November 1 Puns
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 16:27:08 -0700, "Nick Bell"
> <nicand_n...@yahoo.com> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
news:q3bsmv0f1bljm440a...@4ax.com...
> >| On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 17:06:37 GMT, "J H Lowy" <jhl...@optonline.net>
> >| found these unused words floating about:
> >|
> >| >"nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> >| >news:GNkbb.93597$B%2.8...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >| >>
> >| >> Nick Bell <nicand_n...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> >| >> news:vmpbibb...@corp.supernews.com...
> >| >> >
> >| >> >
> >| >> > There are the descendants of French people in Northern
Ireland. They are
> >| >> called Ulster Onionists.
> >| >> >
> >| >> And they speak Garlic??
> >| >>
> >| >> It's the ones in Belgium who cause all the trouble. Slightest
bit of
> >| >> contraversy and the Walloons go up!
> >| >>
> >| >Ouch! Born in Antwerp and never went back.
> >| >
> >| Is Antwerp the next worm hole in the Spacewerp?
> >|
> >First they have to put on warppaint.
> >
> That's an enterprising solution once tried by Holland Oats.
How Quark-y!
Tim Bruening
"fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
news:<tossqvckv190u019u...@4ax.com>...
> > I've never seen a pack of wolves. Cigarettes, yes. Wolves, no.
>
> I've seen Dances With Wolves many times. Not funny.
I've heard of herds of cows and other grazing animals.
What happens if you murder a murder of crows?
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> I've never seen a pack of wolves. Cigarettes, yes. Wolves, no.
How proud is a pride of lions?
Tim Bruening
Bill Baker wrote:
> On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 23:21:14 -0800, Lur...@wowmail.com (Sister
Lurlean
> Tucker) wrote in message
> news:<7908c278.0403...@posting.google.com>:
>
> > Queer monogamy leads to bigamy, polygamy and trigonometry!
>
> That would sure multiply the marriage! Or maybe give it more
variables.
> Would you describe it as a weapon of math destruction? I guess gays
know
> all the angles. Would the lesbians wear alge-bras?
Can you get me a Tan-gent?
Agent: One man.
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
different
> building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
I've been to Pizza Hut.
Tim Bruening
"Keith E." wrote:
> Wed, 21 Apr 2004 09:20:04 -0400 was a day just like any other,
> until "Greg Evans" <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote:
> >ÑğS-|-MĞ wrote:
> >
> >> so chickens are just the tip of the iceberg..
> >
> >That must be one odd-lookin' iceberg.
>
> You don't like my sandwich?!?
I don't like sandy meals.
Tim Bruening
Abed: One sleeping place.
Abet: One gamble.
Able: One male bovine.
Abut: One arse.
Tim Bruening
Windy: Demon that farts.
Zombie: Undead apine.
Tim Bruening
Saudi: Middle East demon with lots of oil.
Scabby: Apine strike breaker.
Shanty: Tea in a slum.
Tipsy: Alcoholic ocean.
Tipsy: Ocean of money for waiters.
Tim Bruening
Rosy: Line of oceans.
Rosy: Ocean of love flowers.
Sandy: Beach demon.
San D: Latino demon.
Tim Bruening
Opine: Tree that offer comments on political issues.
Posy: Ocean of tall cylindrical objects.
Rusty: Iron oxide tea.
Rejuvenator: Arnold Schwarzenegger energizing people.
Tim Bruening
Cubit: Computer programs in line.
Curtsy: Canine ocean.
Cutest: Waiting in line to take an exam.
Debase: Where demon troops are housed.
Tim Bruening
Concern: Against European particle accelerators.
Concert: Against breath freshener.
Concoct: Against sex with a man.
Concord: Against ropes.
Concur: Against dogs.
Tim Bruening
Zotmeister wrote:
> "Methuselah Jones" <methu...@altgeek.org> wrote in message
> news:Xns94D848A4952CAme...@216.196.97.132...
> > Today's cooking program was all about how to prepare fillet mignon, and
> > featured two special guests who were very clever language experts.
> >
> > In other words, they had cunning linguists on the fillet show.
>
> One word: 'eating'. Supply your own context. - ZM
Eating: Internet bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40B97096...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Fragmit: A glove in pieces.
> >
> Fragment: Cement after a hammer-blow.
>
> Fragmentation Grenade: Designed to blow Indians to bits. (Noah Fence)
>
> Mills Bomb: What finally blew up a well-known Brit actor who did a huge
> number of excellent war films.
Beamit: Buzzing glove, or a transporter glove.
Tim Bruening
Contradiction: What a Nicaraguan rebel secretary takes.
Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening wrote:
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
oddly when:
> > >
> > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > >
> > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
hardrive..
>
> Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
Helmet: Hat of the Devil
Tim Bruening
Fitting: Tailor bell.
