July 31 Puns
Tim Bruening
Abed: One sleeping place.
Abet: One gamble.
Able: One male bovine.
Abut: One arse.
Tim Bruening
Chantey: Tea that makes you sing.
Classy: School in the ocean.
Constancy: Loyal ocean.
Cozy: Comfortable ocean.
Tim Bruening
Comer: Ocean of ejaculations.
Connote: Against music.
Consort: Against sorting.
Contact: Against tacks.
Tim Bruening
Contract: Against railroads.
Contractor: Against farm equipment.
Cordon: Line of Mafia bosses.
Cormorant: A sea ant/bird.
Tim Bruening
Zotmeister wrote:
> "Methuselah Jones" <methu...@altgeek.org> wrote in message
> news:Xns94D848A4952CAme...@216.196.97.132...
> > Today's cooking program was all about how to prepare fillet mignon, and
> > featured two special guests who were very clever language experts.
> >
> > In other words, they had cunning linguists on the fillet show.
>
> One word: 'eating'. Supply your own context. - ZM
Eating: Internet bell.
Tim Bruening
Rivet: Warrior river.
Rouser: Knight who wakes people up.
Rouser: Knight who makes trouible, and has to be thrown out by the
Boun-Ser.
Stylize: Fibs about clothing.
Vaulty: Tea in a bank safe.
Tim Bruening
RUSiriusA wrote:
> In article <v6rpkc...@ixazon.dynip.com>,
> Pierre Abbat <fes...@ixazon.dynip.com> wrote:
>
> > Hauke Reddmann wrote:
> >
> > > Jonners <j...@43-xarun.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
> > >> Was God's messenger to Noah an Ark Angel?
> > >
> > > Speaking of Angels:
> > > Was the reason Noah had to build his ship in
> > > the first place the Ark Sin?
> >
> > I suppose so - then he lay on the deck and got an Ark Tan.
>
> Was it up north that he got the Ark Tic?
No, he got the Ant Ark Tic in the south.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening wrote:
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
oddly when:
> > >
> > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > >
> > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
hardrive..
>
> Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
Helmet: Hat of the Devil
Tim Bruening
Hasty: Tea drunk fast.
Pasty: Tea that glues.
Typer: Price for neckwear.
Typeface: Face with printing on it.
Tim Bruening
Cronkite: A flying anchor.
Glancing: Singing and looking.
Looking: King of eyes.
Boil Ling: Chinese at 212 degrees.
Convert: Green criminal.
Divert: Green die.
Invert: Green hotel.
Revert: Turn green again.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <MzNsb.107886$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> Subplot: Underwater farm.
> >>
> >Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret
still!!)
> >
> >Subarid: Underwater desert.
> >Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> >Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> >
> Subcranial: less than lofty thoughts
Subconscious: Aware underwater.
Tim Bruening
Calming: Vase that reduces stress.
Homing: Vase of a hooker.
Grooming: Male vase that's about to get married.
Rooming: Vase for a genie.
Warming: Aggressive vase.
Warming: Hot vase.
Tim Bruening
Hubble: Very far seeing bull.
Pebble: Small rocky bull.
Bullwrinkle: Old bull.
Bullrush: Fast bull.
Tim Bruening
Cardiac: Heart of an automobile.
Carol: Singing and rolling automobile.
Carom: Ancient Latin automobile.
Carted: Automobile of Ted.
Tim Bruening
Antonym: Ant who reverses word meanings.
Autocrat: Car dictator.
Automaton: Car robot.
Avatar: One vat of road building material.
Blatant: A very obvious ant.
Button: 2,000 lb arse.
Tim Bruening
Booby: Buzzing insect that bombs.
Booby: Ghost buzzing insect.
Characteristic: Tic used to find out the nature of the other tics.
Climatic: Weather tic.
Climactic: Tic that effects great events.
Critic: Tic that lambastes everyone for the slightest perceived flaw.
Tim Bruening
> The BBC have just started a new series featuring books about contrabass
> woodwind instruments. It's called The Big Reed!
Contrabass: Fish eaten by 1980s Nicaraguan rebels.
Tim Bruening
KIMEVANS wrote:
> Q. What did the inflatable headmaster at Inflatable High School say to the
> inflatable student when he took him into the inflatable office to discipline
> him?
>
> A. Your behaviour has been despicable.You have let your friends and
> classmates down and as a matter of fact you have let the entire SCHOOL down!
> In bringing that thumbtack into the school ,you will now more importantly
> have to live with the fact that you have even let YOURSELF down !!!
That's rather pointed.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:410DE9A9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > unidyne <uni...@cox.net> wrote in message
> > > news:H1WMc.2294$zA4.338@lakeread04...
