Re: 1/5 Puns
nemo
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48196D86...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Converse: Song about tennis shoes..
>
> Converse: Song by or about criminals.
>
> Adverse: Mathematical song.
>
> Adverse: What they call the german who got the lowest score in math.
>
> Adversity: What they call the german town that got the lowest score in
> math.
>
> Converse: What they call the german who's rated "the worse confidence
> man".
>
> Reverse: To sing again (actually to "...back up to the last chorus and
> sing again").
>
> Attract: The answer an indian gave to the question "Where's the train?"
Was that one of his better lines then, and how did the story actually
turnout?
>
> Contract: What Godzilla ate at the Mexican restaurant (Chili Con tract)
>
> Retract: To replace old railroad tracks.
>
> Subtract: What underwater bloodhounds do to find lost submarines.
>
> Engineers: What Native Americans hear with.
>
> Howdy: An Indian demon that greets you.
Yahoody Menhuin: Great violinist who used to help run a famous search
engine!
Tim Bruening
Converse: Song by or about criminals.
Adverse: Mathematical song.
Adverse: What they call the german who got the lowest score in math.
Adversity: What they call the german town that got the lowest score in
math.
Converse: What they call the german who's rated "the worse confidence
man".
Reverse: To sing again (actually to "...back up to the last chorus and
sing again").
Attract: The answer an indian gave to the question "Where's the train?"
Contract: What Godzilla ate at the Mexican restaurant (Chili Con tract)
Tim Bruening
Purloin: A price for each sex act.
Sirloin: A very sexy knight.
Surround: A very fat knight.
Survive: A living knight.
X-Mas: What happens at an alien church.
ET: What aliens drink.
Congest: Against jokes.
Conquest: Against adventures.
Hiku: A government overthrow in a mountainous nation.
Baku: A sheep revolution.
Tim Bruening
Advent: Insert angry rant.
Adverse: Singing commercial.
Attract Anorak: What an Alpine train runs on, in my a pinion!
Aversion: One description of events.
Convent: Against angry rants.
Convent: A ranting criminal.
Converse: Against singing.
Contract: Against railroads.
Enginuity: A locomotive driver's pension.
Tim Bruening
Adverse: Add another song.
Adversity: A hostile city.
Converse: Singing criminal(s).
Reverse: To sing again.
Attract: What a train runs on.
Contract: Criminal railroad.
Retract: To go on the train again.
Subtract: What subway trains run on.
Subtract: A train underwater.
Tim Bruening
Submission: The church SUBWAY sandwich shop employees belong to.
Mitten: What the tin man's baseball glove is made of.
Commission: What they call the mission of Viagra. If that mission
succeeds, we get an emission.
Emit: Glove on the Internet.
Emission: Another church on the Internet.
Porpoise: bad muscular co-ordination or bad manners and/or social
graces.
Prince of Wales: Very large, aquatic footprints.
Tim Bruening
father for permission. "Sir", he said, "I would like your daughter for
my wife." "Why can't she get one of her own?" Fran's father asked.
nemo
> George had persuaded Fran to marry him, and was formally asking her
> father for permission. "Sir", he said, "I would like your daughter for
> my wife." "Why can't she get one of her own?" Fran's father asked.
Blackadder. BBC TV. The episode about a Yorkshire industrialist and his
daughter who disguises herself as a highwayman.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
And he was wearing Chintz Prarles - whatever a Prarl is.
Instead of as in the old days when people used to think: 'Someday my prints
will come,' I can now think: 'Some minute my prints will come,' now I've got
this nice new iP4600 Canon printer.
I wonder if it prints Howitzers, mortars, recoilless rifle rifle
fuddadiddle-I dos, Bazookas and machine guns as well. And with the prefix
iP, it might make yer bladder muscles stronger as well!
Hairy tizz. A4 paper size and cheap, but it'll do the job until I can afford
a professional A3 one with more pigment inks than you can shake a stick at -
if that's your idea of a good time! (Groucho Marks and Spencer)
nemo
Iyyy thought a train underwater would be attached to the very soggy rear of
a very soggy dress of a very soggy bride underwater!
When they've finished the respash-shion, they'll be off on their runnymoon!
nemo
Mine!
Hard a-port . . . !
BANG!!!! Glug - glug - glug . . . . .
Too late!
nemo
Coup de tat: A bunch of lacemakers seize the factory!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4224335C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4041E291...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Bahrain: Sheep precipitation.
> > > >
> > > > Cuba: Line of sheep.
> > > >
> > > > Tuba: Two sheep.
> > > >
> > > > Yuba: You are a sheep.
> > >
> > > Euphonium: Imitation of a Eugenuinium.
> >
> > Reba: Sheep again.
> >
> Busbar: An elecrical conductor feeding the motor of a mass transit vehicle
> for carting those blasted sheep away in for good!
>
> Buzzbar: Ditto for those damned bees as well!
Busby: Apine mass transit viehicle.
nemo
Red Injuns!!
http://members.fortunecity.com/rrpics/cprmount/cprmount.htm
Tim Bruening
nemo
> George had persuaded Fran to marry him, and was formally asking her
> father for permission. "Sir", he said, "I would like your daughter for
> my wife." "Why can't she get one of her own?" Fran's father asked.
A gooseberry pun. So old it's got whiskers on, and a beater, a slicer and a
blender attachment.
Kenwood have to mention that, wooden tea?
nemo
> Converse: Song about tennis shoes..
>
> Converse: Song by or about criminals.
>
> Adverse: Mathematical song.
>
> Adverse: What they call the german who got the lowest score in math.
>
> Adversity: What they call the german town that got the lowest score in
> math.
>
> Converse: What they call the german who's rated "the worse confidence
> man".
>
> Reverse: To sing again (actually to "...back up to the last chorus and
> sing again").
>
> Attract: The answer an indian gave to the question "Where's the train?"
>
> Contract: What Godzilla ate at the Mexican restaurant (Chili Con tract)
>
> Retract: To replace old railroad tracks.
>
> Subtract: What underwater bloodhounds do to find lost submarines.
>
> Engineers: What Native Americans hear with.
>
What a dangerous thing E.T. Quette is!
Next time someone asks, "How are you?" stand a little stiffly and reply,
"Like this!"
And if someone asks "Where do you live?" try replying, "Well at the moment -
just here in front of you!"
Both perfectly logical and valid, but to most people, utterly outrageous!
Like if someone says, "Excuse me" just say "NO!" and see their poor little
face!
And another stupid one. If you ask for something in a shop and the assistant
brings it, they're quite likely to say, "Here you are." Try replying, "Iyyy
know where I am, thank you very much!!"
There's nowt ser queer as folk and nowt ser daft as E.T. Quette and the
English Langwiddjje!
Nemo.
In 2007, retirement was heaven,
And it's still quite divine in 2009!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4224335C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message