Harvesting: Farm bell.
Hoarding: Pack rat bell.
Gifting: Christmas bell.
Tim Bruening
Balming: Round Chinese vase.
Blaming: Accusative vase.
Booming: Loud vase.
Bumming: Unkempt vase.
Tim Bruening
Carpool: Where automobiles swim.
Carsing: Singing automobile.
Carson: Male offspring of an automobile.
Carton: 2,000 pound automobile.
Cartoon: Another musical automobile.
Commerce: Trading computer.
Tim Bruening
IMHO, people should have the right to be gay. People should not be
forced to be sad!
Gable: Homosexual male bovine.
Gaping, Gating: Homosexual Chinese
Biplane: Aircraft that swings both ways.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> My new bf is charming, but he dresses like a cowboy - in way-out
vests.
What happened to the bf landscaper who wanted you to grown and mown?
Charming: Magical vase.
Charmer: Magical ocean.
Tim Bruening
"Frank A. Rosenbaum" wrote:
> "KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
> news:aN6Ac.31173$sj4....@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> > can any of you suggest a good name for a large container which will
hold
> > several thousand gallons of fresh rainwater???
> >
> > Tanks in advance
> >
> > ke
> I suppose we could pond the pavement in search of a name, but water
bout a
> tank?
Isn't going about in a tank a bit extreme? After all, this isn't Iraq!
Tanking: King in the military.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EB81EE...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> >
> > > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > news:t4pd009t9pi8036ln...@4ax.com...
> > > > On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 23:35:22 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > >news:8e0b005psv6p2sjq9...@4ax.com...
> > > > >> On 14 Jan 2004 07:02:21 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found
these
> > > > >unused
> > > > >> words floating about:
> > > > >>
> > > > >> >"dustbird" <dust...@cross.wind> wrote in message
> > > > >news:<bu1aeg$j...@library1.airnews.net>...
> > > > >> >> Professor Miller is the author of numerous papers on the
> > > > >social-sharing
> > > > >> >> mechanisms and economic distribution systems of non-human
> > > species.
> > > > >One of
> > > > >> >> his most intriguing studies was his observations of the
gray
> > > > >squirrel (S.
> > > > >> >> carolinensis) of the North American east and midwest
(snip)
> > > quickly
> > > > >rejected by the Nobel Prize committee as being a plagiarism of
an
> > > > >> >> earlier famous work. The title of his paper was "To Halve
and To
> > > > >Halve Nut."
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> >That's acorny title.
> > > > >>
> > > > >> "Walnuts" to you !
> > > > >
> > > > >You chew crack me up!!
> > > > >
> > > > Yeah, I'd heard other than soldiering on, you've also bceome a
> > > nutcracker.
> > > > Shy <cough> ski bum too, perhaps?
> > >
> > > You can telemarks my posts and that he's piste off that rich
moguls like
> > > my carves! :-(
> >
> > Moguls: More sea birds!
>
> Mongul: A Frenchman's sea bird.
Or a sea bird on Monday.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EB83E5...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 01:34:57 GMT, Bill Baker
> > > <wba...@postini.spamcon.org> wrote:
> > >
> > > >>> Who wants dirty birds fluttering around in the house? They'll
> > give you
> > > >>> canarial diseases.
> > > >>
> > > >> Canarial diseases, lol, like chirpees?
> > > >
> > > >Yes! Do you know it's untweetable!
> > >
> > > What's it do, make you flighty?
> >
> > Flighty: Flying tea.
> >
> Tea as medicine and truck repairer: Dodge Healing.
Heeling: Baby heel.
Tim Bruening
Laddie: Young demon from Scotland.
Lady: Sex with a demon.
Lady: Female demon.
Maybe: Apine in the 5th month.
Tim Bruening
Inquest: Member of cast of adventure film.
Bequest; Entomological adventure.
Conquest 2: Jimmy Durante searching for his missing rhinal organ.
Interrupt Request: To start another subroutine.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chialkt wrote:
> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
>
> >On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 01:21:24 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> ><mam...@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> >>
> >>"Who knows how to find the area of a parallelogram?" asked the
> >>instructor.
> >>"When was it lost?" I asked.
> >
> >FWIW, next week's lesson is how to trapezoid.
>
> Cube: a square rube.
Cuba: Sheep line.
Cuban: Ban on lines or on Q.
Tim Bruening
KIMEVANS wrote:
> Q. What did the inflatable headmaster at Inflatable High School say to the
> inflatable student when he took him into the inflatable office to discipline
> him?
>
> A. Your behaviour has been despicable.You have let your friends and
> classmates down and as a matter of fact you have let the entire SCHOOL down!
> In bringing that thumbtack into the school ,you will now more importantly
> have to live with the fact that you have even let YOURSELF down !!!
That's rather pointed.
Tim Bruening
Jonners wrote:
> Sine: What you do to a check.