> > > >
> > > > "brigit bardot brigade" <brigit...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > > > news:3cd79f7a.04072...@posting.google.com...
> > > > > longest day... i recall some critics called it the longest movie.
> > > >
> > > > These were actually used in film reviews:
> > > >
> > > > Lost Horison : "Lost Investment"
> > > > Howard the Duck: "Howard the Dead Duck"
> > > > Heaven's Gate: "Heaven Knows Why"
> > > > Dawn of the Dead: "Yawn of the Living"
> > > > Don't Stop the Music : "PLEASE Stop the Music!"
> > > > Xanadu: "Xana-don't"
> > > > Waterworld: "Wat-ever For?"
> > > > The Postman: "Return to Sender"
> > > >
> > > > ...and my personal favorite...
> > > >
> > > > The Sound of Music: "The Sound of Mucus"
> > > >
> > > I'll second that! I used to repair the telephones in the Palace Theatre
> when
> > > that horrible show was on. Trying to repair the blasted switchboard with
> big
> > > fat cows dressed as nuns bellowing scales in your ear!!
> >
> > Fish scales or weighing scales?
> >
> Musical scales of coarse!
To weigh notes?
Tim Bruening
James King wrote:
> In article <%rYcc.80468$vn.2...@sea-read.news.verio.net>, startum
> <sta...@mail.anonymizer.com> wrote:
>
> > "Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> > news:107830d...@corp.supernews.com...
> > > A Romanian man is in the hospital after getting drunk and
> > > swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his
> > > situation say so far, no change.
> >
> > Don't worry! In a couple of days the doctors will come up with a
bill.
>
> I am wondering though ... once the man has taken a laxative and done
> his business, would the result be a "direct deposit?"
>
> (If he takes too much of the laxative, could he claim that his assets
> are now liquified?)
>
> I take great interest in this story. I wonder if the Romanian man was
a
> loan arranger.
Scenting: Musical penny with a nice smell.
nemo
That's all most people have - unless it's a very kinky prostitute who's had
a Colostomy so that her customers can have a bit on the side!
YUK!
Arbutnot: Surname for very argumentative people without bottoms!
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £3 - 18s - 11½d actually!
That's including V.A.T. - Vear And Tear!
nemo
Asian philosophers get these: Indian Notion.
nemo
Convict: Against an aromatic chest-rub.
nemo
Back-packed Gull: Seabird that's not allowed on the London Undergound.
Crater Back-packed Gull: He let it off somewhere else!
nemo
Context: A prisoner's letter.
nemo
Hail, fellow well met!: Hat worn by someone you're pleased to see in very
bad weather.
Basinet: Helmet that you can only make a small pudding in!
Helm: Big knight's hat that steers a ship.
Khelm: Polish town that steers a ship stupidly!
nemo
Front head chancery: Fancy 15th Century writing on a wrestler's forhead!
nemo
Sublemonal: Something sneaked into your awareness without you knowing under
citrus fruit!
nemo
Bloke who turns copper green: Ferdy Grease.
nemo
Tedeus: Who Ted worships in a very boring way.
nemo
Someone once asked on here: did Isaac Azimov use puns?
I pelorat!
I've just realised: Billibotton = Belly button! (or Willie Bottom.)
I'm sure there are more. I Seldon do, but next time I read the series he
wrote about us capturing our bombers - The Found Asian Series - I'll write
'em all down!
Ohhhhhhhhhhh! The daring young man on the flying Trevize . . .
And if you Bayta trap, you might just catch a Mule!
Foundation and Umpire: Intergalactic cricket!
nemo
Perceived: Price of levigated substances.
nemo
Paid for by the CIA, like their training and weapons which they used to
massacre innocent unarmed peasants to destabilise the country.
nemo
Musical puns! They're suffocating me! I can't breve!
Tim Bruening
"Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
news:<10dtu5r...@corp.supernews.com>...
> Dougal wrote:
> > On Thu, 24 Jun 2004 18:07:36 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >
> >>>> You've had more time on the job.
> >>>
> >>> What job? I've got cataracts. <g>
> >>
> >> Like we really care you drive a luxury car.
> >>
> > Or have a waterfall.
>
> That's from him using the sunroof for a loo.
Looming: A Chinese vase used as a chamber pot.
Looping: Musical toilet.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40014B91...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Rumble: Druken male cow.
>
> Tumble: Male cow with stomach(s) ache.
>
> Bumble: Male cow with sore arse/ass.
>
> Fumble: Male cow who's very clumsy.
>
> Humble: Male cow who'd like to be moo-sickle but can't remember the words -
> or who stinks!.
>
> Scumble: Male cow who's intensly disliked.
Grumble: Complaining bull.
Amble: Bull just walking along.
