15 Squared Puns
Tim Bruening
Chris Trask wrote:
> "Palema" <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> news:LbsSb.12447$aO2....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > Noah and his wife were watching animals enter the ark two by two, and
> > suddenly he remarked (always the wise cracker):
> > "Ark! Ark! the dogs do barque!"
> > --Elmer Flood
> >
>
> So, would an adolescent dog who captains a large sailing vessel be
> called a barquen teen?
Adolescent: A teenaged penny.
Tim Bruening
"fredm...@the.PC ?Ž" wrote:
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
>
> >Pan head: Screw used to hold handles onto cooking utensils. Cheese
> head: Screw that holds mousetraps together. Countersunk: Used in
flooded
> shops. Round head: Screw that holds Oliver Cromwell together.
Instrument
> head: Holds the keywork on saxophones together.
>
> >Nemo
> >(Anyone noticed that he's got the colour scheme of a Clown Fish?)
>
> > Shit head : Screw used to prevent back sides from opening at
> inopportune times.
>
> Phillips' Head : Ornamental British screw, used solely by QE2.
>
> Pot Head : Screw with missing threads that usually turns into a...
>
> Dead Head : Totally useless screw, before and after Jerry Garcia's
> death.
>
> Fred's Head : Loose screw, used solely for entertainment purposes.
Lettuce Head to the vegetable isle!
Head of cattle: Moo screw.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4031DB40...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Circuit: An electrical Knight.
> >
> > Circulation: A library or spinning Knight.
> >
> > Circus: A swearing Knight.
> >
> > Sirloin: Knight of Sex.
> >
> > Serpent: Snake Knight.
> >
> > Servant: Plumping Knight.
> >
> > Servile: Very Evil Knight.
> >
> > Surface: Knight of many disguises.
> >
> > Surmount: Very tall Knight.
> >
> > Surprise: A knight in charge of game shows.
> >
> > Surrender: The Knight of Destruction.
> >
> > Surrender: Knight of Meat Processing.
> >
> > Surround: Very fat Knight.
> >
> > Surgeon: An operating Knight.
> >
> > Surtax: Knight in charge of the IRS.
>
> Circus: A Knight who uses foul language!
Surah: A knight ruling an Indian Kingdom.
Surat: Rodent knight that likes Indian cottons that have dark course
fibers and are made in Surat, India.
Surbate: Knight in a mouse trap or on a fishing hook.
Surcease: The knight stops.
Surcharge: Pricey knight.
Tim Bruening
dustbird wrote:
> Take a Haiku! Please!
Haiku: Poetic revolution in the mountains.
Tim Bruening
Easing: Internet songs.
Eating: Internet bells.
Emote: Internet water barrier.
Emotion, Commotion: Moving computers.
Empath: M shaped path that reads emotions.
Tim Bruening
Canting: Musical cylindrical container.
Coasting: Musical shore.
Coating: Musical jacket.
Costing: Price of a bell.
Cowing: Flying bovine.
Tim Bruening
Greg Evans wrote:
> Palema wrote:
> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> TinDrummer found these unused words floating about:
> >>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> >>>> laughyoazzoff.com wrote:
> >>>>> Farmer #1: Should I milk this cow?
> >>>>> Farmer #2: No, the udder one.
> >>>> That's a cheesy pun if I ever saw one.
> >>> milk it for all its worth.
> >> Puns belong on the udder side ...
> >
> > That's low
>
> Of course - is there any other kine?
Bemuse: What a bee/cow crossbreed does.
Tim Bruening
Conga: Against gas.
Console: Against shoe bottoms.
Counting: Musical numbers.
Dammit: Glove of a deer mother.
Dating: Bell between sunrise and sunset.
Dosing: Singing female deer.
Knighting: Bell between sunset and sunrise.
Tim Bruening
F-Fort: Military base #6.
Junto: Foot digit in the 6th month.
Motto: Slogan on foot digits.
Mutton: Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Photo: Enemy foot digit.
