October 12 Puns
Tim Bruening
Snicker: Laughing dog.
Soccer: Dog who plays a game in which a ball is kicked into a net on the
ground.
Tinker: Dog who likes to build stuff.
Worker: Dog doing a job.
Yanker: Dog who pulls stuff.
Tim Bruening
In article <cnSib.22773$SJ5....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
>Two untruths: Paralyse.
>
>Mexican weapon: Parabolas.
>
>Two temperatures: Paracelsian.
>
>Two marksmen: Parachuters.
>
>Joins four scaffold-poles together: Paracletes.
>
>Two Navvies making a two holes in the road: Paradigm.
>
>Paradise: What you play Craps with.
>
>Paradox: Two canines.
>
>Paragenesis: New version of Bible after they discover a second first
>chapter.
>
>Paragon: Two empty spaces where two things once were.
>
>Paralactic: Two bottles of milk.
>
>Paralexia: Uttered upon finding dismembered body parts: "Oy! There's a
>paralexia!!"
Pentagon: The penthouse has been destroyed!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> artyw <art...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:fcd1f4e4.03102...@posting.google.com...
> > johnnai...@aol.com (Johnnaishwerner) wrote in message
> news:<20031026212033...@mb-m02.aol.com>...
> > > I went to a Starving Artist Sale. But I didn't see any starving
artists
> that I
> > > wanted to buy.
> >
> > Maybe your timing was off. Van Gogh you to the sale?
>
> For the umpteenth time - it's /ch/ as in Loch and Bach.
>
> You don't say Lo Ness or Johann Sebastian Baaaa do you?
>
> The Dutch pronounce it more like Fon Khookh - like Billy Crystal's Grandad
> when he can't think of the name of something he's lost: "Heff you seen the
.
> . er . . khookh?"
I went to a yard sale, yet they refused to sell me their yard.
Tim Bruening
Cupra wrote:
> "Roy Johnson" <jo...@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:be0ip6$pdc$1...@sparta.btinternet.com...
> | David wasn't sure about his new number for Real Madrid until it was
> | explained to him
> | that 2+3 does in fact equal 7.
> | http://www.biddulph.u-net.com/pubjokes
> |
> | Roy
> |
>
> an old one found on football ng:
>
> Mr & Mrs B have just got back from their whirlwind tour of the US, and
> hop into a waiting limousine for the journey back to Beckingham Palace.
> The driver asks how the trip went.
>
> "Great," says David. "We had a great time in New York. We went to the
> Empire State Building, Central Park and this great restaurant. Oh...
> what was it called." He thinks for a moment before quizzing the driver:
>
> "Name a train station in London."
> "Er.. Paddington?"
> "No, that's not it."
> "Waterloo?"
> "No..."
> "Victoria?"
> "That's it!" He turns to his wife. "Victoria, what was the name of
> that restaurant in New York we went to?"
Beckham: A bird-pig crossbreed.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> news:7iho601rrgiit0ucb...@4ax.com...
> > With the warmer weather, the girls are taking off their heavier winter
> > garments. The French observe that the chest nuts are in blossom.
> >
> And when it gets really hot, brassieres May Fly!
Flowerings: Rings in bloom or musical buds?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> James King <jlk...@ix.netcom.com> wrote in message
> news:300320041443435980%jlk...@ix.netcom.com...
> > In article <4067EE5F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>, Tim Bruening
> > <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > > > news:ckovpvs70f2lk259e...@4ax.com...
> > > > > "nemo" wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > >A guy who was paid for surfing the web and Usenet found out it
was
> a
> > > > scam.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >He's still waiting for his e-mailument.
> > > > >
> > > > > surfboard: a disinterested peasant.
> > > >
> > > > Peony: Half way up a peasant's leg. If they work OK he can dance to
> the
> > > > mujik.
> > >
> > > Peasent: A one penny farm worker.
> >
> > Pheasant: The characteristic odor of a Shriner.
>
> I thought they'd all disbanded and become bus conductors. "Any more fez
> please?!" - Just like that! Ot azoi!
Present: A penny gift.
Present: A penny here and now.