> Cosine: What you need for a joint account.
> Tangent: Sunbed for a man.
> Cotangent: Sunbed for two men.
> PI: Patstry covered food.
> Arc: Listen
> Radius: Wireless receivers
> Secant: Something you might get looking up skirts.
> Hyperbola: Cricketer on speed.
> Parabola: Cricketer for the airborne division.
> Binomial: never pay for lunch.
> Polynomial: unfed parrot.
> Quadratic: a house with four lofts.
> Algebra: Terrorist group with weapons of maths instruction.
Sextant: Ant on Viagra or Cialis.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 21:20:09 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 10:12:46 -0800
> >"Jenni Saqua" <mara...@spam.netscape.net> wrote:
> >
> >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> >> news:4063d2c3$0$31901$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
> >> > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:t2e660trutf2lckbp...@4ax.com
> >> > > On Thu, 25 Mar 2004 10:27:42 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> >> > > <mara...@spam.netscape.net> found these unused words floating
> >> > > about:
> >> > >
> >> > >> "artyw" <art...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> >> > >> news:fcd1f4e4.04032...@posting.google.com...
> >> > >>> David Reihmer <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> >> > >> news:<simwah-300AB6....@netnews.comcast.net>...
> >> > >>>>> That Methodist been tried before.
> >> > >>>>>
> >> > >>>>>> I call it buddysm.
> >> > >>>>>
> >> > >>>>> And if they protestant, we'll just muzzle 'em.
> >> > >>>>>
> >> > >>>>> Do you only muzzle 'em if they act like shiites?
> >> > >>>>> btw I am a bit of a Seven Day Adventuress myself and I find
I
> >> > >>>>> have mass appeal!
> >> > >>>>>
> >> > >>>>>
> >> > >>>>
> >> > >>>> Are you suggesting you like a few men a night?
> >> > >>>
> >> > >>> If they are Brethren down her neck
> >> > >>>
> >> > >> Hey, watch it~ She may be a bit unOrthodox, but she's a
laity!
> >> > >>
> >> > > While she's known to go 'Dutch" ... Reformed, never!
> >> >
> >> > You're rite....I even do it while Eden an apple!!
> >> >
> >> >
> >> Careful, someone might think you're jenni'sis. ;-)
> >>
> >You know what that'll do to Ron or me?
> >
> Nothing, as long as you follow the good book by the Numbers.
Bible: To purchase a male bovine.
X-Haust: Haust that got tired.
nemo
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 16:27:08 -0700, "Nick Bell"
> > <nicand_n...@yahoo.com> found these unused words floating about:> news:q3bsmv0f1bljm440a...@4ax.com...
> > >| On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 17:06:37 GMT, "J H Lowy" <jhl...@optonline.net>
>
> > >| found these unused words floating about:
> > >|
> > >| >news:GNkbb.93597$B%2.8...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >| >>
> > >| >> Nick Bell <nicand_n...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > >| >> news:vmpbibb...@corp.supernews.com...
> > >| >> >
> > >| >> >
> > >| >> > There are the descendants of French people in Northern
> Ireland. They are
> > >| >> called Ulster Onionists.
> > >| >> >
> > >| >> And they speak Garlic??
> > >| >>
> > >| >> It's the ones in Belgium who cause all the trouble. Slightest
> bit of
> > >| >> contraversy and the Walloons go up!
> > >| >>
> > >| >Ouch! Born in Antwerp and never went back.
> > >| >
> > >| Is Antwerp the next worm hole in the Spacewerp?
> > >|
> > >First they have to put on warppaint.
> > >
> > That's an enterprising solution once tried by Holland Oats.
>
> How Quark-y!
Must have been Quaker Oats then.
nemo
>
> "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
>
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:<tossqvckv190u019u...@4ax.com>...
> > > I've never seen a pack of wolves. Cigarettes, yes. Wolves, no.
> >
> > I've seen Dances With Wolves many times. Not funny.
>
> I've heard of herds of cows and other grazing animals.
>
> What happens if you murder a murder of crows?
You get charged with Corvicide?
Same thing happens if you murder a very small battleship!
nemo
>
>
> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
>
> > I've never seen a pack of wolves. Cigarettes, yes. Wolves, no.
>
About as snoud as a snide of tailors.
nemo
>
>
> Bill Baker wrote:
>
> > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 23:21:14 -0800, Lur...@wowmail.com (Sister
> Lurlean
> > Tucker) wrote in message
> > news:<7908c278.0403...@posting.google.com>:
> >
> > > Queer monogamy leads to bigamy, polygamy and trigonometry!
> >
> > That would sure multiply the marriage! Or maybe give it more
> variables.
> > Would you describe it as a weapon of math destruction? I guess gays
> know
> > all the angles. Would the lesbians wear alge-bras?
