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Internet Oracularities Digest #1514
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Mar 22, 2013, 9:37:55 PM3/22/13
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:42 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <kin...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1514
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracl...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1514
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1509 24 votes 33882 2b731 2246a 27c30 017c4 125b5 26853 43872 18492 1b840
1509 3.1 mean 3.1 2.6 3.8 2.7 3.8 3.7 3.0 3.0 3.1 2.6
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:43 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-01
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Many years ago when my father explained to me the Facts of Life
> (yes, "The Talk"), he ended by asking if I had any other questions.
> I asked him how they make string. He just laughed, and I never
> did get a good answer. How DO they make string?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they pool their
} income, apply for a loan, and purchase a factory designed for the task.
}
} Inside the factory are eighteen workers harvesting silk from twenty-six
} thousand, three hundred and sixty-four argiope catenulata (the grass
} cross spider).
}
} These spiders are replaced by a separate breeding facility, but your
} father already explained how that works.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:44 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-02
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise and PC on a PC,
>
> What is Uncle Tom's Cabinet?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Henry Dearborn was the secretary of War. Both Levi Lincoln
} and James Madison held the post of secretary of State. Levi
} Lincoln served also for a time as Attorney General, as did
} John Breckinridge and Caesar Rodney. Samuel Dexter and Albert
} Gallatin were secretaries of the Treasury. I could go on but
} I won't, since at that time there were only four such offices
} in total.
}
} All these facts would likely be lost in the mists of time had
} not Peter Carr, nephew to Thomas Jefferson, written his perky
} best-seller of 1810, Uncle Tom's Cabinet, in which he revealed
} that lovely first lady Sally Hemings convinced these secretaries
} to write up an early draft of the Emancipation Proclamation, and
} then go make coffee for her and the President. Since the IBM
} Selectric typewriter was not invented until 1961, nor Mister
} Coffee until a decade later, it is unclear how these secretaries
} filled their time most other days, and there can be no surprise
} that they died mainly of boredom rather than from consumption,
} syphilis, bloodletting, or theater assassination, as most of
} their contemporaries were wont to do.
}
} Other tidbits gleaned from this novel are that Jefferson never
} named an Assistant Associate Undersecretary for Veterans Affairs,
} for reasons that may have made sense at the time but seem quaint
} today in light of the crucial nature of the post, and he had no
} secretary of the Air Force, probably due to some asinine Senate
} filibuster in retaliation for Jefferson bombing the Hindenberg
} at Pearl Harbor his first week in office.
}
} Finally, let it never be forgotten that Benjamin Franklin was
} the only President of the United States never to be President
} of the United States. This has nothing to do with Thomas
} Jefferson or his nephew, but I was listening to a Firesign
} Theater album last night and this fact came to mind.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nomination for secretary of Peace.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:45 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-03
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <d...@lonewolf.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> F U \{can\} \{read\} Ths U \{Mst\} \{use\} TeX
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} * No. Here's why.
} ** I use org mode in emacs.
} ** Org mode can export into LaTeX.
}
} * You owe the Oracle
} ** An implementation of emacs on his ancient pearl-inlaid Chinese abacus
} ** An implementation of perl on the same device (naturally).
} ** A photo of Costello as he throws the ball to Naturally.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:46 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-04
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Is cocaine all that it is cracked up to be?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} You wouldn't happen to be the one who does crank calls to me about
} meth, are you?
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:47 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-05
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Orrie, with all due respect, you need incarnations with more
> imagination.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} No, no, no. What I need is supplicants with lower expectations, and
} with questions that can be answered by a simple, Yes, No, or How Should
} I Know. Much of my transcription work gets farmed out to illiterate
} geeks with no knowledge of writing human languages at all. Some of them
} even have trouble with the concept, "Duhhh." They code well in python,
} though.
}
} The answer to your next question, which you now owe the Oracle, is
} Duhhh.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:48 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-06
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Are you in or out?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} I'm out and loooving iiiiiit!!!
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:49 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-07
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The enemy of my enemy is _____.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Carl.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:50 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-08
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Why is this a "gateway"? Why not a "doorway" or an "archway"?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The concept of a "gate" covers more territory. Think of floodgates, or
} of the Pearly Gates of Heaven and the Fiery Gates of Hell, or of the
} Unavoidable Gates of Microsoft.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:51 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-09
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> "You are young," said the Oracle, to immature William,
> "And your beard has not yet become long;
> And yet you quite frequently trim your Brazilian,
> Don't you think, at your age, it is wrong?"
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "I sure am young," Will answered to Orrie,
} "And I spend time on Facebook befriending.
} And I'd rather go now, so as for this story,
} Is it possible we're now at the ending?"
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:52 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-10
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Of course I didn't ask a question; don't change the subject.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Mr. Trebek, why do you put yourself in such Jeopardy?
