1/9 Puns
Timmy
Ferny: Hairy knee.
Folly: Dumb Koran.
Fully: Stuffed Koran.
Oxymoron: Stu-Pid draft animal.
Timmy
Benignly: Kind Korean bee #9.
Boiling: Baby boil.
Bolting: Musical bolt.
Glossy: Shiny ocean.
Timmy
Ceiling: Baby seal.
Coaling: Baby coal.
Coding: Musical encytption.
Coiling: Baby rope.
Coking: King of the drug cartel.
Collie: Korean dog.
Timmy
Congeal: Against geals.
Dazing: Zings between sunrise and sunset.
Deeply: Korean underwater or underground.
Deploy: Demon plot.
Timmy
Decoy: Demon distraction.
Defy: Rebellious demon.
Deny: Ungenerous demon.
Despoil: Demon that trashes the environment.
Timmy
Abet: One gamble or gam-bull.
Able: One male bovine.
Aortic: Tic in the blood stream.
Aseptic: One tic in the 9th month.
Timmy
Admire: Add a bog.
Admit: Add a glove.
Admix: Add a mixer.
Advert: Add the color green.
Timmy
Basting: Bee or bell in SF.
Baiting: Another SF bell.
Betting: Gambling bell.
Biting: Homosexual bell.
Timmy
Trapping: Trap for bells.
Travesty: Tea or vest that's a sham.
Treating: Musical tree, or a tree bell.
Treaty: Tea from peace trees.
Timmy
Atomicity: Nuclear tea or city.
Batty: Tea that makes one an insane flying mammal.
Bitty: Tea of small computer files.
Catty: Feline tea.
Timmy
Comity: Funny tea.
Commodity: Tea of business men or traders.
Diatomic: To color an atom.
Dimity: Darkness tea.
Nutty: Tea of squirrels.
Tim Bruening
"The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> Humor fans,
>
> Let's cluck into another weekend with a brand new "Humor of the Great
> Composers"!!!
>
> Q: Why did the fisherman take a jar of tartar sauce to listen to a
> recording of the Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and Double Bass in
> A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz Schubert?
>
> A: Because he heard there would be trout there!!!
>
> HH: trout. Trout. The Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and Double
> Bass in A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz
> Schubert is known as "The Trout". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
Quintet: 5th celebration of the Vietnamese New Year.
Why would a trout be attracted by tartar sauce?Ceding: Musical seed, or
Tim Bruening
KIMEVANS wrote:
> Q. What did the inflatable headmaster at Inflatable High School say to the
> inflatable student when he took him into the inflatable office to discipline
> him?
>
> A. Your behaviour has been despicable.You have let your friends and
> classmates down and as a matter of fact you have let the entire SCHOOL down!
> In bringing that thumbtack into the school ,you will now more importantly
> have to live with the fact that you have even let YOURSELF down !!!
A TACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tim Bruening
> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> news:41e13716$0$4151$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
>>> On Fri, 07 Jan 2005 15:20:02 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
>>> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
>>> about:
>>>
>>>> On 7 Jan 2005 09:33:39 GMT
>>>> Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> "Abbey Normal" <abb...@dontspame.com> wrote in message
>>>>>> news:1cKdnf3Geem...@comcast.com...
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> "socrtwo" <soc...@gmail.com> wrote in message
>>>>>>> news:1105062854.2...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
>>>>>>>> Warning - 5 year old level punnishment ahead.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Coming up with a pun about spaghetti, macaroni, fettuccini,
>>>>>> lasagna, or> > ravioli is using your noodle.
>>>>>>>> Using your noodle to come up with a fresh pun is new dull.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> And to think... I almosed pasta post like this up.
>>>>>
>>>>>> I was a thinking about dis...I walka pasta da bakery. 2) I walka
>>>>>> pasta da candy store. 3) I walka pasta da Ice Cream shop $)
>>>>>> still a nothing gets a pasta my mind
>>>>>
>>>>> /s/Ice Cream/Barber
>>>>> Then you have cut&pasta.
>>>>>
>>>> What's up with that grammer? You a pro or something?
>>>>
>>> That was a fate Houchini couldn't get pasta performance.
>>
>> Do you have a reliable sauce for this?
>>
>>
>
> Now, now... Don't be a pesto.
Pastry: Tree that grows bon-bons.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40A82969...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > news:7iho601rrgiit0ucb...@4ax.com...
> > > > With the warmer weather, the girls are taking off their heavier winter
> > > > garments. The French observe that the chest nuts are in blossom.
> > > >
> > > And when it gets really hot, brassieres May Fly!
> >
> > Flowerings: Rings in bloom or musical buds?
>
> Stamen: Order to lazy gardeners who are trying to sneak off work early.
Stable: Order to a male bovine to not move.
Tim Bruening
>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
>>> On 7 Jan 2005 17:19:34 -0800, art...@yahoo.com found these unused
>>> words floating about:
>>>
>>>> I aplogize for that last one. I wasn't entirely Soba when I wrote
>>>> it.
>>> Be rice and leave the threads.
>>
>> I am in one of my wonton moods..call me.
> Too bad. Normally, you're so chow mein.
Rising: Singing grain.
