Views on Marriage/Married Life
Johnson
> Hi netters, I'm looking for some good jokes/witty proverbs/sayings
>on marriage, married life etc... and thought that surely someone out
>there could help.
We once had a "wifespeak" phrasebook (unfortunately, not in written form)
explaining some of the differences between what wives say and what they
really mean. Maybe we can compile a list; I've started with the few I
remember.
Wifespeak English
------------------------------------
You want <=> You want
We need <=> I want
It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
We need to talk <=> I need to complain
More?
--
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| "Johnson" | Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not |
| joh...@mot.com | out to get you. |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Disclaimer: If Motorola knew I was doing this, they'd fire me. |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Don McMillan CS 50
In article <1991Nov5.1...@ecs.comm.mot.com>,
joh...@bugscomm.mot.com ("Johnson") writes:
|>
|> Wifespeak English
|> ------------------------------------
|> You want <=> You want
|> We need <=> I want
|> It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
|> Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
|> We need to talk <=> I need to complain
|>
|> More?
|> --
Don McMillan __ . . Phone: (313) 986-1436
CS Department / ` |\ /| UUCP: rphroy!djm.cs.gmr.com!dmcmilla
GM Research Labs | ,_ | | | CSNet: mcmi...@gmr.com
Warren, MI 48090 USA \__/ | | Internet: dmcm...@djm.cs.gmr.com
The Wicked Witch Of The West
writes:
> > Hi netters, I'm looking for some good jokes/witty
proverbs/sayings
> >on marriage, married life etc... and thought that surely someone out
> >there could help.
>
Wifespeak: What they mean:
********************************************************
Of course I'm not upset * Of course IUm
upset,you moron.
*******************************************************
You're ... so manly * You need a shave and
you sweat a lot.
*******************************************************
You're certainly * Is sex all you ever
attentive tonight. think about ?
*******************************************************
I'm not emotional! And * IUm on my period.
I'm not overreacting!
*******************************************************
Be romantic, turn * I have flabby thighs.
out the lights.
enjoy
JW
Disclaimer? Why? I don't claim anything, not me, no sir, uh uh, never,
absolutely not.
A book is a mirror: if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle
to look out. (Christopher Lichtenberg)
************************************************************************
Ted Shred
>In article <1991Nov5.1...@ecs.comm.mot.com> joh...@bugs.comm.mot.com writes:
>>In article <40...@hydra.gatech.EDU>, gt3...@prism.gatech.EDU (ZUCCOLA) writes:
>>> Hi netters, I'm looking for some good jokes/witty proverbs/sayings
>>>on marriage, married life etc... and thought that surely someone out
>>>there could help.
>>
>>We once had a "wifespeak" phrasebook (unfortunately, not in written form)
>>explaining some of the differences between what wives say and what they
>>really mean. Maybe we can compile a list; I've started with the few I
>>remember.
>>
>>Wifespeak English
>>------------------------------------
>>You want <=> You want
>>We need <=> I want
>>It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
>>Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
>>We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>>
>>More?
>
>
I'm hungry <=> (a) Make me something to eat.
(b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your
last $5, and go drive across town and get me
something to eat. -- I don't care if what you
are doing is important.
Ted Shred.
Barry Gunn
> Hi netters, I'm looking for some good jokes/witty proverbs/sayings
>on marriage, married life etc... and thought that surely someone out
>there could help.
Thanx in advance,
H-----
>
>----------
This was read at a wedding I attended.
Chinese Poem
Nice night
In June
Stars shine
Big moon
In Park
On bench
With girl
In clinch
Me say
"Me love
Like dove"
Me smart
Me Fast
Never let
Chance pass
"Get hitched"
Me say
"O.K."
She say
Wedding bells
Ring Ring
Honymoon
Everything
Settle down
Happy man.
Nother night
In June
Stars shine
Big moon
Ain't happy
No more
Carry baby
Walk floor
Wife mad
She fuss
Me mad
Me cuss
Life one
Big spat
Nagging wife
Bawling brat
Me realize
At last
Me too
Darn fast.