>
> Can you get me a Tan-gent?
>
> Agent: One man.
Secret Agent: One man you're only allowed to look at with your eye shut.
Double Hose Heaven: Where James Bond likes to be.
nemo
>
> Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
>
> > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> different
> > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
>
> I've been to Pizza Hut.
Did you ever Pizza lot into the gutter?
nemo
>
> "Keith E." wrote:
>
> > Wed, 21 Apr 2004 09:20:04 -0400 was a day just like any other,
> > until "Greg Evans" <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote:
> > >ÑğS-|-MĞ wrote:
> > >
> > >> so chickens are just the tip of the iceberg..
> > >
> > >That must be one odd-lookin' iceberg.
> >
> > You don't like my sandwich?!?
>
> I don't like sandy meals.
Lettuce fillet with something else then.
nemo
> Abase: One place where soldiers live.
>
> Abed: One sleeping place.
>
> Abet: One gamble.
>
> Able: One male bovine.
>
> Abut: One arse.
Arshloch: Secures a gay male chastity belt.
nemo
> Weepy: We go to the bathroom.
>
> Windy: Demon that farts.
>
> Zombie: Undead apine.
Beano: A dead comic apine.
nemo
> Sassy: Ocean that speaks up.
>
> Saudi: Middle East demon with lots of oil.
>
> Scabby: Apine strike breaker.
>
> Shanty: Tea in a slum.
>
> Tipsy: Alcoholic ocean.
>
> Tipsy: Ocean of money for waiters.
The Titanic might not have sunk if they'd got someone to tip of the iceberg
that is was coming.
nemo
> Ropy: Line of toilets.
>
> Rosy: Line of oceans.
>
> Rosy: Ocean of love flowers.
>
> Sandy: Beach demon.
>
> San D: Latino demon.
SafaraD: Ladino demon.
nemo
> Opine: Fat tree.
>
> Opine: Tree that offer comments on political issues.
>
> Posy: Ocean of tall cylindrical objects.
and one of the Dirty Dozen - or was it The Devil's Brigade?
>
> Rusty: Iron oxide tea.
>
> Rejuvenator: Arnold Schwarzenegger energizing people.
Exterminator: Arnie has retired.
nemo
> Crusty: Tea from the Earth's surface.
>
> Cubit: Computer programs in line.
>
> Curtsy: Canine ocean.
>
> Cutest: Waiting in line to take an exam.
>
> Debase: Where demon troops are housed.
That'd make the platoons go up!
nemo
>
> Concern: Against European particle accelerators.
>
> Concert: Against breath freshener.
>
> Concoct: Against sex with a man.
>
> Concord: Against ropes.
>
> Concur: Against dogs.
Already done. Hoarse Chestnuts. Remember?
nemo
>
> Zotmeister wrote:
>
> > "Methuselah Jones" <methu...@altgeek.org> wrote in message
> > news:Xns94D848A4952CAme...@216.196.97.132...
> > > Today's cooking program was all about how to prepare fillet mignon,
and
> > > featured two special guests who were very clever language experts.
> > >
> > > In other words, they had cunning linguists on the fillet show.
> >
> > One word: 'eating'. Supply your own context. - ZM
>
> Eating: Internet bell.
And this one.
nemo
> > > Fragmit: A glove in pieces.
> > >
> > Fragment: Cement after a hammer-blow.
> >
> > Fragmentation Grenade: Designed to blow Indians to bits. (Noah Fence)
> >
> > Mills Bomb: What finally blew up a well-known Brit actor who did a huge
> > number of excellent war films.
>
> Beamit: Buzzing glove, or a transporter glove.
Controlled by Snotty?
nemo
>
> Contradiction: What a Nicaraguan rebel secretary takes.
>
> Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
>
> Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
New Latin'd be better.
Eesay euwquay, eesay euwquay, eesay euwquay, eesay euwquay, eesay euwquay .
. . .
Better than the CQcumber pun.
nemo
>
> Tim Bruening wrote:
>
> > mike wheeEler wrote:
> >
> > > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
> oddly when:
> > > >
> > > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
> hardrive..
> >
> > Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
>
> Helmet: Hat of the Devil
If his hat is hell, what below earth must his underpants be like??? (>!<)
nemo
> Betting: Casino bell.
>
> Fitting: Tailor bell.
>
> Harvesting: Farm bell.
>
> Hoarding: Pack rat bell.
>
> Gifting: Christmas bell.
There never was a verb: to gift until yet another stupid egotistical bastard
decided to try to look clever by coining the word - and now we're lumbered
with it!
nemo
> Alarming: Chinese vase that alerts the guards.
>
> Balming: Round Chinese vase.
>
> Blaming: Accusative vase.
>
> Booming: Loud vase.
>
> Bumming: Unkempt vase.
