7/3 Puns
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Degrade: What a demon road builder does.
Deeding: Demon bell.
Deity: Tea of the Gods.
Delude: Demon tricks people.
Tim Bruening
Depart: Demon leaves.
Depart: Demon in a play.
Depend: Reliable demon.
Depict: Demon describes something.
Tim Bruening
Deplore: Demon regrets an event.
Deploy: Demon conspiracy.
Deport: Demon kicked out of a nation.
Depose: Demon ruler overthrown.
Tim Bruening
Depress: Sad demon newspaper.
Deride: Demon transportation.
Describe: Demon clerk.
Design: Demon artist.
Tim Bruening
Bitten: 10th computer file.
Cancel: Where tin containers are imprisoned.
Canto: Tin container foot digit.
Ceding: Ocean of bells.
Tim Bruening
Coagulant: Ant that makes blood jell.
Conceal: Against marine animals.
Condo: Against female deer.
Condo: Against pastries.
Tim Bruening
Condole: Against bananas.
Condole: Against the 1996 GOP candidate.
Conduct: Against water fowl.
Consent: Against pennies.
Tim Bruening
Derby: Apine car or horse race.
Despair: Two D-Pressed demons.
Destroy: Demon brings down buildings.
Develop: Demon builder.
Tim Bruening
Dipole: To color the axis of rotation.
Dipole: To color a citizen of Poland.
Dipole: To color a tall thin cylinder.
Tim Bruening
Bolting: Musical electricity.
Booting: Musical footwear.
Gangrene: A gang of environmentalists.
Tim Bruening
Porno: Opposite of Richyes.
Musical bed things: Bedding, Sheeting, and Quilting.
Pillowing: Where sleeping birds put their heads.
Tim Bruening
Pollywolly wrote:
> "dougal" <garyrid...@greenriver.com> wrote in message
> news:i0r310h97e7qu27mv...@4ax.com...
> > On Tue, 20 Jan 2004 21:38:48 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> > <polly...@ihug.com.au> wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >"dougal" <garyrid...@greenriver.com> wrote in message
> > >news:3ebk00daf5r5gir0t...@4ax.com...
> > >> On Fri, 16 Jan 2004 18:54:41 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> > >> <polly...@ihug.com.au> wrote:
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> >> >> >> I think you misspelled "amphibious".
> > >> >> >> >
> > >> >> >> > Now lizard here, I know what I'm talking about.
> > >> >> >>
> > >> >> >> You think iguana listen to you? What a croc!
> > >> >> >
> > >> >> >What salamander? And why the gecko speak? You reptile me.
> > >> >> >
> > >> >> Newt another reptile pun thread!
> > >> >
> > >> >What are you alligatoring?
> > >>
> > >> Nothing.
> > >
> > >I never turtle of you before.
> >
> > Egg- cellent.
>
> I am so ova you
You crack me up!
Tim Bruening
Charming: Magical Chinese vase.
Chasming: Chinese vase with a huge gap.
Coming: Chinese vase having an orgasm.
Tim Bruening
Space Bar: Where astronauts drink.
Space Bar: Association of lawyers who are out of this world.
Space Bar: Astronaut prison.
Tim Bruening
Washington: To clean 2,000 pounds of clothes.
Adam: One barrier to water.
Adam: One mother deer.
Quincy: Presidential ocean.
Garfield: Field of orange cats.
Mckinley: A mountainous President.
Woodrow: A forest President.
Coolidge: Cold President.
Hoover: President of vacuum cleaners.
Truman: An honest President.
Ford: A President crosses a river.
Tim Bruening
ynotssor wrote:
> "Harry Marmoset" <harry_m...@msn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns9543634B34B5Eh...@209.25.157.130
>
> > Hear about the hard working lumberjack?
> > He got promoted to branch manager
>
> I heard he couldn't cut it though.
Did he bark up the wrong tree?
Tim Bruening
"Keith E." wrote:
> Mon, 26 Jan 2004 23:52:25 -0800 was a day just like any other,
> until Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> >On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 09:27:29 +0800, Ærchie <ha...@it.allthetime>
wrote:
> >
> >>>> One word - tripod!
> >>>>
> >>>> Ærchie
> >>>
> >>>Carp, now Larry will think he's being summoned.
> >>>
> >>Summoned? I thought he was possessed - - -
> >
> >Wanna see me turn my head 360 degrees and vomit pea soup?
>
> YES!!!!!!!!!!
Vomit: A thrown up glove.
I don't want to eat pee soup.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Two fish swam into a concrete wall. "Dam!" one said to the other.
>
> My friend drowned in a bowl of Muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant!
Two fish swam into a sandbar to drink gritty beer.
Tim Bruening
Semester: Spinning part of a school year.
Slyvester: Spinning cartoon cat.
Sister: Spinning sibling.
Tester: Spinning exam.
Tim Bruening
Vaster: Large spinning object.
Vester: Spinning clothes.
Wester: Opposite of Easter.
Yeaster: Spinning bacteria.
Tim Bruening
Fester: Spinning rot.
Jester: Spinning comedian.
Kister: Spinning rear end.
Master: Spinning boss.
