SH*T LIST JOKE WANTED
RUBIO
A long time ago I saw a list of all the different kinds of sh*t there
was including a description....Somehow I misplaced my copy. could somebody
mail it to me. (or post it) Please....
Thanx -lisy-
Michele Zumbo
Thanks - Michelle
Thumper
>Ditto. Posting it would probably be better than sending it to everyone.
THE SHIT LIST
Ghost Shit -- You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but
there's no shit in the toilet.
Teflon Coated Shit -- Comes out so slick, clean, and easy that you don't even
feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look for
the shit in the toilet to be sure you did it.
Gooey Shit -- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times
and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
you underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid
marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit -- You're all done wiping you ass and you're about to stand
up when you realize it...you've got to shit more.
Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit -- This is the kind of shit that killed Elvis.
It just doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling,
and purple from straining so hard.
Richard Simmons Shit -- You shit so much, you lose 10 pounds.
Right Now Shit -- You better be within 30 seconds a toilet. Usually it has
it's head out before you get your pants down.
Green Shit -- Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit -- This shit is so big that you know it won't
go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's
house.
Cork Shit -- (Also known as Floaters) Even after the third flush, it's still
floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it?! This shit also
usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit -- This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash
that gets your ass all wet.
Wish Shit -- You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.
Cement Block Shit or Oh God! Shit -- You wish you'd gotten a spinal block
before you shit.
Snake Shit -- This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb
and at least 3 feet long.
Mexican Food Shit -- (Also Called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat
again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit -- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your
shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD! Usually there's
someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of
shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Elliott Sex is hereditary. Chances are if your
mell...@trojan.convex.com parents never had it, neither will you.
Scott A. McIntyre
here. I was literally crying with humour-tears. Most of the data
entry people thought I was nuts though.
Hee hee hee
I'm still laughing. whoever put that one together deserves some
Milk Of Magnesia...
heheheh
ouch, it hurts
Tony Lezard
>
> A long time ago I saw a list of all the different kinds of sh*t there
> was including a description....Somehow I misplaced my copy. could somebody
> mail it to me. (or post it) Please....
Yeah, yeah, I know someone's posted something resembling the shit list
already, but the list was incomplete. Here's one I complied from two
shit list postings from a while back. It has between two and three times
as much shit, if you'll pardon the expression.
Original contributions from
ecas...@rose.uwaterloo.ca (edson castilho)
dp...@watdcs.Uwaterloo.ca
dd94...@sycom.UUCP (David Daniels)
- bet they weren't expecting to be remembered for this!
THE SHIT LIST
-------------
THE GHOST SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but
there's no shit in the bowl.
THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's
no shit on the toilet paper.
THE WET SHIT
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So yo end up
putting toilet paper between your ass and our underwear so you don't ruin
them with those dreadful skid marks.
THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
This shit happenes when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees,
and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit".
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.
THE CORN SHIT
No explanation necessary.
THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE NORORIUS DRINKER SHIT
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking.
It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the
toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out,
all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE WET CHEEKS SHIT
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your
ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
THE LIQUID SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt,
splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time,
chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all its own.
THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to
show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with
the aid of a newspaper.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity
within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
THE FLOATER
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to
resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in
a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to
push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
putting it there.
THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with
you. Requires patience and muscle control.
THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you
are nowhere near shitting facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening
position - usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC SHIT
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive
event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the
Drinker's Shit.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the
woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from
God when you actually CAN'T shit.
PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.
THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when
you're done.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all
over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log
Shit.)
THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to
be coming out sideways.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spincal Tap Shits. The shape and size
of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in
the rectum for some time afterwards.
THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You
have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to
your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your
rectum on the way out in the morning.
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and
make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn
anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently
near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for
air.
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURN STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop
off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
--
Tony Lezard <Lazy Rodent> IS to...@mantis.co.uk OR tony%mantis...@ukc.ac.uk
OR EVEN ar...@phx.cam.ac.uk if all else fails. "Greenness disintegrates..."
B Maruti
mell...@convex.com (Thumper) writes:
>
> THE SHIT LIST
>
>..[extremely funny lines deleted].......
This is super humor! I can't stop laughing.........
- Maruti