Funky stuff - part 101

[Henry Cate VII]

Three married couples, aged 20,30,40 years old, want to join the Orthodox
Church of Sexual Repression. Near the end of the interview, the priest
informs them that before they can be accepted they will have to pass one
small test. They will have to abstain from all sex for a month. They all
agree to try.

A month later they are having their final interview with the cleric. He
asks the 40 year old couple how they did. "Well, it wasn't too hard. I
spent a lot of time in the workshop and she has a garden so we had plenty
of other things to do. We did OK." the husband said.

"Very good, my children. You are welcome in the Church. And how well did
you manage?", he asked the 30 year old couple.

"It was pretty difficult", the husband answered. "We thought about it all
the time. We had to sleep in different beds and we prayed a lot. But we
were celibate for the entire month."

"Very good, my children. You are welcome in the Church. And how about
you?", he asked the 20 year old couple.

"Not too good, I'm afraid, Father. We did OK for the first week.", he said
sheepishly. "By the second week we were going crazy with lust. Then one
day during the third week my wife dropped a head of lettuce and when she
bent over to pick it up, I... I weakened and took her right there."

"I'm sorry my son, you are not welcome in the Church"

"Yeah, and we're not too welcome at the grocery anymore either"

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A man went to Confession and said to the priest : "Forgive me, Father.
I used the F-word this week."

"Ah, my son. Tell me the circumstances which caused you to use the F-word.
After all, I can understand a person being provoked into using it."

"Well, I was golfing and I had just hit a beautiful tee-shot that sailed
straight as an arrow for 280 yards, but then suddenly sliced into the
woods."

"That is when you used the F-word. I can appreciate your frustration,
my son, as I am a golfer myself."

"No, I stayed cool at that point, Father. I then hit a perfect shot
out of the woods, but suddenly it landed in the sand trap."

"Now, I can understand you saying the F-word at that point."

"No, Father, I was calm even then. I got out my sand wedge and hit a
perfect shot out of the trap right at the pin, but suddenly the ball
stopped an inch from the cup."

"Ah, that is when you used the F-word. How frustrating."

"No, Father, I was still cool."

"YOU MEAN YOU MISSED THE FUCKING PUTT?!?!??!"

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A Persian in the market in old jerusalem buys a packet of
pecan nuts. He hands one to his wife, who is dutifully following him
around. After a while, she asks for another.
"What for?", he replies, "They all taste the same".

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I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.

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An elderly English couple, the wife rather deaf, were visiting New York.
They hail a cab and start out on a lengthy journey. It being New York, it
isn't long before the driver starts talking.

Driver: You're limeys, aren't you?
Man: Aye, we are
Wife: What did he say?
M: He asked if we were English and I said we were
W: Ah

D: I was in England, during the war
M: Oh aye
W: What did he say?
M: He said he was in England during the war
W: Ah

D: I was in Burnley, in Lancashire. You know it?
M: Yes, that's where we come from
W: What did he say?
M: He said he was in England during the war - near Burnley
W: Ah

D: Do you know a patch of woodland just south of Burnley?
M: Aye, I know it
W: What did he say?
M: He asked if we knew the woods south of Burnley and I said we did
W: Ah

D: You know, it was in those woods, during the war, I had the worst
fuck I've ever had in my entire life.
W: What did he say?
M: He says he knows you.

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Henry Cate VII
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(ucbvax!xerox.com!cate7.osbu_west) OR (cate7.o...@Xerox.Com)
To clear the record, the postings by cate3 are not ours.
We don't know whose they are. They appear to be someone's idea of a joke.
(Our Model 3 has been upgraded. Is this another Soviet clone?)