number 1.
1b: ACCEPTABLE TRADITIONAL BEVERAGES: Beer (Old Swill preferred), Sgt.
Peppers(1), Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters, Saurian Brandy. Basically, anything
but Boors(2). ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATE BEVERAGES: Anything except Diet Choke.
Orange Juice and Mello Yello (the drink of the nineties) preferred.
1c: WEIGHTS AND MEASURES: a "drink" is officially defined as: the precise
amount of liquid refreshment the imbiber finds adequate to his needs as
expressed at the moment of drinking. In English: Whatever the hell you feel
like, from a fractional swallow to an oceanic chug. The words "drink" and
"shot" will be used interchangeably throughout these rules. Some rules omit
the word "drink" entirely. This does not excuse viewers from their duty.
1d: SOCIAL DRINKING: Drinking should be as social an activity as
watching Trek. When a player says "Social"... Drink! Drink twice, if a
character says the word "social".
2: NOMENCLATURE: Players may only refer to the program as "Trek" . The names
"Trek Classic", in the case of the series starring John Winston as Lt. Kyle, or
"New Trek", in the case of the series starring Jennifer Barlow as Ensign
Gibson, are also acceptable. Penalty shots are to be handed out to anyone
referring to the show as "Star Trek". The game is to be referred to as "Drunk
Trek" or "D.T." Players are to be referred to as "Drunk Trekkers" (In the
case of hard-core players with regular attendance and a profound understanding
of the deepest meanings of Trek), as "Drunk Trekkies" (In the case of
semi-regulars who pay less attention to the program than to the flow of
alcohol), or as "Drunk Trekkists" (In the case of visitors who just want to get
wildly drunk). The participants may be collectively referred to as "The
D.T.'s".
3: OPENING THEME: Players are strongly encouraged to recite the opening
narrative and sing (to the best of their abilities) along with the theme song.
Whenever the Enterprise whooshes by, players should follow and imitate its
motion or inertial effects with their heads, simultaneously making the
appropriate "whoosh" noise. (We know this sounds really silly on paper, but
trust us, it works.)
3a: CREDITS: Players should cheer or boo names in the credits where
appropriate. Writers should get the benefit of the doubt. Anyone booing
Gene Roddenberry will be pelted with garbage and forcibly ejected.
3b: WHAT'S THAT TUNE? KINDA CATCHY, ISN'T IT?: Occasionally, the Trek
theme music actually appears within a scene, not as incidental music, but as
music which the characters are able to hear. Drink.
3c: EPISODE TITLES: In Most Trek and Next Generation episodes, the
episode title is either explicitly mentioned in, or derived from, a character
line. Drink when this occurs, twice if it was stolen from Shakespeare. Drink
on first appearance of the title if it was stolen from somewhere else (eg.
Conscience of the King, The Schizoid Man).
3d: VIRGINS IN SPACE: At this point, as the local station cuts to the
post-opening credit-commercials, first time D.T.'s chug.
4: GOLDEN SHOWER: Tradition calls for finished beverage cans (no bottles
please!) to be hurled into a convenient front corner of the room.
Occasionally, said cans are hurled prematurely, to the distress of those
watching in the front ranks. Thrower drinks. Spraying the television counts
double.
5: THE POKER FLATS/ SINCLAIR LEWIS UNWRITTEN MEMORIAL RULE: (Consult a founding
father privately for information regarding this rule.)
6: ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH: When a Starfleet crewman gets toasted, players
should intone the appropriate litany and imbibe a ritual shot:
If the Shirt is Red, the (Man is, Woman's) dead.
If the Shirt is Blue, the (Man is, Woman's) stew.
If the Shirt is (Yellow, he's one dead fellow/Gold, she's just been told).
Players are strongly encouraged to make up a new rhyme in the event of a
different color appearing. The flow of alcohol may help with this... Note
that the word "Shirt" is non-negotiable, even if the victim is wearing a
jumpsuit or tunic. Feminine forms as indicated are acceptable if the victim
was female. Neuter forms are only acceptable in the case of a neuter species.
Also note that security personnel and other expendable types are to be referred
to throughout the program as "Redshirts" regardless of garb.
7: INERTIALS (SHIPSHAKE): Whenever the Enterprises inertial dampers are on the
fritz (i.e. the camera shakes) players must rock spasmodically in sympathy.
