3/7 Puns
Tim Bruening
Concave: Against spelunking.
Content: Against camping.
Contrail: Against hiking.
Contour: Against French bicycle races.
Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
Protect: Favoring innovation.
Tim Bruening
Substance: Posture of mermen and mermaids.
Tim Bruening
Harry Farkas wrote:
> Purloin: The meaty part on the back of a cat.
Purmit: Cat glove.
Barking: Canine monarch.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:k3t5svo8cmja54eg3...@4ax.com...
> > Harry Farkas wrote:
> >
> > >Purloin: The meaty part on the back of a cat.
> >
> > Sheesh, did the catnip you again?
>
> Is he loin or telling der troof?
>
> Purport: Used by the feline navy.
> Purer: On who mashes up a cat.
> Puree: The mashed-up cat!
> Purile: Land full of cats.
> Purim: Esther's cat.
> Purpose: Stance of a fashion model cat.
> Purpure: Clean-living cat, represented in engraving by diagonal lines
> declining from the right top to the left base of the escutcheon (or from
> sinister chief to dexter base).
Catastrophe: The cat pooped on my bed.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Tue, 25 Nov 2003 06:21:57 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> <mam...@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >Harry Farkas wrote:
> >
> >>Purloin: The meaty part on the back of a cat.
> >
> >Sheesh, did the catnip you again?
>
> Perloin: Butcher's assessment of a pig.
Purloin: Price of sex.
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> I saw a building next the Medical Center with a sign identifying it as
> the Nursing School. I saw nothing wrong with this until I learned babies
> know how to nurse without being taught. And worse than that, this school
> was for adults!
Nursing: Singing medical professionals.
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> I saw a building next the Medical Center with a sign identifying it as
> the Nursing School. I saw nothing wrong with this until I learned babies
> know how to nurse without being taught. And worse than that, this school
> was for adults!
I've often seen ads for Baby Sales, and seen Rash Doors at Kaiser.
Kaiser: German knight.
Phaizer: A drug knight.
Tim Bruening
Michael Balarama wrote:
> John: "What are you reading?"
> Andy: "It's a book about electricity."
> John: "Oh, current events?"
> Andy: "No, just some light reading."
I'm shocked!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Q: What's that guy doing jumping up and down in the corner using extremely
> bad language.
> A: That's swored dancing.
>
> Q: Who's that jumping up and down on top of a very old British car.
> A: That's Morris dancing.
>
> Q: What's that map of England doing jumping up and down for?
> A: That's Country Dancing.
>
> Q: Who's that jumping up and down in the corner with no clothes on?
> A: It's Simon Smith and He's Dancing Bare.
>
> Q: What's that guy doing jumping up and down with all his arms and legs in
> plaster.
> A: Break Dancing.
>
> I was going to do one about Ballet as well, but it was just tutu difficult!
Q: What is that armed man with combat fatigues doing jumping?
A: He's Contra dancing.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Cabbie: Apine taxi.
Deadline: Line that kills.
Deadlock: Lock that kills.
Debacle: Clumsy demon.
Tim Bruening
Debar: Demon jail.
Debar: Demon lawyer association.
Debauch: Demon has a wild party.
Debug: Demon insect.
Decal: Demon sticker.
Decay: Demon island.
Decay: Demon rot.
Declaim: Demon poetry.
Decide: Murder of a demon.
Deface: The front of a demon head.
Defile: Collection of information on a demon.
Defy: Rebel demon.
Delay: Demon that slows things down.
Delay: Sex with a demon.
Delight: Demon that makes people happy.
Delight: Shining demon.
Denial: Demon river in Egypt.
Derate: Price of a demon.
Derail: Demon version of Amtrak.
Detach: Demon that takes things off.
Detail: Rear appendage of a demon.
Dialog: Fallen tree that talks.
Dialog: To color a fallen tree.
Dicker: Male dog genital.
Dicky: Key to a male genital.
Ideologue: Fallen tree that gets ideas and holds to them.
Tim Bruening
Deacon: Demon crook.
Deacon: Demon priest.
Decamp: Demon in a tent.
Decalcify: Demons turning into stone or drinking milk.
Tim Bruening
Decode: Chilly demon.
Decoy: Demon that lures people away.
Decry: Weeping demon.
Defame: Demon VIP.
Defame: Demon that smears reputations.
Tim Bruening
Defeat: Losing demon.
Defend: Demon good at warding off attackers.
Defer: Demon hair.
Defiant: Demon/ant crossbreed that rebels.
Tim Bruening
Deflate: Demon that cuts prices.