What's a kempt one like then, or a person who is couth or spicable?
nemo
> Carping, Carting: Musical automobiles.
>
> Carpool: Where automobiles swim.
>
> Carsing: Singing automobile.
>
> Carson: Male offspring of an automobile.
>
> Carton: 2,000 pound automobile.
>
> Cartoon: Another musical automobile.
>
> Commerce: Trading computer.
Commercy: Something which does not exist within Capitalism.
nemo
>
> IMHO, people should have the right to be gay. People should not be
> forced to be sad!
>
> Gable: Homosexual male bovine.
>
> Gaping, Gating: Homosexual Chinese
>
> Biplane: Aircraft that swings both ways.
Triplane: Aircraft which attempts to.
nemo
>
> Sheila Dundee wrote:
>
> > My new bf is charming, but he dresses like a cowboy - in way-out
> vests.
>
> What happened to the bf landscaper who wanted you to grown and mown?
>
> Charming: Magical vase.
>
> Charmer: Magical ocean.
Or an ocean of factory tea-ladies.
nemo
>
> "Frank A. Rosenbaum" wrote:
>
> > "KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
> > news:aN6Ac.31173$sj4....@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> > > can any of you suggest a good name for a large container which will
> hold
> > > several thousand gallons of fresh rainwater???
> > >
> > > Tanks in advance
> > >
> > > ke
> > I suppose we could pond the pavement in search of a name, but water
> bout a
> > tank?
>
> Isn't going about in a tank a bit extreme? After all, this isn't Iraq!
>
> Tanking: King in the military.
Humvee.
OK.
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £28 - 16s - 2d actually! (Inflation.)
Who's da man?? Who's da man??
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > >
> > > > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > > On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 23:35:22 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating> > > > > >news:8e0b005psv6p2sjq9...@4ax.com...
> > > > > >> On 14 Jan 2004 07:02:21 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found
> these
> > > > > >unused
> > > > > >> words floating about:
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >news:<bu1aeg$j...@library1.airnews.net>...
> > > > > >> >> Professor Miller is the author of numerous papers on the
> > > > > >social-sharing
> > > > > >> >> mechanisms and economic distribution systems of non-human
> > > > species.
> > > > > >One of
> > > > > >> >> his most intriguing studies was his observations of the
> gray
> > > > > >squirrel (S.
> > > > > >> >> carolinensis) of the North American east and midwest
> (snip)
> > > > quickly
> > > > > >rejected by the Nobel Prize committee as being a plagiarism of
> an
> > > > > >> >> earlier famous work. The title of his paper was "To Halve
> and To
> > > > > >Halve Nut."
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> >That's acorny title.
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> "Walnuts" to you !
> > > > > >
> > > > > >You chew crack me up!!
> > > > > >
> > > > > Yeah, I'd heard other than soldiering on, you've also bceome a
> > > > nutcracker.
> > > > > Shy <cough> ski bum too, perhaps?
> > > >
> > > > You can telemarks my posts and that he's piste off that rich
> moguls like
> > > > my carves! :-(
> > >
> > > Moguls: More sea birds!
> >
> > Mongul: A Frenchman's sea bird.
>
> Or a sea bird on Monday.
Puffin: Asthmatic seabird.
nemo
> > > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >
> > > > On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 01:34:57 GMT, Bill Baker
> > > > <wba...@postini.spamcon.org> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > >>> Who wants dirty birds fluttering around in the house? They'll
>
> > > give you
> > > > >>> canarial diseases.
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Canarial diseases, lol, like chirpees?
> > > > >
> > > > >Yes! Do you know it's untweetable!
> > > >
> > > > What's it do, make you flighty?
> > >
> > > Flighty: Flying tea.
> > >
> > Tea as medicine and truck repairer: Dodge Healing.
>
> Heeling: Baby heel.
Heel-toe pie: North country dialect for a kick. I kid you not. How daft can
you get?
nemo
> Gingrich: A rich Ging.
>
> Laddie: Young demon from Scotland.
>
> Lady: Sex with a demon.
>
> Lady: Female demon.
>
> Maybe: Apine in the 5th month.
Scabie: Apine infected with itch-mites!
nemo
>
>
> Buffalo Chialkt wrote:
>
> > J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >
> > >On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 01:21:24 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> > ><mam...@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > >>
> > >>"Who knows how to find the area of a parallelogram?" asked the
> > >>instructor.
> > >>"When was it lost?" I asked.
> > >
> > >FWIW, next week's lesson is how to trapezoid.
> >
> > Cube: a square rube.
>
> Cuba: Sheep line.
>
> Cuban: Ban on lines or on Q.
Fan Queue. Outside a stage-door.
nemo
>
>
> KIMEVANS wrote:
>
> > Q. What did the inflatable headmaster at Inflatable High School say to
the
> > inflatable student when he took him into the inflatable office to
discipline
> > him?
