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Internet Oracularities Digest #1508
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Nov 30, 2012, 1:51:52 PM11/30/12
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:37 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <kin...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1508
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracl...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1508
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1503 23 votes 08672 29552 23378 54842 26564 06593 39542 16970 66425 23774
1503 3.1 mean 3.1 2.8 3.7 2.7 3.2 3.4 2.7 3.0 2.7 3.3
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:38 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-01
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Tryng lrn to spk Srb lngdg, hvving trbl wth my vwwls. You sggsted Prep
> H. H is nt a vwwl.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It is, in Greek.
}
} But if vowels aren't your cup of meat, switch to a language
} like Hbrw in which you can get away without 'em. No sense
} in wasting further time with Srb, which has letters basically
} at random anyway.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nice little tchotchke. Yeah, I know
} that's Yiddish, not Hebrew.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:39 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-02
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> You might want to write that backwards; I think I'm getting dyslexic or
> something.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Dubya won? No way, bud.
}
} You owe the Oracle a recount.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:40 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-03
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> A RepubliCAN, but a SuppliCAN'T?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} True. And a whippoorWILL, but only if you ask
} nicely and provide cab fare home afterward.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bushel of avocaDOES.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:41 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-04
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I cheated! I'm sorry.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Fine. But you still can't have your job back at the CIA, General.
}
} You owe the Oracle an autographed copy of your biography.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:42 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-05
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Mo-o-o-o-om, what can I doooooo?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} 10 Fun Activities For Kids When They Are Bored
}
} 1. Quit bugging me, OK?
} 2. Go find something to do.
} 3. I don't know, watch TV or something.
} 4. Video games can be highly addictive, try one.
} 5. Go to a friend's house, they have video games there too.
} 6. You've got all those books in your room, don't you?
} 7. Well then, draw horns on all the people in your books.
} 8. You haven't reached puberty, right? Well, forget #8 then.
} 9. You must have some kind of homework due.
} 10. Your dad should be home soon.
}
} You owe the Oracle an apple pie, just like Mom used to do
} for us on holidays: straight from the bakery.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:43 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-06
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Norquist is Oz?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Not in the slightest, despite comments to that
} effect by the talking heads on TV. And, while
} he looks like a Munchkin, and sounds even more
} like one when he speaks, what he actually is,
} is the Wicked Warlock of the Beltway:
}
} Norquist: Who defeated Mitt Romney? Who killed
} the Warlock of the Northeast's chances? Was it
} you?
}
} Obama: No, no. It was a voter turnout machine.
} I didn't mean to kill anybody's chances.
}
} Norquist: Well, my pretty, I can manipulate
} voter turnout, too!
}
} [Cowardly Congresscritter edges away.]
}
} Norquist: Abandoning your pledge so soon? I
} wouldn't hear of it. Why, my grand old party's
} just beginning.
}
} Cowardly Congresscritter: I *do* believe in tax
} relief for the wealthy, I *do* believe in tax
} relief for the wealthy. I do, I do, I do, I
} *do*.
}
} Norquist: Ah! You'll believe in more than that
} before I'm finished with you. Ring around the
} rosie, a pocket full of filibusters! Thought
} you were pretty foxy, didn't you? Well! The
} last to vote for zero percent capital gains
} and estate taxes will be the first to lose
} their PAC money! And your little dog, too!
}
} I don't know why he doesn't want dogs to get
} elected, but there you go - he's just mean.
}
} You owe the Oracle a pair of ruby red veto
} stamps, and a bucket of water.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:44 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-07
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I'm scheduled to go on a trek through the low country. It's called the
> "Low Trek." As a rather short fellow I am really quite appropriate for
> this expedition.
>
> I am worried that my pants are too loose, and that I'll fall on my
> face, and the others will make fun of me because of my Too Loose Low
> Trek.
>
> Your suggestions?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Rather than walk, you need a ride. Vincent has a van;
} Gogh with him.
}
} You owe the Oracle a sunflower.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:45 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-08
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I've noticed something. Lisa tends to go on a streak of appearing in
> the Digests, and then a streak of disappearing. Does she have to
> streak like that?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It's one of her best qualities, really. While I agree it can be quite
} distracting, I think you'll find that if...um...oh dear...
}
} You owe the Oracle some privacy and an egret feather. And hurry.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:46 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-09
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How can you sit there and answer questions when people are dyeing?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Um, because the Oracle likes the colors of his eggs and hair?
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:47 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-10
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Why did the crackpot leave?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Please, that term is offensive. We prefer to
} be referred to as "persons of marginal sanity".
}
} You owe the Oracle a bottle of Crazy^H^H^H^H^H
} Marginal Sanity Glue.