Tim Bruening
Daunting: To scare off a bell.
Dialate: To live a long time.
Dialog: To color a large cylindrical piece of wood.
Doting: Bell of a female deer.
Dowsing: Song of the New York Stock Exchange.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 07:09:14 +1030, David Simpson
> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 13:25:30 -0500, "Greg Evans"
> ><mis...@larkbooks.com> typed furiously:
> >
> >>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 00:16:24 +1030, David Simpson
> >>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>
> >>>> On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 13:18:05 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>
> >>>>> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 04:57:21 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 09:45:52 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> On Wed, 04 Feb 2004 00:24:05 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> On Mon, 02 Feb 2004 10:04:29 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 00:43:43 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>>>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> On Sat, 31 Jan 2004 20:43:08 GMT, "nemo"
> >>>>>>>>>> <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Milton J. Smuthworthy, I <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com>
> >>>>>>>>>>> wrote in message
> >>>>>>>>>>> news:401ad2d3$0$43831$45be...@newscene.com...
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> "Greg Evans" <mis...@larkbooks.com> wrote in message
> >>>>>>>>>>>> news:<bve31o$r6lp4$1...@ID-159999.news.uni-berlin.de> the
> >>>>>>>>>>>> following:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> nemo wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Palema wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> My daughter gave me this:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Mortar, morter everywhere and not a rock to chink!"
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Now that's an explosively good pun!
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Howitzer good pun, I cannot see.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> You don't think it should be added to the classic-pun
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> cannon, then?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> I refuse this five-pun bomb.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Come too thin cough it - if schoolkids wanted to blow up
> >>>>>>>>>>> their school, whould they use Satchel Charges?
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Nah! Plasticine explosive.
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Paid for with milk money ... gives a new thought to "Play
> >>>>>>>>> Dough".
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> So long as they don't press charges.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> "The schools are in bad shape.", charges Tom exploding in fury.
> >>>>>>> {JAMc}
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> Dyna might help you out if you ask her nicely.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> That's what Nobel thought brings to mind.
> >>>>
> >>>> Just beg. Un powder will cure your headache.
> >>>
> >>> How simple, after I've tried all the other blasting remedies.
> >>> Now I might get a gelignite's sleep!
> >>
> >>I tried to go to bed, but I couldn't C4 the smoke.
> >>
> >Nite, ro glycer in the morning then.
>
> We're just going to leave him to sulphur?
Sulphur: Smelly snow.
Tim Bruening
Aglow: One light.
Alight: One glow.
Attune: One song.
Glowing: Shining bird.
Wanton: Pale 2,000 pounds.
Wasting: Musical landfill or landfill bees.
Tim Bruening
Closing: Musical garments.
Clouting: Musical clouds.
Dualist: Two lists.
Dusting: Small musical particles.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> mike wheeEler <whee...@tns.net> wrote in message
> news:3f975...@127.0.0.1...
> > In article <20031022102256.6330e14f.Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower>,
> > Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower, Cybe R. Wizard was looking at the world oddly
> when:
> > >
> > >On Wed, 22 Oct 2003 08:25:08 -0700
> > >"dustbird" <dust...@cross.wind> wrote:
> > >
> > >> A duo is just too two!
> > >>
> > >We should get rid of 'em all. I say we duet!
> > >
> > Then duet tuet...
> >
> And a tutorial on such would be a duet tuet tute!
Durable: Bull that lives a long time.
Parable: 2 bulls.
Tim Bruening
Fainting: Bell with little sound.
Fasting: Bell that moves quickly and is observing Ramadan.
Faulting: Bell that drops to the ground.
Flagon: Someone stole our flag!
Flowing: Flying river.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 22:57:21 GMT, just wondering <fmh...@comcast.net> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >
> >> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 19:55:35 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> found
> >> these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >>
> >>>Six of one, calf dozen of the other
> >>
> >>
> >> Jersey what you started? Anyway we're bulling for you.
> >
> >And what direction are you steering?