Defoliant: Demon that kills plants.
Deform: Demon red tape.
Defray: Demon in a fight.
Tim Bruening
Riding: Chinese on a horse.
Riding: Bell on a horse.
Riding: Musical grain.
Rising: Singing wheat that is going up.
Riser: Levitating knight.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On 6 Feb 2004 18:46:37 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found these
unused
> words floating about:
>
> >Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:<68SUb.1256$wt....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com>...
> >> At the White House: We want you to fillmore at home
> >
> >Dont Polk fun at our presidents.
>
> Carter explain?
If you can a Ford the time.
Did Nixon ever visit Dixon?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:402C9997...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Cherokee: Unlocks an American Indian car.
> >
> > Chesapeake: Chess tournament on a mountain top.
> >
> > Eden: A home on the Internet.
>
> Emu: A large, flightless Antipodean Online cat.
Emu: Online cow sound.
Emu: Online subatomic particle.
Tim Bruening
Harry Marmoset wrote:
> Hear about the hard working lumberjack?
>
> He got promoted to branch manager
He then clear cut the workforce.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 08:32:23 -0700, "MosZibby" <CLOWN@ATJ> wrote:
>
> >> >> >> One word - tripod!
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> Ærchie
> >> >> >
> >> >> >Carp, now Larry will think he's being summoned.
> >> >> >
> >> >> Summoned? I thought he was possessed - - -
> >> >
> >> >That, too. Maybe we need Father O'Brien.
> >> >But Larry does carry on about his appendages and
> >> >has delusions about one of them.
> >>
> >> That's it, shorty. We're going to settle this once and for all.
Just
> >> let me get my 100 foot tape measure. You can bring your 6 inch
ruler.
> >
> >So you fold your tape up 12 times, I use my ruler twice.
> >Works for me.
>
> Let's see now. Eight feet vs. twelve inches.
>
> The Winner and Still Champion -- Larry Krzewinski
>
> <the crowd cheers and applauds loudly>
>
> I'd like to thank a few people.
>
> <Larry unfolds a list>
>
> First of all my sore but smiling wife, my mom, my agent, my trainer
> Bubbles and all my adoring female fans everywhere. My new book "The
> Pole - An Illustrated Autobiography" will be out in better adult book
> stores everywhere next month.
Autobiography: Life story of a car.
> I'll be signing autographs outside.
Autograph: Graph of car sales.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> john czarnuszewicz <jac...@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
> news:uI9zb.142460$Ec1.5...@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> > People who die find themselves in a grave situation.
> >
> High-speed funeral: The coffin's fired into the grave using a great
big
> Catafalque!
Wouldn't that desec crate the body?
nemo
>
> Substance: Posture of mermen and mermaids.
>
BANG!!!!
(It must have bashed into the merman and mermaid!)
nemo
Narr. Ike heap telling ewe:
It's a cup they award you for crossing a feline with a donkey!
nemo
Someone working clandestinely for The Evening Standard, trying to sabotage
hygiene in NHS hospitals so they can print a sensational story:
Ward Mousekeeper.
That's the new name. Originally, they used to go up onto the roof with
falcons to catch pigeons for the kitchens. In those days they were called
Nursing Hawksiliaries.
nemo
In a state of Holy Dreadlock. The couple after a Rastafarian wedding.
Website for texi drivers who are also very expert woodworkers:
(before you look - the name's not in use yet)
nemo
Ideology: Measuring the exact frequency of a certain note as sung by
sopranos.
nemo
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
>
> Default: Demon quake causer.
>
> Defeat: Losing demon.
>
> Defend: Demon good at warding off attackers.
>
> Defer: Demon hair.
. . or to shear a sheep.
>
> Defiant: Demon/ant crossbreed that rebels.
. . or a non-hearing formicida up a mountain.
nemo
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Deactivate: Demon that hits the off switch.
nemo
With a hammer?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
nemo
They made the mistake of taking him on as Managing Die Wrecktor!
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
Tim Bruening
Default: Demon quake causer.
Defeat: Losing demon.
Defend: Demon good at warding off attackers.
Defer: Demon hair.
Defiant: Demon/ant crossbreed that rebels.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
What a cleaver feller!
nemo
>
> James King wrote:
>
> > In article <107t2lq...@corp.supernews.com>, Michael Balarama
> > <mba...@ev1.net> wrote:
> >
> > > "What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man
> > > traveling in her compartment. "I'm a naval surgeon," he
> > > replied.
> > >
> > > "Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these
> > > days."
> >
> > But then there was the elderly fish who kept primping himself in the
> > mirror. He was a vain old sturgeon.
