The unknowable wrote:
> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> news:p_3Yb.87762$cL.4...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:a69c46fe.04021...@posting.google.com...
> > > Commute: Silent computer.
> > >
> > > Compassion: Computer love.
> > >
> > > Comply: Wooden computer.
> > >
> > > Complex: Computer house.
> > >
> > > Ebay: Where computers can swim and fish E-fish-cent-lee.
> > >
> > > EC: Ocean of computers.
> > >
> > > Emotions: Computer feelings.
> > >
> > > Emotions: What happens during computer court proceedings.
> > >
> > > Irate: Price of Internet access.
> >
> > Bunch of idiots using linked computers: Nitwork.
> >
> RAM: Goat with a volatile memory.
>
> EPROM: Concert for junkies.
>
> BSOD: Curtain for Windows.
>
> Hardwear: Condom
>
> WinTel: Conned 'em.
>
> Intel inside: CPU in prison.
>
> Apple Mac: Raincoat for a fruit.
>
> USB: Small American honey maker.
>
> Defrag: Piece of cloth that can't hear.
CD: Ocean of electronic recording discs.
ABCD: One disc of buzzing insect recordings
Ecoli: Another computer virus.
Eclair: Dessert on the Internet.
Eclipse: To trim the Internet's toe and finger nails.
E-Gul: Sea bird on the Internet.
Erase: Internet speed contest.
Egypt: Internet scam.
Elate: Tardy computer.
EC: Internet ocean.
ET: Alien beverage.
ET: Internet beverage.
EU: Electronic Union.
EZ: 26th letter on the Internet.
IC: Frozen ocean.
IP: Go to the bathroom.
IQ: Smart computer.
Who lost??
EB: Internet buzzing insect.
Electromagnetic: Parasite that produces light and is attractive.
Combust: Burning computer.
Combustible: Burning male cow.
Commerce: Trading computer.
Coming: Computer vase.
Market: Cat on Wall Street.
Pebble: Small rocky bull.
Walker: Dog at the NYSE.
Circuit: Electrical knight.
Easing: Song on the Internet.
Icing: Another Internet song.
Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
Erasing: Song speed contest on the Internet.
Field Effect Transistors: Used in robot cows.
Transistor does not work but a motherboard is someone who is fed up with the
kids. :-)
And if she's two-faced she'd be double-sided and if her husband is into that
sort of thing, she might well have plated-through holes!
And after using the wrong ointment after a strong curry, you could end up
with a Silecone Controlled Rectumfire!
TTL: Satan's breast!
And dare I find the Timerity to say . . . OC: A sea of very old transistors?
:o)
Erasing: Song speed contest on the Internet.
Erasicm: The KKK on the Internet.
CB: 2nd Computer letter.
CD: 4th Computer letter.
Efface: Computer monitor.
Egypt: Internet scam.
Elate: Tardy computer.
Elate: Happy computer.
EB: Buzzing Internet insect.
IC: Frozen ocean.
ID: Internet identification.
IP: Go to the bathroom.
IQ: Smart computer.
IV: Computer plant.
IV: 4th computer.
Compete: A robot named Peter.
Competition: A computer collecting signatures for a cause.
Kilobyte: Big bad bite!
Megabyte: Even bigger bite?
RAM: Electronic male sheep.
Trilobite: Smart ancient animal.
I bet, even if he knew how to use it, Dubya's PC would be stupid too!
Terrabite: Monster memory. (In theory and if you could afford it, the latest
Power Mac can address a number of these!)
Power Mac: Electric burger!
CMOS I've heard that one before somewhere.
60s Musical duck: Tommy's Teal.
Combust: Burning computer.
Combustible: Burning male cow.
Commerce: Trading computer.
Coming: Computer vase.nsect.
Electromagnetic: Parasite that produces light and is attractive.
Market: Cat on Wall Street.
Johnnie Walker: Drunken dog at the NYSE.
. . . or a set of components and instructions for building a knight.
>
> Easing: Song on the Internet.
>
> Icing: Another Internet song.
>
> Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
. . or a cross-dressing nun!
nemo wrote:
Airing: Ring worn by astronauts to supply them with oxygen.