>
> The buller doesn't steer, they're just heifer the muscle!
Heifer: Hair on pot.
Tim Bruening
Ceding: Musical seed, or musical ocean, or musical CD.
Ceiling: Baby seal.
Coaling: Baby coal.
Coding: Musical encytption.
Coiling: Baby rope.
Coking: King of the drug cartel.
Collie: Korean dog.
Tim Bruening
Flapping: Musical wings.
Floating: Bell on the water.
Flouting: Defiant bell.
Fusing: Not many songs.
Fluting: Not many bells, and/or bells with influenza.
Tim Bruening
dustbird wrote:
> Quaker Instant Goatmeal
Quaker: Dog that shakes the Earth.
Tim Bruening
Jan Hyde wrote:
> Desktock - The time taken to locate an icon on your desktop
> after Windows mysteriously rearranged them all.
Comstock: Electronic farm animals.
Laughing Stock: Chuckling farm animals.
Stocking: King of the farm animals (a pig named Napoleon).
Wood Stock: Wooden farm animals.
Tim Bruening
Ascot: Bed for a donkey.
Bottom: Tom underground.
Boycott: Male bed.
Button: 2,000 lb ass.
Cotton: 2,000 lb bed.
Custom: Tom swearing.
Tim Bruening
Person: Price of male offspring.
Peaty: Tea drunk by Peter.
Pedant: Boring ant.
Petulant: Fussy pet ant, possibly a Pet Tard.
Petty: Tea drunk by pets.
Tim Bruening
dustbird wrote:
> I signed up. Why am I getting all these calls at breakfast?
I love donuts.
Donut: Crazy female sheep.
Tim Bruening
Aglow: One light.
Alight: One glow.
Attune: One song.
Glowing: Shining bird.
Wanton: Pale 2,000 pounds.
Wasting: Musical landfill, or bees at a landfill.
Tim Bruening
Aptly: Skilled Korean.
Benignly: Kind Korean bee #9.
Boiling: Baby boil.
Bolting: Musical bolt.
Glossy: Shiny ocean.
Tim Bruening
Belting:Musical Chinese.
Bowleg: Leg decoration.
Bowline: Line of arrow firing equipment.
Coping: Bell Co-op.
Copying: Cloned Chinese.
Tim Bruening
Salting: Musical sodium cloride.
Saluting: A bell giving respect to the flag.
Showing: Flying play, fair, movie, or TV episode.
Shouting: Loud bell.
Shutting: Closing bell.
nemo
>
>
> "fredm...@the.PC ?Z" wrote:
>
> > ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> >
> > >Pan head: Screw used to hold handles onto cooking utensils. Cheese
> > head: Screw that holds mousetraps together. Countersunk: Used in
> flooded
> > shops. Round head: Screw that holds Oliver Cromwell together.
> Instrument
> > head: Holds the keywork on saxophones together.
> >
> > >Nemo
> > >(Anyone noticed that he's got the colour scheme of a Clown Fish?)
> >
> > > Shit head : Screw used to prevent back sides from opening at
> > inopportune times.
> >
> > Phillips' Head : Ornamental British screw, used solely by QE2.
> >
> > Pot Head : Screw with missing threads that usually turns into a...
> >
> > Dead Head : Totally useless screw, before and after Jerry Garcia's
> > death.
> >
> > Fred's Head : Loose screw, used solely for entertainment purposes.
>
> Lettuce Head to the vegetable isle!
>
> Head of cattle: Moo screw.
>
Self-tapping screw. Odd. You're supposed to use a screwdriver on them, not a
hammer.
Pozidriv: Dyslexic screw!!
nemo
>
>
> Chris Trask wrote:
>
> > "Palema" <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > news:LbsSb.12447$aO2....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > > Noah and his wife were watching animals enter the ark two by two, and
> > > suddenly he remarked (always the wise cracker):
> > > "Ark! Ark! the dogs do barque!"