One player should rock in the wrong direction. Standing players should grab
any nearby object (couches, tables, upright lamps, people who just wandered
into the room) for support.
8: CLYDE'S CLASSICAL CLICHE CLAUSE: "Your weapons are useless here."; "You're
my guests." followed or preceded by "We're your prisoners."; "Resistance is
useless". Drink.
9: PETER PRINCIPLE OF STARFLEET RANK: Drink whenever a stupid commodore
appears, twice if he takes control of the ship. Also applies whenever a
character exceeds his/her authority (eg Lt. Commander Shelby).
10: THE PHYSICS MAJOR REALITY CHECK (PMRC): Whenever a clear physical
impossibility occurs, it is the sovereign privilege and duty of any physics
major or other science geek to call it. Everyone drinks.
10a: THE NON-PHYSICS MAJOR CHECKS AND BALANCES REFEREEING SYSTEM: When
General Order TEN (the PMRC) is invoked, anybody who can rationalize said
impossibility to the satisfaction of all others present can make everybody
(himself included, if so desired) drink again, except the caller of General
Order TEN, who shall drink twice. Note: If the
physics-major-type-geek-person-entity invoked rule 10 in reference to a
physical impossibility which actually occurred in the viewing room and not on
the program, nobody may invoke rule 10a.
11: OH NO! NOT THE ______!: Whenever a character says a particularly ominous
phrase (eg. "Captain, I have invoked Starfleet Code Seventeen"), manages to
correctly use a complicated (made up or otherwise) scientific term ("The
hyperonic radiation is interfering with the transporter, sir") or refers to a
wonderfully named device ("Yes, use the purple cloud"), players should
immediately respond with "Oh no! Not Starfleet Code Seventeen/ Not hyperonic
radiation/ Not the purple cloud" Drink.
11a: OH, SO THAT'S WHAT IT DOES: Drink whenever someone explains the
function of one of the items mentioned above. Also drink when someone from a
backwards culture misunderstands such an item, or mispronounces its name.
11b: YOU JUST INITIATED WHAT?!: Drink whenever the self destruct
sequence is activated.
12: THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER: Starfleet's rigorous training ensures that any
competent Starfleet officer is able to deal with equipment lists, cargo
manifests, and menus. Whenever a character rattles off a list players should
finish it by singing out (in unison) "And a partridge in a pear tree". Drink-
you've earned it. In addition, officers are expected to deal with large
numbers. Drink when they can't handle these and are forced to give each number
individually (Captain, now in range of Starbase One-Five-Nine) or are forced to
refer to 1 to any power.
13: THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE MEAT: In the future, all sciences and arts have
progressed far beyond our wimpy capabilities, and the culinary arts are no
exception. Horribly inefficient foodstuffs, such as roast turkey and king
crab legs have been replaced by two much healthier types of nutrition: the
Multicolored Synthesized Food Substitute Cubes and the Typical Nauseating Alien
Delicacy. Drink anytime a Starfleet officer eats one of these items.
13a: COMPUTER, POUR ME ANOTHER: In seeming rebellion of rule 13, drinks
of all types proliferate throughout the galaxy, from water at any desired
temperature to Klingon kill-a-Romulan-at-fifteen-paces alcohol. Drink
whenever a character drinks, twice if it's Scotty or the drink is prune juice,
the warrior's drink.
14: MODERN ANCIENT HISTORY: Drink whenever a character refers to the hopelessly
backward practices or triumph-over-incredible-odds days of the late twentieth
century.
15: POWERS AND ABILITIES BEYOND THOSE OF MORTAL MEN: (Or the Deus Ex Trekkus
rule): Players should drink whenever a character appears who has god-like
supernatural talents. Examples: Charlie X., Trelayne, Apollo, The Q, Gary
Mitchell, etc.
15a: POWERS AND ABILITIES BELOW THOSE OF MORTAL MEN: (Or: I'm not as
think as you dumb I am): The Enterprise occasionally encounters aliens who, in
the face of severe limitations in intelligence, firepower, and good looks,
attemt to buck the Federation authority. Drink.