Bearing: Ring worn by ursines for navigation.
Intent: Where campers sleep.
nemo wrote:
Inundate: During a non romantic encounter.
Sat on by bedridden patients to stop 'em getting beds' whores.
>
> Bearing: Ring worn by ursines for navigation.
>
> Intent: Where campers sleep.
>
Wigwam: Walloping somebody because they wear a toupee, even a small-price
one.
Plebble: A Greek commoner who's very small.
EC: Internet ocean.
ET: Alien beverage.
ET: Internet beverage.
EU: Electronic Union.
EZ: 26th letter on the Internet.
IC: Cold computer.
IC: Frozen ocean.
IP: Go to the bathroom.
IQ: Smart computer.
Ecoli: Another computer virus.
Eclair: Dessert on the Internet.
Eclipse: To trim the Internet's toe and finger nails.
E-Gul: Sea bird on the Internet.
Erase: Internet speed contest.
Easy: Electronic ocean. Internet ocean.
EB: Internet buzzing insect.
Compound: 454 gram computer.
Compound: 16 oz computer.
Circuit: Electrical knight.
Easing: Song on the Internet.
Icing: Another Internet song.
Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.Racing: Song speed contest.
I suppose I might as well post my old chestnut . . . .
Online circumcision . . .
(All together now . . . )
. . . done by e-Mohel!
Acornier pun you couldn't hope for.
CMOS I've seen lots of these before.
New one:
TTL: A very hungry baby with extremely sharp teeth. (^!^)
DIL: Herbal Integrated Circuit or Memory Module.
Electromechanical: A machine-oriented way of registering the votes of a
number of people standing in line.
Unijunction: Coming together of railway lines right outside a college.
Feeled Effect Transistor: Semicondutor device that reacts well to being
stroked.
nemo wrote:
Created by Diebold?
If you ain't bold, at least you survive longer!
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots; but there are no old, bold
pilots!"
http://www.tallrite.com/LightRelief/pilotcribs.htm
No. 26.
Also turned up in an episode of
http://www.mgnet.karoo.net/some%20mothers%20do%20ave%20em.htm
There are plenty of old, bald pilots though.
Race between breastfeeding and bottle feeding: Formula Won.
Spoonfed: A government official investigating crimes involving spoons.
--
Randolf Richardson, pro-active spam fighter - r...@8x.ca
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Sending eMail to other SMTP servers is a privilege.
Toonfed: Children with their eyes glued to the TV on Saturday mornings.
Eyes glued to the TV? Blimey! Some parents! Somebody call Social Services,
the police and the NSPCC immediately!
Poonfed: Kids who like the taste of Indian trees of the genus Calophyllum
with their shiny leathery leaves and lightweight hard wood.
Hoonfed: Kid who prefers to eat in a recklessly-driven car.
Moonfed: Kid who eats green cheese.
Runefed: Palćographer who's gullible enough to think that Futhark etc.
writing was invented by witches and has magical powers. Twit!
(Hang on. Why has this monitor started hovering 6" above the desk?)
nemo wrote:
I have no idea.
Futhark: Unidentified flying wooden ship full of animals seen by WW2 pilots.
Google "foofighters" ignoring the band.
> > > Runefed: Palćographer who's gullible enough to think that
Futhark etc.
> > > writing was invented by witches and has magical powers. Twit!
> > >
> > > (Hang on. Why has this monitor started hovering 6" above the
desk?)
> >
> > I have no idea.
> >
> In general, or about this message in particular?
>
> Futhark: Unidentified flying wooden ship full of animals seen by WW2
pilots.
>
> Google "foofighters" ignoring the band.
Google: what a baby fish does when he breathes
Gargle: Someone clearing their throat in a French railway station!
Ad that a few days ago.
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:410DF203...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Ceasing: Computerized song.
> >
> > Circuit: Electrical knight.
> >
> > Easing: Song on the Internet.
> >
> > Icing: Another Internet song.
>
> . . . in a Counter Tenor voice, caused by the singer getting his
> coillons chopped off by the flap on a shop counter.
> >
> > Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
>
> CMOS I've heard that one before.
>
> Tactile semiconductor: Feeled Effect Transistor.