Tim Bruening
March of Dimes: 10 cents in the 3rd month.
Marching: Singing in the 3rd month.
Lettuce March 4th for Whirled Peas!
May the 4th be with you!
Maybe: Bee in the 5th month.
Macing: 5th month song.
Macy: Oceanic clothing store in the 5th month.
Maker: Dog in the 5th month.
Making: Male monarch in the 5th month.
Maiming: Chinese vase in the 5th month.
Mating: Bell or Chinese in the 5th month.
June: Why is there never a Junetag sale?
July: Why did July about Iraq, President Bush?
August: Wind in the 8th month.
September, October, November, December: Cold months.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Toolman Tim <tmay...@charter.invalid> wrote in message
> news:106n80d...@corp.supernews.com...
> > With all the borscht they consume, I don't understand why
> > Russians aren't the world's greatest rock stars.
> >
> > I mean, everyone knows that the heart of rock and roll is
> > the beet.
> >
> And with all the borscht they used to consume, people on holiday in the
> Catskills ended up needing longer trouser retainers. This item of clothing
> soon became known as The Borscht Belt.
Bedrock: Where stones and rocs sleep.
Tim Bruening
Optimist: Happy fog.
Pessimist: Sad fog.
Prefer: Before your hair grows out.
Sandbar: Where beach bums get drunk.
Submit: Wet glove.
Subside: Side of the ocean.
Survey: Map making knight.
Tim Bruening
Fledge Ling: Baby Chinese bird.
Hedge Ling: Chinese gardener.
Hump Ping: Chinese camel.
Ling Go: A departing Chinese.
Pledge Ling: Chinese oath taker.
Skim: Korean on the take.
Warden: Where generals live.
War Ding, War Ping: Militaristic bells or Chinese soldiers. (Is "Ding"
a Chinese name?).
Warp Ping: Faster than light Chinese or a faster than light bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4090878E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > A Ping: One Chinese.
> >
> > Bloop Ping: Chinese baseball player who gets infield singles.
> >
> > Flap Ping: Chinese with wings.
> >
> > Gay Ping: Homosexual Chinese.
> >
> > Hop Ping: Chinese rabbit.
> >
> > Jump Ping: Another Chinese rabbit.
> >
> > Leap Ping: Another Chinese rabbit.
> >
> > Lo Ping: A Chinese low down.
> >
> > Top Ping: A Chinese high up.
>
> Ping Pong: Smell of a Chinese vase that's had 100-year-old eggs in it!
Earth Ling: Chinese farmer.
Ho Ping: Chinese garden tool.
Ho Ping: Chinese Santa Clause.
Tim Bruening
Decking: 10 kings.
Necking: Vampire king.
Packing: Political fundraising king.
Parking: Golf playing king.
Peeking: King at the top of the mountain.
Peeking: Urinating king.
Peking: Chinese king.
Plunking: King who plops things down.
Poking: Gambling king.
Punking: Comedian king.
Pun Ting: Chinese comedian.
Tim Bruening
Mos (Not@YourHouse) wrote on 2004-07-10 07:40:21 PST:
>
>
> Dougal wrote:
> > On Sun, 4 Jul 2004 08:41:21 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>> No, Dougal's just being silly.
> >>>
> >>> When am I ever not?
> >>
> >> You have to sleep sometime.
> >
> > I can't sleep.
> >
> > Not even a good dose of r.h does the trick anymore.
>
> Try atj and read a few lines of Mel's much overly
> repeated comments. Better than hypnosis.
Hypnosis: Sister that zonks you out.
Hypnosis: To be cool and have no female siblings.
Synopsis: Summary of a sinning sister.
Tim Bruening
Compress: Computer newspaper.
Depress: A newspaper printed in Hell.
Express: Failed newspaper.
Oppress: A newspaper about doughnuts.
Repress: To print the paper again.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Harry Farkas <hfa...@wowway.com> wrote in message
> news:B6udnY0RvPF...@wideopenwest.com...
>
> > [OT: Nemo - just wondering, how is it that you know Yiddish? You can email
> > me the response if you wish.]
> >
> No problem. Some Jewish blood in the family from wayback - on my dad's side
> though so it doesn't count. There might be some on my mum's side but
> difficult to trace. Her mum was Irish but her dad was from Italy but with a
> Ukrainian name.
>
> Always studied comparative religion. Christianity never seemed to make
> sense. Also studied Jewish history because it's always astonished me why
> they've always been given such a rough time.
>
> To cut a long story short, saw a documentary, "Arena", on-pre war East
> European Yiddish Cinema and was so inspired and fascinated by the language
> and culture, signed up for a course at the City Literary Institute and
> bought every book I could lay my hands on - some at huge expense by personal
> import from the US. (No Amazon in those days.)
>
> Discovered Klezmer at about the same time and it sounded *familiar* and
> astonishingly inspirational as has almost everything else I've learned - and
> as a calligrapher, I even found that I could do a very good Square Hebrew
> with no tuition. Reincarnation? Race memory? I don't know. But I do get a
> feeling that the stork dropped me down the wrong chimney sometimes. I'm told
> this is not totally uncommon.
Yiddish: Jewish meal.