------------------------------
End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1508
******************************************
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:37 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <kin...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1508
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracl...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1508
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1503 23 votes 08672 29552 23378 54842 26564 06593 39542 16970 66425 23774
1503 3.1 mean 3.1 2.8 3.7 2.7 3.2 3.4 2.7 3.0 2.7 3.3
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:38 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-01
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Tryng lrn to spk Srb lngdg, hvving trbl wth my vwwls. You sggsted Prep
> H. H is nt a vwwl.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It is, in Greek.
}
} But if vowels aren't your cup of meat, switch to a language
} like Hbrw in which you can get away without 'em. No sense
} in wasting further time with Srb, which has letters basically
} at random anyway.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nice little tchotchke. Yeah, I know
} that's Yiddish, not Hebrew.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:39 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-02
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> You might want to write that backwards; I think I'm getting dyslexic or
> something.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Dubya won? No way, bud.
}
} You owe the Oracle a recount.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:40 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-03
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> A RepubliCAN, but a SuppliCAN'T?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} True. And a whippoorWILL, but only if you ask
} nicely and provide cab fare home afterward.
}
} You owe the Oracle a bushel of avocaDOES.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:41 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-04
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I cheated! I'm sorry.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Fine. But you still can't have your job back at the CIA, General.
}
} You owe the Oracle an autographed copy of your biography.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:42 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-05
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Mo-o-o-o-om, what can I doooooo?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} 10 Fun Activities For Kids When They Are Bored
}
} 1. Quit bugging me, OK?
} 2. Go find something to do.
} 3. I don't know, watch TV or something.
} 4. Video games can be highly addictive, try one.
} 5. Go to a friend's house, they have video games there too.
} 6. You've got all those books in your room, don't you?
} 7. Well then, draw horns on all the people in your books.
} 8. You haven't reached puberty, right? Well, forget #8 then.
} 9. You must have some kind of homework due.
} 10. Your dad should be home soon.
}
} You owe the Oracle an apple pie, just like Mom used to do
} for us on holidays: straight from the bakery.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:43 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-06
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Norquist is Oz?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Not in the slightest, despite comments to that
} effect by the talking heads on TV. And, while
} he looks like a Munchkin, and sounds even more
} like one when he speaks, what he actually is,
} is the Wicked Warlock of the Beltway:
}
} Norquist: Who defeated Mitt Romney? Who killed
} the Warlock of the Northeast's chances? Was it
} you?
}
} Obama: No, no. It was a voter turnout machine.
} I didn't mean to kill anybody's chances.
}
} Norquist: Well, my pretty, I can manipulate
} voter turnout, too!
}
} [Cowardly Congresscritter edges away.]
}
} Norquist: Abandoning your pledge so soon? I
} wouldn't hear of it. Why, my grand old party's
} just beginning.
}
} Cowardly Congresscritter: I *do* believe in tax
} relief for the wealthy, I *do* believe in tax
} relief for the wealthy. I do, I do, I do, I
} *do*.
}
} Norquist: Ah! You'll believe in more than that
} before I'm finished with you. Ring around the
} rosie, a pocket full of filibusters! Thought
} you were pretty foxy, didn't you? Well! The
} last to vote for zero percent capital gains
} and estate taxes will be the first to lose
} their PAC money! And your little dog, too!
}
} I don't know why he doesn't want dogs to get
} elected, but there you go - he's just mean.
}
} You owe the Oracle a pair of ruby red veto
} stamps, and a bucket of water.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:44 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-07
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I'm scheduled to go on a trek through the low country. It's called the
> "Low Trek." As a rather short fellow I am really quite appropriate for
> this expedition.
>
> I am worried that my pants are too loose, and that I'll fall on my
> face, and the others will make fun of me because of my Too Loose Low
> Trek.
>
> Your suggestions?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Rather than walk, you need a ride. Vincent has a van;
} Gogh with him.
}
} You owe the Oracle a sunflower.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:45 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-08
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> I've noticed something. Lisa tends to go on a streak of appearing in
> the Digests, and then a streak of disappearing. Does she have to
> streak like that?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It's one of her best qualities, really. While I agree it can be quite
} distracting, I think you'll find that if...um...oh dear...
}
} You owe the Oracle some privacy and an egret feather. And hurry.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:46 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-09
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How can you sit there and answer questions when people are dyeing?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Um, because the Oracle likes the colors of his eggs and hair?
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 12 13:51:47 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1508-10
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Why did the crackpot leave?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Please, that term is offensive. We prefer to
} be referred to as "persons of marginal sanity".
}
} You owe the Oracle a bottle of Crazy^H^H^H^H^H
} Marginal Sanity Glue.
------------------------------
End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1508
******************************************
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