Tim Bruening
Combination: A country of crop harvesting computers.
Cheering: A happy ring.
Daring: Adventurous ring.
Earring: A ring sensitive to sound. See also Hearing.
Engineering: A ring that's a good mechanic.
Faring: A ring that believes in listening to all points of view before
making a judgment.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42B64D0D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:422C3A1D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:422966B6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Humor fans,
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Let's cluck into another weekend with a brand new "Humor of
> > the
> > > Great
> > > > > > > Composers"!!!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Q: Why did the fisherman take a jar of tartar sauce to listen
> > to a
> > > > > > > recording of the Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and
> > Double
> > > Bass
> > > > > in
> > > > > > > A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz
> > > Schubert?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > A: Because he heard there would be trout there!!!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > HH: trout. Trout. The Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello
> > and
> > > > > Double
> > > > > > > Bass in A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer
> > Franz
> > > > > > > Schubert is known as "The Trout". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Quintet: 5th celebration of the Vietnamese New Year.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Why would a trout be attracted by tartar sauce?
> > > > >
> > > > > A road mender would be attracted by Tar MacAdam sauce!
> > > >
> > > > Saucer: Knight on a UFO.
> > > >
> > > A sucessful battle against flying saucers which came to Earth to steal
> > some
> > > particularly meaningful and intense lockets and chains made in Asia.
> > >
> > > In Deep Pendants Day.
> >
> > Why Asian made lockets and chains? Why not American made ones?
> >
> Think and interpret:
>
> In Deep Pendants Day becomes Indie Pendants Day!!!
>
> Sorry to broach the subject, but do you need an earring aid whenever the
> band plays the Sparse Bangled Banner?
Indy: Demon car race.
Tim Bruening
sorehi...@yahoo.com wrote:
> Find your spank buddy!
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MINNESOTA_SPANK_BUDDIES/
Buddy: Friendly flowering demon.
Tim Bruening
Algae Bra: Mathematical breast coverings
Co-Bra: Breast coverings that really bite!
Logo: To go underground.
Transfer: To move mammalian body coverings.
Zebra: The last bra in the alphabet.
Tim Bruening
Slicing: Singing butcher knife.
Stirring: Ring that rotates.
Macing: Singing in the 5th month of the year.
Macy: Ocean in the 5th month of the year.
Tim Bruening
Rampage: Part of a male sheep book.
Rampart: Part of a male sheep.
Tim Bruening
Cell Phone: Phone in jail.
Cell Phone: Phone used by amoebas.
Cell Phone! Phone sharings are dropping like a stone!
Amoebas: Very small sheep.
Xerox: Draft animal that clones things.
Tim Bruening
Childish: A young plate.
Eldish, Oldish: Old plate.
Kurdish: Plate of cheese.
Prudish: Plate that's conservative about sex.
Tim Bruening
Chesapeake: Chess tournament on a mountain top.
Advert: Add the color green.
Revert: To turn green again.
Tim Bruening
Conduct: Against ducks or pipes.
Deduct: 4th waterfowl in the waterfowlabet.
Reduct: To quack again.
Dead Duck: A politician biding his time until the trial starts.
nemo
> Microbrew: One one millionth of a beer.
>
>
> Rampart: Part of a male sheep.
Used to build very smelly defences around castles. (>!<)
nemo
Dead Dick: Nixon!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
> > > Holo: A popular prostitute position.:)
> > >
> > Hologram: A picture of same.
>
> Hologram: Lighter than a Holopound.
Hollahgram!
OK. GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!
nemo
>
>
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3FAB4D25...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
oddly when:
> > >
> > >Cancer: A knight of small metal containers.
> > >
> > Can diass: kodachrome slide rendition of a container of candy...
>
> Candy: A sweet can, between Can C and Can E.
Scotsmen are called Can E, because they Can E bear to part with any mon E!
nemo
Well put eem in the quackpot then!
nemo
> Microbrew: One one millionth of a beer.
>
> Rampage: A young male sheep serving Congresspeople.
>
> Rampart: Part of a male sheep.
And part of the baaaa-tailments of a castle!