Jewish: When a Jew wishes upon a star.
Hebrew: Jewish beer.
Timmy
Duping: Do ring the bell.
Muting: Cow bell, cat bell, silent bell, or subatomic bell.
Parent: To rent two things.
Timmy
Pinesol: A sad household cleaner.
Joy: A happy household cleaner.
Lysol: An untruthful household cleaner.
Comet: A cleaner that's out of this world.
Clor-ox: Draft animal that cleans.
Timmy
Abiding: Bell that coopeates.
Asserting: Bell that knows what it wants.
Assuming: Chinese vase that jumps to conclusions.
Attracting: Bell that people like.
Betting: Casino bell.
Boarding: Wooden bell.
Compounding: Bell at a computerized dog pound.
Dating: Calender bell.
Dating: Romance bell.
Dating: Fruit bell.
Dating: Bell that only rings in the daytime.
Defeating: Bell that lost.
Timmy
Aborting: Bell that ends a pregnancy.
Admitting: Bell that rings to allow you in.
Alerting: Bell that rings warning.
Affording: Cheap bell.
Affording: One bell that wades across a river.
Averting: Bell that avoids disaster.
Biting: Toothy bell.
Biting: Purchase a bell.
Bursting: Over full bell.
Busting: Mass transit bell.
Timmy
Co-Bra: Breast coverings that really bite!
Logo: To go underground.
Transfer: To move mammalian body coverings.
Zebra: The last bra in the alphabet.
Timmy
Cell Phone: Phone in jail.
Cell Phone: Phone used by amoebas.
Cell Phone! Phone sharings are dropping like a stone!
Amoebas: Very small sheep.
Xerox: Draft animal that clones things.
Timmy
Order: A passage way to rock that contains valuable minerals.
Ordeal: A contract to buy and sell such rock.
Subdue: Underwater postage stamp.
Timmy
Alligator: One who makes allegations.
Allocate: To find Al Gore.
Goring: Ring worn by Al.
Timmy
Percy: Price of an ocean.
Permit: Glove price.
Perot: Price of a canoe or row boat trip.
Timmy
Autobiography: Life story of a car.
Pepper: Price of a pick me up.
Peract: Price of part of a play.
Percent: Price of a penny.
Perforate: Price of holes.
Permute: Price of silence.
Person: Price of a male kid.
Perspirate: Price of sweat.
Perspire: Price of the top of the church.
Permission: Price of the entire church.
Timmy
Forecast: 4 actors.
Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
Overcast: Cloudy actors.
Timmy
Asking: King of backsides.
Awaking: King of Travel Agents.
Banking: Explosives expert.
Biking: A gay monarch.
Braking: King of donkeys.
Cracking: Drug lord.
Flaking: Snow lord.
Hiking: Lord of the mountains.
Liable: Fibbing male cow.
Liking: Satan.
Timmy
Trouser: Knight of pants.
Timmy
Ranting: A bell diatribe.
Questing: Bell on a mission.
Resting: Bell remaining still.
Fasting: Speedy bell.
Fasting: Bell during Ramadan.
Timmy
Nathaniel Lind wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:415D03EA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Breaking: King of dancing by spinning on the ground.
> >
> > Braking: King of stopping.
>
> Parking: does really well on the golf course!
Barking: Canine king.
Barking: Prison king.
Barking: Alcohol king.
Barking: Lawyer king.
Timmy
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> headdr wrote:
> >"David Reihmer" <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> >news:simwah-D46F99....@netnews.attbi.com...
> >> In article <05d6rv4kppjnomgce...@4ax.com>,
> >> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> >> > Have you ever shooed a fly? No, they don't make Nikes that
small.
> >> Unless they're forgeries, but that would be unfarrier - I tried
to shoe
> >> a horsefly once, but I couldn't anneal down that far.
> >Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
>
> That's a phallacy.
Shoe Ting: Musical footwear or Chinese cobbler.
Shoot Ting: Musical gun or Chinese gunman
Timmy
"Ghost of the Ex New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> Q: What beverage did the late conductor of the Chicago Symphony
Orchestra
> drink when he visited Harlem ?
>
> A: Soul tea!!!
>
> HH: Soul tea. Sol-ti. The late Sir George Solti was the conductor of
the
> Chicago Symphony Orchestra. You eat soul food (and soul tea) in
Harlem. Get
> it??? Ha ha ha!!!
Sole Tea: Tea from shoes.
Boot Rear: A drink that kicks you in the arse.
Timmy
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> "Dr Tormento" <re...@togroup.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns9522472B89E...@199.184.165.239
> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > news:40ef5706$0$18192$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> >
> >> "Jon Delaney" <j...@43-arun.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
> >> news:cchj9b$qvl$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk
> >>> In these modern times with all our sources of energy. I still
find a
> >>> wood burning stove the best. After all there's no fuel like an
old
> >>> fuel!
> >>
> >> Sorry but this thread leaves me coaled. :-(
> >
> > I soot of expected that.
>
> How char-ming - and said with such flare, too!!
Char-ming: Burnt Chinese vase
Timmy
Jenni Saqua wrote:
> "Dr Tormento" wrote ...