15b: ALIENS WHO THINK WHO THE HELL THEY ARE: Not to be confused with
Deus Ex Trekkus, this rule comes into effect whenever an alien race refers to
humans as "primitive". While there is obviously considerable overlap between
the two rules, some aliens are clearly mega-powerful without rubbing our noses
in it (Trelayne's parents), while others, despite what they think of
themselves, are really wimpy aliens we could toast with one phaser bank tied
behind our backs (Talosians, Velarans).
15c: DO YOU WANT ME TO TEST MY THEORY OUT ON YOUR HEAD?: Drink whenever
a "primitive" human manages to gain the upper hand with either a rule 15 or 15b
alien.
16: WE CAN BUILD A BETTER OFFICER: Starfleet academy prides itself on the
quality of its product. Officers who graduate from there are expected to be
physically fit and capable of dealing diplomatically with any situation. Drink
for poorly choreographed (any) fights.
16a: BUT THEN WE'D BE NO BETTER THAN THEY ARE: In addition to turning
out physically fit specimens, Starfleet officers are expected to have an
immaculate moral code. Drink whenever a character delivers a Particularly
Moralistic Soliloquy (PMS) or a Supremely Philosophical Added Moral (SPAM),
twice if it's a starship captain.
16b: IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER THING THAT I DO: Starfleet officers are
also expected to make the ultimate sacrifice (usually, it seems, whenever
possible) Drink when one volunteers to (especially Kirk - "No Trelayne, take it
out on me, not my crew").
16c: I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR: The final oath any officer leaving the
academy must take is to uphold the prime directive. Drink to flagrant
violations of this oath.
16d RIMMER, YOU ARE A SMEGHEAD: Thanks to those wonderful people, the
censors, who make our lives full of joy and realism, characters are also pure
of language. No four letter words here. There are, of course, ways around
this. Drink whenever someone swears in an alien language, or uses a
completely new swear word.
16e: SMILE, PLEASE: Starfleet crewmen are expected to comport
themselves well, keeping their emotions to themselves. However, this training
sometimes fails badly and the result is a shit-eating grin (SEG). Drink to
any male crew member wearing one.
16f: HAIR: This brings us to the rather touchy subject of hair, the
only area in which there has been no progress since the 20th century. Drink
to cats on heads (especially Bill Shatner's), cheesy toupees, hippy hairstyles,
incredibly ugly beards and headglare off of bald spots.
17: THE APOLOGETICA: We're sorry. Really. Honest. Drink whenever a female
starship captain appears.
18: IT SOUNDS KIND OF CRAZY, BUT IT JUST MIGHT WORK: The Enterprise has a long
history of putting to the test procedures that "have never been tested before",
"are only based on theory" or are "still in the experimental stage". Its the
least we can do to raise a toast to these intrepid pioneers, without whom there
would have been no major technological advances since the 21st century.
19: BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT RULE: Whenever a character says the word "excellent"
players should make the appropriate air guitar gestures (with sound effects).
Yes, it IS stupid, but we like it. Drink.
20: THE DARONE CODICIL: ANY reference to the period of "Twenty minutes" will be
greeted by loud cheering, rude noises and the immediate consumption of all
beverages in hand. A boisterous cry of "TWENty MINutes" shall ring out.
Anyone failing to do so will be forced to watch twenty minutes of Space: 1999.
Yes, we do believe in cruel and unusual punishment.
21: SATURDAY NIGHT STARFLEET: Drink to really funky psychedelia, whether
intentional or not. This includes really multicolored star patterns that
appear out of viewports (sometimes even when the ship is stationary). Drink
when characters appear dressed for these occasions.
22: THE TWO-AND-ONE RULE: A classic writer's tactic when introducing a new or
unfamiliar name or concept is to place it alongside two familiar ones, eg: "The
philosophical greats: Plato, Socrates and Surak". Drink.
23: A WISE MAN ONCE SAID: Drink to all line echoes, without which the program
would not be 47 minutes long. Also, drink to all Trek Classic references in TNG
24: PROFOUND GRASP OF THE OBVIOUS: Drink.
25: DON'T DO THAT--YOU'LL ONLY MAKE IT ANGRY: Drink whenever the most advanced
Federation weapons hit an enemy or obstacle but have no noticable effect.