> >
> > A. Your behaviour has been despicable.You have let your friends and
> > classmates down and as a matter of fact you have let the entire SCHOOL
down!
> > In bringing that thumbtack into the school ,you will now more
importantly
> > have to live with the fact that you have even let YOURSELF down !!!
>
> That's rather pointed.
Was the pupil's nickname Deaf Late Ted?
Sounds like the dysphasic Headmaster gave him a damned good dressing gown
anyway!
nemo
>
>
> Jonners wrote:
>
> > Sine: What you do to a check.
> > Cosine: What you need for a joint account.
> > Tangent: Sunbed for a man.
> > Cotangent: Sunbed for two men.
> > PI: Patstry covered food.
> > Arc: Listen
> > Radius: Wireless receivers
> > Secant: Something you might get looking up skirts.
> > Hyperbola: Cricketer on speed.
> > Parabola: Cricketer for the airborne division.
> > Binomial: never pay for lunch.
> > Polynomial: unfed parrot.
> > Quadratic: a house with four lofts.
> > Algebra: Terrorist group with weapons of maths instruction.
>
> Sextant: Ant on Viagra or Cialis.
A fit ant then - if he practiced Cialisthenics!
nemo
>
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 21:20:09 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 10:12:46 -0800
> > >"Jenni Saqua" <mara...@spam.netscape.net> wrote:
> > >
> > >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > >> news:4063d2c3$0$31901$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
> > >> > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > >> > news:t2e660trutf2lckbp...@4ax.com
> > >> > > On Thu, 25 Mar 2004 10:27:42 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> > >> > > <mara...@spam.netscape.net> found these unused words floating
>
> > >> > > about:
> > >> > >
> > >> > >> "artyw" <art...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > >> > >> news:fcd1f4e4.04032...@posting.google.com...
> > >> > >>> David Reihmer <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > >> > >> news:<simwah-300AB6....@netnews.comcast.net>...
> > >> > >>>>> That Methodist been tried before.
> > >> > >>>>>
> > >> > >>>>>> I call it buddysm.
> > >> > >>>>>
> > >> > >>>>> And if they protestant, we'll just muzzle 'em.
> > >> > >>>>>
> > >> > >>>>> Do you only muzzle 'em if they act like shiites?
> > >> > >>>>> btw I am a bit of a Seven Day Adventuress myself and I find
> I
> > >> > >>>>> have mass appeal!
> > >> > >>>>>
> > >> > >>>>>
> > >> > >>>>
> > >> > >>>> Are you suggesting you like a few men a night?
> > >> > >>>
> > >> > >>> If they are Brethren down her neck
> > >> > >>>
> > >> > >> Hey, watch it~ She may be a bit unOrthodox, but she's a
> laity!
> > >> > >>
> > >> > > While she's known to go 'Dutch" ... Reformed, never!
> > >> >
> > >> > You're rite....I even do it while Eden an apple!!
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> Careful, someone might think you're jenni'sis. ;-)
> > >>
> > >You know what that'll do to Ron or me?
> > >
> > Nothing, as long as you follow the good book by the Numbers.
>
> Bible: To purchase a male bovine.
>
> X-Haust: Haust that got tired.
Haust: Mounted.
Exhaust: Fell off!
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 08 Apr 2004 11:02:55 GMT, "KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com>
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:107830d...@corp.supernews.com...
> >> A Romanian man is in the hospital after getting drunk and
> >> swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his
> >> situation say so far, no change.
> >>
> >> Buddhists note: a TRUE case of change coming from within.
> >
> These are the dimes of his life.
Did he eat any French Francs?
Tim Bruening
Hasty: Tea that makes one reckless.
Lusty: Aphrodisiac tea.
N-Tree: Arch shaped tree that serves as a portal.
Peaty: Tea that makes one urinate.
Puberty: Tea drunk by teenagers.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:407A4056...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Attacker: Aggressive dog.
> >
> > Baker: Dog in San Francisco.
> >
> > Barker: Lawyer dog.
> >
> > Barker: Dog in prison.
> >
> > Barker: Dog who serves alcohol.
> >
> > Booker: Library dog.
> >
> > Bunker: Pastry dog.
> >
> > Clocker: Time keeping dog.
> >
> > Cocker Spaniel: Dog/rooster crossbreed.
> >
> > Cooker: Meal making dog.
>
> Tanker: Dog that's been sunbathing.
>
> Bicker: Dog that writes with a cheap Biro.
Tanker: Dog carrying lots of oil.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> Hard to quibble about the truth.
Quibble: A nitpicking male bovine.
Tim Bruening
Typhoon: Neckwear tropical storm.
Tycoon: Neckwear for a rich raccoon.
Hammer: Pig with a huge, hard impact.
J.C. Penny: Ocean of perfume (scent) stores.
Lawering: Ring that practices law.