> > "Jenni Saqua" wrote :
> > > "J. A. Mc." wrote ...
> > >> On 08 Jul Dr Tormento found these
> > >> unused words floating about:
> > >>
> > >> >Hauke Reddmann originally wrote :
> > >> >
> > >> >> Here at the uni I always pass the Enten-Apotheke
> > >> >> (Ducks Pharmacy Store). I never was in it, though.
> > >> >> They are just quacks!
> > >> >
> > >> > Do they have a web site?
> > >>
> > >> A Merganser through Google should confirm the drake URL.
> > >>
> > > When I arrived at their website, a notice said, "No Peking, Duck
site
> > > closed." ...
> >
> > Obviously they had problems with their bills.
> >
> They've paddled bankruptcy before, according to records.
Abduct: To kidnap Muslim waterfowl.
Conduct: Criminal waterfowl.
Deduct: To take the price of the waterfowl off your taxes.
Reduct: To hunt waterfowl again
Timmy
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40F4BEC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Betsy: An ocean casino.
> >
> > Casey: Suitcase ocean.
> >
> > Daisy: Flower ocean.
> >
> > Dicey: Die, ocean!
> >
> > Krypton: Heavy secret.
> >
> > Pepsi: A fizzy, uplifting sea.
> >
> > Peptide: The result of the moon pulling on the Pepsi.
>
> Polypeptide: The result of the moon pulling on a parrot.
>
> Polypeptide Chain: What it pulls the parrot with.
>
> A Nemo Acid.
Carbon Chain: Chain of pastries in an automobile.
Swimming Suit: Lawyer in water
Timmy
Zipping: Another fast moving bell.
Renting: Tenant bell.
Wiping: Cleaning bell.
Whipping: Punishing bell.
Slapping: Another punishing bell.
Shipping: Bell on the ocean.
Timmy
Adverse: A hostile song.
Adverse: Add another song.
Converse: Singing criminal(s).
Diverse: Poem or song about coloring substances.
Reverse: To sing again.
Reverse: To sing backwards.
Timmy
Conifer: A hairy tree.
Defer: To remove one's hair.
Duffer: Clum-sea hair.
Infer: Inside hair.
Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
Prefer: Before you grow hair.
Offer: To remove one's hair.
Refer: To grow hair again.
Transfer: To move hair to another person.
Timmy
Advising: Helpful song.
Advertising: Commercial song.
Amazing: One singing corn field.
Bemusing: Singing bee.
Crossing: A musical religious symbol.
Hissing: Song made by a snake.
Icing: A frozen song.
Massing: A heavy song.
Missing: A girl who can't carry a tune.
Musing: A singing cow or cat or poet.
Passing: A musical mountain path.
Passing: Sung by cars as they pass each other.
Rising: A song that makes you soar.
Rising: Singing grain.
nemo
Timmy <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:1105320222.2...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> Denser: Knight of the bedroom.
>
> Ferny: Hairy knee.
>
> Folly: Dumb Koran.
> Fully: Stuffed Koran.
>
> Oxymoron: Stu-Pid draft animal.
>
Oxydising Agent: Spy who cuts draught animals up into small cubes.
nemo
> Aptly: Skilled Korean.
>
> Benignly: Kind Korean bee #9.
> Boiling: Baby boil.
>
> Bolting: Musical bolt.
>
> Glossy: Shiny ocean.
>
Belting: Alarm on a chastity band.
nemo
> Ceding: Musical seed, or musical ocean, or musical CD.
>
> Ceiling: Baby seal.
>
> Coaling: Baby coal.
>
> Coding: Musical encytption.
>
> Coiling: Baby rope.
> Coking: King of the drug cartel.
>
> Collie: Korean dog.
>
Collieflower: Dog Rose.
nemo
> Dealing: Baby deal.
>
> Decoy: Demon distraction.
>
> Defy: Rebellious demon.
> Deny: Ungenerous demon.
>
> Despoil: Demon that trashes the environment.
>
Pandemonium: Metal from which the devil's cooking utensils are made.
nemo
> Acidity: Tea that dissolves.
>
> Atomicity: Nuclear tea or city.
>
> Batty: Tea that makes one an insane flying mammal.
> Bitty: Tea of small computer files.
>
> Catty: Feline tea.
>
Tea drunk by drivers of certain large vehicles in a certain district of
London: Dodge-Ealing.
nemo
> Conga: Against gas.
>
> Congeal: Against geals.
>
> Dazing: Zings between sunrise and sunset.
> Deeply: Korean underwater or underground.
>
> Deploy: Demon plot.
>
Deploddycus: Pre-historic irascible old man with a low ping gait.
Alter Cocker: Plastic surgery on a spaniel.
nemo
> City: Urban tea.
>
> Comity: Funny tea.
>
> Commodity: Tea of business men or traders.
>
> Diatomic: To color an atom.
> Dimity: Darkness tea.
>
> Nutty: Tea of squirrels.
>
nemo
> Abed: One sleeping area.
>
> Abet: One gamble or gam-bull.
>
> Able: One male bovine.
> Aortic: Tic in the blood stream.
>
> Aseptic: One tic in the 9th month.