--------------------
|\/\/\/|
| |
| |
| (o)(o) Bart Simpson is a looser
C _)
| ,___|
| / Barry Gunn
/____\ ex 2281
/ \ bar...@lsid.hp.com
Shortboy
>> Hi netters, I'm looking for some good jokes/witty proverbs/sayings
>>on marriage, married life etc... and thought that surely someone out
>>there could help.
>
>We once had a "wifespeak" phrasebook (unfortunately, not in written form)
>explaining some of the differences between what wives say and what they
>really mean. Maybe we can compile a list; I've started with the few I
>remember.
>
>Wifespeak English
>------------------------------------
>You want <=> You want
>We need <=> I want
>It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
>Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
>We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>
>More?
Sure... go ahead <=> I don't want you to.
______________________________________________________________________________
/ shr...@triton.unm.edu | | Yeah... anyway... Back on Earth! \
* University of New Mexico | | "Eat my shorts!" - Bart Simpson *
\__________________________|________________|__________________________________/
Gaylord
>
>In article <1991Nov5.1...@ecs.comm.mot.com>,
>joh...@bugscomm.mot.com ("Johnson") writes:
>|>
>|> Wifespeak English
>|> ------------------------------------
>|> You want <=> You want
>|> We need <=> I want
>|> It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
>|> Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
>|> We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>|>
>|> More?
>|> --
>
> I'm NOT angry <=> I'm pissed
Dan Wuescher
>joh...@bugscomm.mot.com ("Johnson") writes:
>|>
>|> Wifespeak English
>|> ------------------------------------
>|> You want <=> You want
>|> We need <=> I want
>|> It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
>|> Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
>|> We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>|>
>|> More?
>|> --
>
> I'm NOT angry <=> I'm pissed
>
I'll be ready in <=> Kick off your shoes and find a good game
a minute. on T.V.
Is my butt fat? <=> Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn <=> Just agree with me.
to communicate.
Are you listening <=> [Too late, your dead.]
to me!?
***********************************************************************
| Dan Wuescher * We satisfy our endless needs and justify |
| da...@brutus.ee.su.OZ.AU * our bloody deeds, in the name of destiny |
| * and in the name of god. D. Henley |
Erik Lode
> As my father used to say, "marriage is a wonderful institution... ... but
> who wants to live in an institution?"
Or,
Marriage means commitment.
Of course, so does insanity.
Or,
Marriage is bliss.
Ignorance is bliss.
Therefore . . .
riv...@dev8j.mdcbbs.com
> In article <68...@rphroy.ph.gmr.com> dmcm...@djm.cs.gmr.com (Don McMillan CS 50) writes:
>>
>>In article <1991Nov5.1...@ecs.comm.mot.com>,
>>joh...@bugscomm.mot.com ("Johnson") writes:
>>|>
>>|> Wifespeak English
>>|> ------------------------------------
>>|> You want <=> You want
>>|> We need <=> I want
>>|> It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
>>|> Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
>>|> We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>>|>
>>|> More?
>>|> --
>>
>> I'm NOT angry <=> I'm pissed
>>
>
> I'll be ready in <=> Kick off your shoes and find a good game
> a minute. on T.V.
> Is my butt fat? <=> Tell me I'm beautiful.
> You have to learn <=> Just agree with me.
> to communicate.
> Are you listening <=> [Too late, your dead.]
> to me!?
>
All we're going to
buy is s soap dish <=> It goes without saying that we're stopping
at the cosmetics department, the shoe
department, I need to look at a few
new pocket books, and OMIGIOD there's a
sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these
pink sheets look great in the bedroom
and did you bring your checkbook?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
| Michael Rivero riv...@dev8j.mdcbbs.com "A Human's Human!" |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| Don't get me wrong. I LOVE women. It's the Bitches I can't stand! |
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ti...@hls.com
> We once had a "wifespeak" phrasebook (unfortunately, not in written form)
> explaining some of the differences between what wives say and what they
> really mean. Maybe we can compile a list; I've started with the few I
> remember.
