Food Puns
Tim Bruening
Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
I feel grape about this topic.
You are a grape human bean.
Orange you glad you are here?
Tim Bruening
ImPeach Bush!
Orange glad I'm here?
Honeydew you realize I've kumquat a long way to be here? Olive you
guys. Y'all are just plum peachy. Anybody who says different is just
raisin hell ... it's just sour grapes.
Thanks for Olive your time, Mr. Stone.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton.
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement?
=1bananosecond.
453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake.
1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton.
10 rations? = 1 decoration.
100 rations? = 1 C-ration.
Please post a pear of puns, before I get impeared.
Tim Bruening
Please don't Lie, Ma Bean!
Tim Bruening
per second per second: Fig Newton.
6.023x10^23 alligator pears: Avocado's Number.
Chris Trask
news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
With Tim doing the only follow-ups, perhaps we should squash this thread
as I don't relish the thought of him being gourd by a cereal killer.
Chris
Geordie the Forgery
"Chris Trask" <chris...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:5i7%b.9335$aT1....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
Tony the Tiger?
Tim Bruening
Chris Trask wrote:
However, thanks to Chris, I am no longer the only follow upper.
Tim Bruening
Chris Trask wrote:
Are you in a pickle?
Tim Bruening
Chris Trask wrote:
Are you in a jam?
Tim Bruening
Chris Trask wrote:
Please don't cast asparagus at me!
Chris Trask
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:403DB34A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
Not really, thanks to my heinz-sight.
Chris
Chris Trask
No, just a smucker for a strayed lime.
Chris Trask
Can't at the moment. I have to let the dog, Hamlet, out to guard the
canteloupe. He's a melon collie.
Palema
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:403DB36D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>>
>>Chris Trask wrote:
>>
>>
>>>"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
>>>news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>>>
>>>>I yam salivating at the prospect of a-maizingly tasty food puns.
>>>>
>>>>Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
>>>>
>>>>Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
>>>>
>>>>I feel grape about this topic.
>>>>
>>>>You are a grape human bean.
>>>>
>>>>Orange you glad you are here?
>>>>
>>>
>>> With Tim doing the only follow-ups, perhaps we should squash this
>
> thread
>
>>>as I don't relish the thought of him being gourd by a cereal killer.
>>
>>Please don't cast asparagus at me!
>>
>
>
> Can't at the moment. I have to let the dog, Hamlet, out to guard the
> canteloupe. He's a melon collie.
>
...and you're my melon-colored baby ;-)
nemo
How exstrawberry!
nemo
They're the pits!
nemo
> A-Maizing Grace, How Sweet The Sound......
>
> Please don't Lie, Ma Bean!
Aha!! Dad's lousey jokes - Pop Corn!!!
nemo
> The force required to accelerate one kilogram of fruit wafers one meter
> per second per second: Fig Newton.
>
> 6.023x10^23 alligator pears: Avocado's Number.
Avocado!
No thanks. I'm trying to give them up!
nemo
Ask Richard Branston.
>
nemo
Don't you mean Nasturtiums?
>
nemo
Come to me my melon collie baby,
Cuddle up and don't be blue . . .
All your fears are foolish fancy, maybe
You know dear that I'm in love with you!
Whatever turn you on!
Chris Trask
No, but I am well-preserved.
Chris
Chris Trask
news:tvy%b.1291$rl3.52...@newssvr11.news.prodigy.com...
Too bad there's such a distance between us. It means we canteloupe.
Chris
Chris Trask
> The force required to accelerate one kilogram of fruit wafers one meter
> per second per second: Fig Newton.
>
> 6.023x10^23 alligator pears: Avocado's Number.
>
Would an vegetarian attorney who takes on welfare cases be a Public
Avocado?
Chris
Palema
Palema
Come wiz me to zee casaba
Chris Trask
We must be careful lest this leek out.
Geordie the Forgery
I think that this bread (sorry, thread) has gone on far enough to *roll*
over to another.
( I wouldn't carry on Leven if you paid me enough dough!)
Tim Bruening
nemo
PitSSS? But it's only got the one.
nemo
Saturated Fathead!