>
Antisceptic: Bactericide which also removes the patients stubborn doubts
that his wound is going to heal.
Scepticćmia: Blood poisoning that also makes the patient refuse to believe
he's suffering from it.
<rant!>
Microorganism. Perfect example to prove the fact that ommitting hyphens is a
damned stupid thing to do. Micro-organism is old but it's right!
nemo
> City: Urban tea.
>
> Comity: Funny tea.
>
> Commodity: Tea of business men or traders.
>
> Diatomic: To color an atom.
> Dimity: Darkness tea.
>
> Nutty: Tea of squirrels.
>
frightening.
nemo
> Basing: SF songs.
>
> Basting: Bee or bell in SF.
>
> Baiting: Another SF bell.
> Betting: Gambling bell.
>
> Biting: Homosexual bell.
>
Lalthyrus Tingitanus: Flower with a thpeech defect brought back from the
dead with a bell in a very embarrassing place.
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Toolman Tim <tmay...@charter.invalid> wrote in message
> > news:106n80d...@corp.supernews.com...
> > > With all the borscht they consume, I don't understand why
> > > Russians aren't the world's greatest rock stars.
> > >
> > > I mean, everyone knows that the heart of rock and roll is
> > > the beet.
> > >
> > And with all the borscht they used to consume, people on holiday in the
> > Catskills ended up needing longer trouser retainers. This item of
clothing
> > soon became known as The Borscht Belt.
>
> Bedrock: Where stones and rocs sleep.
Permafrost: Ladies' cryogenic hairstyle.
nemo
> Adder: One who does sums.
>
> Admire: Add a bog.
> Admit: Add a glove.
>
> Admix: Add a mixer.
>
> Advert: Add the color green.
>
Admonition: Providing a computer with a new display device.
Rebuke: To buke someone a second time!
nemo
> Transmit: Glove that teleports you places.
>
> Trapping: Trap for bells.
>
> Travesty: Tea or vest that's a sham.
> Treating: Musical tree, or a tree bell.
>
> Treaty: Tea from peace trees.
>
Danish Peacetrees? Very tasty! I have 'em every day. Yom yom!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Squash Blossoms: Blossoms that crush.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Debark: Demon dog that silences dogs and removes the bark from trees.
nemo
>
> Decking: 10 kings.
>
> Necking: Vampire king.
>
> Packing: Political fundraising king.
>
> Parking: Golf playing king.
>
> Peeking: King at the top of the mountain.
>
> Peeking: Urinating king.
>
> Peking: Chinese king.
>
> Plunking: King who plops things down.
>
> Poking: Gambling king.
>
> Punking: Comedian king.
>
> Pun Ting: Chinese comedian.
Pain Ting: Excruciatingly bad Chinese comedian.
nemo
>
> Pinesol: A sad household cleaner.
>
> Joy: A happy household cleaner.
>
> Lysol: An untruthful household cleaner.
>
> Comet: A cleaner that's out of this world.
> Clor-ox: Draft animal that cleans.
>
Ajax: What they used to clean WW2 battleships with.
Exeter: Battleship that consumed chicken ova served up on a River Plate.
Admiral Graf Spee. A battleship that neutered tabby cats.
http://college.hmco.com/history/readerscomp/ships/html/sh_002300_hmsajax.htm
nemo
>
> Abiding: Bell that coopeates.
>
> Asserting: Bell that knows what it wants.
>
> Assuming: Chinese vase that jumps to conclusions.
>
> Attracting: Bell that people like.
>
> Betting: Casino bell.
>
> Boarding: Wooden bell.
>
> Compounding: Bell at a computerized dog pound.
>
> Dating: Calender bell.
>
> Dating: Romance bell.
>
> Dating: Fruit bell.
>
> Dating: Bell that only rings in the daytime.
>
> Defeating: Bell that lost.
>
Defeeted: Guy who parachuted down into a helicopter's propeller.
Did he die? Well that's a rotorical question.
,
nemo
>
> Aborting: Bell that ends a pregnancy.
>
> Admitting: Bell that rings to allow you in.
>
> Alerting: Bell that rings warning.
>
> Affording: Cheap bell.
>
> Affording: One bell that wades across a river.
>
> Averting: Bell that avoids disaster.
>
> Biting: Toothy bell.
>
> Biting: Purchase a bell.
> Bursting: Over full bell.
>
> Busting: Mass transit bell.
>
June is busting out all over,
The elastic has broken on her bra . . .
nemo
>
> Compress: Computer newspaper.
>
> Depress: A newspaper printed in Hell.
>
> Express: Failed newspaper.
>
> Oppress: A newspaper about doughnuts.
>
> Repress: To print the paper again.
Presstidigitation: Editor of an Indian newspaper who's very skilful indeed
with the finger he uses to push the button that causes the chai wallah to
appear as if by magic.
nemo
>
> Mos (Not@YourHouse) wrote on 2004-07-10 07:40:21 PST:
> >
> >
> > Dougal wrote:
> > > On Sun, 4 Jul 2004 08:41:21 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> > >>>>
> > >>>> No, Dougal's just being silly.
> > >>>
> > >>> When am I ever not?
> > >>
> > >> You have to sleep sometime.
> > >
> > > I can't sleep.