> > > --Elmer Flood
> > >
> >
> > So, would an adolescent dog who captains a large sailing vessel be
> > called a barquen teen?
>
> Adolescent: A teenaged penny.
Adolfitler: A teenaged dictator.
nemo
Behemoth: Huge flying insect that laughs at apines!
nemo
>
>
> dustbird wrote:
>
> > Take a Haiku! Please!
>
> Haiku: Poetic revolution in the mountains.
Haiku: Sound of a dove up a mountian.
nemo
Flowers of Sulphur: Smelly blooms - also known as Monoclinic Sulphur - used
in a centre where they treat people with only one ear.
Rhombic Sulphur: Incorrect smelly writing instrument.
Plastic Sulphur: Smelly cheap imitation.
nemo
Bullemia: Suffered by very hungry male cows.
nemo
HEIFER!!!!!!!!!
Bless you!
nemo
Doughnut: Crazy baker.
nemo
>
> Daunting: To scare off a bell.
>
> Dialate: To live a long time.
>
> Dialog: To color a large cylindrical piece of wood.
>
> Doting: Bell of a female deer.
>
> Dowsing: Song of the New York Stock Exchange.
Browsing: Musical cilia.
nemo
Collieflour: Dried, ground up sheep dogs.
YUK!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4031DB40...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Circuit: An electrical Knight.
> >
> > Circulation: A library or spinning Knight.
> >
> > Circus: A swearing Knight.
> >
> > Sirloin: Knight of Sex.
> >
> > Serpent: Snake Knight.
> >
> > Servant: Plumping Knight.
> >
> > Servile: Very Evil Knight.
> >
> > Surface: Knight of many disguises.
> >
> > Surmount: Very tall Knight.
> >
> > Surprise: A knight in charge of game shows.
> >
> > Surrender: The Knight of Destruction.
> >
> > Surrender: Knight of Meat Processing.
> >
> > Surround: Very fat Knight.
> >
> > Surgeon: An operating Knight.
> >
> > Surtax: Knight in charge of the IRS.
>
> Circus: A Knight who uses foul language!
Surah: A knight ruling an Indian Kingdom.
Surat: Rodent knight that likes Indian cottons that have dark course
fibers and are made in Surat, India.
Surbate: Knight in a mouse trap or on a fishing hook.
Surcease: The knight stops.
Surcharge: Pricey knight.
Tim Bruening
Greg Evans wrote:
> Palema wrote:
> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> TinDrummer found these unused words floating about:
> >>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> >>>> laughyoazzoff.com wrote:
> >>>>> Farmer #1: Should I milk this cow?
> >>>>> Farmer #2: No, the udder one.
> >>>> That's a cheesy pun if I ever saw one.
> >>> milk it for all its worth.
> >> Puns belong on the udder side ...
> >
> > That's low
>
> Of course - is there any other kine?
Bemuse: What a bee/cow crossbreed does.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 07:09:14 +1030, David Simpson
> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 13:25:30 -0500, "Greg Evans"
> ><mis...@larkbooks.com> typed furiously:
> >
> >>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 00:16:24 +1030, David Simpson
> >>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>
> >>>> On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 13:18:05 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>
> >>>>> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 04:57:21 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 09:45:52 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> On Wed, 04 Feb 2004 00:24:05 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> On Mon, 02 Feb 2004 10:04:29 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 00:43:43 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>>>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>>>
Sulphur: Smelly hair.
nemo
Neighbours!
nemo
nemo
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 07:09:14 +1030, David Simpson
> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 13:25:30 -0500, "Greg Evans"
> ><mis...@larkbooks.com> typed furiously:
> >
> >>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 00:16:24 +1030, David Simpson
> >>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>
> >>>> On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 13:18:05 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>
> >>>>> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 04:57:21 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 09:45:52 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> On Wed, 04 Feb 2004 00:24:05 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> On Mon, 02 Feb 2004 10:04:29 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> >>>>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> >>>>>>>> typed furiously:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 00:43:43 +1030, David Simpson
> >>>>>>>>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>>>>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>>>>
nemo
Circum Ferenc: Knight who trots round and around the composer Liszt.
nemo
Beatitude: The state of mind of an a pine who was listening to the Sermon on
the Mount (Jesus on horseback?) and who has become very angry indeed because
a dog has masticated his headgear!