Macy: Clothing store in the 5th month.
Tim Bruening
Hasty: Tea drunk fast.
Pasty: Tea that glues.
Typer: Price for neckwear.
Typeface: Face with printing on it.
Tim Bruening
"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:
> On Sat, 15 Nov 2003 20:49:01 +1030
> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
>
> > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > After X-ray, the doctor asked me: "Has anyone ever told you that you
> > > have a 13th set of ribs?"
> > > "I haven't heard Adam thing." I said.
> >
> > I hope you gave the idiot the old Eve ho!!
> >
> I'm sure that Eden even think of it.
Eden: Internet home.
Tim Bruening
Contract: Against railroads.
Contractor: Against farm equipment.
Cordon: Line of Mafia bosses.
Cormorant: A sea ant/bird.
Tim Bruening
Advent: Insert angry rant.
Adverse: Add a song.
Adverse: Singing comercial.
Tim Bruening
Convent: Against angry rants.
Convent: A ranting criminal.
Converse: Against singing.
Contract: Against railroads.
Enginuity: A locomotive driver's pension.
Tim Bruening
Confirming: Chinese vase that verifies.
Confirming: Vase at a criminal company.
Confirming: Against vase companies.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43672B19...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> >
> > > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> > > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> > different
> > > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
> >
> > I've been to Pizza Hut.
>
> Did you ever Pizza lot into the gutter?
Pizza Hut 2 3 4!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43672B44...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Abase: One place where soldiers live.
> >
> > Abed: One sleeping place.
> >
> > Abet: One gamble.
> >
> > Able: One male bovine.
> >
> > Abut: One arse.
>
> Arshloch: Secures a gay male chastity belt.
RX: Robot doctor.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43672B8E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Opine: Fat tree.
> >
> > Opine: Tree that offer comments on political issues.
> >
> > Posy: Ocean of tall cylindrical objects.
>
> and one of the Dirty Dozen - or was it The Devil's Brigade?
> >
> > Rusty: Iron oxide tea.
> >
> > Rejuvenator: Arnold Schwarzenegger energizing people.
>
> Exterminator: Arnie has retired.
Hooray!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43672E4F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Betting: Casino bell.
> >
> > Fitting: Tailor bell.
> >
> > Harvesting: Farm bell.
> >
> > Hoarding: Pack rat bell.
> >
> > Gifting: Christmas bell.
>
> There never was a verb: to gift until yet another stupid egotistical bastard
> decided to try to look clever by coining the word - and now we're lumbered
> with it!
Tasking: Busy monarch.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Which reminds me of the story about the WWI German private who lost an
airplane while transporting them by train. He simply altered the
manuscript to eliminate the missing plane!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Scabie: Apine that crosses union picket lines.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Here is a Bee Late Ted response.
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
different
> building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
I've been to Pete Za Hut.
Tim Bruening
November 1 Puns
Date:
Tue, 01 Nov 2005 00:45:42 -0800
From:
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>
Newsgroups:
alt.humor.puns, alt.humor, rec.humor, alt.tasteless.jokes,
mn.humor
"Keith E." wrote:
> Wed, 21 Apr 2004 09:20:04 -0400 was a day just like any other,
> until "Greg Evans" <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote:
> >ÑğS-|-MĞ wrote:
> >
> >> so chickens are just the tip of the iceberg..
> >
> >That must be one odd-lookin' iceberg.
>
> You don't like my sandwich?!?
I don't like sandy meals.
nemo
>
> "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
>
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:<tossqvckv190u019u...@4ax.com>...
> > > I've never seen a pack of wolves. Cigarettes, yes. Wolves, no.
> >
> > I've seen Dances With Wolves many times. Not funny.
>
> I've heard of herds of cows and other grazing animals.
>
> What happens if you murder a murder of crows?
>
Not a lot. They're considered vermin - which is odd, because they look
nothing like worms!
nemo
A medal you want?
And did the pizza you had have Mozilla cheese all over it? And if the meat
were burnt it might have been Firefox.
nemo
marika
<tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> Subject:
> November 1 Puns
> Date:
> Tue, 01 Nov 2005 00:45:42 -0800
> From:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>
> Newsgroups:
> alt.humor.puns, alt.humor, rec.humor, alt.tasteless.jokes,
> mn.humor
>
>
>
>
> "Keith E." wrote:
>
>> Wed, 21 Apr 2004 09:20:04 -0400 was a day just like any other,
>> until "Greg Evans" <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote:
>> >ÑðS-|-MÐ wrote:
>> >
>> >> so chickens are just the tip of the iceberg..
>> >
>> >That must be one odd-lookin' iceberg.
>>
>> You don't like my sandwich?!?
>
> I don't like sandy meals.