Scramble: Fast bull.
Compatible: Friendly bull.
Compatible: Electronic bull.
nemo
Used by an Onanist who used to Jacquard into it?
>
> Looping: Musical toilet.
MÐ
Drooping: Chinese Viagra candidate
Drooling: Chinese idiot
Dropping: Chinese pregnant lady who didn't make it to the hospital on time
Drilling: 1/2 Chinese, 1/2 nigger porn star
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnkt...@cogeco.ca> found these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>
> >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> > > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 21:53:23 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> >> > >
> >> > >> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> >> > >>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> >> > >>>
> >> > >>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> >> > >>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> >> > >>>>
> >> > >>>>
> >> > >>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me to do in
> >> > >>>>> bed is grown and mown. :-(
> >> > >>>>
> >> > >>>> So you're his hoe?
> >> > >>>
> >> > >>>
> >> > >>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> >> > >>>
> >> > >>>
> >> > >> He must be a gay blade!
> >> > >
> >> > > If you take it in the bermuda shorts, you'll rye the day!
> >> >
> >> > Last time I was travelling my grass routes I got turfed out! :-(
> >> >
> >> Probably by some sorry sod.
> >>
> >This is scaping up to be a really lawn thread.
> >
> Rototill for those who appreciate it, bummer otherwise.
Bummer: Ocean of rear ends.
Rear View Mirror: Mirror that shows your behind.
nemo
Made by the same people who make telescopes that let you see Uranus?
nemo
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On 19 Mar 2004 00:18:22 -0800, bagelncr...@hotmail.com (meat n
> > potatoes) found these unused words floating about:> news:<40580B73...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > >> Damnation: A country of mother deers.
> > >>
> > >> Damnation: A country dependent on hydroelectricity.
> > >
> > >Fascination.
> > ... Thailand.
>
> Thailand: Neckwear country.
Caused by there being a higher level of cravaty there?
nemo
> > >
> > > Michael Balarama wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Hauke Reddmann" <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote in message
> > > > news:cf7d8p$c8$2...@rzsun03.rrz.uni-hamburg.de...
> > > > > P Stashio Nutz <pstash...@aol.comawnutz> wrote:
> > > > > > In article <10hdnol...@corp.supernews.com>, "Michael
> > > Balarama"
> > > > > > <mba...@ev1.net> writes:
> > > > >
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >>When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing
to
> > > their
> > > > > >>hospital:
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >>The Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists
> > > preferred no
> > > > rash
> > > > > >>moves
> > > > >
> > > > > > But the Internists said they'd put some feelers out, and the
> > > > Opthamologist said
> > > > > > they'd look into it, while the Podiatrists agreed to foot the
bill
> > > since
> > > > the
> > > > > > Orthopedists found it to be a bone of contention.
> > > > >
> > > > > But the Proctologists just told them to take the whole project and
> > > shove
> > > > it!
> > > >
> > > > The Psychiatrists thought it was madness; the Surgeons decided to
wash
> > > their
> > > > hands of the whole thing
> > >
> > > The Surgeons voted to cut the project from the budget.
> > >
> >
> > And the Guy No Collegists relented and decided to go to medical school
after
> > all, and the Obstinatricians vowed to try to be more agreeable in
future.
>
> Were the pediatricians de-feeted?
Nope. They got re-dyphthonged - pędiatricians - coz they'd got fed up with
being confused with sparrow doctors: chirrupodists!
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnkt...@cogeco.ca> found these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>
> >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> > > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 21:53:23 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> >> > >
Tim Bruening
nemo
Like as astronomical telescope through which you can see Uranus!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
Like a telescope that shows you Uranus!!
nemo
>> >> Damnation: A country of mother deers.
>> >>
>> >> Damnation: A country dependent on hydroelectricity.
>> >
>> >Fascination.
>> ... Thailand.
>
> Thailand: Neckwear country.
Indoornesia: Island where it never stops raining.
And don't forget - in Italy, the men stride around boldly, butt in a
triangular island off the coast, the men mince around Sicily! And if they
happen to be gay, they have a Crete time!!
nemo
Nope. They went to see a Chirrupodist where a number of sparrows saved their
feet from having to be Amp Putated (Electrically pruned)!
And what doctor sees to monkeys' feet? A Chimpopodist!
And what do you call an ape who uses freeware to edit its photos on its PC:
A Gimpanzee!
The new improved High Speed Nemo!
In 2007, retirement was heaven,
In 2008, it was bloody-well great!
And it's still quite divine in 2009!
It'll be same again in 2010!
And in 2011,
I don't plan to go to heaven!
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnkt...@cogeco.ca> found these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>
> >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> > > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 21:53:23 GMT, Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> >> > >