>
> Navel surgeon: One who operates on sick ships.
Sick ships at a time?? He must have lots of very long arms!
Nemo.
Ohhhh! It's really like being in heaven, to retire in 2007!!
Douglas D. Anderson
"nemo" <ne...@naughtylass.wet> wrote
the front upper strut mounts broke and the strut assembly went flying
up through the rusted fender like a rocket.
The astonished driver exclaimed, "Ah! Spring is in the air!"
nemo
>
> Clinker: Dog in jail.
>
> Clanker: Noisy dog.
>
> Faker: Pretend dog.
>
> Flicker: Dog at the movies.
>
> Flanker: Dog who goes around the enemy.
>
> Flocker: Dog who flies with the birds.
>
> Flunker: Dog who fails.
Bunker: Dog with just one huge byootock!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Navel surgeon: Also operates on oranges.
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > > Ole-Factory: A factory that manufactures perfumes, or a
> > factory
> > > > > > > > > constructed long ago.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Perfume: Unit of pricing of pollution.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Perfume: Unit of pricing of anger.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Ol�-factory: A factory in Spain.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Barcelona: City of jails, lawyers, and establishments selling
> > beer.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Budapest: City of statues of a Far Eastern prophet and rats.
mice,
> > > > salesmen,
> > > > > > lawyers etc.
> > > > >
> > > > > Bonn: City of German buns.
> > > >
> > > > Two per tuchas???
> > > >
> > > > And don't worry. After a few more years of Globule Warning, the
whole of
> > > > Germany will be Berlin hot!!
> > >
> > > At least the Russians will no longer be frozen solid!
> > >
> > But as the permafrost melts, it releases absolutely huge amounts of
methane,
> > making the situation very much worse.
> >
> > It's one of the pieces of 'positive feedback' that they didn't think of
when
> > Global Warming was first discovered. That's why it's moving faster than
we
> > were first told.
>
> We'll have to spray Siberia with liquid nitrogen!
What about the carbon emissions caused by generating the electricity to run
the plant extracting the nitrogen from the air and from various minerals?
Yukon twin.
Nemo.
In 2007, retirement was heaven,
And it's still quite divine in 2009!
The MPs all fiddling has sort of died down,
But now poor old Gordon looks like a Brown clown!!
And dear Whacko Jacko is fin'lly Upstairs,
So fewer small boys will need anus repairs!
(Very short memories most people have.)
nemo
Foriegn Sick Surgeon: Always travels by plane.
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
> > (The Good Life)
>
> How Sub Lime.
Limes isn't soft fruit. Ask Harry.
nemo
> > > > > Vulnerable: Easily defeated bull.
> > > > >
> > > > > Trouble: Another mean bull.
> > > > >
> > > > > Kabul: Afghan Bull.
> > > > >
> > > > > Frantic: Excitable tic.
> > > > >
> > > > > Romantic: A tic in love.
> > > > >
> > > > > Rustic: Oxygenated iron tic.
> > > > >
> > > > > Attic: A high tic.
> > > >
> > > > Boydem attic puns will keep comin back!
> > > >
> > > > Romantic: Flea on a Centurian.
> > >
> > > Erratic: Parasite on a rodent ear.
> > >
> > Erotic: Parasite caused to decompose by a downloaded virus.
>
> I thought that Eroting would be an aphrodisiac tic.
>
> Eroding: Bell on the Information Superhighway.
Souperhighway: A street where the unemplyed can get a bowl of broth and a
lump of bread to stop em starving.
nemo
>
> Dr Tormento wrote:
>
> > sr...@aol.com (Sritk) wrote in news:20040301132536.10232.00000628@mb-
> > m03.aol.com:
> >
> > > Why isn't Rhode Island surrounded by water?
> >
> > It was originally, but since then they fixed the sewer system.
>
> Rhode Island: Island of streets and draft dodging scholars.
>
> Borat: Male Porcine/Rodent crossbreed from the former USSR.
Borax: Steel shelf contraptions where male pigs are stored.
And if Reagan got hold of any, they'd borRon to death, especially if he was
having a tincal!
nemo
Rebel: To put the clangers back up the tower.
nemo
>
> Default: Demon quake causer.
>
> Defeat: Losing demon.
>
> Defend: Demon good at warding off attackers.
>
> Defer: Demon hair.
>
> Defiant: Demon/ant crossbreed that rebels.