He could also become a Public Persea-cutor as well!
Tim Bruening
Chris Trask wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > I yam salivating at the prospect of a-maizingly tasty food puns.
> > > >
> > > > Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
> > > >
> > > > Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
> > > >
> > > > I feel grape about this topic.
> > > >
> > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > > >
> > > > Orange you glad you are here?
> > > >
> > >
> > > With Tim doing the only follow-ups, perhaps we should squash this
> thread
> > > as I don't relish the thought of him being gourd by a cereal killer.
> >
> > Are you in a jam?
> >
>
> No, just a smucker for a strayed lime.
It may take me awhile to ketchup.
nemo
Geordie the Forgery <geord...@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:c1rkos$8k3$1...@titan.btinternet.com...
nemo
> 12 days since President's Day.
>
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > I yam salivating at the prospect of a-maizingly tasty food puns.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I feel grape about this topic.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Orange you glad you are here?
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > With Tim doing the only follow-ups, perhaps we should squash
> this
> > > thread
> > > > > as I don't relish the thought of him being gourd by a cereal killer.
> > > >
> > > > Are you in a jam?
> > > >
> > >
> > > No, just a smucker for a strayed lime.
> >
> > It may take me awhile to ketchup.
> >
> Saucy!
Ocean of sauce!
nemo
sauce boats from!!!
Tim Bruening
Marching: Song about the 3rd month.
Macing: Perhaps I'll sing about the 5th month.
nemo
> 12 days to the Ides of March.
When Caesar got a good Ideing!
They put poison in a couple of cakes and as he died he said "Ate two,
Brutae!"
>
> Marching: Song about the 3rd month.
>
> Macing: Perhaps I'll sing about the 5th month.
The beginning of winter: Octobrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Maybe: 5th month buzzing insect.
Macy: 5th month body of salt water.
Making: King of the 5th month.
Maiming: 5th month Chinese vase.
Mating: Musical love making 5th month.
Mayhem: 5th month bottom of a dress.
Tim Bruening
Maybe: 5th month buzzing insect.
Macy: 5th month body of salt water.
Making: King of the 5th month.
Maiming: 5th month Chinese vase.
Mating: Musical love making in the 5th month.
May Ting: Chinese in the 5th month.
Tim Bruening
Please don't Lie, Ma Bean!
Sublime: Undersea citrus tree.
nemo
Customer: What this?
Waiter: It's bean soup, sir.
Customer: I don't want to know what it's been - I want to know what it is
now!
And when he gets to the main course:
Customer: This Turkey fried in Greece is terribel! (It's not a typo - it's
Michael Howard) I want to complain! Get the Bosphorus!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Don't drop the China!
nemo
Orch:
Yaaa Daaa Daaa Daaa Yutataaaa! Yaaa Taaa Taaa Taaa Taaaaah!
No! No! Stop that. I said 'China Down' not 'China Town'!!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40A1D754...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:409E2B1B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > A-Maizing Grace, How Sweet The Sound......
> > > >
> > > > Please don't Lie, Ma Bean!
> > > >
> > > > Sublime: Undersea citrus tree.
> > > >
> > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > >
> > > Customer: What this?
> > >
> > > Waiter: It's bean soup, sir.
> > >
> > > Customer: I don't want to know what it's been - I want to know what it
> is
> > > now!
> > >
> > > And when he gets to the main course:
> > >
> > > Customer: This Turkey fried in Greece is terribel! (It's not a typo -
> it's
> > > Michael Howard) I want to complain! Get the Bosphorus!
> >
> > Don't drop the China!
> >
> Yeah. Beak hairful when you put the China Down!
>
> Orch:
>
> Yaaa Daaa Daaa Daaa Yutataaaa! Yaaa Taaa Taaa Taaa Taaaaah!
>
> No! No! Stop that. I said 'China Down' not 'China Town'!!
China Down: From a Chinese duck?
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > I yam salivating at the prospect of a-maizingly tasty food puns.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I feel grape about this topic.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Orange you glad you are here?
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > With Tim doing the only follow-ups, perhaps we should squash
> this
> > > thread
> > > > > as I don't relish the thought of him being gourd by a cereal killer.
