Kids Say The Darndest Things
Tim Daneliuk
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down
at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and
continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told
her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would
you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy
looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say
the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version
of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the
Faaaather... and unto the Sonnn... and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
- and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what
I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear"? With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear!"
--
From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and
Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup
rec.humor.funny.
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