Be careful, this is crossposted.
--
Gregg Woodcock = wood...@utdallas.edu
For some reason, I feel confident that no other state teaches Texas history,
for either one or two semesters...
--
Gary Heston uunet!sci34hub!gary or ga...@sci34hub.sci.com Authority? Me??
"I understand the chairman of the Senate Ethics comittee is going to examine
the check-bouncing scandal with a microscope. ...makes sense... If you're
going to look at ethics in Congress, a microscope is what you need." J. Leno
"You know, if you combined Texas with Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Louisiana,
Texas would be our 2nd largest state."
(gaaack- what a revolting thought; the NM slopes are already innundated
with cowboy hatted yahoos screaming (what else) 'YAHOO' as they face
plant)
This won't get the Texans nearly as mad as it will the New Mexicans ...
--
Roger L
rog...@ingres.com
## DISCLAIMER: send your used disks to Dis K. Usting, c/o NAMBLA ##
## These are personal opinions. Pricing upon request. ##
OK, let's see if we can get some Texans mad :^D
Here are my two favorite Texan jokes:
q. What's the worse thing on a woman?
a. A Texan.
q. What's the best thing to come out of Texas?
a. I-25*
*actually, I can't remember if it is infact I-25 or not, but one should still be
able to "get" the joke.
>--
>Roger L
>rog...@ingres.com
> ## DISCLAIMER: send your used disks to Dis K. Usting, c/o NAMBLA ##
> ## These are personal opinions. Pricing upon request. ##
Bob
I-25, if fact, does not coome out of Texas. It starts in Las Cruses(sp?),
NM and goes north from there. I've only been on it as far as Dnver and I have
no idea where it goes after that.
You could use I-20, I-10, I-35, I-40, I-45 or I-610(:-) in you little joke
there and most of them will work. There is another interstate up around
Lubbock, but I can' think of its number(maybe I-27).
--
bal...@carina.unm.edu | 'Beer is for relaxing after the hack is over.
Chris Baldwin | In the middle of the hack, you need all the
| edge you can get, for those 30-hour runs.'
| -Rich Alderson
Q: Why doesn't Texas fall into the gulf?
A: Because Oklahoma sucks!
Q: In Lousiana are they allowed to breed outside their families?
--
"YOU COULD REALLY BE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS."DNA
call...@lonestar.utsa.edu
"Share and enjoy!"
What is the Texan way of finding California..??
Anybody wanna guess..???
If you travel on 610, you go in a large circle (about 80 miles)
around Houston, its a nice trip, but you don't get anywhere near out of
the state. :-)
It is I-10, but it connects w/ I-25 about one mile into New Mexico.
:-)
True, or also a Coloradan.
>
>q. What's the best thing to come out of Texas?
>
>a. I-25*
>
I-40 or I-10....I-25 is the best thing to come out of Colorado.
(stuff deleted)
>"You know, if you combined Texas with Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Louisiana,
> Texas would be our 2nd largest state."
And if Alaska were divided equally into two states, Texas would be our
THIRD largest state.
>(stuff deleted)
And if I made a state out of my backyard, I could call it Massachusets X 2.
--
Mark Elliott My excuse?
mell...@trojan.convex.com I'm blond. B^)
Did you ever tell yourself a joke that you didn't understand?
I-80 goes in a circle around Fort Worth-Dallas, very handy for travelling to
the other side of town, but not much use for leaving!!
h
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Actually my favoite is:
Why doesn't Oklahoma fall into the Gulf?
Cause Kansas sucks and Texas blows!
>>>You could use I-20, I-10, I-35, I-40, I-45 or I-610(:-) in you little joke
>>>there and most of them will work. There is another interstate up around
>>>Lubbock, but I can' think of its number(maybe I-27).
>> If you travel on 610, you go in a large circle (about 80 miles)
>>around Houston, its a nice trip, but you don't get anywhere near out of
>>the state. :-)
>I-80 goes in a circle around Fort Worth-Dallas, very handy for travelling to
>the other side of town, but not much use for leaving!!
>
Yah tell me about it. Being a Wisconsinite coming back from Padre I think
we made two full circles of Dallas in the dark. We were just thrilled.
I doubt you could find a worse marked interstate if you tried. And all we
were looking for was an exit to Texarkana.
Ken
--
Dr. Strangelove Into the great wide open....
U.Wisconsin Milwaukee A rebel without a clue...
Major: Political Science -Tom Petty, Into the Great Wide Open.
Why that Alias? From the Movie Dr. Strangelove.
----------
Well, it's not (you're thinking of I-35), but there sure seems to be
plenty of them on I-25 here, driving slow and lost in the left lane...
>----------
Why, didn't you know that's a Texas tradition......hoggin the passin' lane
and driving as slow as possible till someone rams you outa the way. Where
do you think those Dodge trucks get their name from, anyway? There
are lotsa tales to tell about Texas drivers......like, when you turn from
one street to another, you are supposed to cross as many lanes as possible,
even if there are 5 of them......the list goes on. Just consider yourself
lucky that you only have the ones that go slow in the left lane.
>OK, let's see if we can get some Texans mad :^D
>q. What's the best thing to come out of Texas?