One you never fought off and what would have made a good alternative opening
scene for the film 'Life of Brian'.
nemo
Hairy Sebum used to suffer from that.
(the big yellow 52 stone blob in the picture.)
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44012292...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > Palema wrote:
> > > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > >> TinDrummer found these unused words floating about:
> > > >>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >>>> laughyoazzoff.com wrote:
> > > >>>>> Farmer #1: Should I milk this cow?
> > > >>>>> Farmer #2: No, the udder one.
> > > >>>> That's a cheesy pun if I ever saw one.
> > > >>> milk it for all its worth.
> > > >> Puns belong on the udder side ...
> > > >
> > > > That's low
> > >
> > > Of course - is there any other kine?
> >
> > Bemuse: What a bee/cow crossbreed does.
>
> Beatitude: The state of mind of an a pine who was listening to the Sermon on
> the Mount (Jesus on horseback?) and who has become very angry indeed because
> a dog has masticated his headgear!
Jesus rode an ass at least once, so I could see him riding a horse if necessary.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Cir-Q-lar: A Q-ish knight who publishes newspapers.
nemo
Is *that* why a lot of his priests still ride the asses of altar boys?
>
nemo
Cir-Q-Min: A curry-eating night who's ate too much and turned yellow.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44012292...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > Palema wrote:
> > > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > >> TinDrummer found these unused words floating about:
> > > >>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >>>> laughyoazzoff.com wrote:
> > > >>>>> Farmer #1: Should I milk this cow?
> > > >>>>> Farmer #2: No, the udder one.
> > > >>>> That's a cheesy pun if I ever saw one.
> > > >>> milk it for all its worth.
> > > >> Puns belong on the udder side ...
> > > >
> > > > That's low
> > >
> > > Of course - is there any other kine?
> >
> > Bemuse: What a bee/cow crossbreed does.
>
> Beatitude: The state of mind of an a pine who was listening to the Sermon on
> the Mount (Jesus on horseback?) and who has become very angry indeed because
> a dog has masticated his headgear!
Was the pine upset about being told to give up all its wealth?
> One you never fought off and what would have made a good alternative opening
> scene for the film 'Life of Brian'.
That pun has never attacked me, so how could I fight it off?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Ser Vice: Knight that squeezes.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Cir-Q-lar: A Q-ish knight who publishes newspapers.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44012292...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > Palema wrote:
> > > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > >> TinDrummer found these unused words floating about:
> > > >>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >>>> laughyoazzoff.com wrote:
> > > >>>>> Farmer #1: Should I milk this cow?
> > > >>>>> Farmer #2: No, the udder one.
> > > >>>> That's a cheesy pun if I ever saw one.
> > > >>> milk it for all its worth.
> > > >> Puns belong on the udder side ...
> > > >
> > > > That's low
> > >
> > > Of course - is there any other kine?
> >
> > Bemuse: What a bee/cow crossbreed does.
>
> Beatitude: The state of mind of an a pine who was listening to the Sermon on
> the Mount (Jesus on horseback?) and who has become very angry indeed because
> a dog has masticated his headgear!
Jesus rode an ass at least once, so I could see him riding a horse if
necessary.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:44012292...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > Greg Evans wrote:
> > >
> > > > Palema wrote:
> > > > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > > >> TinDrummer found these unused words floating about:
> > > > >>> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > >>>> laughyoazzoff.com wrote:
> > > > >>>>> Farmer #1: Should I milk this cow?
> > > > >>>>> Farmer #2: No, the udder one.
> > > > >>>> That's a cheesy pun if I ever saw one.
> > > > >>> milk it for all its worth.
> > > > >> Puns belong on the udder side ...