> > > >
> > > > Are you in a jam?
> > > >
> > >
> > > No, just a smucker for a strayed lime.
> >
> > It may take me awhile to ketchup.
> >
> Saucy!
Ocean of sauce!
Tim Bruening
ynotssor wrote:
> "Sritk" <sr...@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:20040301132536...@mb-m03.aol.com
>
> > Why isn't Rhode Island surrounded by water?
>
> Global war-ming.
War-ming: Hostile chinese vase.
Hostile: Aggressive fence.
Fencing: Singing barrier.
nemo
Aha! An ocean where you can sail a Ketchup and down!
Tim Bruening
Trinity.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > I yam salivating at the prospect of a-maizingly tasty food puns.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I feel grape about this topic.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Orange you glad you are here?
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > With Tim doing the only follow-ups, perhaps we should squash
> this
> > > thread
> > > > > as I don't relish the thought of him being gourd by a cereal killer.
> > > >
> > > > Are you in a jam?
> > > >
> > >
> > > No, just a smucker for a strayed lime.
> >
> > It may take me awhile to ketchup.
> >
> Saucy!
Ocean of sauce!
Bob Crowley
> 12 days to the 59th anniversary of the first nuclear weapons test at
> Trinity.
We haven't blown ourselves up yet, but we're working on it.
nemo
> Happy American Independence Day!
So these dirty great flying saucers come half-way across the galaxy with
technology centuries in advance of ours, and what does their main weapon
produce? Nice cheap billowing petrol flames just like in every other blasted
film!! That's what! Bloody Hollywood!
nemo
Bob Crowley <bobcr...@optusnet.com.au> wrote in message
news:adff117.04070...@posting.google.com...
Yeah. And never wear Russian underpants, because Chernobyl fallout! - and
your worm would too. It'd be quite a Revelation!
nemo
Presumable, sailed upon by sauce boats!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40A1D754...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:409E2B1B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > A-Maizing Grace, How Sweet The Sound......
> > > >
> > > > Please don't Lie, Ma Bean!
> > > >
> > > > Sublime: Undersea citrus tree.
> > > >
> > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > >
> > > Customer: What this?
> > >
> > > Waiter: It's bean soup, sir.
> > >
> > > Customer: I don't want to know what it's been - I want to know what it
> is
> > > now!
> > >
> > > And when he gets to the main course:
> > >
> > > Customer: This Turkey fried in Greece is terribel! (It's not a typo -
> it's
> > > Michael Howard) I want to complain! Get the Bosphorus!
> >
> > Don't drop the China!
> >
> Yeah. Beak hairful when you put the China Down!
>
> Orch:
>
> Yaaa Daaa Daaa Daaa Yutataaaa! Yaaa Taaa Taaa Taaa Taaaaah!
>
> No! No! Stop that. I said 'China Down' not 'China Town'!!
China Down: From a Chinese duck?
nemo
Eider down: Concealed feathers.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:403C6EC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > I yam salivating at the prospect of a-maizingly tasty food puns.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Lettuce milk this topic for all it's worth, and egg each other on.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Have any of you ever visited the Apple-Lacien Mountains?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I feel grape about this topic.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > You are a grape human bean.
> > > > > >
Tim Bruening
nemo
HP Sauce: Gives a bit of flavour to UK politics!
nemo
Force Feeled: Tactile invisible barrier.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Rowan Hawthorn wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:402C91B6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Happy Friday the 13th! Today, we walk under ladders, step on cracks,
> > and gather in groups of 13.
> >
> > Bloodbank: Where vampires keep their blood money.
> >
> > Bloodtype: What vampires type in.
> >
> > Sweepstakes: Buffy dusting vampires with a broom.
> >
> > Sweepstakes: Witch game shows.
>
> Three vampires at the local bar:
> Vamp1: "I'll have an A positive."
> Vamp2: "Same for me."
> Vamp3: "I'll have a glass of plasma."
> Waiter: "Okay, that's two Bloods and a Blood Light..."
