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DESPERATELY seeking TEXAN jokes

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Tom Blackwell

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May 21, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/21/95
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My wife is hosting a banquet next week with
a "Texas" theme, and needs some TEXAN jokes
to liven it up. Please post here or email
me at tbla...@pic.net. Thanks!


Deep Six

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May 23, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/23/95
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A Texan moves to another state and starts looking for a house to
buy. He looks at a few, none of which seem to please him. He's
about to give up when he sees a house for sale that looks
perfect.

He goes to the door and finds the owner, who is more than pleased
to take the Texan around the outside of the house to show it off.

"This is a great house," says the owner. "Last summer I re-roofed
it and put in new storm windows. This summer I put in new
insulation and gave it a new paint-job. I built the 2-car garage
myself. It's in a good nieghborhood and it has a big yard... I
guess you could say this house is pretty much without flaw."

"No flaw!?" says the Texan. "Well what do y'all walk on?"

Okay then,
Chadd VanZanten SL...@CC.USU.EDU ``If I had any word of advice it would be,
hey, accept responsibility for yourself; don't blame anyone.'' --OJ Simpson

Felix E. Tilley Jr.

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May 23, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/23/95
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Tom Blackwell (tbla...@pic.net) wrote:
: My wife is hosting a banquet next week with
: a "Texas" theme, and needs some TEXAN jokes
: to liven it up. Please post here or email
: me at tbla...@pic.net. Thanks!

Well, there was these two mountain lions along the Red River between
Texas 'n' Oklahoma. The Oklahoma lion looked sleek and well fed. The Texas
mountain lion was scrawny and his ribs were plainly visible.

OK: The Oklahoma mountain lion said to the Texas mountain lion, "What's the
matter with you. You look terrible. What's going on?"

TEX: The Texas mountain lion says "I am having trouble getting enough to eat
with these Texans".

OK: "Well, just how are you doing it with the Texans?"

TEX: "Well, first I roar at them, then I pounce on them, then I eat
what's left."

OK: "I see the problem. When you roar at them, you scare the shit out of them.
When you pounce on them, you knock the wind out of them. After that, all
that's left is a pair of faded blue jeans and a dirty tee shirt."

--

---------------------------
| Felix Tilley |
| Tucson, AZ, USA |
| fti...@indirect.com |
---------------------------

Randall Large

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May 25, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/25/95
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Read on a T-shirt in New Mexico:
Tuck Fexas

Sherry Nelson

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May 27, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/27/95
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Seen on a men's room wall in New York City:
Here I sit, muscles flexin'
Givin birth to another Texan

(Sorry...)
--
Sherry Nelson
sne...@astro.ocis.temple.edu


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