> > > > >
> > > > > That's low
> > > >
> > > > Of course - is there any other kine?
> > >
> > > Bemuse: What a bee/cow crossbreed does.
> >
> > Beatitude: The state of mind of an a pine who was listening to the
Sermon on
> > the Mount (Jesus on horseback?) and who has become very angry indeed
because
> > a dog has masticated his headgear!
>
Narr. He was Vegan and didn't like teh bit about 'Blessed are teh
cheesemakers . . '
>
> > One you never fought off and what would have made a good alternative
opening
> > scene for the film 'Life of Brian'.
>
> That pun has never attacked me, so how could I fight it off?
>
The way some people react to puns, you'd think they had been attacked.
nemo
nemo
Q-ish: A nation of people who like to stand in line.
nemo
You own a TARDIS?
nemo
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 07:09:14 +1030, David Simpson
> > <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 13:25:30 -0500, "Greg Evans"
> > ><mis...@larkbooks.com> typed furiously:
> > >
> > >>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >>> On Sat, 07 Feb 2004 00:16:24 +1030, David Simpson
> > >>> <faro...@picknowl.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> > >>>
> > >>>> On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 13:18:05 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> > >>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> > >>>> typed furiously:
> > >>>>
> > >>>>> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 04:57:21 +1030, David Simpson
about:
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 09:45:52 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> > >>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> > >>>>>> typed furiously:
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> On Wed, 04 Feb 2004 00:24:05 +1030, David Simpson
> > >>>>>>> about:
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> On Mon, 02 Feb 2004 10:04:29 -0800, J. A. Mc.
> > >>>>>>>> <jaS...@gbr.online.com>
> > >>>>>>>> typed furiously:
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> On Tue, 03 Feb 2004 00:43:43 +1030, David Simpson
> > >>>>>>>>> about:
> > >>>>>>>>>
Well at least it'd have no crabs or head-lice in it. Sulphur powder was an
old cure for them.
nemo
Nonviolent anti-apartheid activism in South Africa in the 1960s and early
1970s: What a Steve Bee/cow crossbreed did.
nemo
Soupercharger: Device that enables your car to run on Ministrone instead of
petrol/gasoline.
Tim Bruening
Greg Evans wrote:
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> [snipped "furry" stuff]
>
> > BTW, did you know if you joined three of them you get a discount?
>
> I never got farther than the intro page. All I could think of was the
> amount of shedding hair involved, which pretty much put me off the
whole
> idea.
Discount: To insult Dracula.
Shedding: A place to store tool bells.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43CC7A53...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41CFD905...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:41C668F4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:3F93AF86...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Depress: Demon newspaper.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Compress: Computer newspaper.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > A cold compress is what you put on your head after spending
> > all day
> > > > > sorting
> > > > > > > out a fault on a PC!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > PC: Ocean of urine.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ET: Alien beverage.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > MT: High up beverage.
> > > > > >
> > > > > MT: Full of Empt. And when you tip it out, it's exempt.
> > > >
> > > > CT: Antimatter tea.
> > > >
> > > CT Scan: Computed axial Tomorgraphy scan where the patient has to be
> > > lubricated with Kosher margarine to slide through the machine nice and
> >
> > > smoothly.
> >
> > CAT Scan: Done by medical felines. They are assisted by Parrot Medics.
>
> There's the other kind of scan named after the lady radiographer who
> invented it. The Emma Wry Scan.
>
> CAT: Computer Assisted Tomography.
>
> Tomography: Imaging Kings Cross prostitutes!
How Cat T!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43CC7CEA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > ynotssor wrote:
> >
> > > "Harry Marmoset" <harry_m...@msn.com> wrote in message
> > > news:Xns9543634B34B5Eh...@209.25.157.130
> > >
> > > > Hear about the hard working lumberjack?
> > > > He got promoted to branch manager
> > >
> > > I heard he couldn't cut it though.
> >
> > Did he bark up the wrong tree?