>
> Railway lines coming together outside a college: Unijunction.
>
> Transistors which, had they been invented, would have been used in the
> making of Glenn Miller's marvellous morale-boosting recordings made for the
> troops during WW2:
>
> V-FET.
>
> Ancient sailing vessel carrying posteriors and cow skins: Gallium Arsenide.
>
> Bipolar: Instruction to purchase a large white bear.
Bible: Instruction to purchase a male cow.
Circuit: Electrical knight.
Easing: Song on the Internet.
Icing: Another Internet song.
Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822A1F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Ceasing: Computerized song.
> >
> > Circuit: Electrical knight.
>
> . . . or a set of components and instructions for building a knight.
> >
> > Easing: Song on the Internet.
> >
> > Icing: Another Internet song.
> >
> > Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
>
> . . or a cross-dressing nun!
Airing: Ring worn by astronauts to supply them with oxygen.
Bearing: Ring worn by ursines for navigation.
Intent: Where campers sleep.
Circuit: Electrical knight.
Easing: Song on the Internet.
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822A1F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Ceasing: Computerized song.
> >
> > Circuit: Electrical knight.
>
> . . . or a set of components and instructions for building a knight.
> >
> > Easing: Song on the Internet.
> >
> > Icing: Another Internet song.
> >
> > Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.
>
> . . or a cross-dressing nun!
Inundate: During a non romantic encounter.
Aha! So that's what you metaphor!
Circuit: Electrical knight.
Easing: Song on the Internet.
Translator: Tardy bisexual.
Losing: Concession song sung by non-winning candidates.
KIMEVANS wrote:
> Q. What did the inflatable headmaster at Inflatable High School say to the
> inflatable student when he took him into the inflatable office to discipline
> him?
>
> A. Your behaviour has been despicable.You have let your friends and
> classmates down and as a matter of fact you have let the entire SCHOOL down!
> In bringing that thumbtack into the school ,you will now more importantly
> have to live with the fact that you have even let YOURSELF down !!!
A TACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CMOS I've heard that many times before.
And do esquimeaux traders bipolar bears?
Erastafarian: One who posesses online dreadlocks.
Those who cantata anymore?
A CHAIRNAIL!!!!!!!! (looks neater)
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:405810F0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Overcast: He hurled the fishing rod out too far.
> >
> > Overcast: A play in the sky.
> >
> > Ironcast: A play involving The Stainless Steel Rat (Harry Harrison).
> >
> >
> Broadcast: Tossed her into the river.
> Castigate: Threw the entrance into the road.
> Instigate: Threw it very fast.
> Castor oil: Threw out her make-up. (Tammy Fay)
> Lubricate: Getting Cate oiled.
Casting: Tossed the bell into the river.
Grazer: Gray knight.
Laser: Knight of light beams.
Razor: Knight of shaving.
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:a69c46fe.04060...@posting.google.com...
> > "Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> news:<10c405f...@corp.supernews.com>...
> > > was sent this:
> > > A farmer had a cow, Bessie. She was difficult, kicking over the milk
> > > pail and refusing to come in at night. Well, Bessie got pregnant. After
> > > she gave birth, she changed. "Bessie's really mellowed out," the
> > > farmer told his wife. "What do you think happened?" "That's easy," she
> > > replied. "Don't you know, Bessie's been decalf-inated!"
> >
> > How cheesy.
>
> Udder nonsense.
Emu: Winged cow on the Internet.
Foreshadow: In favor of shade.
Defamatory: To tell malicious lies about British Conservatives.
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40EB9186...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Enigma: Mysterious female parent.
> >
> Good comedy, that film - especially the guy smoking inside the
submarine!
> Ever seen a hydrogen explosion?
>
> And the way they took their time in spite of the fact that the German
crew
> might have set time-fuses on a torpedo or two to scuttle the boat!
>
> Solid-fuel container at the bottom of the sea: Coal scuttle.
VW Bug: German vampire insect car.
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4375913D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> > > On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 21:36:54 -0500, "Nellie Rumery"
> > > <slr...@adelphia.net> wrote:
> > >
> > > >> >>> No I prefer my men to ball my three to four times not bash.