>
wouldn't that freeze up your marriage?
marika
for their divorce, angelina jolie and billy bob thornton wear the blood of
crow in little vials around their necks
nevermore a diet of worms
marika
>
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:455F69D9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>>
>> Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
>>
>> > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
>> > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
>> different
>> > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
>>
>> I've been to Pete Za Hut.
>>
>
> A medal you want?
yoda, is that you?
nemo
"marika" <mce...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:op.tju4c...@dialup-4.249.159.51.dial1.washington2.level3.net...
> On Sun, 19 Nov 2006 07:00:23 -0500, nemo <ne...@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
>
> >
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:455F69D9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >>
> >> Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> >>
> >> > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> >> > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> >> different
> >> > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
> >>
> >> I've been to Pete Za Hut.
> >>
> >
> > A medal you want?
>
> yoda, is that you?
>
Julyarse Cæsar was killed by a robot. That's why he says, "R2 Brutæ?!"
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "marika" <mce...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> news:op.tju4c...@dialup-4.249.159.51.dial1.washington2.level3.net...
> > On Sun, 19 Nov 2006 07:00:23 -0500, nemo <ne...@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
> >
> > >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:455F69D9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >>
> > >> Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> > >>
> > >> > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> > >> > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> > >> different
> > >> > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
> > >>
> > >> I've been to Pete Za Hut.
> > >>
> > >
> > > A medal you want?
> >
> > yoda, is that you?
> >
> Narr. It's just the alcoholic robot, R2 DT2!
>
> Julyarse Cæsar was killed by a robot. That's why he says, "R2 Brutæ?!"
IMHO, we need a robot R-My in Iraq.
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4572341A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "marika" <mce...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > >
> news:op.tju4c...@dialup-4.249.159.51.dial1.washington2.level3.net...
> > > > On Sun, 19 Nov 2006 07:00:23 -0500, nemo <ne...@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:455F69D9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> > > > >>
> > > > >> > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon
> we
> > > > >> > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> > > > >> different
> > > > >> > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the
> neighborhood!
> > > > >>
> > > > >> I've been to Pete Za Hut.
> > > > >>
> > > > >
> > > > > A medal you want?
> > > >
> > > > yoda, is that you?
> > > >
> > > Narr. It's just the alcoholic robot, R2 DT2!
> > >
> > > Julyarse Cæsar was killed by a robot. That's why he says, "R2 Brutæ?!"
> >
> > IMHO, we need a robot R-My in Iraq.
> >
> No good. The Three Laws of Robotics aren't Shariah.
Just leave the Three Laws out of their programming!
nemo
weren't there, the first order you gave to a robot would result in your
death.
I've just started on The Robots of Dawn BTW, where Elijah Baley goes to
Aurora and with the help of Daneel Olivaw, solves the case of a robot being
'murdered' by being deliberately placed in a state of permanent mental
freeze-out or roblock, and the only person who is capable of achieving this
is the robot's owner, Dr. Fastolf, who himself agrees that he's the only one
who could have done it, but at the same time swears that he did not!
Should have carried on with the Foundation and Empire books, but I can't
bloody find Foundation and Earth! It'll turn up. Far better than the TV,
reading good sci-fi like that with your own imagination painting the
pictures instead of somebody else's. I Seldon read anything else these days.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Okay, just have the Second Law (A robot must obey the orders given to it by
humans).
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
I'll give a general order ordering the robot to not attack me and obey my
orders.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4576C789...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4572341A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > IMHO, we need a robot R-My in Iraq.
> > > >
> > > No good. The Three Laws of Robotics aren't Shariah.
> >
> > Just leave the Three Laws out of their programming!
> >
> Accordion to Azimov himself in the first explanation of the Laws: If they
> weren't there, the first order you gave to a robot would result in your
> death.
Okay, just have the Second Law (A robot must obey the orders given to it
by
humans).
nemo
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chialkt wrote:
> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
>
> >On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 01:21:24 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> ><mam...@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> >>
> >>"Who knows how to find the area of a parallelogram?" asked the
> >>instructor.
> >>"When was it lost?" I asked.
> >
> >FWIW, next week's lesson is how to trapezoid.
>
> Cube: a square rube.
Cuba: Sheep line.
Cuban: Ban on lines or on Q.
Tim Bruening
Jonners wrote:
> Sine: What you do to a check.
> Cosine: What you need for a joint account.
> Tangent: Sunbed for a man.
> Cotangent: Sunbed for two men.
> PI: Patstry covered food.
> Arc: Listen
> Radius: Wireless receivers
> Secant: Something you might get looking up skirts.
> Hyperbola: Cricketer on speed.
> Parabola: Cricketer for the airborne division.
> Binomial: never pay for lunch.
> Polynomial: unfed parrot.
> Quadratic: a house with four lofts.
> Algebra: Terrorist group with weapons of maths instruction.
Sextant: Ant on Viagra or Cialis.