> >
> > Debark: A demon dog.
> >
> Ringbark: A musical way to kill a tree.
Happen: Writing device that makes things O-Cur.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43CDF5FC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 09:11:00 -0400, "Zotmeister" <z...@cox.net> found
> > these
> > > unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >> > > I'll be signing autographs outside.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > With what, I don't want to know.
> > > >>
> > > >> An Aspen?:)
> > > >>
> > > >> A Bull Pen?
> > > >>
> > > >> A Pentalope?
> > > >>
> > > >> A Puncil?
> > > >
> > > >If you tap that last one against a table to a funky beat, is that Rap
> >
> > > >Puncil? And does it get all the ladies to let their hair down and
> > let you
> > > >climb over them? (That does seem to be the effect of rap in music
> > videos.)
> > > >
> > > >Brothers Grimm, we hardly knew ye.... - ZM, who notes that if you
> > haven't
> > > >read the REAL Rapunzel, you should - it's a DARK tale, and the "climb
> > over
> > > >them" part is more accurate than you may think otherwise
> > > >
> > > It towers over King.
> >
> > Aspen: A donkey tree writing instrument.
> >
> > Aston: 2,000 pounds of fire remains.
> >
> > Grafton: A 2,000 pound bribe.
>
> Photon: A very heavy luminous enemy.
Who moves at the speed of light!
Tim Bruening
Bim Truening wrote:
> Draft Ting: Musical ocean.
>
> Dabble: Flower the mountain for that climbs walls and
> military bases.
Dabble: Bull that only occasionally participates.
> Complete: Cold California lips.
Complete: Computer that finishes tasks.
Tim Bruening
Behold: Storage area of a bee ship.
Behold: Bee that sees the light.
Believe: Bee with religion.
Beneath: Bee underground.
Bereave: Bee in mourning.
Tim Bruening
Beseech: Begging bee.
Beset: Bees in trouble.
Besiege: Bees attacking a city.
Beside: Bee that's next to.
Bestir: Spinning buzzing insect.
Tim Bruening
Baker: Pastry dog.
Gawker: Tourist dog.
Kayacker: Dog with oars.
Knocker: A door to door salesdog.
Panicker: Frightened dog.
Tim Bruening
Picnicker: Dog out for fun in the sun.
Picker: Dog harvesting crops.
Staker: Barky the Dog Vampire Slayer.
Stalker: A procrastinating dog.
Starker: Famous dog actor.
Tim Bruening
Stoker: Dog tending a fire.
Streaker: Nude dog.
Striker: Dog on a union picket line.
Striker: Dog pitching ace.
Sucker: Dog lollipop.
nemo
A studio off Essex Road, Islington, London: A place to store Toolbular
Bells. (I nearly put a ticket on his truck once!)
nemo
Tomorgraphy: Imaging Kosher margarine! (They use it when they can't afford
Vaseline/KY!)
nemo
Is that Yellow O-Cur or a similar pigment used by artists who paint lions,
ROARRRR Sienna?
nemo
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > Depress: Demon newspaper.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Compress: Computer newspaper.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > A cold compress is what you put on your head after spending
> > > all day
> > > > > > sorting
> > > > > > > > out a fault on a PC!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > PC: Ocean of urine.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > ET: Alien beverage.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > MT: High up beverage.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > MT: Full of Empt. And when you tip it out, it's exempt.
> > > > >
> > > > > CT: Antimatter tea.
> > > > >
> > > > CT Scan: Computed axial Tomorgraphy scan where the patient has to be
> > > > lubricated with Kosher margarine to slide through the machine nice
and
> > >
> > > > smoothly.
> > >
> > > CAT Scan: Done by medical felines. They are assisted by Parrot
Medics.
> >
> > There's the other kind of scan named after the lady radiographer who
> > invented it. The Emma Wry Scan.
> >
> > CAT: Computer Assisted Tomography.
>
And cats go into hospital to have Person Scans done!
nemo
But does he wave as he goes by??