> > >
> > > Not even a good dose of r.h does the trick anymore.
> >
> > Try atj and read a few lines of Mel's much overly
> > repeated comments. Better than hypnosis.
>
> Hypnosis: Sister that zonks you out.
>
> Hypnosis: To be cool and have no female siblings.
>
> Synopsis: Summary of a sinning sister.
Synopsis: What runs out of your nose when you've got Synositis.
Psophometer: Measures electrical noise together with how many times a day a
telecomms engineer tells his boss to Psoph!!
nemo
> Algae Bra: Mathematical breast coverings
>
> Co-Bra: Breast coverings that really bite!
>
> Logo: To go underground.
>
> Transfer: To move mammalian body coverings.
> Zebra: The last bra in the alphabet.
>
Dyslexic female badly burned when she tried to put on a brazier by mistake!
(^!^)
nemo
>
> Autobiography: Life story of a car.
>
> Pepper: Price of a pick me up.
>
> Peract: Price of part of a play.
>
> Percent: Price of a penny.
>
> Perforate: Price of holes.
>
> Permute: Price of silence.
>
> Person: Price of a male kid.
>
> Perspirate: Price of sweat.
>
> Perspire: Price of the top of the church.
> Permission: Price of the entire church.
>
Cath-hedral: Big church having faces the same as a girl called Catherine's.
Di Hedral: A Welshman with a similar face and an aeroplane.
OK, they're not very good, but there's no need to lose yer hedron!
nemo
>
> Forecast: 4 actors.
> Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
>
> Overcast: Cloudy actors.
>
Oktaginarians: Drunken nazis who observe cloud-cover. They're not so keen on
Dew Point though.
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?ref
id=1861684616.
nemo
>
> Asking: King of backsides.
>
> Awaking: King of Travel Agents.
>
> Banking: Explosives expert.
>
> Biking: A gay monarch.
>
> Braking: King of donkeys.
>
> Cracking: Drug lord.
>
> Flaking: Snow lord.
>
> Hiking: Lord of the mountains.
> Liable: Fibbing male cow.
>
> Liking: Satan.
>
Lord of the mountains? I thought that was a Scottish stag, or am I being
fiddichuluous?
nemo
>
> Order: A passage way to rock that contains valuable minerals.
>
> Ordeal: A contract to buy and sell such rock.
> Subdue: Underwater postage stamp.
>
Ore? OK. Do mercury miners drink and do naughty things with ladies in a
cinnabar?
nemo
>
> Cell Phone: Phone in jail.
>
> Cell Phone: Phone used by amoebas.
>
> Cell Phone! Phone sharings are dropping like a stone!
> Amoebas: Very small sheep.
>
> Xerox: Draft animal that clones things.
>
Buttox: Rear end of a draught animal.
nemo
> Howitzer: Machine gun knight.
It ain't a machine gun. It's an artillery piece which lobs shells up and
over like a huge mortar.
http://www.onelook.com/?w=Howitzer&ls=a
See?
>
> Trouser: Knight of pants.
>
Surruptitious: Knight who supports his hernia by stuffing loads of toilet
paper down his trousers!
nemo
>
> Duping: Do ring the bell.
>
> Muting: Cow bell, cat bell, silent bell, or subatomic bell.
> Parent: To rent two things.
>
Mutate: Changing UK art gallery.
nemo
> > > Breaking: King of dancing by spinning on the ground.
> > >
> > > Braking: King of stopping.
> >
> > Parking: does really well on the golf course!
>
> Barking: Canine king.
> Barking: Prison king.
>
> Barking: Alcohol king.
>
> Barking: Lawyer king.
>
Nebuchadnezzar: The real alcohol king!
http://www.onelook.com/?w=Nebuchadnezzar&ls=a
nemo
>
> Ranting: A bell diatribe.
>
> Questing: Bell on a mission.
>
> Resting: Bell remaining still.
> Fasting: Speedy bell.
>
> Fasting: Bell during Ramadan.
>
Don't take the mickey out of Islam. Eide my warning!
nemo
>
> Percy: Price of an ocean.
> Permit: Glove price.
>
> Perot: Price of a canoe or row boat trip.
>
Pernod: Price of Anna's seed.
Pernod: Price of an agreement gesture.
nemo
>
>
> "Ghost of the Ex New Mr. Humor" wrote:
>
> > Q: What beverage did the late conductor of the Chicago Symphony
> Orchestra
> > drink when he visited Harlem ?
> >
> > A: Soul tea!!!
> >
> > HH: Soul tea. Sol-ti. The late Sir George Solti was the conductor of
> the
> > Chicago Symphony Orchestra. You eat soul food (and soul tea) in
> Harlem. Get
> > it??? Ha ha ha!!!
>
> Sole Tea: Tea from shoes.
> Boot Rear: A drink that kicks you in the arse.
>
Don't praise Sir George Solti too much. You'll make Simon Rattle!
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Harry Farkas <hfa...@wowway.com> wrote in message
> > news:B6udnY0RvPF...@wideopenwest.com...
> >
>
> > > [OT: Nemo - just wondering, how is it that you know Yiddish? You can
> > > me the response if you wish.]