Plasma: Very hot Momma!
nemo
Zeta Jones?
http://www.alumni.ca/~yeun4d0/introduction.htm
"Rise of Fusion" - para three.
It didn't work, BTW!!! Lots of red faces - and a few burnt ones!
nemo
HP Sauce: Most of the rubbish that UK politicians come out with!
Tim Bruening
Randolf Richardson
Soy sauce: Secure, online, electronic sauce.
--
Randolf Richardson, pro-active spam fighter - r...@8x.ca
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Sending eMail to other SMTP servers is a privilege.
nemo
Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
news:Xns95BAF304...@24.64.223.211...
Randolf Richardson
> Kosher version: Oy Sauce!
Artificial version (we're just playing around): Toy sauce.
Tim Bruening
Zotmeister wrote:
> "fmhlaw" <fmh...@attbi.com> wrote in message
> news:3DD42DC...@attbi.com...
> >
> >
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower.
> > >
> > > 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds.
> > >
> > > 1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche.
> >
> > 10 morons = 1 decadence
> >
>
> These are OLD, people. (Well, actually, the "decadence" is new to me, so
> congrats!) Here, let me air out the archive:
>
> The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
> 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
> Hospital: I. V. League
> 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup: One-Ton [wonton]
> 1 millionth of a mouthwash: Micro-Scope
> The speed of a reptile breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle
> 8 catfish: Octo-puss
> sailing 220 yards at one nautical mile per hour: Knot-Furlong
> 365 days of drinking lo-cal beer: Light Year
> 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: Rod Serling
> the force required to accelerate one kilogram of fruit wafers one meter per
> second per second: Fig Newton
> one-half large intestine: Semi-Colon
> 1 millionth of a movie: Micro-Film
> 1,000 pains: Mega-Hurts
> 6.023x10^23 alligator pears: Avocado's Number
> the amount of weight an evangelist carries with his deity: the Billi-Gram
> the unit of celestial brightness that isn't really supposed to be used, but
> still... : the Half-Sirius
> the time between slipping on a fruit peel and hitting the ground: the
> Bananosecond
> the moment of time a golfer takes after lining up a putt and before stroking
> it when he or she blew the birdie try the previous putt: the Par-Sec
> 10 millipedes: 1 centipede
> 2,000 millionaires: 1 Binary (or 4 Seminaries)
> 10 cards: 1 Deca-Card
> one-half lavatory: 1 Demi-John
> 5 Holocausts: 1 Pentecost
> the shortest distance between two jokes: a *straight* line
>
> Here are some genuine new ones:
>
> three feet of rubbish: Junk-Yard
> device for counting swears uttered by Swedish pop bands: the Abba-Cuss
> two cubic random number generators in Las Vegas: one Gambler's Pair-o'-Dice
> spending the sun-lit hours sweet-talking a Korean: Day-Woo
> one tenth of a significant other: Deci-Mate
> two banners: Semi-four flags
Slum-ber: The homeless sleep out in the cold.
Hour Hand Smoke: 3,600 times worse than Second Hand Smoke.
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Why is the study of ducks such a mallarderous occupation?
Because you have to get down and dirty.
Tim Bruening
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Why is the study of ducks such a mallarderous occupation?
>
> Because you have to get down and dirty.
Good one!
And the last thing you need to do is to show a lake-adazical attitude!
nemo
Ice up hose (brrr!) a ketch would sail *up* and down that!
nemo
That should Foil musical tresspassers alright!
Singitar: A musical sword!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4041F531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Chris Trask wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:403DB356...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Chris Trask wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
Yers. Sailed on by ketch ups!
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Why is the study of ducks such a mallarderous occupation?
>
> Because you have to get down and dirty.
Peter Scott didn't. He just sat there in his armchair
He lived on a nature reserve and his house had a huge single-pane picture
window looking straight out onto the edge of a lake full of the little
quackers! In fact the water came right up to the edge of the window.
Now if I could win the National Lottery . . . .
nemo
Was it made from Sarah Palings?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
>> Why is the study of ducks such a mallarderous occupation?
>
> Because you have to get down and dirty.
And there's always the danger of getting a puncheon the firkin nose from a
Tough Ted Duck as well!