26: ANYTHING ELSE IS JUST A LIGHT: Thanks to budget increases in New Trek and
simple bloody-mindedness in Classic, spaceships, starbases and planets explode
(with appropriate light and sound effects) with alarming regularity. Players
should immediately toast its passing with a shout of "No! Bud Light! " and a
drink.
27: MARRIED... WITH CHILDREN: We all know to whom a starship captain is
married. Drink to any references to the ship as "mine", "she" or "her", long
panning shots of the Enterprise and any time Kirk or Riker (who is temporarily
breveted to the rank of captain for this rule) commit adultery (We honestly
couldn't see Picard doing this, but, a toast when it does).
28: I'M SORRY DAVE...: Drink whenever a character receives a negative response
(NR) from one of the ship's devices, or whenever a device that would produce a
simple resolution of the plot is rendered inoperable by forces beyond the
crew's control (eg. hyperonic radiation).
29: BRUSH WITH GREATNESS: As more and more people play an increasingly greater
role in the world of Trek, it will become increasingly likely that players will
recognize certain names in the closing credits as friends or relatives.
Players drink whenever someone in the audience spots one such. Players drink
twice if someone in the audience has the same name as someone in the credits.
Player whose name appears chugs.
P.S. First & last name please - no partial credit!
30: MY OTHER UNIFORM IS IN THE WASH: Drink when a character appears in a
particularly hideous example of futuristic fashions including, but not limited
to, anything seen on (or off) of Troi (Lwaxana too), Picard's 24th Century
speedo and studmuffin shirt. Chug to any Ferengi vacation garb.
31: BACK IN YO FACE (THE HEISMANN PRINCIPLE): Drink when a character totally
humiliates someone else. (Eg: Lwaxana Troi and Damon Tog or Q and anyone.)
II: TECHNICAL DRINKS:
1: THEY DON'T BUILD SPACESHIPS LIKE THEY USED TO: Drink to all production
flails, including (but not limited to): Hands appearing in shuttlecraft doors,
human body parts visible in aliens, duct tape on the set, reuse of old footage,
slowed down footage (Ca'n we canna extend the show for long enough!), invisible
spacecraft (only in Classic - TNG has enough budget to be able to avoid this if
it wants to), really cheesy aliens, erratic Enterprise establishing shots
(EEES), shifting stars while motionless, symmetrical starfields, stars visible
through planets and starships, bad mattes, continuity flails (shot to
shot-character flails are elsewhere).
2: STOCK MUSIC: "Spock's Theme", "Cheesy Fight Theme", "Pursuit Theme", "Lust
Theme", hippy/Spock jam session in "Way to Eden" (chug),
muted-horn-nostalgiaTrek theme.
3: CATCH THE EXCITEMENT: Bad fades, Bad cuts, freezes, Worf WXXA plug.
4: AMY PRICE MEMORIAL RULE & OTHER ADS: any ad for the armed forces, loser
lines, NYNEX commercials (twice if someone gets a new one before the end),
Hefty/wimpy, DHL flying trucks, Keystone, Joe Isuzu, any ad that features an
appearance by a well-known celebrity, any ad that prostitutes good music, any
repeated ad (add one drink for each appearance). Double drink when a Trek cast
member is caught lowering him/herself to the pathetic limitations of a
commercial--voiceovers, etc. When actually appearing, if you aren't gagging,
chug.
III: TREK CLASSIC SUBSECTION:
1: CONVERSATIONAL DRINKS:
Kirk: Any angered sentence ending with "mister"; "Standard orbit";
"You've earned your pay for the week"; "I want answers"; "We come in peace";
"(Set) phasers on stun"; "Captain's Log... "(twice if its supplemental); "I
love you"; "Warp factor 2, Mr. Sulu".
Spock: "Fascinating"; "(Il)logical"; any raised eyebrow; "Jim"; "It's
life, but not as we know it"; sarcastic remarks (e.g.. Very good-reason with
him, Captain)
Bones: "I'm a doctor, not a ___"; "He (She, It)'s dead Jim!"; snarling
about the transporter; any anti-Vulcan comment or particularly irritable crack;
slips back into his southern accent.
Scotty: Flagrant accent flails (FAF); "Tha's impossible ca'n!"; any
overload explosion prediction.
Chekov: FAF; inaccurate Russian history claims; grimaces while firing
ships weapons.
Sulu: Any countdown; announcement of unusually high warp speeds.