> > >
> > No problem. Some Jewish blood in the family from wayback - on my dad's
side
> > though so it doesn't count. There might be some on my mum's side but
> > difficult to trace. Her mum was Irish but her dad was from Italy but
with a
> > Ukrainian name.
> >
> > Always studied comparative religion. Christianity never seemed to make
> > sense. Also studied Jewish history because it's always astonished me why
> > they've always been given such a rough time.
> >
> > To cut a long story short, saw a documentary, "Arena", on-pre war East
> > European Yiddish Cinema and was so inspired and fascinated by the
language
> > and culture, signed up for a course at the City Literary Institute and
> > bought every book I could lay my hands on - some at huge expense by
personal
> > import from the US. (No Amazon in those days.)
> >
> > Discovered Klezmer at about the same time and it sounded *familiar* and
> > astonishingly inspirational as has almost everything else I've learned -
and
> > as a calligrapher, I even found that I could do a very good Square
Hebrew
> > with no tuition. Reincarnation? Race memory? I don't know. But I do get
a
> > feeling that the stork dropped me down the wrong chimney sometimes. I'm
told
> > this is not totally uncommon.
>
> Yiddish: Jewish meal.
>
> Jewish: When a Jew wishes upon a star.
>
> Hebrew: Jewish beer.
Flippin' pisk!
Atah mushgha'ah hamor gadol! You'll get a yamin yodher right round your
ponim, you will! - not to mention nu-nu cheeks!!
That's what Eve writ, anyway.
nemo
>
> Alligator: One who makes allegations.
> Allocate: To find Al Gore.
>
> Goring: Ring worn by Al.
>
Goebbels! - Instruction to nazi propaganda chimes to begin ringing.
nemo
>
> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
>
> > headdr wrote:
> > >"David Reihmer" <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > >news:simwah-D46F99....@netnews.attbi.com...
> > >> In article <05d6rv4kppjnomgce...@4ax.com>,
> > >> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> > >> > Have you ever shooed a fly? No, they don't make Nikes that
> small.
> > >> Unless they're forgeries, but that would be unfarrier - I tried
> to shoe
> > >> a horsefly once, but I couldn't anneal down that far.
> > >Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
> >
> > That's a phallacy.
>
> Shoe Ting: Musical footwear or Chinese cobbler.
> Shoot Ting: Musical gun or Chinese gunman
>
Bootlace Ferrule: Very thin wild animal.
nemo
>
>
> Jenni Saqua wrote:
>
> > "Dr Tormento" wrote ...
> > > "Jenni Saqua" wrote :
> > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote ...
> > > >> On 08 Jul Dr Tormento found these
> > > >> unused words floating about:
> > > >>
> > > >> >Hauke Reddmann originally wrote :
> > > >> >
> > > >> >> Here at the uni I always pass the Enten-Apotheke
> > > >> >> (Ducks Pharmacy Store). I never was in it, though.
> > > >> >> They are just quacks!
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Do they have a web site?
> > > >>
> > > >> A Merganser through Google should confirm the drake URL.
> > > >>
> > > > When I arrived at their website, a notice said, "No Peking, Duck
> site
> > > > closed." ...
> > >
> > > Obviously they had problems with their bills.
> > >
> > They've paddled bankruptcy before, according to records.
>
> Abduct: To kidnap Muslim waterfowl.
>
> Conduct: Criminal waterfowl.
>
> Deduct: To take the price of the waterfowl off your taxes.
> Reduct: To hunt waterfowl again
>
Why not let an ex-con duit?
nemo
> > > Betsy: An ocean casino.
> > >
> > > Casey: Suitcase ocean.
> > >
> > > Daisy: Flower ocean.
> > >
> > > Dicey: Die, ocean!
> > >
> > > Krypton: Heavy secret.
> > >
> > > Pepsi: A fizzy, uplifting sea.
> > >
> > > Peptide: The result of the moon pulling on the Pepsi.
> >
> > Polypeptide: The result of the moon pulling on a parrot.
> >
> > Polypeptide Chain: What it pulls the parrot with.
> >
> > A Nemo Acid.
>
> Carbon Chain: Chain of pastries in an automobile.
> Swimming Suit: Lawyer in water
>
Look! You mitochondria, but you ain't conning me!
nemo
>
> Zipping: Another fast moving bell.
>
> Renting: Tenant bell.
>
> Wiping: Cleaning bell.
>
> Whipping: Punishing bell.
> Slapping: Another punishing bell.
>
> Shipping: Bell on the ocean.
>
Ping Pong: Smelly bell.
nemo
> Confer: Against hair.
>
> Conifer: A hairy tree.
>
> Defer: To remove one's hair.
>
> Duffer: Clum-sea hair.
>
> Infer: Inside hair.
>
> Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
>
> Prefer: Before you grow hair.
>
> Offer: To remove one's hair.
> Refer: To grow hair again.
>
> Transfer: To move hair to another person.