Quantum: A very fast abdomen.
nemo
They all do - unless they crash!
Praps it's a computer in a garage.
nemo
. . . or an apine lawman. Whered'ya think sheriff comes from?
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=sheriff&searchmode=none
nemo
Or the way Eddie Waring used to pronounce Bicester.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Waring
Boy did he have a thick accent.
nemo
>
> Absently: Missing Korean penny.
>
> Arrogantly: Bold, aggressive Korean.
>
> Decently: Nice Korean penny.
>
> Presently: A Korean is here.
>
> Recently: A Korean penny in the near past.
http://www.seoulsearching.com/money/currency.html
They ain't got no pennies. They only have one unit of current, see? the
Won - so if that sickly grey looking bloke came first in a race in Korea,
it'd be a case of the wan one won some Won!
Innit!
nemo
Or half a pair of ladies nether underwear used to clean a large, flat
cooking utensil.
nemo
Did he wear a pantomime dog costume in a funny Christmas version of
'Quatermass and the Pit' called Jack and the Breen Stalk?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062168/
nemo
Nice fried up with some Collie-flower. YUK!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
How did the truck escape?
Tim Bruening
Bummer: Ocean of arses.
Bumming: Chinese vase of arses.
Creamer: Ocean of froth.
Creaming: Chinese vase of froth.
Megrim: 1,000 rims.
Tim Bruening
Humoring: Ring that evokes laughter.
Hummer: Ocean of big cars.
Humming: Chinese vase of big cars.
Hummock: Fake big cars.
Jiffy: Price of a jiff.
Tim Bruening
E-sel an E-Moat on E-Bay.
I have E-10 lots of chicken.
I have seen E-Gulls and C-Gulls.
E-Clipse: From Internet newspapers.
E-Dict: Internet penis.
E-Gress: To go through a door on the Internet.
E-Sing: To sing about the Internet.
E-Stern: To be harsh in the direction of the rising sun.
E-Ter.
E-Ting (Hungary bell).
E-Ter
EU.
EZ.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43D72E78...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> E-Molly you meant: The sum you intended to pay by means of online banking to
> an ancient rent boy for giving you a good time!
E-Vac-U-8.
Tim Bruening
E-10, E-Ter, E-Ting: Hungary Es.
EC: Internet ocean.
E-Gar: Enthusiastic letter.
E-Gle: Bird on the Internet.
E-Merge: Internet companies coming together.
E-King: King of the Internet.
E-Sel: To sell on eBay, or to paint online.
E-Ster: Internet holiday celebrating the Resurrection.
Tim Bruening
herculles wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:<405D85A1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > herculles wrote:
> >
> > > Wasn't Fascination what Italy was under Mussolini in the Second
> World War?
> > >
> > > bagelncr...@hotmail.com (meat n potatoes) wrote in message
> news:<1d7e07b1.0403...@posting.google.com>...
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:<40580B73...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > Damnation: A country of mother deers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Damnation: A country dependent on hydroelectricity.
> > > >
> > > > fascination.
> >
> > Tarnation: Nation of asphalt.
>
> Tim, you must be a Roads Scholar?
I'm on the E-Road.
Tim Bruening
Triple E: Capital of Libya.
Tim Bruening
E Lane: A section of the E Road.
nemo
> eBay: A bay where computers swim.
>
> Eagle: An electronic gull.
>
> Eagle: Comes after A-gull, B-gull, C-gull, and D-gull.
>
> Emote: A water barrier around a castile that feels your pain.
>
> Emote: A very small computer.
>
> Emotion: Electronic travel.
>
> Emotion: Very moving feelings.
>
> Empath: A road that feels your pain and makes you feel others' pain.
Sounds like that idiot hypnotist git with a beard in one of the Start Wreck
films where they went to the centre of the galaxy.
nemo
Sinister-looking bloke showing you pics of lots of little bottoms: "Me
Grimm. Here are my fairy tails!"
nemo
Fast snott-rag: Handkerjiff.