Funky stuff - part 119
Henry Cate VII
There is a story about the first Polish astronauts in space. One of them
went out for a space walk and came back and knocked on the spaceship
door. The other astronaut said "Who is it?"
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A man was sitting at home with his wife and they were watching TV. He
was a chain-smoker and suddenly runs out of his cigarettes. He says to
his wife: "I'm going to the bar to get some more cigarettes".
At the bar he sees this gorgeous and attractive girl. They start to
talk and then they decide that he will go home with her. There they
start f*cking each other. Suddenly the man looks at the clock: "Hey,
its 0:30. Time for me to go home".
He dressed, runs for the door, stop and says: "Do you have any talcum
powder?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Sprinkle a little talcum on my hands"
She sprinkles a little talcum on his hands, then he went to his wife.
She YELLS: "Where the hell have you been?"
"Well, I went to the bar, met this girl, went with her to her
house where we made love to each other"
She looks at his hands. "Don't lie to me. You met the boys and went
bowling with them. I can see the talcum powder."
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Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold,
the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to
earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on this
little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure
warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy the little sparrow
began to sing. Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the
chirping investigated the sounds. As Old Tom cleared away the manure,
he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
There are three morals to this story:
1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2) Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your
friend.
3) If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth
shut.
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Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth
grade what whey want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes
grow wide and she barks: "What the (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb) did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats.
Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says: "Thank God! I
thought you said a Protestant"
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Two English yuppies notice that an Irishman of all creatures has
decided to visit their local pub. They decide to convince themselves
that this guy is indeed as stupid as their prejudices would have it,
and that in a - shall we say - rather intimidating fashion... So one
of them walks up to him and says :
- Say Paddy, did you know that St. Patrick was a %$&$@@ ?
- No, says the Irishman, but thanks for telling me.
- Paddy, did you also know that he was a &^%&$*%@@!!% ?
- No, repeats the Irishman, but thanks for telling me.
- And did you know that he was a big &^*&^ son of a $#%$#%$##$%%^ ?
- No, says the Irishman, but thanks for telling me.
The other yah walks up to the Irish guy and tries to finish it all
off.
- And Paddy, did you know that your beloved St. Patrick was ENGLISH ?
- Well, no - but your friend just told me.
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Henry Cate VII
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(ucbvax!xerox.com!cate7.osbu_east) OR (cate7.o...@Xerox.Com)
To clear the record, the postings by cate3 are not ours.
We don't know whose they are. They appear to be someone's idea of a joke.
(Our Model 3 has been upgraded. Is this another Soviet clone?)