------------------------------
End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1514
******************************************
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:42 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <kin...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1514
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracl...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1514
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1509 24 votes 33882 2b731 2246a 27c30 017c4 125b5 26853 43872 18492 1b840
1509 3.1 mean 3.1 2.6 3.8 2.7 3.8 3.7 3.0 3.0 3.1 2.6
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:43 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-01
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Many years ago when my father explained to me the Facts of Life
> (yes, "The Talk"), he ended by asking if I had any other questions.
> I asked him how they make string. He just laughed, and I never
> did get a good answer. How DO they make string?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they pool their
} income, apply for a loan, and purchase a factory designed for the task.
}
} Inside the factory are eighteen workers harvesting silk from twenty-six
} thousand, three hundred and sixty-four argiope catenulata (the grass
} cross spider).
}
} These spiders are replaced by a separate breeding facility, but your
} father already explained how that works.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:44 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-02
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise and PC on a PC,
>
> What is Uncle Tom's Cabinet?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Henry Dearborn was the secretary of War. Both Levi Lincoln
} and James Madison held the post of secretary of State. Levi
} Lincoln served also for a time as Attorney General, as did
} John Breckinridge and Caesar Rodney. Samuel Dexter and Albert
} Gallatin were secretaries of the Treasury. I could go on but
} I won't, since at that time there were only four such offices
} in total.
}
} All these facts would likely be lost in the mists of time had
} not Peter Carr, nephew to Thomas Jefferson, written his perky
} best-seller of 1810, Uncle Tom's Cabinet, in which he revealed
} that lovely first lady Sally Hemings convinced these secretaries
} to write up an early draft of the Emancipation Proclamation, and
} then go make coffee for her and the President. Since the IBM
} Selectric typewriter was not invented until 1961, nor Mister
} Coffee until a decade later, it is unclear how these secretaries
} filled their time most other days, and there can be no surprise
} that they died mainly of boredom rather than from consumption,
} syphilis, bloodletting, or theater assassination, as most of
} their contemporaries were wont to do.
}
} Other tidbits gleaned from this novel are that Jefferson never
} named an Assistant Associate Undersecretary for Veterans Affairs,
} for reasons that may have made sense at the time but seem quaint
} today in light of the crucial nature of the post, and he had no
} secretary of the Air Force, probably due to some asinine Senate
} filibuster in retaliation for Jefferson bombing the Hindenberg
} at Pearl Harbor his first week in office.
}
} Finally, let it never be forgotten that Benjamin Franklin was
} the only President of the United States never to be President
} of the United States. This has nothing to do with Thomas
} Jefferson or his nephew, but I was listening to a Firesign
} Theater album last night and this fact came to mind.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nomination for secretary of Peace.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:45 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-03
Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <d...@lonewolf.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> F U \{can\} \{read\} Ths U \{Mst\} \{use\} TeX
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} * No. Here's why.
} ** I use org mode in emacs.
} ** Org mode can export into LaTeX.
}
} * You owe the Oracle
} ** An implementation of emacs on his ancient pearl-inlaid Chinese abacus
} ** An implementation of perl on the same device (naturally).
} ** A photo of Costello as he throws the ball to Naturally.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:46 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-04
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Is cocaine all that it is cracked up to be?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} You wouldn't happen to be the one who does crank calls to me about
} meth, are you?
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:47 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-05
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Orrie, with all due respect, you need incarnations with more
> imagination.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} No, no, no. What I need is supplicants with lower expectations, and
} with questions that can be answered by a simple, Yes, No, or How Should
} I Know. Much of my transcription work gets farmed out to illiterate
} geeks with no knowledge of writing human languages at all. Some of them
} even have trouble with the concept, "Duhhh." They code well in python,
} though.
}
} The answer to your next question, which you now owe the Oracle, is
} Duhhh.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:48 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-06
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Are you in or out?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} I'm out and loooving iiiiiit!!!
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:49 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-07
Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The enemy of my enemy is _____.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Carl.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:50 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-08
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Why is this a "gateway"? Why not a "doorway" or an "archway"?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The concept of a "gate" covers more territory. Think of floodgates, or
} of the Pearly Gates of Heaven and the Fiery Gates of Hell, or of the
} Unavoidable Gates of Microsoft.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:51 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-09
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawre...@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> "You are young," said the Oracle, to immature William,
> "And your beard has not yet become long;
> And yet you quite frequently trim your Brazilian,
> Don't you think, at your age, it is wrong?"
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "I sure am young," Will answered to Orrie,
} "And I spend time on Facebook befriending.
} And I'd rather go now, so as for this story,
} Is it possible we're now at the ending?"
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 13 21:37:52 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracl...@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1514-10
Selected-By: Dave <lighti...@gmail.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Of course I didn't ask a question; don't change the subject.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Mr. Trebek, why do you put yourself in such Jeopardy?
------------------------------
End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1514
******************************************
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