>
> Wifespeak English
> ------------------------------------
> You want <=> You want
> We need <=> I want
> It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
> Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
> We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>
> More?
Do you like this recipe ? <=> It's easy to fix,
so you'd better get use to it.
Was that the baby ? <=> Why don't you get out of bed and
walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling ! <=> Yes I am yelling because
I think this is important.
Tim
Michelle Zumbo
These are all so true!
I know a lot of people who got a real kick out of "wifespeak" around
here, myself included & we'd get a kick out of "husbandspeak" too.
Anybody got some of those to share?
Ron Dippold
>I know a lot of people who got a real kick out of "wifespeak" around
>here, myself included & we'd get a kick out of "husbandspeak" too.
>Anybody got some of those to share?
This is something we need <=> What an awesome toy!
--
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
Erik Lode
> These are all so true!
> I know a lot of people who got a real kick out of "wifespeak" around
> here, myself included & we'd get a kick out of "husbandspeak" too.
> Anybody got some of those to share?
I thought after "I do" they can only say "Yes, dear."
The Wicked Witch Of The West
In article <rdippold.689915397@cancun> rdip...@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron
Dippold) writes:
> >I know a lot of people who got a real kick out of "wifespeak" around
> >here, myself included & we'd get a kick out of "husbandspeak" too.
> >Anybody got some of those to share?
>
> This is something we need <=> What an awesome toy!
> --
I posted these when this thread first started, but some of you must have
missed them, so here they are again.
I'm out of beer. = Go to the store.
Do I have any clean underwear? = Why haven't you washed clothes?
Huh, oh nothing dear. = God what a set of boobs on that gal.
I'm going to have a few beers with the guys after work. =
Don't wait up I'll be home late and drunk.
Just as soon as the game's over honey.= After football season.
Do you know what your son did today? = The kid did something wrong.
Do you know what my son did today? = The kid did something great.
Dear why don't you buy that dress you were looking at last week.
= I just bought another gun to add to the 10 I already had.
JW
Disclaimer? Why? I don't claim anything, not me, no sir, uh uh, never,
absolutely not.
A book is a mirror: if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle
to look out. (Christopher Lichtenberg)
Ron Bogumil
Marriage is like a bath. Once you get used to it,
it's not so hot.
--
Ron Bogumil@The Home Depot, Inc.
UUCP: ...!uunet!cphpcom1!rlb01
Tom Koziatek
>
>Marriage is like a bath. Once you get used to it,
>it's not so hot.
>--
Or:
There are three stages of sex in marriage: The Kitchen, The Bedroom, and the
Hallway.
1) The Kitchen- This is where you and your spouse have sex anywhere: on the
fridge, in the dishwasher, wherever.
2.) The Bedroom - Things have settled down, and sex is primarily in the bedroom
now mainly for the procreation attempt.
3.) The Hallway - Things have definetely cooled down. Now you and your spouse
pass each other in the hallway, saying 'Fuck You ! '.
John Houghton
rl...@cphpcom1.uucp (Ron Bogumil) writes:
>
>Marriage is like a bath. Once you get used to it,
>it's not so hot.
>--
The single man is incomplete....
The married man is finished.
JH
Deepak Dhamdhere
> In article <1991Nov4.2...@cbnewse.cb.att.com> act...@cbnewse.cb.att.com (timothy.d.acton) writes:
> >In article <40...@hydra.gatech.EDU>, gt3...@prism.gatech.EDU (ZUCCOLA) writes:
> >>
> >> Hi netters, I'm looking for some good jokes/witty proverbs/sayings
> >> on marriage, married life etc... and thought that surely someone out
> >> there could help.
> >> H-----
A good marriage is like a self-cleaning oven, you keep using it and it gets
dirty. Then you latch the door, turn the heat up and let the dirt burn.
When the smoke clears out, you have a spotless clean oven again !
I prefer to have a lifetime statisfaction warantee and replace it whenever
anything goes worng :-;
Deepak