Tim Bruening
Mister: Spinning woman.
Nester: Spinning bird home.
Pastor: Spinning church leader.
Pester: Spinning annoying life form.
Rester: Spinning sleeper.
nemo
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:422C1B80...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Degrade: What a demon teacher does.
>
> Degrade: What a demon road builder does.
>
> Deeding: Demon bell.
>
> Deity: Tea of the Gods.
Ambrosia: Creamed rice of the gods.
>
> Delude: Demon tricks people.
nemo
Designwriter. DeBloke up a ladder painting a shopfront that passers-by take
the piss out of!
"Hey, mister! That E's not quite the same shape as that one!" - then is
admitted to hospital for the surgical removal of a Mahl Stick from the top
of the head!!
Mahl Stick: For holding your hand steady from a very long way away.
(I got a nice mahogany one with a brass bit that unscrews in the middle so
it fits in my box.)
nemo
Indescent: State of someone who's fallen into a vat of perfume.
nemo
Yagi Bare: A naked multi-element directional aerial/ant-tenor.
Smmarrrrrter than the avv-err-idge dipole! A - E - E - E -E!
Very funny version of this aerial with square or circular elements used on
law enforcement vehicles:
Police Quad.
nemo
And the Morula the story is . . . . . . ?
nemo
>
> Space Bar: Where astronauts drink.
Like in Spaceballs with a *very* unusual cabaret?
>
> Space Bar: Association of lawyers who are out of this world.
>
> Space Bar: Astronaut prison.
>
Re-turnkey: To hire a new gaoler/jailer.
Start Key: Makes a big, grey menu pop up and make you jump.
Caps Lock: Stops your hat blowing away.
SysRq: Ruins your female sibling.
Page Up/Page Down: Instructions used repeatedly to a young male servant
during nefer-wry-arse activities.
Num Lock: Stops your leg giving way when you stand up after you've lost all
feeling and control over it by sitting far too long in front of the PC.
nemo
yeast. It's there because instead of blowing up the beer with CO2 so it
blows up your stomach, a small amount of sugar is added just before bottling
so that a slow fermentation with the yeast residue takes place, the CO2 from
which is forced into solution with the yeast involved falling to the bottom
of the bottle.
These beers are much tastier but don't sell well because stupid idiots see
the yeast at the bottom and think there's something wrong with it! Shephers
Neame's Spitfire bitter suffered this so they gave up and stopped bottle
conditioning it. Twits!
(Useful info to alloy guess who!)
(And now a pun so they can't scream "OT!")
Real Ale: Beer so good it makes you do Scottish dancing!
nemo
nemo
Master: Guy who fits sail supporting members to boats and ships.
Sailing vessels: One's veins, arteries and lymph canals when on board ship.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
What about the F keys?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
What about the Break key?
nemo
F1 helps too! And I flatten things in Photokhlop with SHIFT+F6, and F10
opens the Navigator in case I need a pic of a dumb, shape-changing
spacecraft!
nemo
Tim Bruening
Demand: Demon making an insistant request.
Depart: Demon leaves.
Depart: Demon in a play.
Depend: Reliable demon.
Depict: Demon describes something.
Tim Bruening
Degrade: What a demon road builder does.
Deeding: Demon bell.
Deity: Tea of the Gods.
Delude: Demon tricks people.
Tim Bruening
Depilatory: Demon removes the beards of British Conservatives.
Deplore: Demon regrets an event.
Deploy: Demon conspiracy.
Deport: Demon kicked out of a nation.
Depose: Demon ruler overthrown.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
ynotssor wrote:
Debark: A demon dog.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
Except for F4. That one's a female cow.
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £3 - 18s - 11½d actually!
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo
Deluge: Demon who rides a small narrow sled while wearing an all-over
condom!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1795000/images/_1795747_luge_run300.jpg
Sled-rider who sells cigarettes: Tobogganist.
(Billy Conolly.)
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £3 - 18s - 11½d actually!
That's including V.A.T. - Vear And Tear!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
Disembark: To cut out his vocal cords!
Cerberus: (Geek mythology) A three-headed extremely ugly knight who guarded
the entrance to Hades and when he noticed people were breaking out, said to
Appolo: "Hades gates need to be made stronger!"
(one yah didn't spot!)
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £3 - 18s - 11½d actually!
Who's da man?? Who's da man??
nemo
Drink it then.
Customer: Waiter!!!!
Waiter: Yes sir?
Customer: What's this?
Waiter: It's bean soup sir.
Customer: I'm not interested in what it's bean - I want to know what it is
now!!
nemo
> > > > > Subscribe: Underwater clerk.
> > > > >
> > BTW. A scribes is calligraphers, usually religious, like what done all
those
> > illuminated books like the Book of Kells etc. Don't demote 'em.
> >
> > > > Sublime: Underwater fruit tree.
> > >
> > > Sublimate: Underwater citrus tree sex.
> >
> > Fertiliser used on citrus plants: Lemonaid.
>
> Abut: One arse.
Abutmeant: An arse that always acts very purposefully.
nemo
>
> Modesto: A humble foot digit.
Humble: A lowly male bovine that stinks.