Flagrant: Cash to pay someone to skin a formicida.
nemo
>
> Dr Tormento wrote:
>
>> sr...@aol.com (Sritk) wrote in news:20040301132536.10232.00000628@mb-
>> m03.aol.com:
>>
>> > Why isn't Rhode Island surrounded by water?
>>
>> It was originally, but since then they fixed the sewer system.
>
> Rhode Island: Island of streets and draft dodging scholars.
>
> Borat: Male Porcine/Rodent crossbreed from the former USSR.
Why did they spell it CCCP? Were they trying to show three people that the
streets were full of urine?
nemo
>> > > > Vulnerable: Easily defeated bull.
>> > > >
>> > > > Trouble: Another mean bull.
>> > > >
>> > > > Kabul: Afghan Bull.
>> > > >
>> > > > Frantic: Excitable tic.
>> > > >
>> > > > Romantic: A tic in love.
>> > > >
>> > > > Rustic: Oxygenated iron tic.
>> > > >
>> > > > Attic: A high tic.
>> > >
>> > > Boydem attic puns will keep comin back!
>> > >
>> > > Romantic: Flea on a Centurian.
>> >
>> > Erratic: Parasite on a rodent ear.
>> >
>> Erotic: Parasite caused to decompose by a downloaded virus.
>
> I thought that Eroting would be an aphrodisiac tic.
>
> Eroding: Bell on the Information Superhighway.
Didn't that used to be ESC+CHSTR 9??
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
>> Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
>> (The Good Life)
>
> How Sub Lime.
Ask Michael Rennie.
nemo
Does he prefer Shamouti oranges or does he also operate on Realouti ones?
Word describing sadistic navel sailors: Crewel.
nemo
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > > nemo wrote:
>> > > >
>> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > > nemo wrote:
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
But manufacturing enough liquid nitrogen will generate huge amounts of
carbon which will, in turn, settle on the polar regions and accelerate the
melting process further. Yukon twin!
nemo
>> > > > Vulnerable: Easily defeated bull.
>> > > >
>> > > > Trouble: Another mean bull.
>> > > >
>> > > > Kabul: Afghan Bull.
>> > > >
>> > > > Frantic: Excitable tic.
>> > > >
>> > > > Romantic: A tic in love.
>> > > >
>> > > > Rustic: Oxygenated iron tic.
>> > > >
>> > > > Attic: A high tic.
>> > >
>> > > Boydem attic puns will keep comin back!
>> > >
>> > > Romantic: Flea on a Centurian.
>> >
>> > Erratic: Parasite on a rodent ear.
>> >
>> Erotic: Parasite caused to decompose by a downloaded virus.
>
> I thought that Eroting would be an aphrodisiac tic.
>
> Eroding: Bell on the Information Superhighway.
Jarhead IT expert: Information Gunny Highway.
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
>> Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
>> (The Good Life)
>
> How Sub Lime.
Not nessecelery. They might be growing Several Oranges to make marmalade out
of!
A tip: Next time you cook pasta or a curry, squirt half a lime in it a few
minutes before it's ready. Umyay umyay!
nemo
Yers. And once he got started, no power on earth could stop him bravely
operating: He was abdomindomitable!
Nemo
Shamouti or Realouti ones?
Nemo
>> > > >
>> > > >
>> > > > nemo wrote:
>> > > >
>> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > > nemo wrote:
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
>> > > > > > > > Ole-Factory: A factory that manufactures perfumes, or a
>> factory
>> > > > > > > > constructed long ago.
>> > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > Perfume: Unit of pricing of pollution.
>> > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > Perfume: Unit of pricing of anger.
>> > > > > > >
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > > Barcelona: City of jails, lawyers, and establishments selling
>> beer.
>> > > > > >
>> > > > > Budapest: City of statues of a Far Eastern prophet and rats.
>> > > > > mice,
>> > > salesmen,
>> > > > > lawyers etc.
>> > > >
>> > > > Bonn: City of German buns.
>> > >
>> > > Two per tuchas???
>> > >
>> > > And don't worry. After a few more years of Globule Warning, the whole
>> > > of
>> > > Germany will be Berlin hot!!
>> >
>> > At least the Russians will no longer be frozen solid!
>> >
>> But as the permafrost melts, it releases absolutely huge amounts of
>> methane,
>> making the situation very much worse.
>>
>> It's one of the pieces of 'positive feedback' that they didn't think of
>> when
>> Global Warming was first discovered. That's why it's moving faster than
>> we
>> were first told.
>
> We'll have to spray Siberia with liquid nitrogen!
Why not Alaska?
London feels like that at the moment too! Brrrrrrrr!
Nemo
extraction process needed to get the nitrogen from out of the air.