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >>Is this in Norwegian, or what?
> > > >> >
> > > >> >You'd probably have understood Norwegian.
> > > >>
> > > >> I think we of rec.humor and atj should have an joint annual "Post
> Like
> > > >> Nellie Rumery Day." <g>
> > > >>
> > > >
> > > > Are you wanting to man bash also Larry that is ok i need no help.
> > > > Thanks for the offer.
> > >
> > > So we're already starting?
> >
> > Starting: Musical sun.
> >
> > Starting: Musical famous actor.
> >
> > Starting: First bell.
>
> Starting Handel: The solo instrument if he'd ever written a concerto for the
> Triangle!
Concerto: Singing toe.
nemo wrote:
> I'm sure we've done all the knights. How about some kdays for a change?
>
> Dayak: A large Tibetan ox at dawn that has mysteriously ended up in Borneo.
>
> Lackaday: What a Leap Year does.
>
> Faraday: A day that stores electricity, or Fara Force-it Gently's birthday.
Friday: A very hot day.
>
> On Tue, 08 Mar 2005 20:18:09 GMT, "Douglas D. Anderson"
> <d...@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
> <5MnXd.116599$nC5....@twister.nyroc.rr.com>:
> >"Mel" <m...@atj.faq.com> wrote
> >>slap chips - South Africa's gift to the fried potato chip.
> >Then the world returned them demanding a refund. No wonder no one
> >has heard of them.
>
> you have to come to South Africa for them. they're not available in the
> United States.
>
> If you visit Cape Town, call me on my cell phone, which you will find
> trivial to discover, and I will introduce you to slap chips.
Cape Town: Town of Supermen. It includes a Lois Lane.
Dr Tormento wrote:
> sr...@aol.com (Sritk) wrote in news:20040301132536.10232.00000628@mb-
> m03.aol.com:
>
> > Why isn't Rhode Island surrounded by water?
>
> It was originally, but since then they fixed the sewer system.
Rhode Island: Island that served as a beast of burden.
> nemo <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> news:pdh1c.6167$5P2....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4044568F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > ynotssor wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Sritk" <sr...@aol.com> wrote in message
> > > > news:20040301132536...@mb-m03.aol.com
> > > >
> > > > > Why isn't Rhode Island surrounded by water?
> > > >
> > > > Global war-ming.
> > >
> > > War-ming: Hostile chinese vase.
> > >
> > > Hostile: Aggressive fence.
> > >
> > > Fencing: Singing barrier.
> > >
> > Or a singing 100th of a Yuan.
> >
> There was someone with loads of Rhode Island puns but he got shot in
the
> Civil War running away.
>
> He was a Rhode Island Reb!
Rhode Island Red: Communist in the smallest state.
> Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> news:1080t0q...@corp.supernews.com...
> >
> > "Marmoset" <marm...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns94CDBEEDB9145...@216.196.97.131...
> > > Did you hear how witches make sure their potions are correct?
> > >
> > > They use a spell checker
> >
> > in order to know how long to wait she uses her witch watch.
> >
> >
> Witch watch was that then? Edward Woodward would!
>
> And . . . it got hot and made her wrist wroast!
>
> Wrist watch for an whore's man: A Rowlox!
Sandwich: Witch on the beach.
>> >>>>>>>>> XB: Extraterrestrial buzzing insect that makes honey. Also
the
>Russian
>> >>>>>>>>> initials for "Christ Is Risen".
>> >>>>>>>>What I want to know is: who fed him all that baking powder!
>> >>>>>>>The three rise men from the yeast.
>> >>>>>>Thank you. A real pun.
>> >>>>>He was bread for it.
>> >>>>
>> >>>>Ah ... a bit of rye humour.
>> >>>
>> >>>I tried that on a flatfoot who flagged me down. He toed my
caraway.
>> >>
>> >>That was pretty seedy of him.
>> >
>> >Yah, and right in front of a short-order seafood place. Now I avoid
>> >Framingham fish fry.
>>
>> You let the chips fall where they may?
>
>Advice ot overweight sailors: ABANDON CHIP!!!
Navel oranges: Seagoing citrus.