>
Infirmity: Being bald!
nemo
>
>
> Sheila Dundee wrote:
>
> > "Dr Tormento" <re...@togroup.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns9522472B89E...@199.184.165.239
> > > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > news:40ef5706$0$18192$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > >
> > >> "Jon Delaney" <j...@43-arun.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
> > >> news:cchj9b$qvl$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk
> > >>> In these modern times with all our sources of energy. I still
> find a
> > >>> wood burning stove the best. After all there's no fuel like an
> old
> > >>> fuel!
> > >>
> > >> Sorry but this thread leaves me coaled. :-(
> > >
> > > I soot of expected that.
> >
> > How char-ming - and said with such flare, too!!
> Char-ming: Burnt Chinese vase
>
You'll get shot with Bronowski Bullets, you will! It'll be no coke!
nemo
>
> Adverse: A hostile song.
>
> Adverse: Add another song.
>
> Converse: Singing criminal(s).
>
> Diverse: Poem or song about coloring substances.
> Reverse: To sing again.
>
> Reverse: To sing backwards.
>
Universe: Song about the electromechanical rotary switches used in Strowger
telephone exchanges.
Sub's Uniselector: Used in underwater Strowger telephone exchanges.
Two Motion Selector: Allows patients to choose the kind of incontinence they
would prefer.
Linefinder: Search engine.
Ringing Machine: Dries the engineers' washing.
Director: Telephone exchange boss consisting of a BC Switch, a Translation
Field, a Send Switch, a Control Switch and four Numerical Uniselectors -
with an impulse machine connected to help him make random and arbitrary
decisions.
They aren't what you C-1st when you enter a telephone exchange, but they're
certainly what you hear 1st!
Telephome Exchange: Where people swap long-distance meringues!
(Techie and historical stuff to annoy UNO who!)
nemo
>
> Advising: Helpful song.
>
> Advertising: Commercial song.
>
> Amazing: One singing corn field.
>
> Bemusing: Singing bee.
>
> Crossing: A musical religious symbol.
>
> Hissing: Song made by a snake.
>
> Icing: A frozen song.
>
> Massing: A heavy song.
>
> Missing: A girl who can't carry a tune.
>
> Musing: A singing cow or cat or poet.
>
> Passing: A musical mountain path.
>
> Passing: Sung by cars as they pass each other.
> Rising: A song that makes you soar.
>
> Rising: Singing grain.
>
A rye definition.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Mutate: Cow or cat art gallery?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Timmy <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:1105329804.3...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > Abiding: Bell that coopeates.
> >
> > Asserting: Bell that knows what it wants.
> >
> > Assuming: Chinese vase that jumps to conclusions.
> >
> > Attracting: Bell that people like.
> >
> > Betting: Casino bell.
> >
> > Boarding: Wooden bell.
> >
> > Compounding: Bell at a computerized dog pound.
> >
> > Dating: Calender bell.
> >
> > Dating: Romance bell.
> >
> > Dating: Fruit bell.
> >
> > Dating: Bell that only rings in the daytime.
> >
> > Defeating: Bell that lost.
> >
> Defeeted: Guy who parachuted down into a helicopter's propeller.
>
> Did he die? Well that's a rotorical question.
> ,
What happened to the helicopter?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Timmy <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:1105330348.2...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > Order: A passage way to rock that contains valuable minerals.
> >
> > Ordeal: A contract to buy and sell such rock.
> > Subdue: Underwater postage stamp.
> >
> Ore? OK. Do mercury miners drink and do naughty things with ladies in
> a
> cinnabar?
"Quick, Silver, get me out of here", said the Lone Ranger.
Tim Bruening
socrtwo wrote:
> Warning - 5 year old level punnishment ahead.
>
> Coming up with a pun about spaghetti, macaroni, fettuccini, lasagna, or
> ravioli is using your noodle.
> Using your noodle to come up with a fresh pun is new dull.
How long will this thread get?
Tim Bruening
"The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> Humor fans,
>
> Let's cluck into another weekend with a brand new "Humor of the Great
> Composers"!!!
>
> Q: Why did the fisherman take a jar of tartar sauce to listen to a
> recording of the Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and Double Bass in
> A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz Schubert?
>
> A: Because he heard there would be trout there!!!
>
> HH: trout. Trout. The Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and Double
> Bass in A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz
> Schubert is known as "The Trout". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
Quintet: 5th celebration of the Vietnamese New Year.
Why would a trout be attracted by tartar sauce?Ceding: Musical seed, or
musical ocean, or musical CD.
Ceiling: Baby seal.
Coaling: Baby coal.
Coding: Musical encytption.
Coiling: Baby rope.
Coking: King of the drug cartel.
Collie: Korean dog.
nemo
Shar-pei: Chinese far-sighted dog.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Timmy <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:1105321914....@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> > Ceding: Musical seed, or musical ocean, or musical CD.
> >
> > Ceiling: Baby seal.
> >
> > Coaling: Baby coal.
> >
> > Coding: Musical encytption.
> >
> > Coiling: Baby rope.
> > Coking: King of the drug cartel.
> >
> > Collie: Korean dog.
> >
> Collieflower: Dog Rose.
Squash Blossoms: Blossoms that crush.
Tim Bruening
Denser: Knight of the bedroom.
Ferny: Hairy knee.
Folly: Dumb Koran.
Fully: Stuffed Koran.
Oxymoron: Stu-Pid draft animal.