>
>a. I-25*
>
>*actually, I can't remember if it is infact I-25 or not, but one should
still be
>able to "get" the joke.
And one from Texas:
Q. Why doesn't Texas fall into the Gulf of Mexico?
A. Because all the other states suck!
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
|Goozin' Garee = ga...@bnr.ca |
|My opinions are my own and are not supported by|
|Bell Northern Research (Even though I AM right)|
|"I hear your lips moving, but I can't see what |
| you're saying." - me |
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
> Why, didn't you know that's a Texas tradition......hoggin the passin' lane
> and driving as slow as possible till someone rams you outa the way. Where
> do you think those Dodge trucks get their name from, anyway? There
> are lotsa tales to tell about Texas drivers......like, when you turn from
> one street to another, you are supposed to cross as many lanes as possible,
> even if there are 5 of them......the list goes on. Just consider yourself
> lucky that you only have the ones that go slow in the left lane.
>
I spent a school year in Dallas and seem to remember that the right lane of the
Central Parkway (? one that goes around Dallas ?) kept disappearing into exits
while a new lane would form with traffic coming onto the highway from the left.
This might be the reason that a) slow drivers drive in the left lanes b)
pickups are really good at crossing as many lanes as possible :-).
--
A native Californian turned Pittsburgher
Annie Franusich // Time flies like an arrow,
a...@visus.com // fruit flies like a banana.
- Cuzin Al
Q: Why don't they circumsize male babies born in Texas?
A: Because when they grow up, they need someplace to put their chewing
tobacco when they brush their teeth.
Q: Why are Texans like farts?
A: They're loud, they smell bad, and they won't go back where they
came from. (We told this joke on Texans who moved to Colorado.)
Actually, I sort of like Texans. We used to enjoy watching them drive
in the mountains when it was snowing, though not while we were driving
on the same road.
<-------------------------------^------------------------------------->
| Len Olszewski | "Verbosity leads to unclear, |
| Technical Writer | inarticulate things." |
| sas...@stevens.unx.sas.com | |
| "Have cursor, will curse." | - Vice-President Dan Quayle |
<-------------------------------v------------------------------------->
| Opinions this ridiculous are obviously mine and mine alone. |
<-------------------------------v------------------------------------->
>
> No, your biggest mistake was attempting to invade Colorado in 1863 in a shameless\
landgrab. A rag-tag group on miners and farmers managed to drive back the
invading forces, in the turning point of Colorado's involvement with the Civil War.
Or as we call it, the Colorado/Texas War of 1863. When I see all of those "Don't
Mess With Texas" bumperstickers - I like to think that we already did.
Colorado: 1
Texas: 0 : )
If B.S. were white, Texans could ski in their own damn state.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Jon @ JHU (but Colorado in spirit)
She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket - Raymond Chandler
>OK, let's see if we can get some Texans mad :^D
>q. What's the best thing to come out of Texas?
>
>a. I-25*
>
>*actually, I can't remember if it is infact I-25 or not, but one should
still be
>able to "get" the joke.
And one from Texas:
Q. Why doesn't Texas fall into the Gulf of Mexico?
A. Because all the other states suck!
News Flash! I-25 comes out of New Mexico, thank you! Some peoples
children.......
>>
>So what is everyone saying? Did we make a mistake by defeating Santa Ana?
>(I believe so)!
Two mountain lions escape from the L.A. Zoo. They decide to get
out of California. When they get to Oklahoma, they decide to split up
to shake off their pursuers. One goes south to Texas and the other heads
north.
A few months later, the one which had headed north decided to go
see how the one in Texas was faring. He trots on down and finds a thin,
mangy, starving creature that used to be his friend.
"What happened to you?"
"I've been eating Texans, and there's just no nutrition in them."
"Let's go hunting. You need some food."
So they go hunting. Pretty soon they come to a Circle K and wait
by the pick up truck for the owner. A 5'6", 200 pound, bearded, red T
shirted man carrying a case of Lone Star steps out.
The starving mountain lion jumps out, roars, attacks the man and
eats him.
The other mountain lion pads over, shaking his head side to side,
"There's your problem. Your scaring the shit of them. Don't you know
when you scare the shit out of a texan, there's nothing left but skin and
bones?"
--
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Poisonous asps. Very dangerous. You go first."
Paul A. Cartwright Pa...@skat.usc.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So a Texan goes touring in Australia. He wants to see some of the local
agriculture.
His guide shows him a grove of grapefruit. The Texan laughs: "Why, in
Texas, we've got lemons bigger'n that!"
His guide shows him a patch of watermelons. The Texan laughs again: "Why,
in Texas, we've got cucumbers bigger'n that!"
His guide shows him an apple orchard. The Texan laughs a third time:
"Why, in Texas, we've got cherries bigger'n that!"
Suddenly, a herd of kangaroos runs across the road. The Texan jumps up,
startled. "What in the Hell was that?"
His guide answers, in a quiet, matter-of fact voice: "Mice."
David
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David L Paktor | "Well, I'll be dipped in ---
| NO! NO! Not that!!!!!!!!!"
Pak...@cup.Portal.com | -- Fat Freddy
|
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