Uhura: "I'm frightened, Captain"; "Hailing frequencies open."
Computer: "Work-ing"; "Affirm-ative"; "Neg-ative".
2: SITUATIONAL DRINKS:
Kirk: Hits a woman; has his shirt damaged, torn or removed; uses
Illogic 101 on a computer; uses the two-handed fist; mid-season spread; defeats
a way superior opponent in a fight; seriously ungodly overacting; stud duty
(twice if he's seen pulling his boots on afterward).
Spock: Looks into his "peep show machine" (nomenclature courtesy of
David Vangerov); mind melds; nerve pinches; Vulcan sex references; convenient
knowledge no one else has; builds computers from "stone knives and bearskins";
emotes; plays his lyrette.
Bones: Anytime he's on the bridge doing nothing when crewmen are
injured; uses his salt shakers; tests someone on the footpedal device.
Scotty: Does the impossible (Scotty has full PMRC immunity). Hairdo of
the Week.
Chekov: Gets zapped, stung, hit, shot, burned or otherwise molested;
screams.
Sulu: Another day, another hobby.
Uhura: Sings, falls the wrong way during shipshake.
Riley: Sings (chug, you'll need it).
IV: NEXT GENERATION SUBSECTION:
1: CONVERSATIONAL DRINKS:
Picard: "Make it so"; "Engage"; "Captain's Log.." (Twice if
supplemental); Shakespearian quotes (Chug if they're mangled).
Riker: Questions one of Picard's orders.
Data: "Inquiry"; flagrantly fails to use a contraction; Encyclopedia
Datannica; denies his humanity.
Troi: "I feel . . ."
Worf: Any "I just don't understand humans" line; polite conversation;
any angered line ending with an added "sir"; snarling as converstion.
Wesley: Says something naive; any "Golly gee" type line.
Q: "Microbrain", "OWWWWW!".
Lwaxana Troi: "Little One"
2: SITUATIONAL DRINKS:
Picard: Looks silly or loses temper around children; laughs; causes the
temperature of the Enterprise to drop several degrees by look alone; is hung up
on or hangs up communications; has a book. Slugs someone.
Riker: Strokes beard; Kirklike behavior; smirks; straddles a chair;
looks clueless; end of scene noble closeup.
Data: Looks silly when he tries to be human; another day, another art
project; gets interrupted or told to shut up; is described as something other
than an android or is accused of being human.
Troi: Betazed sex references.
Geordi: Takes VISOR off or otherwise loses it.
Tasha: squints, dies
Worf: Gets thumped by someone or something; Klingon mating rituals;
snarling as a high form of conversation; Klingon cultural superiority.
Bev Crusher: Does something awesome; worries about Wesley not having a
"normal" childhood.
Pulaski: McCoyish behaviour; interrupts somebody; uses transporter
(oops!)
Wesley: Saves the Enterprise; gets hit on by a fly babe; dies or
finally gets developed into a worthwhile character (Well, we can hope, can't
we?). Ridiculous plot twists to keep him in the series.
Q: Changes outfits, faces someone or gets faced, shows a great sense of
humor in power use.
Commander Tomalok: shows his "Oh dear, where did that come from?" face.
Lwaxana Troi: Refuses to speak/communicate aloud.
V: MOTION PICTURE SUBSECTION:
Kirk: gets demythologized; double drink if he defeats a way superior
opponent in combat - he is getting on folks; Leers at Considerably Younger
Squaws (LACYS); velcro comes undone; loses a ship; someone demands his
execution.
Spock: Falls catatonic; swears; dies.
Bones: Shows a fine sense of historical irony; Vulcanizes.
Scotty: Gets fat; sabotages a Federation ship; talks to a mouse.
Chekov: see Trek classic
Sulu: Flies something he could never have possibly flown before.
Uhura: Gets fat (but not as fat as Scotty).
Decker: Becomes eligible for General Order 15; looks longingly at Ilia.
David: Dies.
Ilia: Sexually overpowers someone with her seductively bald head,
reminds people of her vow; metallic speech.
Saavik: Suddenly becomes a much flatter, duller character between
movies; dies or gets re-replaced by Kirstie Alley (Still hoping...)
Kruge: Just try to find an excuse not to drink when Christopher Lloyd
is onscreen!
Maltz: Just because he's John Larroquette.
Stiles: Does something prissy.
NOTES
1: For those unfamiliar with this obscure yet superior beverage, it consists of
Dr. Pepper and rum mixed in a comfortable ratio.
2: As anyone in the 23rd or 24th centuries can easily recall, the Boors Brewing
Corporation (as we must refer to it here in order to prevent interference with
that which must occur) is almost exclusively responsible for the single darkest
period in human history. (No, not the 70's.) Boors' constant struggle
against their competitors led them to initiate certain experiments in the
1960's in order to improve their product by creating new and more exciting
strains of yeast through eugenics. While these experiments produced no
immediate improvement, they laid the groundwork for later and less reserved
experimentation. If improvement of a tool could double production, reasoned
Adolph Boors, could not the improvement of the worker himself increase
production a thousandfold? Such was the reasoning behind the clandestine
eugenics "experiments" of the 1970's (Hey! we DID mean the 70's); Boors created
a race of supermen for the sole purpose of run
The Drunk Trek Compendium
NOTE: Episode enjoyability seems to form an inverse bell-curve function with
respect to the number of drinks per episode. Our favorites tend to be those
with extraordinarily high or low totals, although this rule tends to be broken
fairly often. The mean drinks per episode currently stands at 42.6 (motion
pictures not included). One method of obtaining a rough estimate of the
episode's enjoyability is to subtract the mean value from the recorded number
of drinks in the episode - the greater the resulting absolute value, the
greater the enjoyment. The drink records provided are based exclusively on
drinks intrinsic to the episode in question. Station flails, ads, socials,
etc. are not counted.
TREK CLASSIC:
Season 1:
Where No Man Has Gone Before: 37 drinks. And all because NBC wanted a fight...
Mudd's Women: 35 drinks. Characters aren't developed enough yet for cliches.
The Naked Time: 63 drinks. Everything but a PMS (and they came close to that!)
Balance of Terror: 50 drinks. Lots and lots and lots of shipshakes.
Season 3:
The Menagerie (Part 1): 40 drinks. Major reuse of old footage.
The Menagerie (Part 2): 49 drinks. More reuse of old footage.
NEXT GENERATION:
Season 2:
Samaritan Snare: 73 drinks. Several "Oh no! Not the.."s
Up the Long Ladder: 65 drinks. In like a lion, out like a lamb.
Manhunt: 100 drinks. Worth every one of them. Avoid socials.
Season 3:
Evolution: 46 drinks. Lots of NRs.
The Ensigns of Command: 47 drinks. Phallic imagery and bad extras.
The Survivors: 23 drinks!! 'Nuff said.
Who Watches the Watchers: 23 drinks again! Cheers to "The Picard"
The Price: 34 drinks. Star Dreck at its height.
The Vengeance Factor: 43 drinks. First "Twenty minutes" of the season!
Booby Trap: 65 drinks. Title appears plenty.
The Defector: 25 drinks. Is this a Romulan I see before me?...
The Hunted: 21 drinks. Mostly NRs and Worf getting hit.
The High Ground: 41 drinks. PME (Particularly Moralistic Episode)
Deja Q: 68 drinks. Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q!
A Matter of Perspective: 20 drinks. Not one to show at parties.
Yesterday's Enterprise: 37 drinks. All in the first and last 5 minutes. A fight
at last!
The Offspring: 23 drinks. Frakes proves that at least one member of Trek can
direct...
Sins of the Father: 19 drinks. Yet another low. Suprisingly little happens here
Menage a Troi: 65 at least, plus one OCEANIC chug for Shakespeare from hell.
Transfigurations: 60 drinks. Bev's Saltshakers save the day.
Best of Both Worlds Part I: 104 Drinks. What you get when you have 85 people
calling "Drink!"
Season 4:
Best of Both Worlds Part II: 74 Drinks. Resolution of cliffhanger from hell.
Family: 34 drinks. A little more static. Starfleet mudwrestling.
MOTION PICTURES:
Trek I: 146 drinks. 2001 ripoffs left, right and center.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
"I've no more want of any faith, bind my arm and feed my mind,
The only peace I've ever known, I'll close my eyes and you shoot...
No Mary listen, you've got to pull your strength from my lips,
Your precious cross is gone, it made me wait so long,
For what you gave to everyone... "